Question My 9 year old Aspie grandson is rarely happy, unless he is watching TV and/or eating. His self esteem is very low. Any suggestions to help self esteem or change his attitude from negative to positive would be wonderful. Answer

Successful experiences in your grandson’s life will build his self-esteem and give him a more positive attitude. In addition, when he sees that he is accepted and loved by others, he will feel secure and achieve self acceptance. Then, he may make more of an effort to try other activities.

Consider for a minute WHY he takes pleasure in eating and/or watching television. First, it’s safe and reassuring. He is familiar with television programs that he watches on a regular basis, and food is well known for providing psychological comfort. Second, it’s a predictable, solitary activity which always gives him the same safe results. He knows what the consequences of his behavior are, and he feels rewarded by them. Children with Asperger’s have a strong need to feel safe and reassured; they learn by following well-explained rules that contain predictable outcomes. These are the reasons for his repetitive, satisfying activities, and these behaviors can be managed in several different ways.

You must accept that he needs some time (at least for now) to watch T.V. and eating is a physical necessity. Consider that Asperger’s individuals are often confused and overwhelmed by choices; at this point, build in a few alternative behaviors for him to engage in, such as using a computer. Discuss his options with him, and let him pick an activity in addition to eating and watching television.

Watching television can be used as a reward for completing other tasks. Take him outdoors and encourage him to play a game or walk for a short period of time. When he has successfully completed the task, reward him with a specified period of time for watching television. Doing this on a regular basis will increase his tolerance for an activity. A good approach is to increase the activity time by one minute per session and praise him lavishly each time he accomplishes the task. After he gets used to one activity, add an additional activity, perhaps swimming or bicycle riding. Little by little, increase the amount of time per activity and the number of activities. Always remember to reward and praise him each time the activity is completed.

After you reward him, sit down with him and discuss what you both will do the next time you go out, how long you will do it, and what the reward will be. He’ll be more enthusiastic once he’s had a positive activity/reward experience and has received the reward and your praise. Remember to start with the easiest activities first – a scooter, then a bike, for example. Try to avoid gender stereotyping any of your grandson’s activities. If you can’t get him on a swing or scooter at first, then start with just walking and looking at nature. Use the praise and reward for that activity before you branch out. Once you know that he likes a given activity, he is more likely to willingly participate in it.

Your best approach is to avoid confrontation and use negotiation when you work with his likes and dislikes. This way, he will be more likely to try new things with you. Your relationship will be much stronger if he perceives that you are both on the same side!

Have a great day

Dave Angel

Question

How to deal with violent outbursts during fits of frustration (i.e.: hitting, throwing stuff, yelling). Especially at school. Obviously prevention is key, but any tips would be helpful.

Answer

Some research studies have shown that people with Asperger’s Syndrome may exhibit violent behaviour; yet, other studies have indicated the opposite. More research to obtain consistent conclusions is needed in this area as it has not been adequately studied.

You are not the only parent to have observed such behaviour in your child. Whether it is due to Asperger’s Syndrome or is a co-existing psychiatric disorder remains to be seen. In the meantime, you need to know how to deal with your child’s aggression and violent outbursts.

When a child behaves inappropriately, he is fulfilling the need to do one or more of the following:

• Avoid something that needs to be done, such as going to school or obeying a parent;

• Get something like his or her own way or attention;

• Manage pain and reduce feelings of psychological hurt or physical discomfort;
• Fulfill a sensory need, perhaps feelings of hot, cold, thirst, or hunger.

Reasoning or debating an issue with your child to justify your expectations will not change her behaviour. She wants to satisfy her needs, not satisfy your wants. She is not likely to empathize with you or acknowledge anyone’s objections to her behaviour. You need to be “concrete” with her. In other words, tell her that the inappropriate thing she wants or the unacceptable behaviour that she is demonstrating is not allowed. She needs to follow structured, consistent rules which will assist in modifying her behaviour. Don’t give in to hitting, throwing things, or yelling, no matter how hard it is not to.

One way to stop aggression is through the use of behaviour modification. You must determine what need the aggression is fulfilling, and then teach her a replacement behaviour that will satisfy the need. For example, if your child wants a glass of water, she can be taught to ask for or point to the source of water. Also, you can design an emotion card which shows a glass of water, and she can point to it. Some children use PECS, a non-verbal system of communication to indicate their wants and needs.

