I was reading about a mum of a 5 yr old with Asperger’s.

She had a real dilemma.

Her son was not keen to join in a particular activity with others.

She’d tried to encourage him, but he said no.

She ramped up the pressure a little more. Still no and he began getting upset.

The mom continued; at one point she felt he was going to have a meltdown.

But she persevered – even though she admits that all she wanted to do was say “OK don’t worry” and not push him further.

However she didn’t. She stayed strong , and did what she felt she should in her gut.

The result?

He joined in, and really enjoyed, the activity. And mom was so relived that she’d persevered.

(She’d known it was the right thing to try to do – but was equally scared of distressing her son).

‘Tis a fine balance.

Being sensitive to your child’s needs. Yet not molly-coddling them.

All children need to be stretched. Need to know they have to try things. Otherwise their future options will be very limited.

This kind of ‘sensitive, yet tough, love’ approach is discussed by Pam Ruddy in the latest Aspiration newsletter. She

has been on this roller coaster of emotion with her now 20 yr old son, countless times.

She describes it as taking “the tougher option but the right one”.

And says that her son, whilst not perfect, is certainly much better equipped to deal with life, because he was pushed to expand his comfort

zone regularly. You can read more about Pam’s experiences on this topic in the latest newsletter at: clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3gqod5DUrLJlRMX&b=M9fH3ewlivExXcH2P78Qmg

To tough moments,

Dave Angel

“I refuse to believe this is normal behavior. I have an almost 15 yo daughter that won’t shower unless forced. We can get her

to if we have something to hold over her head such as no cell phone use if she doesn’t. But even then, we have to actually be

here and see her getting into the shower or she won’t do it. And she has been caught even turning on the shower, getting

undressed, wetting her hair down… but not actually getting in the shower”.

These were the words of a rather frustrated mom recently.

And funny enough a day or 2 earlier I’d been talking with an Occupational Therapist at work about a similar issue.

He told me he’d recently seen a video where a young person was refusing to shower. Point blank. Not happening.

But the family had managed to find motivation in the form of a “disco shower”.

They’d hooked up disco lights and this girl’s favorite music to come on the second she hit the shower button.

Apparently it’s now more of a job to get her out of the shower – than in!

Now I appreciate this could take some resources to set up (both financially and practically). Plus a ‘disco shower’ may be your child’s idea of hell!

But personalizing the shower area can be done.

In a couple of minutes on Google I found:

* Harry Potter Shower Curtains
* A Darth Vader shower head (you shower in his tears!!)
* Lego shower curtain hooks
* Multi-colored shower water (using colored LED bulbs in a shower head)
* Pokemon bath toys
* Musical showers (using Bluetooth to stream music)

Some of it’s really inexpensive and simple to use. Depends on your child’s age and tastes. But certainly worth a thought, when it comes to the battle of the hygiene wars!

For more parenting tips and ideas: clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3YBxpFumbLJlRMX&b=GoQiDHagGmb33yJqyt7SGw

To better showering,

Dave Angel

Apologies for 2 emails in a day – but it’s for a good reason.

I put a video up on Sunday of a young lady with ASD called Hannah.

In it she talks about her diagnosis of Asperger’s to her class mates.

It’s a really special video – and I’ve had lots of great feedback already.

So I thought it would be fab if you could all leave your comments

and thoughts on the video for Hannah (and her mom Julie) to read.

So if you’ve got a minute or so to watch the video and comment that would be great.

If you’re a Facebooker you can do it at:

clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3c6bDA.peLJlRMX&b=F004eq4oMjUK1L63SSeyww

If you’re a non Facebooker you can do so at:

clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3c6bDA.peLJlRMX&b=R.8NddRVerMMGeVmLuV3QA

Thanks in advance. I am sure it will mean a lot to both of them to read what you think.

Best wishes,

Dave Angel

HOPE!

Yep – You can have days when life seems fairly desperate as a parent.

Things are just not working. You feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall.

(Could be today. Could be right now. Who knows?)

So I lurve to share great messages of hope and inspiration.Here’s 1 I got recently from mom and reader Lorraine Candelerio:

“Just a quick note to let others with kids who have some occupational [therapy type] issues. That it gets better. My son

is going into 10th grade in August. He learned to tie his shoes in 8th grade -age 13- and just a week ago at 15 ride his bike.

