Another guest article by Kerri Stocks:

“Bullying and Aspergers – How Do We Stop It?”

I believe just like we manage outbursts and meltdowns instead of controlling our children’s different reactions to their environment, bullying also needs to be investigated a bit and yes, analyzed. So we can work out the best way to manage different situations that children inevitably may experience throughout their school years.

Throughout this article I will be defining what ‘bullying’ is; what adults could change in themselves that may bring a new and empowering future for the child, and some strategies that will assist the child over time in developing a strong self esteem.

Hope you enjoy!

Definition of bullying; repeated acts over time that involves real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful child or group attacking those who are less powerful.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

I am sure that as a parent you have been told at one time or the other that your child’s perception is well……. ‘Off, incorrect, err, wrong, mistaken, etc.’ when a parent reports incidents that had occurred at the school.

When you hear this it will show you where the educators mind is set; basically they see your child as the one who got it wrong and the  bullying did not take place or they have minimized it within their mind that the incident was ‘nothing big’.

This annoys me a bit because every single person on this planet has a different perception to the other person.  It does not mean they are necessarily wrong or adding things in to mess the ‘fact’ up; it is just the way they have heard it or seen something.  Unfortunately though your child has a label and so they will be doubted first and foremost.

I wonder why it is so hard for an adult to say; “I can see your child was very upset about that incident we will see to it and make sure it does not happen again”; and hopefully they are honest and stick to the promise, instead of regurgitating such useless judgments or pushing ‘their’ perception into the incident.

This article is to empower both you and your child so you can walk through life not relying on certain ‘professionals’ that will drain you of the power that you and your family should be enjoying…

To read this full article please click here to download the attached document.

Thanks

Dave Angel/Kerri Stocks

Schools in!  Lessons taught without compassion are not lessons and are not worthy of hearing.

It seems school time is a significant factor in a young life and unfortunately if you are not armed with the right resources it can be quite destructive.  Yet let me tell you, it does not always have to be…

My son has been to seven schools!  He was put a year ahead due to the education system testing his IQ and finding he was well above the average child.  They believed his behaviour was due to being ‘bored’ .  Being a new mum, of course I listened to the professionals since they had that powerful piece of paper/degree that made them an expert on my child.

Our son was four when he was in grade one.  This meant that maturity levels were well behind his peers and of course we know a child with ASD/Aspergers is a bit behind in variable areas and this is one of them. So since he was in a class full of kids one year older than him the teachers would forget he was still a lot younger and hence he was punished instead of being worked with at his cognitive and maturity level.  (He will be sixteen years of age when he completes his Yr12 studies!)

I say that school either makes or breaks a child.  The school play ground reminds me of “Lord of the Flies”, where kids are thrown into a huge environment and they either fight their way to the top or they are squashed and battered on the bottom.

Yet as trusting parents we just drop our children off and may or may not understand the hidden elements that go on in both the classrooms and the play ground.  Our son basically had his own desk at the principal’s office. I guess I could give a bit of understanding to the education institutions by saying ASD/Aspergers was relatively unknown of at that current time and was just being explored and so I guess my son and many others were the guinea pigs of the schools.

Never once was I a mother who thought my child did ‘nothing wrong’.  Yet what I did know is something was different and a new way of educating and disciplining was needed.  But being a mere mother without a powerful degree behind me I was not heard or was not listened to, I was managed. So here’s what happened next…

This article by Kerri is too long too post on the blog but you can read it all by clicking here to open a document which contains the whole story

Thanks,

Dave Angel

PARENTING ASPERGER’S NEWSLETTER April 2012

Welcome to the April 2012 edition of “The Parenting Asperger’s Newsletter”.

Inside this edition, you will find:

1. Facebook – FREE Stuff!

2. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger’s Syndrome and Infancy

3. In the News – Growing up with Asperger’s Syndrome

4. Prominent People Linked with ASD – American Author, Roger Meyer

1. Facebook – FREE Stuff!

You probably saw my email yesterday telling you that I’m pretty regular on Facebook now.