The importance of maintaining a daily routine cannot be overstressed. Consistent behaviours, obligations, etc. will help reduce your child’s aggressive and violent behaviours. Daily routine creates stability and comfort for Asperger’s children; also, it helps to lessen their need to make demands on you. When you establish a routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your daughter becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give her attention, she may have less need to show aggression to try to get your attention.

Children who get what they want because of their violence or aggression are very likely to continue and escalate that behaviour. In time, your child must learn to appropriately communicate the cause of her aggression and get her needs met through that communication.

A behaviour-modification program may help your daughter. This program must be designed for individual children because people with Asperger’s Syndrome vary greatly in their handicaps and family circumstances. Please note that some treatment approaches that work in certain cases may not work in others. Also, children with Asperger’s have difficulty generalizing learned experiences from one setting to another. As a result, the skills they learned in a hospital or school tend not to be transferred to the home or other settings.

Asperger’s Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns – Revised and Expanded Edition by Brenda Smith Myles & Jack Southwick is a great place to learn more on the subject.

This expanded edition of this bestselling book offers parents and professionals many solutions to minimize and/or prevent the rage cycle of the child with Asperger’s Syndrome.

This excellent resource also focuses on the behaviours and reactions of the adults in the child’s life and emphasizes the importance of teachable moments before and after a rage.

Thanks

Dave Angel

Hi this is Dave Angel. Welcome to the twenty-first edition
of “The Parenting Autism & Aspergers Newsletter”…

Inside this edition you will find:

1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger Syndrome -
Does a Gluten-Free Diet Benefit?

2. In the News – More Students With Asperger Syndrome
Going to College

3. Parenting Tips – Protect Your Child

4. Prominent People Linked with ASD – Joy Adamson, Naturalist

Thanks

Dave

————————————————————

1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger Syndrome and a
Gluten-Free Diet

A current Aspergers topic in the news is the possibility that
allergic reactions to various foods may make Aspergers Syndrome
worse. Many parents have found that by limiting the amount of gluten
(from the proteins in wheat, rye, oats, barley) and casein
(a substance found in dairy products) in their child’s diet,
Aspergers symptoms improve.

Children with Aspergers often have gastointestinal problems, such as
acid reflux, constipation, diarrhea, vomiting, and hiccups. These
problems occur when foods containing gluten and casein are not
completely digested, leading to lactose and casein intolerance.
Undigested proteins enter the bloodstream and interfere with other
body functions.

The undigested proteins can become toxic, causing the Asperger
child to crave dairy foods and wheat. Symptoms of gluten or casein
intolerance include: red cheeks and ears, dry skin, runny nose,
headaches, hyperactivity, tantrums,and odd-looking bowel movements.

Because of this, for many years some experts have recommended a
gluten-free, casein-free diet for Asperger Syndrome children and
adults. However, it is a very restrictive diet and usually
used as a last resort.

The results of the diet vary, but there is usually some improvement
in Aspergers symptoms. Parents report improvements in sleep, speech
and communication, focus and attention span, social skills, personal
hygiene, motor skills, and a reduction in tantrums.

Based on the results, a gluten-free, casein-free diet is worth trying.
Start slowly and eliminate one group (either gluten or casein)
at a time. Once you are comfortable without one of them, then
eliminate the other. You can substitute gluten-free flour in cakes,
rolls, pastas, and desserts. However, gluten-free bread is not very
tasty.

To read the full article please go to: Asperger Resources:
http://www.aspergerresources.com/glutein-free_diet.html

———————————————————–

2. In the News – ABC News
More Students With Asperger Syndrome Going to College,
Some Schools Have Programs to Help Autistic Students
By THEA TRACHTENBERG
April 2, 2008

As many autistic young adults enter universities for the first time,
colleges are trying to find ways to deal with the first generation of
Asperger students. A decade ago the idea of Asperger students
attending college seemed impossible. Today, with early diagnosis and
therapy, Aspies are entering college in record numbers and
colleges are trying to adapt.

Marshall University, in the United States, has one of the few programs
specifically for those with Asperger syndrome. If the student attends
two classes for 50 minutes a day, the rest of the day is spent on
campus.

“So it is that community that is hard to navigate many times — to know
where to go to feel safe or where to go to get support — and that’s
where our program really fits in,” said program coordinator Marc
Ellison.

