Hi there it’s Dave Angel with this week’s blog article. But before that I just wanted to let you know that after a few weeks of summer time “slacking” the new Aspergers web project is beginning to take shape. I am sorting through all the different topic areas that people need to know more about.

Knowledge and information about existing services seems to be a huge gap for many parents right across the globe. So part of my current research is about compiling an up-to-date database of Aspergers professionals around the world. I’ll keep you posted as this progresses.

Now on to this week’s question which is

Question

I need help in teaching my daughter appropriate sexual behavior. She will be 16 in June, has Asperger’s, and acts out sexually. She feels this is what she is “supposed” to do when she likes a boy, and I just can’t get her to feel moral values.

Answer

A 16-year-old girl with Asperger’s Syndrome will have a fully developed female body, but it is unlikely that she will have a full understanding of adolescent sexuality. Depending on her exposure to popular media, she may have formulated an impression of sexuality from the licentious “celebrities” that have become well-known for their use of drugs and alcohol and their fickle, promiscuous sexual behaviour. Your daughter could very well believe that behaviours such as candid flirtation, physical sexual cues, sexual language, and sexual activity are what she, as you say, “is supposed to do when she likes a boy.” The media sends this message loud and clear!

Your daughter needs the advice of a professional counselor now as she is exhibiting behaviour that could lead to very severe consequences.

In addition to the negative effects of the media, teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome do not acquire “street smarts” when it comes to dating or sex. As a result, they are naïve and misinformed about sex.

Your daughter is an adolescent and she wants to develop an identity separate from yours. One aspect of this development is challenging your thoughts and beliefs. When this happens, many parents feel that they have to be friends with their children in order to keep calm in the home. In doing so, they abdicate their parental responsibility, and children suffer in the process. Your daughter still needs to have clearly defined rules while she is living in your home. You know the possible negative consequences of overtly sexual behavior, she does not. Impose specific rules on her; she shouldn’t be alone with boys or be dating, considering the situation.

She may not understand why you are imposing rules; you need to stress that they are for her benefit, now and in the future, and explain why in very specific terms (i.e.; to protect her from sexual diseases, HIV/AIDS, and pregnancy). She needs to understand not just what the consequences of sexual activity are, but what will happen if she gets a venereal disease, HIV/AIDS, or gets pregnant. This will be far more meaningful to her than vague advice about “morality.”

It is imperative that you teach your daughter about sex. She needs specific details about responsible sexual behavior and the consequences of reckless intimacy. Start with basic sex education and move on from there. Freely expressing her sexual feelings because she thinks it is the only way to be accepted and loved must be countered with facts about sexual consequences and information on more appropriate ways to be accepted by boys.

For further information on this subject, consider reading the book http://Asperger’s and Sexuality: Puberty and Beyond by Jerry and Mary Newport. This book was written by two adults who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. They are a married couple, and their book provides information about young adults with Asperger’s and the issue of sexuality. The topics in this book include birth control, dating, disease prevention, sexuality, and taking personal responsibility for sexually related behaviour.

In addition to the above book, go online and read “Sexuality and Autism.” It is posted at http://autism.about.com/od/transitioncollegejobs/f/sexed.htm

PARENTING AUTISM & ASPERGERS NEWSLETTER
VOLUME 22
AUGUST 2008

Welcome to the twenty-second edition
of “The Parenting Autism & Aspergers Newsletter”…

Inside this edition you will find:

1. Hot Topic of Discussion - Homeschooling a Child With
Asperger Syndrome

2. In the News – Kids With Aspergers Take Up Journalism

3. Parenting Tips - Homework, When is the Best Time for
Homework?

4. Prominent People Linked with ASD - Dan Ackroyd, Actor

Thanks

Dave

————————————————————

1. Hot Topic of Discussion -

Home Schooling a Child With Aspergers Syndrome

Steph, parent of a five-year-old, states that her daughter was
already reading, had advanced verbal skills, and loved to learn
about science, but wasn’t following simple directions and
routines, putting away her things, or transitioning from one
activity to another at school. She didn’t follow rules or play
with other kids on the playground. This child was later
identified as “gifted” and diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome
and Non-Verbal Learning Disability.

Children with Aspergers are intelligent and have excellent verbal
abilities. They struggle with social, motor, and organizational
skills. “Reading” other people’s emotions, facial expressions,
and body language is extremely hard, as is conversation. They
are often physically uncoordinated. So this child had significant
problems at school.

