As promised last week today’s article comes from a recent interview I did with Valerie Gaus…

Valerie has been working as a clinical psychologist for about 20 years. She practices in New York and works mainly with adults who have Asperger’s syndrome.

The main focus of my interview was to understand more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)and how he can be used for people with Asperger’s.

So here’s what Valerie told me about CBT:

“CBT is an approach to helping people with problems they have in daily life.
It’s an approach that was developed more than 40 years ago. And it was really developed for helping neurotypical people, who are depressed.

It’s based on the assumption that your thoughts or your cognition, can affect your emotion and your behavior.

So, the thoughts you have about the situation you’re in, can influence how you feel about it and ultimately what you do about it, your behavioral response.

When we use something like cognitive behavioral therapy with people on the spectrum, we’re not using it to treat the autism or the Asperger’s.

What we’re doing is, we’re using it to treat the anxiety that can come along with living a life that is stressful because you have autism.

And so, its treating really the comorbid or co-existing anxiety.”

Here’s what Valerie told me about how long it takes:

“Well, when the CBT is being used to address a specific simple, not simple, but like specific problem, it can be short term.

It can be long term if the problem is complex, meaning, it’s being driven by many factors, not just one factor.

So, CBT tends to be goal-directed. So, the therapist and the client come up with a goal to work on.

So, for one of my adult clients, I might have someone come in and say, “I would like to improve my dating situation.”.

This is a common issue with adults. “I want a date. I don’t know the first thing about how to start dating. Can you help me with this?”.

So, our goal might be, in a broad sense, increase the frequency of dating, that might be our long term goal, and then short term we might break it down into further steps.

I’ll assess the person and I’ll try to figure out what the obstacles are for this person.”

I hope this has given you a good starting point to understanding CBT. It’s an excellent approach for people with Asperger’s.

And if you want to learn more about it you can visit Valerie’s website at:

www.drvaleriegaus.com

Thanks

Dave Angel

Question:

My son is a highly developed as a musician (began playing professionally at age 14—and went to college after 10th grade, skipping 11th and 12th–before we had a diagnosis) and not as developed socially. We have been working on that after he came home from a disastrous first year in college. He’s been at home for two years, during which time he received the diagnosis of Asperger’s and depression. He’s been on medication and seeing a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist during that time. Now, he is getting ready to leave for college again, and I worry that he’s still not developed enough socially. And he’s twenty years old. He’s probably beyond the sphere of much help from me as his mother.

Answer:

College is a little different from going to grade school.  While your child is in elementary, middle, and high school, you have the authority to call and request meetings or changes in his education requirements, but in college, he has to take the initiative to do these things on his own. You cannot call to check on your son’s grades and behavior like you could when he was in grade school.  All you can do is support him and offer your suggestions and hope that he does what you believe is in his best interest.

For starters, your son may have become overwhelmed with the whole aspect of college life. A 15 or 16-year-old student may not be mentally prepared to act and think like an adult in college.   This huge transition could have lead to his depression.  Things may be better for your son this time around.  Although his Aspergers will not go away, the depression may go away since he is giving college a second chance.  He is now at a good age and maturity level that he can handle the stress of attending college.  Keep an eye on him and support him as much as possible.

Encourage your son to seek help from a psychologist and psychiatrist as soon as he starts college again.  He will need to have this support so that he does not fall back into a state of depression.  You may even want to go with him to find a good psychiatrist and psychologist to support his mental health.  He may or may not be receptive to the help that you are offering so try to encourage him to allow you to help him in this area as much as possible.

Encourage your son to participate in social events at college.  He may not be very receptive since he has issues with social interaction, but he may be able to find small groups in which he can make new friends. Social events that are related to music my spark his interest.

Support groups for people with Aspergers may offer him support during his college years. He may be able to find an Aspergers support group on campus or online.  He may feel more comfortable in the company of other college students just like him.

All you can do is make suggestions to your son because he is an adult.  He ultimately has to make his own decisions about his life.  Ask him what type of support he needs and provide him with this level of support he needs from you.