To us it was as if he walked on the moon. We had pizza to celebrate. Hope it helps someone”

So happy to read this.

I can imagine the time, effort, hard work and love that’s gone into making these things happen.

Plus the sensitivity and understanding that makes the family celebrate in such great style.

Plus pizza!

(Yep any tale of celebration topped off with melted cheese on baked dough – is a BIG winner in my book!)

So if things look tough and bleak in the moment take this in. No miracle cures out there; but with your ongoing support and

compassion– your child WILL develop.

Gain new skills, new levels of understanding, and eventually become more independent.

The real secret (if you can call it that) – is keep doing what you are doing. You have the strength and means inside you.

(Just give yourself the space. Don’t put undue pressure and guilt on yourself, if things take longer than you’d like, and you’ll be fine.)

You’ll get there – together.

And if you’d like a helping hand along the road . . . we’ve got lots of practical resources, and a caring support

network, sat right here waiting for you today: clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3hEraPiaXLJlRMX&b=byEWl5Z4z0Ti1z6Fqh2HMQ

To hope,

Dave Angel

The following is an extract from Mo Bailey’s article in the latest edition of the Aspirations Newsletter; where she highlighted the AutFest Films of 2017, in order of showings at the Festival…

1. The Fox – (Director: Donna Lyons) – The Fox is an offbeat comedy that tells the story of Harry, a 12 year old boy who believes he’s a fox. When he runs into a football field wearing his fox ears, his mother wants to crawl under a hole. The whistle blows, tension mounts, scores are locked and the coaches sweat…then suddenly the game takes a startling turn.

2. Even in Death (Director: Zac Davis) – This movie chronicles a day in the life of Jonah, a young boy living in New Orleans who is about to experience a loss in his family. Faced with grief, Jonah is visited by the Grim Reaper (Death) and is taken on a charming adventure through New Orleans that ends with Jonah learning a lesson in life and the true depth of love.

3. Spectrum: Story of the Mind (Director: Jill Jones) – Take a journey into the rich sensory experience of autism. Imagine a world where words taste and thoughts feel, where sounds swell with color and leaves on trees change tones visible to the naked eye, and where eye contact with another can cause physical pain. This film explores autism through the lens of diverse characters on the spectrum, including Dr. Temple Grandin.

4. When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (Director: Adam Smith) – Follos C.J., an 8-year old autistic boy who lives in an imaginary world of dinosaurs. He spends every lunch and recess alone, playing with dinosaur games or puzzles. He’s never had a friend. With the aid of a 2-foot tall robot named KIWI, that is about to change.

5. Adventures of Pelican Pete: The Bird is Born (Director: Dani Bowman) – In the first part of this film, is a story of how Pelican Pete’s parents started building nests and raising their young. Basedon the locally renown books by High & Frances Kaiswer, this movie is geared towards children and adults to teach them about ecology.

6. The Buddy System – (Directors: William Harris & Megan Smith-Harris) – The Buddy System reveals how a dog really does make a difference in the life of a child with Autism. The Buddy System Follows the stories of David and Buddy before they meet, during their first meeting and after Buddy comes to live with the Williams family. The film captures their respective journeys as both boy and dog learn and grow together. The film also chronicles the story of Jack DeSavino and his dog, “buddy” Nardi, as well as that of Patty Dobbs Gross, a pioneer in the filed of breeding and training autism assistance dogs.

7. Redha – (Director: Haris Sulong) – Originally called, “Beautiful Pain,” I have to admit I almost skipped this one as it was in subtitles and didn’t appear as something that would keep me engaged. I was wrong. It is possibly my favorite film of the festival. Parts of it were a bit heartbreaking, yet it was truly informational, educational, insightful, sad, and empowering. Upon the discovery that their son Danial is autistic, Alina and Razlan’s world crumbles as they struggle to confront the harsh realities of raising a child with a condition they knew nothing of. The mother was realistic, the father was not and it delves into recognition, acceptance, transformation and empowerment.

8. Asperger’s Are Us – (Director: Alex Lehmann) – This is a coming of age documentary and a great bond of four friends who originally met at a summer camp and prepare for the final show of their comedy act before they go their separate ways in life…yet you also are left with the idea that these guys are friends for life.

