We recently had a chat about the pros and cons of using meds. for anxiety, in our Facebook group.

As you may imagine – a mixed bag of responses to such an emotive topic.

Most agreed it’s part of a bigger picture. Not the be all and all.

Starts with consulting a psychiatrist. Then lots to think about. Including:

* Possible talking therapy (particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

* Ensuring any counselor you do use understands ASD (many don’t).

* If drugs are the option you try – then keep notes. Lots of different drugs. Have different effects ( and side effects). Your

feedback to the prescriber is essential. May take a few different types to find the right drug.

* Often drugs can be used short term to “take the edge off” raw emotions. With counseling then able to tackle thoughts processes

more effectively.

* Herbal med’s can help too like Valerian Root and Rescue Remedy Flower essence.

DISCLAIMER – I’m not a doctor so first take advice from a medical practitioner before pursuing any course of action – the above are a combination of helpful

suggestions from our parenting support group.

And talking of our parenting support group. If you’d like a safe space to share your parenting challenges, and ask questions, then we have

over 230 parents, professionals and adults with ASD in our private Facebok group, all living a life with Asperger’s each and every day. Full details on how you can join us at:

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To helpful answers,

Dave Angel

Here’s a line of advice I got from a parent:

“Don’t sweat the small stuff. Save the fight for when it really matters.”

Total-us correct-imus (as the Romans may venture!)

There’s so much out there you have to react to, each and every day, as a parent.

You can’t do it all.

In fact I was just reading an article where one mom, of a child with additional needs, compared her experiences as a parent to a jar of peanut butter.

Why?

Well each day a jar of peanut butter has it’s contents slowly emptied with each dip of the knife.

In the same way – each day this mom had portions of her energy and personal strength taken out of her, just coping with life.

Eventually the jar is 99% empty and you’re scraping around for the last tiny bit.

That’s how she felt on so many days . . . scraping around for just a little energy and drive to carry on.

Maybe you feel the the same too?

It’s a tough place to be no doubt. So please don’t sweat the small stuff.

Unless it’s pretty important and significant in the grander scheme of things – just leave events alone.

Otherwise the negative energy of constant reaction, to every little thing, will suck you down.

Way down.

Not a place you deserve to be.

Sure there’s time to get riled up and fight your corner. You have to. Basic survival for you and your child.

But other times just let it go – you must for your own well being.

For more parenting survival tips:

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To surviving,

Dave Angel

For many with Asperger’s – anxiety is huge.

The world around them is a confusing place with rules and expectations they just don’t know.

So it’s little wonder a lot of children and adults with ASD, live in a state of frequent anxiety.

All kinds of approaches can be used to help lessen anxiety. But for today here’s 5 quick phrases for you to try out to help your child’s anxiety:

1. “I’m here you’re safe.”

A good general supportive phrase, to make your feel child feel OK and grounded.

2. “Tell me about your worry”

Let your child articulate. Out of the head it can be a lot easier to cope with.

3. “How big is this worry?”

This may always come back as ‘massive’ to start with. But over time you may be able to help your child compartmentalize into bigger and smaller worries.

4. “What would you like to tell your worry?”

Take control. Helps empower your child to talk back to the particular worry, and challenge it.

5. “Draw it”

May be better for some to draw the worry. You can chat about the colors and images they come back with. Again opening the debate – can make it less scary.

Try them out – let me know how you get on (or if you have other phrases you find helpful, please let me know).

Anxiety is a big issue – but it can be worked with. In The Parenting Asperger’s Community we have an entire eBook devoted to tackling anxiety in children with ASD.

For more details:

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To lessening anxiety,

Dave Angel

As I’m sure you know – children with Asperger’s struggle in school.

ONE reason is apparent lack of interest.

This can be misread by teaching staff as unmotivated or lazy.

Certainly not true. Approached the right way – most kids with Asperger’s are SO motivated it’s a job to stop them, once they get started.

The real problem?

It’s generally an Aspie thought process.

“Why would I do this very dry, uninspiring piece of math work when it has not interest/relevance to what I like?”

Not really linked to their interest . . . so not really interesting!

So heartening to hear of a teacher who “got” this. A mom (Marie) in San Francisco wrote to tell me about a math teacher:

“My daughter struggled with this subject for years until she met a teacher who listened to his students. For my daughter math

problems centered around her favorite activity: Shopping. Seeing her light up with excitement was wonderful. For another

student it was shoes, another was football. This one teacher opened up a subject these students had given up on by listening

and playing on each individuals interests”

Wonderful to hear.