Additional Resources

Succeeding in College with Asperger Syndrome: A Student Guide by Michael Fitzgerald, John Harpur, and Maris Lawlor

I recently carried out an interview with Caroline McGraw who works for L’Arche Community in Washington D.C. It’s a community based organization that works with people with special needs. She is also the older sibling of an adult (Willie) with a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism. And so the interview I carried out with her was on the topic of siblings. And here’s some of the key things she shared with me:

5 biggest challenges for siblings:

1. Comparison – As a sibling of a child with Asperger’s/ASD you may often feel that you get the “short end of the stick with parents”. Often the child with ASD will demand more parental time to deal with day to day issues, school problems, therapies and other interventions

2. 3rd parent – Often as a sibling you can feel like a 3rd parent. Your parents may expect more of you around the house, helping with your sibling etc.

3. Belonging – You may feel that you feel don’t really belong with your peers. Because you feel your own family is different due to your sibling having ASD.

4. Guilt/shame – Now this was quite an eye opener for me when Caroline shared this one. She said that she, and many siblings like her, will at times experience feelings of guilt for the sibling with ASD. This may be along the lines of “why don’t I have ASD” why is it that my brother/sister has been effected this way.

5. Worry – Often siblings will feel upset at the challenges their brother/sister may experience. They will really want them to have a so-called “normal” life. And also worry about their siblings future needs – including “will I end up having to care for him/her when my parents can no longer”.

4 Things that helped Caroline as a sibling:

1. Openness – Caroline said that her parents had an open conversation with her to say that “sometimes we will spend more time with your brother”. They explained that this was because of his ASD and the additional challenges this brings. Caroline found this open approach to be helpful to her as a sibling to better understand issues.

2. Working with others with ASD – Caroline gained much more understanding of her brother and his needs through her work at L’arche community. She said that it made her realise more that her  brother is often “maybe doing as best as he can”. And helped her to focus on this when he may have been behaving in a way that she found personally challenging.

3. She found a friend with a sibling with ASD – Through her parents Caroline met another young girl who had a sibling with ASD. They became good friends and were able to share and discuss things, that often is really possible with other peers.

4.  Her parents showed her they cared just as much about her too – Caroline was a really keen ice skater as a child and her dad took her ice skating at 530am each day before school. Through this she could never really doubt their love or commitment to her too.

I hope this short insight on siblings has been helpful for you. Caroline is always happy to chat with parents and you can contact her through her website:

http://awishcomeclear.com/blog/

And if you have a Kindle you can get Caroline’s story called “I Was a Stranger to Beauty” from the Amazon Kindle Store.

The link is http://www.amazon.com/I-Was-Stranger-Beauty-ebook/dp/B00AYLNVWY/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367261449&sr=1-1&keywords=i+was+a+stranger+to+beauty

Cheers,

Dave Angel

Question

What can I do to help my child adjust to high school with his learning disabilities?

Answer

High school.  The mere mention of this institution can cause fear to rise in the hearts of the strongest, most successful middle-schoolers.  High school can be a time of physical growth and self-discovery.  However, for many students it can be a time of physical and emotional brutality and self-destruction.  Adding learning and developmental disabilities just intensifies the chance for negative experiences.

Social situations during the high school years can literally make or break a student.  Everyone wants to be liked, to fit in with the crowd, to have lots of friends, and to have social success.  For teens with Asperger’s Syndrome, the lack of social awareness and abilities can make the high school years extremely difficult.  What can you do to help your teen with Asperger’s Syndrome achieve success during high school?  Here are a few helpful suggestions.