The university has graduate students who work with the 14 students in
the Asperger program, reviewing assignments and helping with classroom
behaviour and expectations. Autistic students also have weekly life
skills meetings. Though programs like this are rare, other schools are
beginning similar ones.

In order to find the best fit, parents are advised to find a school
that offers the right support systems for their child.
“Some students really need a real hands-on disability coordinator or a
program specifically for Asperger Syndrome. Other students would not
take part in that and really want to be anonymous on campus,” said Jane
Thierfeld, who has worked in disability services for three decades.

To read the article go to:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/TurningPoints/story?id=4568471&page=1

People mentioned above as having Asperger Syndrome may
or may not have actually have been diagnosed with it.

————————————————————-

3. Parenting Tips – Protect Your Child by Domonville, May 26, 2008

Domonville writes, “I went to the police station to add us, my ASD son
and me, to their computer system database. I highly recommend everyone
do this. It only takes 30 minutes to gain peace of mind. It is
especially useful for those times when melt-downs and aggression happen
in the home or in public and police get involved…or if you have a “runner,”
an ASD kid who wanders off or runs away. If the police have you and
your ASD kid in their files to look up, they will be prepared as to
what to expect when they encounter him or her and, most importantly,
what they should NOT do! Medications needed, allergies, and close
friends for emergency contacts can be listed. It is simple and if
your child is hurt or lost they know what to do to contact you.”

Thanks for the great tip Domonville.

Please post any tips that you have and I will publish them.

You can post them at:

http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/parenting-tips-wanted/

————————————————————

4. Prominent People Linked with ASD – Joy Adamson, Naturalist

Joy Adamson (1910-1980) was born in Austria. She is best known as
the author of the book, Born Free. She was a noted naturalist
and wildlife preservationist.

Joy Adamson and her third husband, George, were among the most famous wildlife conservationists of the twentieth century. Joy went to Kenya
in 1937, where she married George Adamson, a British game warden, in
1944 and remained in Kenya. An accomplished painter, she specialized
in collecting and illustrating African wildflowers. Joy used her
talents as an artist to paint 600 portraits of Kenyan tribal members
that were later published in her book, The Peoples of Kenya.

The Adamsons acquired Elsa, a lion cub, in 1956, after George killed a
lioness in self-defense. Elsa and George trained the animal to return
to the wild, and the book Adamson wrote, Born Free (1960), was a
success. Adamson followed the book with Living Free (1961) and Forever Free
(1962). All three of the books were successful and films were made of them. Born Free was made into a television series. The stars of the films,
Virginia McKenna and her husband, Bill Travers, were so affected by the
work the Adamsons were doing that they founded the Born Free Foundation in England to support wildlife conservation.

In 1962, Joy Adamson went on an international tour to speak about
wildlife preservation and became a founder of the World Wildlife Fund and the Elsa Wild Animal Appeal. The royalties from her books were used to set
up animal reserves and to fund preservation organizations.

Joy and George separated in the 1970s, and on January 3, 1980 Joy was
found murdered in a remote part of Kenya. Paul Nakware Ekai, a Turkana
tribesman, who was employed by Adamson, was convicted of her murder in 1981 and sentenced to life in prison. In 2005 he recanted his
confession.

Through the years, there was speculation that Joy may have had Asperger
Syndrome, but not much proven evidence is available. People mentioned
as having Asperger Syndrome, such as Joy Adamson, may or may not have actually been diagnosed with it.

Books by and about Joy Adamson:

Adamson, Joy, Born Free: A Lioness of Two Worlds, Pantheon, 1960.

Adamson, Joy, Forever Free, Harcourt, 1963.

Adamson, Joy, Living Free: The Story of Elsa and Her Cubs, Harcourt,
1961.

Adamson, Joy, The Peoples of Kenya, Collins & Harvill, 1967.

Adamson, Joy, The Searching Spirit, Harcourt, 1979.

Adamson, Joy, The Spotted Sphinx, Harcourt, 1969.

Cass, Caroline, Joy Adamson: Behind the Mask, Weidenfeld & Nicolson,
1992.

House, Adrian, The Great Safari: The Lives of George and Joy Adamson,
Morrow, 1993.

To see the full text of the articles on Joy Adamson, go to:

http://incorrectpleasures.blogspot.com/2006/09/referenced-list-of-famous-or-important.html

http://www.answers.com/topic/joy-adamson

————————————————————

I hope you have enjoyed the articles in this newsletter as much as I
enjoyed researching them.