9. Swim Team – (Director: Lara Stolman) – You’ll relate to the passionate advocating of parents who after their child is given up on in their community, forms a competitive swim team of diverse autistic teens who are trained with high expectations and no pity. The course of the boys’ lives are then forever altered in a moving quest for inclusion.

10. Jack of the Red Hearts – (Director: Janet Grillo) – The story is a simple one. Street smart, runaway con artist, “Jack” wants to take her sister out of foster care to live by themselves. Jack steals a woman’s identify and becomes a live-in nanny to a young girl on the spectrum who is mostly nonverbal.
    The film itself is rather well written and directed. While a bit cliché’ it shows all sides of family members such as the stressed-out mom and dad, the older brother who is trying to do good and Jack who creates an unbreakable bond with Glory (the girl on the spectrum). I thought it was a great movie. (This review from Dylan Bailey – Mo’s son)

11. Life, Animated – (Director: Roger Ross Williams) – The inspirational story of Owen Suskind, a young man who is unable to speak as a child until he and his family discover a unique way to communicating by immersing themselves in the world of classic Disney animated films. This emotional coming of age story follows Owen as he graduates to adulthood and takes his first steps toward independence.

12. Destiny – (Director: Ahzng Wei) – Autism is a condition not well understood by many in China. DESTINY tells the story of a diagnosed 9-year-old boy who attends a “typical” school at the insistence of his mother.

13. INSIDE OUT – (Director: Pete Doctor) <- whom Dylan spotted, recognized and said, “Hello, Mr. Doctor” and got a response of glee. As a Director, he is not typically recognized and a bond was made! Now, about this spectacular movie where the main character (in Pixar animation) named Riley, is guided by her emotions, which are also animated as Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust, and Sadness. Riley and her emotions adjust to a cross-country move, new home and new life. As her emotions live in conflict with her new life events, a lesson in how we store core memories and lessons the value of having all emotions, including sadness. Very interesting movie!

14. Po – (Director: John Asher) – Disclosure: we are a bit partial to this film for a few reasons. First off, the story line flowed well and is a father-son story with the struggles and gifts around a boy on the spectrum called “Po”. The film is about a single father who raises his special needs son and after a break from each other to pursue work/school the abandonment Po feels brings on a world of fantasy to cope. The story ends in a reunion and high note, yet shows real life stresses on both main characters. The actor who plays Po, Julian Feder and Dylan became fast friends, as did I with Julian’s at the festival. We also had some private chat time with Director, John Asher. He is the father of Evan Asher (and ex-husband of Jenny McCarthy who is Evan’s mom).

15. The Accountant – (Director: Gavin O’Connor). Christian Wolff (played by Ben Affleck) is a math savant. Behind the cover of a small town CPA office, he works as an independent accountant for some of the world’s most dangerous organizations. With the Treasury Department’s Crime Enforcement Division closing in, Affleck’s character takes on a legitimate client:; a state-of-the-art robotics company where an accounting clerk has discovered a discrepancy involving millions of dollars. This movie is a bit dark and I would warn you not to bring any children who may be bothered by violence and potential uneasiness with the plot. On a better note, after the movie was over, we enjoyed front row seats to a live interview with Ben Affleck. I caution taking your children to this film. One teen (on the spectrum) became quite upset and needed to leave the theater. That said; anyone into dark thrillers may enjoy it.

(Admittedly, we did not see every movie, below as AutFest was two full days and we missed some while doing interviews. So, my disclaimer is that while all movies below have a short write-up, some are taken from AutFest descriptions over our own.)

*** To read more from Mo Bailey each month in the Aspirations Newsletter: https://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/1908.cfm ****

Heard about a Young man with Asperger’s working in IT.

Did really well – closed 200 support tickets in his 1st month.

Surely his boss would be pleased?

Apparently not.

He fired him as “he wasn’t a good fit” and “he made others insecure”.

Sad.

And the worst thing?

This guy had tried REALLY hard at the social side too. In his own words:

“I went to work outings and even ordered a drink. I said “bless you” when people from across the room, sneezed. I

followed to smoke breaks despite not smoking a day in my life.”