• Plan ahead for the high school years by working on the social skills he needs.  Social skills training can begin during the elementary school years and continue on through the middle school years.  The more chances your child gets to practice socialization in a wide variety of situations, the better off he will be when he reaches the high school years.
• Like strong social skills training, additional strong IEP goals that focus on your child’s strengths and weaknesses can help him to grow in all areas.  Research IEP goals so you can be prepared to offer specific suggestions during your child’s IEP meetings.
• Prepare your student for success by teaching strong organizational skills.  Teach your child to use written schedules and to practice good time management.  A daily study routine can also help.  These are skills that we take for granted-skills that do not come naturally for kids with Asperger’s Syndrome.
• Educate yourself by reading books that can give ideas for coping and helping with your child’s weaknesses.  Staying in the Game: Providing Social Opportunities for Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorders and Other Developmental Disabilities by James W. Loomis, Ph.D. is just one example.

In most cases, you will find school administrators are eager to accommodate students with special needs.   It is the law in most places, as you know.   A strong team made up of parents, therapists, school admin, sped educators, and medical professionals can help your teen make the adjustments needed to find success in the high school setting.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

Question

How to protect my child from the politically correct, zero tolerance and ignorant school personnel. They take 6 hours of Special Ed continuing Education, and believe they know it all. I’ve lived with my son for 16 years and will never know it all.

Answer

The behavior that you are speaking of is unacceptable from any school personnel.  They are supposed to be the professional, and they should always conduct themselves in a professional manner. The great thing is that the law is on your side when it comes to special education, and sometimes your son’s teachers may need a reminder of that.

• Offer the teachers suggestions on how to handle your son. The problem with his teachers may be that they do not have experience working with children with Aspergers. It may be a good idea if you offer suggestions to help them overcome their zero tolerance attitudes.   You may want to call the school to talk to your son’s teachers, or you may want to write them a letter explaining various ways to have a good school relationship with your son.

• Meet with his teachers before school starts.  It may be a good idea to meet with his teacher before they meet your son and bring your son’s IEP.  You can discuss the educational accommodations and modification that work best for your son.  The teacher should appreciate the fact that they have great sources of information about your son’s needs before they ever meet him. If you meet them before they meet your son, you are helping them to get off to a good start.

• Meet with all school personnel if the problem does not get better.  It is possible that you still will experience issues with his teachers’ lack of understanding.  You should contact the principal of the school to have a meeting with the principal and the teachers that are still having issues understanding your son’s needs. At this time, you should remind them of the needs outlined in his IEP and remind them that they must follow the instructions in the IEP because it is the law.

• Seek an advocate to help you with his teachers.  A special education advocate can always bring about the change that you want to see in your son’s teachers.  He or she is an expert in special education laws, and they have no problem outlining these aspects of the law or challenging these individuals to do their jobs or suffer the consequences of the law. Teachers can lose their jobs if they do not follow the guidance of IEPs.

Those teachers that you have problems with helping your son may need to enroll in special education professional development sessions.  Some schools offer these options for teachers who need help working with special needs children.  Continue to do what you do so that your son’s educational needs are met.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

QUESTION:

I worry the most about how she perceives herself / her self esteem and how she relates to the rest of the world. I worry about how hurt she can become when she knows she’s hurt someone’s feelings but has no idea how or why. I’m upset that she wants to have friends but has no idea how. I just want to help guide her towards where ever she fits and is comfortable. I wish she would let everyone get to know her … the world would love her as much as I do!

ANSWER:

I am sure that the world will see what a wonderful person your daughter is in time.  It is very hard for children with Aspergers to adapt to the world around them. One good thing is that she does understand when she hurts someone’s feeling—even though she does not understand who she does what she does.  She can be taught to understand the reasons behind her actions and ways to improve her behavior.

Consider a few of these options to help your daughter work through her issues.

• Group therapy may help you daughter build her self-esteem.  It takes some time to build self-esteem.  Your daughter may be struggling to understand who she is and how she fits into the world right now.  Group therapy helps her to understand that there are many other children just like her that are building their self-esteem.  She will likely feel comfortable in the group setting as she interacts with other children.

• Try role-play to help your daughter understand various social situations. Role-play is a good way to practice behaviors with children with Aspergers. You and your daughter can practice situations where she hurts someone’s feelings.  During this time, you two can also practice alternatives for certain spoken words or actions that may be offensive to others. You can also practice skills that can help her to make new friends. You can teach your daughter how to begin conversations and appropriate comments to make to others.