The next edition of the newsletter is due in August.

And as ever … please send in any inspirational stories
that you know of, any questions that you would like our team
of experts to answer, any topics that you wish to be discussed
and news stories that you want to share VIA THE BLOG.

We will publish as many as we can.

Until next month………

Best Wishes

Dave Angel

http://www.parentingaspergers.com

P.S. Please feel free to forward this newsletter to your
friends.

Question

My grandson has Asperger’s. He is age 7. His diet consists of cheese, eggs, bread, milk, juice, wieners, fish, hamburgers, chicken, mashed or French fried potatoes and, on occasion, chocolate and bananas. He will eat no pasta, vegetables, or any other fruit. Does this eating problem go along with Asperger’s? How can we get him to change his eating habits?

Answer

Your grandson’s Asperger’s Syndrome may cause unusual reactions to new foods and he may not want to eat them.

To him, they may taste bitter, salty, or just awful.

They may smell bad (to him).

He may dislike the textures of new foods.

Consequently, he doesn’t want to eat foods that cause these reactions.

Surprisingly, your grandson’s diet isn’t terrible as it is now.

He gets protein from eggs, milk, cheese, wieners, fish, hamburger, and chicken.

He gets grains, which provide B vitamins, from bread and hamburger and hot dog buns.

He gets some vitamins and minerals, including vitamin C, from juice, potatoes, chocolate, and bananas.

He gets calcium and vitamin D from milk and cheese.

All in all, his diet could be worse and is not much different from what many children eat.

However, his diet would be more nutritious if he ate more fruits, vegetables, and grains.

Perhaps he would try some whole grain cereals.

Many children like Life cereal or Cheerios.

See if he likes popcorn (a whole grain).

Don’t load it up with a lot of butter, though.

Try whole grain breads, hamburger and hot dog buns; he may eat them.

He might like whole grain rice.

Try it mixed in a cheese and chicken casserole.

Most children like macaroni and cheese. See if he does.

Try tacos made with whole grain tortillas, hamburger, and cheese.

You might be able to sneak in some chopped tomato and onion.

Use low fat hamburger and 1% milk.

See if he will drink different types of fruit juices.

There are new ones on the market that are delicious and have a serving of fruit and one of vegetables in each glass.

Many fruits may taste sour to him.

If he likes cereal, slice a ½ banana on it.

Canned peaches and pears are sweet and may appeal to him.

Cut up fruits into bite sized pieces so they are easy to eat.

Don’t chastise him if he doesn’t eat them; maybe in the future he will.

Make small apple or blueberry muffins. He might like them, too.

Yoghurt with fruit is an option you could try.

As far as vegetables are concerned, it may be an uphill road!

But, sometimes vegetables can be hidden in other foods, for example, in those juices mentioned above.

How about putting some onion in his hamburger?

Potatoes are vegetables and he likes them! Try oven frying the French fries instead of frying in oil.

Blend some cooked cauliflower into his mashed potatoes. He may not notice the difference.

He may like sweet potatoes. He might like creamed corn or cornbread.

Does he eat any soup, such as pea soup or vegetable?

You could try tomato soup made with milk; he might like it.

If you put finely chopped, frozen carrots and peas in a chicken/cheese casserole, he might eat them.

Avocado has a bland taste and you could mix it into his hamburger patties.

It’s very important not to make “a big deal” about what he doesn’t eat.

If you do, eating will become a power struggle.

Offer various new foods along with ones he likes.

If he doesn’t like them, don’t make an issue of it.

Some battles aren’t worth constant fighting, especially when his diet isn’t too bad to begin with.

Keep serving some new foods along with the old ones.

Avoid serving soda pop and sweets so he doesn’t fixate on them.

My last suggestion is to make sure he has a multivitamin each day.

Get one that is chewable, tastes good, and has a cute shape.

Also, drinking Ensure or Pediasure is a good way to supplement his diet with vitamins and minerals.

Until next time

Dave Angel

My son is 15, he knows he is different from other children, he wants to know why? And how would you start explaining sex, and changes his body is going through?

Why am I different? This is a difficult question to answer, but at 15, your son is ready for some explanation of his condition. No one knows for sure how anyone gets Asperger’s Syndrome. We do know it is not a disease, and you can’t catch it from anyone.