And I’m going to give out some free articles (from the paid membership site www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com) on there today and every day next week (Monday to Friday).

So just go to http://www.facebook.com/Aspergerschildren “Like” the page and look out for my updates on new articles this coming week.

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2. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger’s Syndrome and Infancy.

 For many years, Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome have been considered late-blooming developmental conditions.

As the numbers of cases rise at astonishing rates, some research shows that Autism Spectrum Disorders are often noticeable as early as the newborn period.

Some research shows that the timing of birth may even have an effect. Learn more about Asperger’s Syndrome and infancy by clicking the following link:

http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/04/04/pre-or-post-term-birth-hikes-autism-symptoms/36893.html

*People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with an ASD.

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3. In the News – Growing up with Asperger’s Syndrome

Growing up with Asperger’s Syndrome can be difficult.

Without the proper support, not only during early childhood, but also during the middle school and high school years, life can be a constant struggle.

Finding the right support for each individual can make a huge difference. Special programs, therapies, and career counseling are just a few examples of support for the transition into adulthood.

Read more here:

 http://nctechnews.com/2012/04/04/general-news/unique-therapeutic-wilderness-program-launches-for-autism-awareness-month/7110/

*People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with an ASD.

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4. Prominent People Linked with ASD- American Author, Roger Meyer

Roger Meyer was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at the age of 55.

Roger writes to spread awareness of Asperger’s, and to help other adults find answers to questions and situations that plague the Asperger’s mind.

Roger Meyer is the ‘how-to’ guru for living with Asperger’s Syndrome.

You will find direct links about the author and his writings (and his website) below.

http://www.aapcpublishing.net/author/431/roger-n-meyer

http://rogernmeyer.com/index.htm

http://rogernmeyer.com/articles_and_writings.htm

 *The person mentioned above may or may not have Asperger’s Syndrome.

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I hope this month’s newsletter has intrigued you and provided new and useful information.

The next edition of the newsletter is due in May 2012.

And as always … please send in any inspirational stories, any questions that you would like our team of experts to answer, any topics that you wish to be discussed, and news stories that you want to share VIA THE BLOG.

We will publish as many as we can.

Until next month………

Best Wishes Dave

Question

How can I help my child with Asperger’s deal with family problems?

Answer

All families have problems.   Family members have to work together to overcome many everyday obstacles.   Problems can result from emotional issues, financial problems, or merely personality conflicts.  Families dealing with Asperger’s Syndrome know this better than most.

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes appear to be non-caring and aloof when it comes to family problems.  They may show more concern for the disruption of their routine than they show for the troubling family issue that may be the cause.  Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes lack the social language skills needed to show appropriate responses.  Even though the outward appearance is off, rest assured that your child is aware of the problems and is affected by them.  Most children with Asperger’s Syndrome are extremely intelligent in spite of their weaknesses.

There is a variety of common responses you may see from your child in times of trouble.  He may be an emotional mess, crying over every little thing.  He may be angry or overly aggressive.  He may become very anxious or extremely depressed, isolating himself from other family members.  Your goal is to get an appropriate response from your child for your personal situation.   Here are some suggestions that may be helpful.

• Help your child develop strong coping skills. Basic coping skills are centered on how we think, what we feel, and when we self-protect.  Some children will try to ignore certain painful feelings which can lead to serious problems later.   Children can learn coping skills from watching others or by using actual written exercises.  You can find resources on the Internet.
• Have pre-set strategies for every family member to use during intense situations.  Sometimes it is more effective to tell our children what emotional response we expect.
• Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to prepare your child for trying times.  This therapy is highly effective for children with Autism in so many different situations and skill sets.  You can see a behavioral therapist or find published resources for use at home.