• Enroll your daughter in special interest groups.  Children with Aspergers usually have a special interest that they are eager to share with others. Her special interest offers a wonderful opportunity for her to interact with others, make new friends, and build her self-esteem. She will learn to appreciate her special interest as she displays her talents to others.  She will likely make lasting friendships with the new people that she meets.

• Try social skills training for your daughter. Social skills classes are a great way to teach her how to interact with others.  She can receive this training in a group setting or on an individual basis.  Your daughter will learn many alternatives to her current behaviors, and she will learn how to make good choices when she interacts with others.

Understanding that she hurts the feeling of others is a good starting point for your daughter’s transition to a girl with high self-esteem.   She will learn how to make wise decisions on a daily basis.

This week I’ve got an article from Matthew Readman about his service dog and how it’s helped him…

“As you all know from my past articles,  I have a problem making friends due to my Asperger’s.  It was recommended by my pediatrician to consider getting me a companion dog.  After speaking with my doctor,  my parents approached me with the idea.

My first reaction was “are you crazy, I’m afraid of dogs!” You see, when I was young I  had been bit by a dog and had some bad experiences with others.  So the thought of getting a dog scared me to death.

I thought “why would I want a dog, it’s only going to bite me. I don’t need this anxiety in my own home”.  But I was wrong.

My parents and I went to the National Service Dogs  here in Cambridge, Ontario.   The National Service Dog matches service dogs and companion dogs with people with disabilities.  What I found out is a lot of dogs are matched with kids with Autism and Asperger’s.

I asked the lady we were talking to “how is this dog going to help me especially if I am afraid of them?”

She explained that all the dogs are trained and will not bite and for me not to worry.  She explained that a dog is the best listener and gives unconditional love.  She will be my friend forever and will never turn her back on me.

First thing I thought was “sounds good,  but things that sound too good are not real”.

The lady brought us back to meet some dogs, and of course I hid behind my mom.  She gave us treats to give to the dogs for my first contact with them.  I eventually gave some to the dogs (dropping the cookie on the floor before they could reach my hand) and thought “well none of them bit me yet”.

My mom discussed the details with the lady on how to apply for a dog, then we left.  About two weeks later the lady from the National Service Dogs dropped over for a personal interview.  She brought a service dog with her to see how I would react with the dog in the house.

I went outside with her to play with the dog.  I will admit it, it was fun.  The lady explained that we would be placed on a waiting list and when they feel they have the perfect match for me she will notify us.

Well that day came just before Christmas.  They introduced us to our new dog Ellie.  She is a black Labrador with a heart of gold.

I have now had Ellie just over 3 months.   I will admit, I still don’t like dogs,  but I love mine.  She greets me every day with kisses and yes she listens really well (she has not shared any of my secrets).

I didn’t realize that a dog can change your life.  My mom says my anxiety level is down and I seem a lot more happy.  I take her for walks and she loves playing ball.  The best part is when I come home from school after having a bad day, Ellie is there to make me smile again.

If I could, I would match all kids with Autism and Asperger’s with a dog.  They make you feel special and loved.  When I see her when I get home,  she makes me forget about my day with her tail wagging and her big smile.

The quote “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself” (from Josh Billings) is an exact metaphor for my feelings of Ellie because I know she will always love me even when I hate myself.

On behalf of the National Service Dogs of Cambridge, we were asked as a family to help raise funds for the care and training of these exquisite dogs. National Service Dogs’ Companion Dogs are valued at $5,000; however, they are provided to families free of charge.

NSD receives no government funding and relies entirely on support from corporate sponsors, local community members, service clubs, and annual fundraising events

I have been asked in the past how people can help kids with Autism   If possible if you can donate (any amount) to help raise a new service or companion dog for another child with Autism.  I and my family would be much appreciated.  Thank you for reading my blogs.  If you are interested please see the link below:

https://www.gifttool.com/donations/Donate?ID=1327&AID=2609

Thanks,

Matthew Readman

P.S.  Matt wanted me to make it clear that there is no minimum donation and if you could even offer just $1 it would be hugely appreciated.