But, if Aspergers children can focus on their own interests,
they accomplish amazing things. For this reason, the traditional
scope and sequence of public education does not make sense for them.
Since Steph’s daughter’s needs were not being met in a public
school setting, even with an Individualized Education Plan (IEP),
home schooling was a good choice for her. Instead of focusing on
the things teachers wanted her to learn, she could concentrate on
things that make sense in her life. Thus, her mother took on the task
of homeschooling her.

But, what about social skills, you may ask? Social skills can be
developed in the family, community, and among friends. Now, if
she doesn’t feel comfortable with other kids on a playground, she
does not have to stay. She is free to choose friends from among many
people in the community and to build relationships at her own speed.

Now 13, this young lady has a life that focuses on her strengths and
abilities rather than on her weaknesses.

To read the full article please go to:
http://lifewithoutschool.typepad.com/lifewithoutschool/2008/05/home-schooling.html

People mentioned above as having Asperger Syndrome may or may not
have actually have been diagnosed with it.

———————————————————–

2. In the News – Kids With Aspergers Take up Journalism
by Carnez Williams

For a few summer day camp kids with Asperger’s Syndrome, getting
interviews, shooting video, and writing news stories are all in
a day’s work. In Wichita, Kansas, USA, 60 preschool through high
school students with Aspergers Syndrome are attending Camp SSTAR
(Social Skills Technology Asperger Recreation) which focuses on
journalism and is designed to help kids improve socialization and
communication skills. The kids love the computers and doing
research on particular topics. At the end of each week, a newscast
is produced with the children doing the reporting, script writing,
videotaping and anchoring. A DVD of the newscast is mailed to each
camper. Important for many campers is spreading awareness about
Aspergers. Christian, a 17-year-old Camp SSTAR intern with Aspergers,
says he wants people to know having the disorder isn’t necessarily
a bad thing. “We’re really unique, and you won’t find anybody like
us,” Christian states. “I’m kind of glad I have it, and I’m glad I
get to be around kids who do have it.”

To read the article go to: http://www.kansas.com/news/

People mentioned above as having Asperger Syndrome may or may not
have actually have been diagnosed with it.

————————————————————-

3. Parenting Tips - Homework, When is the Best Time for
Homework? by Patricia Robinson, M.A., MFT

When kids should do their homework is a difficult question
for many parents. Finishing homework right after school may
not be realistic because many kids need a break after a long
day at school. Food and exercise helps them prepare to focus.
Have them eat a healthy snack and then go for a short walk or
play outdoors for a few minutes. Set a time to begin with a
warning bell or timer and use the timer to pace your child’s
work. This helps the child learn how fast time passes.
Children in grades K-2 can usually handle 10 to 30 minutes
of homework per night; children in grades 3-6, up to 60
minutes. Remind your child to stay on task. If your child
is taking longer to finish, discuss the issue with his or
her teacher.

To read the full article go to:
http://patriciarobinsonmft.com/download.asp

Please post any tips that you have and I will publish them.

You can post them at:

*http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/parenting-tips-wanted/*

————————————————————

4. Prominent People Linked with ASD - Dan Aykroyd, Actor

Dan Ackroyd was born in 1952 in Canada. He became a film actor,
comedian, singer, screenwriter, one of the famous Blues
Brothers (along with Jim Belushi), and an original cast member
of the Saturday Night Live TV show. He was made a Member of the
Order of Canada in 2000. In a radio interview on Nov. 22, 2004,
Aykroyd claimed to have been diagnosed as a child with Asperger
and Tourette Syndromes, and he also mentioned schizophrenia. It
is possible that during his childhood, in the early 1960s, his
autism was erroneously thought to be “childhood schizophrenia.”
He was born with syndactyly, webbed toes, and heterochromia, two
differently colored eyes. Of his Tourettes and “special interest,”
Dan has said, “Well, it was mostly physical tics, you know, and
nervousness kind of thing, and that kind of thing, you know,
like grunting and tics and the classic Tourette’s type syndrome,
that type of thing. But by the time I was 14 it was allayed and
I really haven’t had too much occurrence except on the Asperger’s
side, where I have a fascination with police, and I always have
to have a badge with me. … I have a fascination with law
enforcement and the police. My grandfather was a Mountie and that.
If I don’t have a badge on me, I feel naked.”

To see the full text of the article go to:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/419044.html

People mentioned above as having Asperger Syndrome may or may not
have actually have been diagnosed with it.
————————————————————-

I hope you have enjoyed this month’s newsletter.

The next edition of the newsletter is due in September.