Teachers have a tough job. The paperwork . . . big class sizes . . . huge expectations from their departments . . . etc. So it’s

little wonder many can’t see the wood for the trees when it comes to kids with additional needs (like Asperger’s).

But when a teacher does understand and go the extra mile . . .

What an amazing difference they can make in a pupil’s life.

And talking of school pupils. If your child has just started back for the new school year (or it’s looming soon) you can get tips and methods

on how to help your child get the best out of school in The Asperger’s School Stress Buster Program. For more details:

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To educating children with Asperger’s,

Dave Angel

Mom Marie writes:

“When moved to Africa two years ago, my son took up horse riding.

He has become the keenest rider ever, is inseparable from his horse, and this has also proved to be the best therapy around. He is now 11.

He is making phenomenal progress now in various fields of life. Now has many friends at the stables (at the beginning he eyed all the kids from a distance, suspiciously.)”

Great to hear this horsey tale.

In a way he’s doubled his life chances in 1 fell swoop.

* A special interest (enthusiastically supported by mom Marie).

PLUS

* A close relationship with animals.

EQUALS

====> A really good way to develop friends, confidence, social skills and more in a setting of common interest.

The power of the animal-aspie relationship, with the addition of being around other like-minded people, is potentially very strong.

And if you enjoyed this non-hairy horse’s tale [ahem!] we’ve got lots more inspirational parenting stories and practical, helpful tips in The Parenting Asperger’s Community:

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To aspie equestrians,

Dave Angel

I’m always looking for different stories, ideas and views about Asperger’s to share with you.

Sometimes they come from seemingly nowhere.

On holiday (vacation) last week – I picked up a novel by British writer Frederick Forsyth (famed for ‘Day of the Jackal’).

It was called ‘The Hit List’, and was all about an online radical preacher persuading people to commit terrorism.

An ex US marine is tasked with finding, and bringing him to justice. And needs an amazingly talented computer guy to help him.

He hears of a socially shy teen who lives, pretty much, online in his parents attic room. Oh you can see where this is going (right?) . . .

Yep turns out Roger (for that’s his name) has Asperger’s.

It’s not a particularly great or well thought out portrayal of ASD. Glossed over with minimal thought to be brutally honest. But 1 line in the book I liked . . .

The marine was struggling to converse with Roger when trying to get him to help the mission. As Roger was so shy. But the marine . . .

“Suspected that if he could shift the conversation back to the teenager’s comfort zone – cyberspace – he would meet quite a different personality.

He was right.”

Yep the old nutshell that is ‘special interests’.

That one place your child feels safe, confident and expert. Where future college courses and employment may well lie. The key to a brighter future.

Nurture this.

Support this.

And you’re giving your child a great chance to compete on more level terms in that game we call life. Good luck.

For more on all things about parenting children with ASD:

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To surprising aspie tales,

Dave Angel

Dr. Temple Grandin is to be inducted in The Women’s Hall of Fame in September.

She’s a hugely inspirational force for good in the autism community, as an advocate and role model. She has a great way with words too.

One of my favorite Grandin quotes is this:

“The most interesting people you’ll find are ones that don’t fit into your average cardboard box. They’ll make what they need, they’ll make their own boxes”

This flips the “popular” view of Asperger’s 180.

Most people start any description of Asperger’s with a list of negatives:

Struggles with social skills . . . sensitive to stimulation . . . rigid . . . black ‘n’ white thinking.

(Not saying these things ain’t true or important. They are.)

But Dr. Grandin starts more positively.

People with ASD don’t fit the box – but all the better for it. Check out these great examples:
• Clay Marzo – Maverick and hugely talented surfer.
• Steve Sondheim – A Californian entrepreneur at the forefront of the electric bike industry.
• Susan Boyle – Amazing singer.
• Asperger’s R Us – Wacky comedy group
• Peter Howson – Talented painter.
• Heather Kuzmich – Top model and advocate

Just a few of the more well known names. All uniquely skilled in their own area of expertise.

However, as you know, society is keen to keep people in boxes. So it’s often not easy raising your child with ASD . . .

Helping them construct their own ‘box of life’, where they can thrive and reach their potential.