There are many books aropund that can give you guidance in the area of family unity when living with Autism.  Top Ten Tips:  A Survival Guide for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum by Teresa Cardon, Ph.D., CCC-SLP is a good example of this type of resource.  The pressure that Autism adds to family relationships can feel insurmountable.  It is good to know that others have lived through the tumultuous times and found ways to share their success stories.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

LATEST PARENTING ASPERGER’S NEWSLETTER

Welcome to the March 2012 edition of “The Parenting Asperger’s Newsletter”.

Inside this edition, you will find:

1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Spring Time Changes

2. In the News – Asperger’s Syndrome and Depression

3. Prominent People Linked with ASD – Arsonist William Cottrell

4. Parenting Plus Update

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1. Hot Topic of Discussion – How Seasonal Changes Affect People with Asperger’s Spring is nearly upon us, which means change is in the air. The days are longer and warmer. This could be a good thing for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome. Seasonal Affective Disorder is common during the long gray days of winter. However, any change can be difficult, whether it is good or bad. Read more about Seasonal Affective Disorder and Asperger’s, as well as how transition and change can be a problem, by clicking the following link:

http://archive.suite101.com/article.cfm/aspergers_syndrome/75616

*People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with an ASD.

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2. In the News – Asperger’s Syndrome and Depression Many people with Asperger’s Syndrome suffer with depression. While some may find relief during the warmer seasons, others suffer a deeper ongoing depression. Learning to control depression is important for any family affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder. You can read more about depression and Asperger’s here:

http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/03/12/depression-common-in-young-adults-with-aspergers/35865.html

 http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2007/11/aspergers-and-depression.html

*People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with an ASD.

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3. Prominent People Linked with ASD- American convicted arsonist, William Cottrell William Cottrell, an American, has a lengthy history of trouble and a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. His defense tried to use his Asperger’s diagnosis as his defense; however, the judge disallowed it. His history is well-documented in these articles:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Cottrell

http://aspires-relationships.com/articles_billy_cottrell_innocent_guilty_or_duped.htm

 *The person mentioned above may or may not have Asperger’s Syndrome.

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4. Parenting Plus Update – Just to let you know that the latest edition of Parenting Plus features in depth written research into  ”Understanding Asperger’s and Challenging Behaviors” plus a great audio interview with Caroline Mcgraw on challenging behaviors from the siblings view (Caroline aslo featured earlier this week on the blog  http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/aspergers-behavior/aspergers-behavioral-support-plans/)

An here’s a short extract from:

 ”Understanding Asperger’s and Challenging Behaviors”

Reason for behavior…

One thing that parents can forget is that we are the person that our child thinks of as an example of what life is to be like. Therefore if we tend to be stressed out a lot, it can have a negative effect on our child. Another idea how we (the parents) affect our children is by our overall attitude, if we are generally unhappy and angry people; that can lead our child to thinking that is how all people behave. This is why it is important as a parent for us to make a conscience choice to be positive role models for our children. This stands true for neurotypical children as well as children with Asperger’s.

The next step would be finding the keys to work with this challenging behavior. But before we can really work with it, we have to know what is causing the behavior first. Although there is no one particular cause for challenging behavior, it could be a combination of different ones depending on the child. The following list is just the first possible explanations that come to mind:

1. Sensory issues

2. Misunderstanding

3. Physical Illness

4. Communication challenges

5. Bullying

6. The Syndrome Mix

We are going to call these the “Top 6 Reasons” for challenging behavior…

To read this edition of Parenting Plus (plus listen to the interview) and have access to 2 other FULL editions of Parenting Plus (Social Skills and Independent Living Skills) for just $1 go to:

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/1247.cfm

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I hope this month’s newsletter has intrigued you and provided new and useful information.

Best Wishes,

Dave Angel

This week’s blog post features some excellent information from a recent interview I did with Caroline McGraw. Caroline works for L’Arche Community in Washington D.C. which is a community based organization that works with people with special needs. She is also the older sibling of an adult with a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism. So she has a wealth of knowledge on a number of topics. I recently interviewed her on the topic of challenging behaviors. And in today’s blog post I am going to share with you what she told me about Behavioral Support Plans.