Mixed in with others AND great skills yet he still gets fired.

Just awful.

The poor young man went on to say:

“I don’t really think there is much chance for those without caregivers or hardcore autism parents, who essentially do

everything for the child.”

Which is where you come in . . .

I know you don’t do everything for your child (you’re too smart for that).

But you do a lot, for example:

Guiding their studies . . . Helping with job applications . . . Researching for openings . . . Prepping for interviews . . .

Teaching social rules . . . and more . . .

I hope this sad story inspires you to keep on keeping on.

As there ARE opportunities out there (e.g. my message last week about companies who are actively seeking employees with ASD).

And with your help; your child can find and grab them with both hands.

And if you’d like more practical hints, tips and ideas to help your child develop a better future: clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3kR1WfphhLJlRMX&b=qbx.RGeYt84tHMdNJX4htg

To the future,

Dave Angel

Last month a mom called Julie got in touch.

She sent me a video of a short (3 minute) speech her 16 year old

daughter Hannah gave to her sophomore English class, explaining Asperger’s.

It’s lovely to watch and really inspirational, in my humble opinion.

You can watch it online at:

clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3Xyh6zkQh5JlRMX&b=ZqydHwTs7Tvof.mIOA9qmA

(And if you like video please leave a short comment for Hannah

and her mom, as I’m sure they’d appreciate it)

To inspirational teenagers,

Dave Angel

One of the challenges of parenting a child with Asperger’s is managing your own mental state.

Endless questions. Endless worries. Often no obvious answers.

This came across really clear in a message I received several months back from a mom. She had a variety of questions for me.

Just a few of which were:

Has he got Asperger’s or am I just looking for things?

Will an actual diagnosis help or hinder?

How is this going to affect his attitude towards school and learning?

What must my family be thinking?

Have I got Asperger’s myself and not actually noticed?

She herself said she was definitely ‘over thinking’ these things.

But, to me, it felt like she really couldn’t help it. These questions all bouncing around in her brain. Trying to find

answers. With the cruel irony being that – the harder she was trying to get such answers . . . the harder they were to find.

This is a common problem for many parents – who just have too many issues to try to resolve.

And the key words are . . . TOO MANY!

It’s a bit like that old quote (ascribed to a US army general Creighton Williams Abrams Jr. who served in Vietnam):

“When eating an elephant take one bite at a time”

Means take things slowly – 1 step at a time. You cannot possibly solve 5, 10, 15 different problems at once.

Try and you just get overwhelmed. So pick 1 important issue or question. Research it more. Get some opinions. Then with time you may

find a solution. Try the solution and see how you get on. If it works – then great; on to the next issue. If not – back to the drawing board and look again.

The point being don’t take on too much at anv time. Prioritize problem #1 and work on it. That way you shouldn’t get so over whelmed and may

have a “little victory” which you can build upon. And if you’ve got specific questions you’d like answering about raising your child with Asperger’s then you can get a

great deal of help and support from us at: clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3f5e7mHnm5JlRMX&b=erXik9VHGvSyiaLvVpZGIQ

To simple solutions,

Dave Angel

Last month a mom called Julie Rosenfeld got in touch.

She sent me this video of a short (3 minute) speech her 16 year old daughter Hannah gave to her sophomore English class, explaining Asperger’s.

It’s lovely to watch and really inspirational, in my humble opinion.

If you like video please leave  a short comment for Hannah and her mom, as I’m sure they’d appreciate it.

To inspirational teenagers,
Dave Angel

Today’s a short one.

Mo Bailey – A mom, advocate and contributor here at Parenting

Asperger’s is working on a new project which could benefit you.

She’s collecting information on the challenges that children &

adults with Asperger’s struggle with when it comes to language

and communication.

Her plan is to then design some helpful tools and solutions, with

other people in this field, which she’ll share with you.

If you’re able to help this research – Mo would be delighted

to hear from you.

The link to her survey is:

clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3iTak2sSG5JlRMX&b=3n.p5QWgwXOS65PWOgo2ow

To solutions,

Dave Angel

PS Mo has published an article with more detail; on this survey if

you’re interested – at clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3iTak2sSG5JlRMX&b=RDNMMbNFhzh1V6nHMX8BWQ