Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog. Last weeks discussion on Barack Obama seemed to cause upset and annoyance to some readers; whilst others seemed really happy to discuss the issues. It was a really mixed reaction - but I guess that’s politics for you!

Anyway moving on; I wanted to let you know that next week I’m planning to run a bit of a Pre-Xmas sale of my Aspergers, Autism and ADHD e-books. Because I know that times are getting hard for a lot of people and so I want to offer them at a discount for those who may be struggling. So look out of for that in an email next week. But on to this week’s article which is …

Question

How do I make my child understand the rules of board games like monopoly?  He wants to play it only his way and gets extremely angry if he has to pay a penalty.  He does not understand the sets of rules for different games and only wants to win with his own rules.

Answer

The child with Aspergers may get upset over game rules, sharing, or taking turns. This applies especially when following the rules means that sometimes the child with Aspergers loses the game!  Hence, your son’s insistence on playing with his own rules.  He does not understand that others want to win a game sometimes, too.  And, even if he does come to understand that, he may not care about their feelings enough to play the game appropriately.  While some children act as “the warden” or keeper of the rules, others find it hard to grasp the give and take of peer relationships, including following rules while playing games with others.

To help your son with this problem, target “fairness” strategies.  Step-by-step, teach causes and effects in feelings, behaviour, and consequences, along with how following rules and social/emotional reciprocity leads to positive rewards.  But of course that is much easier said than done!

Many children with autism spectrum disorders are more successful in structured situations.  Playing games on “neutral turf” in the community often provides the means for structuring activities.  For example, a play date at mini-golf has an inherent structure and it will be difficult for your son to change the rules, as other players can say, “Everyone has to follow the rules of the golf course.”  Pair him with a friend who understands his difficulty.  The friend may be able to help him accept the fact that rules are necessary.

If you son has trouble taking turns, plan some games that are based on just that!  For example, in Parcheesi, all players might be given “a point” when they take a turn when they are supposed to and don’t complain when others have a turn.  Write the points down in clear view of everyone.  At the end of the game, these points are added up.  For each 10 points earned, a small reward is given, such as an M&M, a penny, etc.  Everyone participates and everyone earns the reward – a bigger amount of reward is earned by the players who are most cooperative at taking turns.  Don’t take points away for misbehaviour or your son may not get any reward for the times he did behave appropriately!

In the card game War players choose a card, turn it over and the highest card takes both.  The person with the most cards at the end wins.  This can be a learning experience for your son.  Play with only cards 2 through 10 as the face cards may be confusing.  In this game, your son may win often enough to prevent him from becoming angry.  If not, explain to the players that as well as the highest card taking both, each player who accepts losing a card gracefully will earn a point.  Write the points down in clear view of everyone.  Give a reward for highest points at the end, as well as one to the winner of the most cards.

Chutes and Ladders is a good game for your son to play as it’s difficult to change the rules.  You roll the dice, move, and either climb the ladders or slide down the chutes.  Again offer points for gracious acceptance of sliding down a chute.  The winner at the end and the one with the most points both should receive a small reward.

Parcheesi is another good game that is simple, requires taking turns, and rolling the dice to determine moves.  There are no penalties involved to create frustration.

Many children with Aspergers enjoy computer or hand held, electronic games.  With a little research, you can find games that will interest your son.  Start with the simplest ones; ones at which he can easily be successful.  The penalties and rewards are built in.  He won’t be able to change them or the rules.  If he gets angry while playing, he’ll have to learn how to move beyond anger to win the game.  If he gets physically angry (hits the computer or throws the game, etc.), take it away, but let him try again in a few days.  Over time, he may accept the need for rules when playing.  If he plays for a period of time without anger, give him a lot of praise.  Since the games can be played at various levels and be restarted if he wishes, he has some control.  With these games, he is free to fail without having to deal with another person winning and “lording it over him” which kids often do.  Increase the complexity of the games as he matures.  Avoid violent games, though.

Thanks for reading and have a great day,

Dave Angel

PS – As part of my now regular weekly update on the new Aspergers website ; I just wanted to let you know that the site’s got a really cool feature that I’m working on. It allows you to read all the latest headlines and news topics from around the world related to Aspergers – on one simple web page. I love technology (when it actually works!) that brings new sources of information to people in such a simple and easy to use way. As ever keep watching this space!