OK well first up Behavioral Support Plans are described by Caroline as a “life saver”! Basically they are a way of empowering parents and other care givers to respond consistently to a particular challenging or difficult behavior; in order to modify that behavior. Which in more laymen’s terms means that you respond a certain and set way every time that your child carries out a certain undesirable behavior (in an attempt to change that behavior).

Now Behavioral Support Plans can be both formal and informal. More formal such plans tend to be done by Psychologists, and such will be likely more in-depth. But on a more informal level anyone can do them with a little bit of common sense. And this is what I want to share for parents like you. Now Caroline gave me a great example using Behavioral Support Plans with her own brother to give you more of an idea…

So one challenge for Caroline’s own parents with her brother; was that he used to get up and run around the house in the middle of the night making a lot of noise. He was doing this to get attention and in the early stages it worked for him! That’s because Caroline’s parents acted in the way that most loving and devoted parents would. They got up to him, calmed him down, and helped settle him back down for the night.

The problem was that this was simply reinforcing his behavior. He got up and made noise because he wanted to get attention. And that was exactly what he got from his parents. So Caroline’s parents soon realized this and developed their own informal Behavioral Support Plan. This was that in future when he got up and made noise in the night; they would respond differently. They would simply ignore the noise and stay in their own room. And after a while this approach began to work and lessened the amount of times that Caroline’s brother would be up making noise in the middle of the night.

This is informal behavioral support planning in its simple and effective form. You just identify the behavior that is a challenge; then find a simple response to it that does not reinforce the behavior. Then stick with that response consistently over time, and this will help to modify the behavior. It is worth noting that the difficult behavior may have a short spike in intensity and frequency for  a little while when the new  approach is in place. This is because the child involved is not getting the reaction he/she desires – and so is trying to “crank it up a notch” to get the response he/she wants.

One key distinction is that different people in your child’s life need to maintain the consistent approach to really make this work. So for example if your child was using particularly offensive words and you made a plan to ignore them when he says them. If he then goes to church and says the word and gets a hugely emotional reaction from one of the church members (which is the reaction he WANTS) then this will make it more difficult to modify his behavior. So everyone needs to be on board.

Another thing to think about is getting an outside person (e.g. counselor, psychologist, case worker etc.) to be a part of the planning process. As often they can add an extra, and different, viewpoint to you. And finally it is important to monitor and review such plans to see how they are progressing. This could be as simple as noting how many times in a day your child tries to use particularly offensive language, how people reacted and how he then responded to this.

Well I hope that this has been a helpful and useful introduction to Behavior Support Plans. Now Caroline has her own website and would love people to reach out and contact her if she can help you at all -

http://awishcomeclear.com/blog/

And my full hour long interview with Caroline is accessible for members of Parenting Plus where she also reveals…

* How To Spot Outbursts and Meltdowns (Before They Happen…)

* The Best Way To Respond To A Sudden Outburst

* Techniques For Handling The Painful Emotions Of Parent With Children Who Hurts Others

* Practical Tips and Strategies For Sibling Survival (including hints and tips from her own life growing up)

* How To Handle Meltdowns When They Happen Out In The Community…

* And Much More Too…

To find out more go to… http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/1247.cfm

Thanks,

Dave Angel

This article was kindly supplied by a reader of this blog Shellique Carby (a woman on the autism spectrum from South Africa):

I was a loner growing up, the one no one wanted around. I struggled to relate to other people my age. I was always considered by my peers to be weird. I knew I was different but I never knew why. All I knew was that most the times I had the opportunity to connect with people and develop friendships, I’d mess it up. Then I’d hate myself for it.