And as ever … please send in any inspirational stories
that you know of, any questions that you would like our team
of experts to answer, any topics that you wish to be discussed
and news stories that you want to share VIA THE BLOG.

We will publish as many as we can.

Until next month………

Best Wishes

Dave Angel

Hi everyone here’s this weeks blog article which focuses on the following question I was asked:

“I have a ten-year-old boy with Asperger’s Syndrome who is high functioning. We are consistent with making him aware of what is socially unacceptable and why. It seems to go in one ear and out the other though. For instance, at meal time we always tell him to eat with his mouth closed. He will do as we say for 20 seconds and then he’s right back to chewing with his mouth open. We have sent him to eat in the other room, or we take away dessert if he continues after the fourth prompt. We have had no success for the past 2 years! Do you have any ideas or do you think that it’s something he can’t help?”

Answer

This can be a “Catch-22” situation because, even though you want your son’s behavior to change in a positive manner, it might become more resistant or rigid if he is confronted or forced to behave in a manner that he finds disagreeable. This can become a long-term power struggle that can lead to your frustration and his feelings of failure.

In this case, giving your son rewards might have better results than imposing punishment. One possible solution would be “fun money” for your son. You can make or purchase “fun” (fake) money for your son to use when he behaves in a socially acceptable manner. The money can be spent for privileges, such as time spent with a video game, or other activities he enjoys. This money can be made from ordinary paper, or it can be purchased from the Lakeshore Company at www.lakeshorelearning.com Type in the words “Paper Money” when you are on this website. If your son behaves in an unacceptable manner, you can impose a financial penalty, and your son has to give a portion of the money back to you. However, if he has to give too much back, he might never earn the reward, so reserve the “fines” for very serious transgressions of the rules.

An effective economic-reward system is based on consistency in enforcing it and keeping the list of rewards/penalties attainable and short. Start this system with just one goal to earn reward and increase the goals as he gets a feel for how it works. Try using one standard-size piece of paper and list the rewards on the left-hand side and the penalties on the right-hand side. Your son will be able to comprehend this list without it overwhelming him. This way, when he is rewarded or punished, he will know that there are limits being set and he has a degree of control over how much he will receive or forfeit. Your son will feel a sense of empowerment with this system, and it will allow him to make choices; he will learn from both.

A structured reward system works well with Asperger’s children because they do extremely well with structure, consistency, and clarity. When there is no structure, the Asperger’s child feels that chaos is controlling his life. A reward system maintains structure for your son, and it eliminates chaos from his life.

Structure, consistency, and clarity will give your son a sense of mastery over his environment. Whether you incorporate the solution proposed above or one that you obtain elsewhere, you will be integrating predictability into your son’s life, and this leads to his being able to rely upon you as being supportive and fair in his upbringing. Children without Asperger’s Syndrome and within your son’s age range are coping with the beginning of adolescence. Children like your son are coping with the same thing, except they find that they have to deal with the Asperger’s diagnosis in addition to everything else.

You need to make sure that the consistency that we stress here is maintained for your son’s benefit. Do not let your feelings and emotions take precedence because of the stress that accompanies any child-discipline procedure. Stay calm and let him choose to earn reward or pay fines. Also, be willing and available to discuss discipline with your son; it’s important regardless of any diagnosis that your son has. Above all, be truthful and sincere; your son will know that you love him and care about his well being.

Take Care

Dave Angel

Hi I am back from my vacation and so normal Tuesday night Aspergers blogging should now be resumed. Just a quick apology as it seems that no matter what I try and get my techie guy to do, there are some people who can’t quite read the pages on the blog clearly.

But fortunately that is going to be another cool feature of the new project – as I am going to be using some software that is supposedly much more rigid than then the free software (Wordpress) that I use right now. So for those still struggling to read the blog please accept my apologies – and hold on as things will get better!

This week’s post focuses on the following question:

Does my child know what’s right and what’s wrong? It seems he does not really know the difference.

On the surface, the issue of right and wrong appears to be a complicated one for Asperger’s children, but it is not. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome have very firm ideas of right and wrong, and they can become argumentative with adults and peers over issues of proper or improper behavior. They are typically unable to consider shades of grey and will perceive issues in black or white terms; however, they can discuss those issues with an adult and come to an agreement when solutions are proposed to them.

The good news is that Asperger’s children are known for being able to follow clearly explained and set rules that are consistent, and this trait can be used to help them learn right from wrong. As these children mature, they will learn right from wrong in a rote manner at first; but later they will develop a greater understanding of why something is right or wrong. An important factor is that the rules, and the explanation for the rules, should be explained in a manner that they understand, and the rules should be consistently enforced.