In addition to Matt’s thanks I have also just recorded an hour long interview with Matt and his mum Nansi. Where they reveal their own methods and strategies for coping with Asperger’s.

So everyone who donates will get a copy of this interview in mp3 format for free.

All you need to do when you have donated is send me a message through this link:

https://parentingaspergers.zendesk.com/anonymous_requests/new

and I’ll send you the interview in about a weeks time, when I’ve edited it.

To donate please go to:

https://www.gifttool.com/donations/Donate?ID=1327&AID=2609

Thanks for your help,

Dave Angel

Today I want to share with you some insights about Gluten and Casein Free diets from Jules Shepard. Jules is an internationally renowned expert on gluten free baking, who lives in Maryland, USA. I recently had the good fortune to interview her and here’s what she told me…

Jules began her own quest to develop tasty gluten free cooking in 1999 when she was diagnosed with celiac disease. She had this “mystery” disease for around 10 years – which is an autoimmune disease where the body struggles to cope with the protein in gluten. And the body misperceives gluten as a toxin, so then starts actually attacking itself.

Jules had initially trained to be an attorney in international law and her baking was always a passion that she enjoyed in her spare time. As a student she would bake as a stress reliever and give the produce away to other students in the café. Until she eventually began to bake for the university café on a regular basis.

So her love of baking and her diagnosis of celiac disease led her down the path of becoming involved with gluten free baking. First of all it was the sheer depression of becoming a gluten free eater in the late 1990’s that spurred her on. Because back then there was vastly less choice than there is now. And being a good “Southern gal” she had always experienced food as such an important part of life, and of sharing with friends etc.

So Jules set out to reproduce her favorite foods but in a gluten free way. And by way of basic explanation gluten is the protein found in wheat, barley, and rye. Over the years she has developed tons of recipes and, more importantly, an all purpose flour which means you can bake pretty much whatever you want without the need for gluten.

So what has this got to do with Asperger’s/ASD?

Jules explained to me that some people can’t digest casein (a milk protein) and gluten properly so it builds up in the body like an opiate (drug) that goes to the brain and makes you act differently. There is an inability to process the gluten and casein, which allows the opiates to hit brain. Jules is clear at this stage there is not a lot of research or hard evidence from science. But anecdotally if you ask parents of kids on the spectrum; there are too many people who have seen results (such as improved behaviors, moods etc.) to ignore. And Jules feels that over time science will catch up with more and more research into this area.
I asked her some of the key points that parents ought to know about gluten and casein free diets:

1. You need to label read – as gluten and casein can get into so many products.

2. If you eat out – always talk to the chef about what products they use, and what options they have.

3. Don’t restrict yourself – if you want something then there’s always a way to make it. Just go online and get searching

4. You need to do it 100% for at least 3 months – If you decide to try a gluten and casein free diet then you need to stick with it 100% and not have any gluten or casein in this time. For the simple reason that you’ll never know the true picture, unless you totally remove the substances. And 3 months is the minimum time you should commit to trying it.

5. Record any differences in the diet by using a behavior chart.

6. Always consult your physician first.

You can learn more about Jules and gluten free cooking at her website:

http://www.julesglutenfree.com/

Thanks,

Dave Angel,

P.S. To listen to my entire 50 minute interview with Jules, and gain $198 worth of other essential Asperger’s resources for just $1. Please go to:

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/department80.cfm

I am sure you’ve heard the lyrics to that famous song from the musical Oliver…

“Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we’re in the mood —
Cold jelly and custard!”

I think it’s fair to say that Oliver didn’t have ASD; as the sheer combination of cold jelly and custard would have sent him running for the hills!

