When a child without Aspergers syndrome makes friends, parents are not often involved in the choice of the friend or the facilitation of the friendship. In Aspergers syndrome children, however, the parent or parents may need to be an active participant in helping the child make and keep solid friends.

Part of the process involves concretely teaching the child how a normal friend should act. Teaching them politeness, restraint, in some situations, and how to talk and establish good eye contact with others will help the child learn skills that aren’t innate to their development.

Finding a child to be your child’s friend in the school situation often takes careful planning and effort. It genuinely helps if you volunteer in the classroom and get to know the children well. If you can find a receptive, relatively quiet child who would make a good friend for your child, ask the child’s parents if the two could play together. Rowdy or noisy children may be a source of distress to the Aspergers syndrome child.

If your child is one of the many who have specific interests or musical ability, make the effort to link the child up through groups or clubs of children with similar interests. Often, having a similar interest as another child will help facilitate a relationship between the two. Even if your child doesn’t have a special interest, consider something structured such as the boy scouts or a church group from which friends can be found and maintained through regular contact.

It’s probably not a good idea to invite a bunch of kids over for a sleepover. Rather, one child playing with your child at a time has the best chance of success. If the other child seems to have some maturity, explaining the condition of Aspergers syndrome to the child may help avoid the frustration some children feel around Aspergers children.

Not in every case will your child be receptive to a friendship and he or she may prefer to play alone. In that case, wait until you see signs of receptiveness before attempting to facilitate a friendship.