Here is a guideline for you to follow when you answer your son’s question:

Lots of people have problems and challenges in life to deal with. Some of them can be seen and some cannot. You have a condition known as Asperger’s Syndrome. We don’t know why you have it. Sometimes it is inherited from other people in a family. Asperger’s Syndrome has something to do with the genes that are in our bodies and something may have happened to some of them before you were born. Kids have Asperger’s Syndrome from the time they are born, but some kids are going to school before the doctors diagnose Asperger’s Syndrome. More and more people are being diagnosed with Asperger’s, but that’s probably because doctors and psychiatrists know more about Asperger’s and what to look for than they did in the past. You are not the only teenager with Asperger’s; a lot of kids have it, so you are not alone.

Here are some websites for teenagers with Asperger’s and maybe you can find some information for yourself. The first one is Asperger’s Teens at www.aspergerfriends.com/AspergersTeens.html. Also, try WrongPlanet.Net at

www.wrongplanet.net/. These two websites can help you understand Asperger’s and convince you that you can do well in life. Also, you might be able to meet other kids your age who have Asperger’s online and talk with them.

Groups of children and adolescents can be very cruel to someone who doesn’t act, talk, or think like them, and a child can easily take that to mean that they aren’t as good as or “cool” enough to be with a particular group of people. It is important for you to stress to your child that “different” does not mean inferior.

In addition to giving him your support and referring him to the internet, you might want to read the book Aspergers Syndrome and Adolescence: Practical Solutions for School Success by Brenda Smith Myles (Author) and Diane Adreon. This book contains many tips on how to help children transition from childhood to adulthood. The book addresses adolescent sexuality as well as how to disclose an Asperger’s diagnosis to peers.

One of the most important aspects of your relationship with your child at this age is for you to be open-minded and available to answer his questions regarding Asperger’s and how it affects him. If there is an adult male role model available, he should also provide counseling and support for your child. Your son will be most successful if he knows that you and your mate are supportive and available to him.

Take Care

Dave Angel

This week’s article covers the following question:

I need help in getting my in-laws to understand that it’s not a lack of discipline that has made my son act the way he does. Spanking isn’t the answer. They think he’s fine, that it’s my fault (that he acts out).

Your in-laws need to be educated about Asperger’s Syndrome. They may accuse you of spoiling the child or of not knowing how to raise children. You may be tempted to think you are not a good parent. Don’t! Your child has specific difficulties related to Asperger’s Syndrome and it takes time and a lot of knowledge to deal with them successfully.

You, or better yet your husband, should talk with them about the symptoms and behaviours commonly associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. Let them know that the issue is one of sensory overload and not inadequate discipline on your part. Your in-laws need to understand that his responses to sounds, lights, smells, tastes, and touch strongly affect him, sometimes causing actual pain, and it is not anyone’s fault that he sometimes cannot handle situations. Also, his interactions with people are not a demonstration of an antisocial personality. He may fear individuals or crowds, and he may not know how to interact with strangers. This is not due to your lack of training. It is a syndrome (condition) that involves many behaviours described in such books as Asperger’s Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals by Tony Atwood or Asperger’s Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick. Reading these books may help your in-laws understand AS.

The internet is a valuable source of information on Asperger’s Syndrome. There are two popular sites for Asperger’s information. The first is O.A.S.I.S., the Online Asperger’s Syndrome Information and Support website, at http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/. The second is A Directory for Asperger’s Syndrome, which contains a directory of resources (articles, books, services) related to Asperger’s Syndrome. It is available at http://www.kandi.org/aspergers/index2.html

On the home front, both you and your spouse need to be equally involved in this situation. You can provide a mutual source of support for yourselves, as well as your child. Treatment for any illness, disease, or disorder is always enhanced when there is family unity. To begin, look into family counseling for you, your spouse, and your child. Then, integrate your in-laws into the counseling sessions. During the sessions, ask the therapist for a referral to support groups for families affected by Asperger’s Syndrome. Therapists and their support staff usually have community support information at hand. There is a website support group based in the United States. The Los Angeles’ Asperger’s Syndrome Parents’ Support Group, available on the internet at http://myweb.lmu.edu/jdevine/as/, provides information on Asperger’s and its relationship to autism, general diagnostic information, and local meetings for families who are dealing with Asperger’s.

Thanks

Dave Angel