School was pure hell for me. I was teased and harassed no matter what I did. Even the smallest expression on my face would get questioned and criticised. I couldn’t be myself. I’d walk around school trying to be invisible, trying to cover up my true feelings. And that itself was a strain on me. My class mates would throw balls of paper at me, the girl behind me would pull my hair or hit my head, a guy would hold out his foot in front of me to trip me as I walked past. In the passage on my way to the next class I’d be confronted with taunts like “retard” or “stupid”. Rumours about me spread like fire around the school. I noticed that no one else I knew at school was scorned as much as I was. So I began to see that there must be something wrong with me.

I desperately searched for ways I could earn respect from everyone. I behaved well in class and worked hard, which made me the teacher’s pet most my school years. I thought that if I couldn’t get respect from my peers I could at least earn the teacher’s favour, which would hopefully get me some protection from my enemies. I tried displaying my talents to give the other pupils a reason to like me. I sang in all the school talent shows, tried getting my Drama plays shown in assembly, and tried getting the best marks in class. With some people it worked. One guy even fell in love with my voice. But for most of my peers it made no difference. I’d still have to face the same public humiliation day after day.

I tried my best to make friends. I would put all my time and effort into a friendship, only to watch it go to waste. I tried to please everyone with the hope that someone would take a liking to me. Once or twice I even resorted to buying people things or giving them home made crunchies. There were two popular girls whose personalities I liked, and they seemed to get along with me. One day they agreed to let me hang with them at break. The trouble was that I had no clue how to socialise or what to talk about. I tagged along as they walked over to a big group of guys sitting on the grass. As soon as the guys saw me coming, they got up and walked away. I felt like a dagger had just stabbed whatever confidence I had left in me. When I was in grade 9, my group of friends I’d been sitting with each day at break suddenly decided to abandon me. They dispersed in two’s. When I tried to follow them they told me I wasn’t welcome around them anymore. There were many times I had to sit alone at break.

When I had just finished grade 11, I was hit with a huge knock to my system. My psychologist and a psychiatrist diagnosed me with Aspergers Syndrome. I felt shocked, like I had been run over by a bus. But it was a defining moment for me which turned my life around. I was also relieved. I finally knew why I had been a social outcast all my life, and why I struggled more than others to make friends. Aspergers is a mild form of autism. It’s a neurological, developmental disorder in the brain which changes a person’s whole perception of life. The main symptom is difficulty in socialising, and understanding what behaviour is appropriate for different situations. Usually people with the syndrome are intellectually superior to people their age, but they lag behind emotionally and physically.

My new found knowledge made it easier for me to endure the humiliation I experienced at school. I now understood that my problems in society were not caused by a lack of character, and I stopped judging myself all the time. Once I understood myself, I learnt to accept myself and not care about what other people thought of me. I stopped my endless efforts to please people. Instead of living my life in fear with my head hung low, I began to hold my head high and make myself heard.

I plucked up the courage to confront my bully. I made up my mind that I would show him I wasn’t going to accept his abuse. So when the usual “retard!” came my way the next day, I rebuked him. “Take a hike!” I said. Later I decided to tell him about the syndrome, with the hope that he would leave me alone. One day I saw him in the library alone and I took the chance. “Listen, I’ve been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. So if you think I’m weird, that’s the reason. Please just leave me alone.” He was amazed. He didn’t only leave me alone, but he actually defended me after that. He told me later that he felt privileged that I had trusted him with confidential information, and he would even die for me. I was shocked at how he had a total change of heart towards me.

After I left school I realised that I was better off not being one of the popular ones at school. Most of them gave in to peer pressure to please the crowd, and did things that would cause them harm later on. Many of them in school simply lived for their friends and their ego, without thinking of their future. But I lived for my future: a life where I could live the way I wanted and find belonging in my fields of interest. I decided that I would rather have two or three close friends, who totally accept me and understand me, rather than having loads of people around me, who will abandon me at a moment’s notice. If people do not like me for who I am, I would be wasting my time with them.