But if you’d like some help – from other parents who are going through this – then we will support you all the way. In our Facebook support group you can get help

and advice 24-7-365 (yep I even log in Christmas day!). There’s over 200+ parents just like you who make up this kind and supportive community.

To register your interest:

clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3fpQ8mSdzLJlRMX&b=jR2ZsUXNlSsftwSPb2rlTQ

To Temple Grandin,

Dave Angel

Here’s a really simple yet powerful way to help your child in class.

It came from a teen with Asperger’s, and he said . . .

It’s all about the seat!

Taking a front row seat was a great idea for kids with ASD, as . . .

1. More room – It’s less crowded which reduces some of the overwhelm of a packed class.

2. Less distraction – Kids with ASD can struggle to concentrate. There’s less background chatter at the front, so reduces off putting noise.

3. Away from bullies – Much harder to be a ‘target’ to others sat under the teacher’s nose at the front.

4. Security – Sitting close to the teacher can make your child feel a little more secure & confident (unless there’s issues with the teacher).

Worth a thought. Certainly worth a conversation with your child’s teacher methinks.

And talking about conversations with the teacher – we’ve got a resource called “Teaching the Teachers about Asperger’s” which helps

the teacher better understand your child and their specific needs. It’s part of The Asperger’s School Stress Buster package. For more details go ye here:

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To a front row seat,

Dave Angel

Friendships were the topic of the day on a discussion board recently.

Adults on the spectrum sharing their, often quite sad, stories.

Most saying they couldn’t keep friends. Putting it down to a variety of reasons:

Unstable emotions, meltdowns, being too clingy, jealous, appearing uncaring (even though they really did care).

One man (jokingly – I think?) said his mum called him a pyromaniac – as he burnt so many bridges.

Another said having a friend was like walking on egg shells. Only takes 1 wrong move ( often unwittingly) to bring the whole friendship crashing.

Pretty depressing stuff.

However it doesn’t have to be like this. There are adults with ASD who do OK in the friendship field. I know as I’ve spoken to many of them.

Some find a supportive partner to fill that social need.

Some gravitate to other aspies who may be less judgemental and demanding.

Some work really hard on social skills and build small friendship groups (often based on common interests).

Some prefer social media and text friendships.

Plenty of ways to skin the cat of friendship.

None simple. None straightforward. But it’s do-able.

It’s one of the topics we talk about in The Parenting Asperger’s Community support group. Along with meltdowns, hygiene, gaming, school

problems, job opportunities, college, mental health, therapy, medication, behaviors and so much more. If you’re interested in joining the conversation, the link is: clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=Kdjaj&m=3VsMa_vIULJlRMX&b=VBG.832rKTRgvg1_WNuusQ

To friends,

Dave Angel

Summer holidays (vacation) now here in the UK.

One tell tale sign… it’s rained virtually non stop! Which means a lot of kids TV.

In our house it’s “Horrible Histories”. A great BBC show which teaches kids all kind of weird and grizzly tips from around the

world. I love it too, and for your fun-tertainment here’s 6 great facts from the show:

1. Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh Pepi II had an ingenious technique for keeping flies away – he smeared honey on nearby slaves so

the flies would annoy them instead!

2. When King Henry VIII got old he became paranoid about people plotting to kill him. On one occasion he had the door to his

bedroom bricked up at night so no one could get to him.

3. During the Great Plague of London people believed the disease could be cured by plucking a live chicken and strapping its

bottom to any sores.

4. The Incans washed their hair and shaved their legs in a shampoo made of human urine.

5. Before Romans went into battle they would consult sacred chickens to see if the gods were on their side – if the

chickens ate food, it was a good day for battle.

6. At the Battle of Pelusium in 525 BC, the Persians held up live cats, and pictures of cats, to stop Egyptians from shooting

arrows. Cats were sacred to Egyptians, who didn’t dare hurt them.

Fun (and gruesome!) shows like this certainly make History more accessible for all. But whether it’s History, English, Math or Geography – school isn’t always so much fun.

In fact for children with ASD it can be really tough. Mis-understood by teachers, bullied by peers, unable to organize their work and more. It’s not an easy time at all for your child,

or you the parent. However if you’d like to make this school year go better than last, then you may be interested in The Asperger’s School Stress Buster Package. Full details:

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To history,

Dave Angel