In fact one big issue for parents is that instead of your child with ASD singing “Food, glorious food” they are much more likely to be singing:

“Food, limited food!
Chicken nuggets and pizza
We’re not in the mood–
If it’s not familiar and beigey”

Because most children with ASD have big sensitivities to so many textures, smells and visual appearances of foods. And here’s the problem…

Often you are slaving away really hard to try and get just 1 portion of fruit and veg into your child (and no… French Fries don’t really count – and definitely not if they’re from Maccy D’s)!

And then you’ve got the Gluten and Casein free diets that many people swear have made huge changes in their child’s behaviors, attitudes and overall happiness.

Whilst scientific research is still catching up with these claims – the anecdotal evidence of so many parents is pretty overwhelming at times.

But this type of approach can be one heck of a commitment; if you are very new to eating in this way.

I’ve come across a couple of great women based in the USA who can help a little with those kitchen blues.

One is the “Sneaky Chef” Missy Chase Lapine. She teaches people how to add fruit and veggies into everyday foods that your child may well eat (like fish sticks, french fries, pizza etc.)

I came across her myself as my 3 year old daughter is currently proving to be a VERY fussy eater. So I bought the “Sneaky Chef” cookbook to have a go myself.

Now being in England I had a small issue with translating weights and measures – because we use the metric system over here.

Plus what is a “cup” when it comes to measuring ingredients? A cup has always been something to serve a nice drop of tea in this side of the pond!

But I digress – I quickly sorted the weight conversions and made my first “Hi Fi fish sticks” this week. Which contain a puree of courgette and cauliflower, fresh fish, wholemeal breadcrumbs and nuts.

They tasted pretty good and to my amazement my 3 year old ate them without any problem whatsoever.

You can get a number of free sample recipes from the Sneaky Chef at:

http://www.thesneakychef.com/free_sneaky_chef_recipes.php

And on the subject of Gluten and Casein Free cooking I would highly recommend Jules Shepard from Maryland, USA.

I recently interviewed her and will be bringing you some important points from her next week.

But in the mean time you can get some great free recipe ideas from her at:

http://blog.julesglutenfree.com/

Happy cooking,

Dave Angel

P.S. If you want to hear more about food and ASD here on the blog… Or …
If you have a story to tell on the subject…

Please leave your comments on the blog below.

Question

How can I motivate my child to try new things that they may not be good at?

Answer

As a parent, one of your main priorities are to support and motivate your child in all areas of development.  It begins early-you teach them to eat, to talk, to walk, and many other necessary skills.  You motivated your child at each stage of growth and development.  However, as they get old enough to make their own choices, it takes more internal motivation than it does external motivation.  This is where your guidance comes into play.  Starting early, teaching your child how to use self-motivation, will help set your child on a path of growth in a place of acceptable change.

Change can be very difficult for children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  They often do not have the strong social actions needed to make changes, try new things, or to transition from one way of life to another.  Just the thought of making a major life change can be absolutely paralyzing.  It is hard to motivate someone once they reach this fear stage.  Here are a few suggestions for you.

• Start early and build on it, or better yet, just continue as you have from birth, allowing your child to try new things, to stretch and to grow.   A little parental motivation can go a long way.

• Be an encourager, even during the times when your child tries to avoid change.  Give him plenty of opportunities to become independent and successful.  An encouraging word at just the right time may be that extra push that your child needs to get out there and try something new.

• Use logic to motivate your child with Asperger’s Syndrome.   He relies on the logical.  He thinks in black and white.  If you can give him a logical reason for making a change, chances are, he will give it a try.

• Look for books and videos that can give ideas to help you motivate your child.  Incentives for Change: Motivating People with Autism Spectrum Disorders to Learn and Gain Independence by Lara Delmolino and Sandra L. Harris, Ph.D. touches base on different ways you can motivate your child to grow and change.

So much of parenting and motivating children with Asperger’s Syndrome comes down to being a positive and motivating personality.  Setting positive examples in tough situations will allow you to motivate your child through actual life experiences, which, in turn, can increase your child’s chance of success.

Thanks,

Dave Angel