If I try to be what I am not, I will stumble for the rest of my life. I’ve learnt to embrace the things that make me different, instead of obsessing over them. Even if everyone else sees me as an outcast, I will choose to be different from the rest. I have come to understand how important it is to appreciate the things that make people different, whether it is a disability, race, gender, class etc. I try my best not to discriminate against people for any reason, because I know how it could scar them for life. Don’t be afraid to express your individuality, no matter what anyone else says. If you always follow the crowd, you will end up hiding who you really are inside.

Huge thanks to Shellique for sharing this article,

Dave Angel

Question

I am worried that my son with Aspergers will not know the joy and comfort of a mutual loving relationship or marriage.

Answer

Your concern is one that most parents have.  Parents of children with Aspergers are particularly concerned due to their worries that their child will not be a good fit for relationships or marriage.  Actually, adults with Aspergers are perfect companions for many adults looking for relationships.  In fact, many adults who do not have Aspergers may marry adults with Aspergers, and they consider them better companions than adults who do not have Aspergers.  That is pretty amazing.  Do not worry about your son’s ability to enjoy marriage and mutual loving relationships because he is just what women are looking for in a relationship.

Many people believe that adults with Aspergers make better companions because of their strong moral beliefs.  They put everything into making their marriages work.  In today’s world, divorces are very high so people are looking for someone with your son’s qualities in which to build a future.  Adults with Aspergers are said to be very faithful as well, and, again, this is another quality that people are looking for to build lasting relationships.

On the down side of the relationship and marriage topic, those who marry people who do have Aspergers may have to accept that they may not receive much affection or hear affectionate words from their significant other.  It is not to say that your son is not capable of showing affection, but he will have the take the initiative to get the help he needs.   He should consider enrolling in counseling or social skills training to build these skills before he gets involved in a relationship with anyone.  He will not become an affectionate person overnight, but with some practice and dedication, he will improve in these areas.

When your son finally does get involved in a relationship that seems like it will end in marriage, strongly suggest that the couple get involved in some form of couples therapy.  Therapy will help them work out their relationship issues and remove barriers that can hurt their relationship.  In addition, when he gets married, the happy couple should enroll in marriage counseling classes throughout their relationship to continue to build upon what they started.

I don’t think that you have anything to worry about when it comes to your son getting involved in a relationship or getting married someday.  He will make the perfect boyfriend and husband to some lucky woman. Support your son through his transitions in life.

Additional Resources

An Aspergers Marriage by Chris Slater-Walker and Gisela Slater-Walker

Thanks for reading,

Dave Angel

Question

How do I know what my child should be learning at different ages and which homeschool programs are the most effective?

Answer

Homeschooling is often a great option for children with Autism.  At one time, the majority of homeschoolers pursued this educational choice for religious reasons, or to avoid local government sanctions.  Sometimes these reasons intertwined.  However, parents soon realized that individualized education indeed works well, especially for kids above and below the national average in academic ability.

Homeschooling is big business.  A quick Internet search will reveal hundreds of how-to websites for beginners.  All the information you need is readily available, whether it is what curriculum to use, the extent of your local homeschool laws, or finding support for new special needs homeschooling.  Here are some tips to get you started.

• Research your state’s homeschool laws very carefully.  Many states have strict requirements and most states have information on exactly what you are required to teach.   Some state education websites offer a scope and sequence.  This is a breakdown of skills taught by grade level.  This can be helpful regardless of your state’s homeschool reporting requirements.
• Find a state or local homeschool support group.  These groups have excellent tips and information for homeschooling right in your community.  You can get first-hand assistance on what to teach, when to teach, and how to teach.
• When searching for a good curriculum, look for websites devoted to homeschool curriculum reviews.  These websites publish tried and tested reviews from homeschooling families.  Watch out for reviews listed on business websites and also for paid reviews.  Some of these can be misleading.
• Choose your curriculum based on your child’s learning style.  Some children learn best from listening, some from seeing, and others from hands-on activities.  Homeschooling more than one child may mean a different curriculum for each child.