In fact, their inclination to learn right from wrong can be so profound, it might seem that Asperger’s children are pre-programmed to detect right and wrong, and they might even bluntly announce that a request or activity is right or wrong. Also, they will take notice of others’ incorrect behavior, but not their own; this can be perceived as a double standard. In addition, they may not be able to show empathy for others, and this can lead to problems as they may do or say things that seem wrong because they may not be able to understand or empathize with another person’s feelings.

Children and adults who do not have a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome can relate to other people and engage effectively in social interactions with others because they are able to perceive things from another individual’s point of view. The ability to comprehend someone else’s point of view is the result of correctly perceiving speech patterns, body language, tone of voice, facial movements, and the situation in which communication is taking place. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome and other autistic disorders can lack the capacity to relate to and understand others’ feelings or behavioral nuances, particularly on an emotional level. Also, the child’s inability to interpret someone else’s actions, whether deliberate or unintentional, can result in the child’s experiencing paranoia. This can result in inappropriate behavior.

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome may not exhibit traditionally moral feelings or behaviors because Asperger’s denies them the ability to experience the capacity for emotion and introspection on which society’s perceptions of morality are based. These children do not experience the feelings associated with traditional right and wrong; yet, they may possess a sense of ethics as well as a cognitive understanding of right and wrong. Asperger’s Syndrome does not completely remove a child’s awareness of correct and incorrect behavior; it does allow them to behave with a sense of socially acceptable morality if they are helped to do so.

All the best

Dave Angel

Welcome to this week’s blog post. It seems to be taking me forever to wade through the great information sent into me by parents as to what they want and need to know about all things Aspie for the new project; but I’ll get there! Here’s this weeks article:

Question

My son is now 13, he was diagnosed at the age of 8. All of a sudden he is acting out, cussing all the time, lying, etc. Are these years the hardest, or is this just the beginning? When he finally hits puberty, will things get better?

Answer

Yes, the teen years are the hardest, whether your son has Asperger’s Syndrome or not! I think he probably has “hit” puberty, but it’s just beginning. Raging hormones and frustration with social interactions at school can cause a lot of anger and bad behavior during the teen years. Many teens need counseling to negotiate this time in their lives successfully. Consider counseling for your son, starting now.

Your son is exhibiting rebellious behavior; i.e., inappropriate, and this type of behavior fulfills the child’s needs. Your son may have the need to:

• Avoid responsibility – Attending school, obeying parents
• Get something – His way in a decision, your attention, control over a situation
• Manage pain – Physical and/or emotional stress that must be alleviated
• Fulfill sensory needs – Relief from heat, cold, or to satisfy thirst

Your son is unlikely to identify with your feelings or comprehend others’ objections to his behaviour. The only explanation you should use with him is to specifically state that the objectionable behavior is not permitted. Your son needs to follow rules, and following rules can help to focus and modify his rebellious behavior.

Behavior modification is a therapeutic approach that can change your son’s behaviour. You need to determine the need that his rebellion/aggression fulfils and teach him an acceptable replacement behavior. For example, your son can be taught to ask for, point to, or show an emotion card to indicate the need that he is trying to fulfill. Sometimes, self-stimulating behaviours such as rocking or pacing are taught as replacement behaviours, but it will take time for your son to integrate these behaviours into his daily activities. If your son is severely out of control, he needs to be physically removed from the situation. Granted, this may be easier said than done, and you may need someone to help you; yet, behaviour modification can be helpful, and it must be started as soon as possible.

For children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome, the importance of maintaining a daily routine cannot be stressed enough. A daily routine produces behavioral stability and psychological comfort for Asperger’s children. Also, it lessens their need to make demands. When you establish a daily routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your son’s behaviour becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give him attention, he may have less need to show aggression to try to get that attention.

Ideally over time, your child will learn to recognize and communicate the causes of his aggression and get his needs met by using communication. Unfortunately, children who get their needs met due to aggression or violence are very likely to continue and escalate this oppositional behavior.

A behavior therapy program may help your son; however an individualized program has to be designed for your son because children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome vary greatly in their handicaps and/or family circumstances. Treatment approaches that work well with other diagnoses may not work with Asperger’s. Consult a psychiatrist who can oversee a treatment plan as well as any medication regimen that your son may be need.

All the best

Dave Angel