One of the many bonuses of homeschooling with Autism is the ability to tailor an educational program to meet your child’s needs.  Each subject is separate-there is no need to follow a set age or grade level.  You can match curriculum choices to your child’s strengths and weaknesses.  For example, you can use a computer program to teach reading, a video program for math, and unit studies with books from the library to cover history, science, and art.

Many homeschool resources are available for parents beginning their search.  Books like 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, by Ellen Notbohm and Veronica Zysk will give you the guidance you need to create the right homeschool program for your family.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

I’d like to share with you some great insights that I learned from a recent interview that I carried out with Amalia Starr. Amalia is from Sierra Madre, Los Angeles, California, and has an adult son with Aspergers Syndrome. She is an autism motivational speaker, independent living coach and published author. A lot of her work involves helping people on the autistic spectrum to live independently. This comes from the successful job she has done herself working with Brandon to live independently. And so here’s some of the great insights that she shared about independent living:

Kids look to parents (so be positive) – It is so important that you have the right mental approach and focus as parents for your child with Aspergers. This relates to many areas of life, and not just independent living. But in this example if you project an image of worry and concern at the mere mention of your child taking steps towards independence – then how do you think it affects them? Of course it will start to give them the same negative emotions and they will immediately begin to relate to independent living as something too hard, scary and maybe even impossible. So a positive attitude is just so important as a parent in order to help your child. Because children are so in-tune with what we say and what we do, and are hugely influenced by us.

Let Them Grow – In a continuation of the above point it is so important to allow your child to grow. Now all parents want to wrap their children in cotton wool at some point or another. If you have a child with Aspergers (and they have likely had some negative experiences in their life already) then the temptation to do this is often even bigger. But you can’t do it! Children need the chance to have new experiences and take risks. It’s through doing this that they grow and develop as individuals. Otherwise their life will be just too sheltered and not have the defining experiences that they deserve. And it is through these situations that we really experience living life.

Let them learn their own lessons – Part of taking risks and going into new experiences is coming up against things that can be challenging. And at times this means coming across things that go wrong. This is actually a good thing. Because for all of us; we learn the most from tricky situations. Annd your child with Aspergers is no exception.  And they will learn the lessons when they come across them (even if some times it may take a couple of attempts). One example that Amalia gave me was that in a phone conversation with her son one night he said “you know mum there’s a lot of strange people out on the streets at 3am here in Los Angeles, I don’t think I’ll go out at the time again!” Now Amalia said that it was difficult to hear this; because of the obvious risks that Brandon had put himself in by being out alone at 3am. However it was clearly a lesson quickly learned and as far as Amalia knows he has never been out in the early hours since.

Take time out and you have more to give – In order to be the parent that you want to be, you have to take some time for yourself. No matter how dedicated you are to your child – if you keep just giving and giving it’s going to take its toll. You need the opportunity to do things for yourself from time to time – in order to “replenish your tank”. Otherwise if you just give, give, give your tank will run empty and you will find it even harder to achieve what you want as a parent. Now sometimes this can take a great deal of creativity to get the child care/baby sitter that you need – but in most cases it can be done somehow (even just to have an hour or two to escape to the bath and read your favourite book, or go out for a nice, peaceful walk).

I hope that these pointers have been helpful. You can contact Amalia direct at her own website – http://www.amaliastarrspeakerautism.com/

My full hour long interview with Amalia is accessible for members of Parenting Plus where she also reveals…

* When to start preparing your child for independent living…

* Her own moving story of raising her son (Brandon) to become independent

*The biggest mistakes made by parents when it comes to independent living

*How to handle child living away from home (because that’s not easy)

* The biggest problems for your (adult) children when living independently

* How to help prepare your child to move away to university

* And Much More Too

To find out more go to => http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/1247.cfm

Thanks for reading,

Dave Angel