PARENTING AUTISM & ASPERGER’S NEWSLETTER
VOLUME 30
April 2009

This is Dave Angel.  Welcome to the twenty-seventh edition  of “The Parenting Autism & Asperger’s Newsletter”

Inside this edition you will find:

1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger’s Syndrome and Crime

2. In the News – Cambridge offers place to rejected teen with Asperger’s Syndrome

3. Prominent People Linked with ASD – Richard Ewen Borcherds, British mathematician and Fields Medalist

Thanks

Dave

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1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger’s Syndrome and Crime

It has always been a hot topic for discussion whether there is a direct association between Asperger’s syndrome and violent crimes and offenses. Some media reports suggest that a person with Asperger’s Syndrome may be more likely to develop criminal behavior because of issues with social skills/communication. However, arguments from the other end of the spectrum disputes these findings, stating that people with Asperger’s Syndrome are more likely to be victims than offenders. And I have to say I am pretty much in favor of this end of the debate from personal experience.

Efforts to further increase the awareness of Asperger’s Syndrome is still needed to extend the understanding of this condition in order to recognize and avoid misconceptions and confusion. Awareness of this condition within criminal courts also has grown over the past few years and certain measures have been in effect in order to respond to the nature of Asperger’s syndrome. But it’s still a work in progress!

To read the full article, go to:  http://www.mugsy.org/connor111.htm

People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with it.

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2.  In the News – Cambridge offers place to teen with Asperger’s Syndrome

When Alex Goodenough, 17, applied to study at a local secondary school, his application for enrollment was refused due to his diagnosis. Hertfordshire and Essex High School and Science College rejected Alex initially because of he has Asperger’s Syndrome.

Alex, a self-taught and home schooled boy, used this experience as his motivation to excel in the math courses and physics modules he took at another regular school. His hard work and efforts were rewarded when he won a conditional offer to study Engineering at Trinity College, Cambridge.

Prior to his application to Hertfordshire, Alex was enrolled at another school where his mother also used to work.  There, Alex completed his first year of A-levels but planned to transfer to H&E which is near their Bishop’s Stratford home after his mother left her job.

The high school has offered a written apology for the unfair treatment of Alex “for a reason related to his disability”.

To read the full article, go to: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/20/aspergers-school-rejection-cambridge

People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with it.

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3. Prominent People Linked with ASD – Richard Ewen Borcherds, British mathematician and Fields Medalist

Richard Ewen Borcherds was born on November 29, 1959 in Cape Town.  He is a British mathematician who was honored with a Fields Medal in 1998. A Fields Medal is the highest honor for a mathematician to receive. It is awarded every four years and is said to be the “Nobel Prize” of Mathematics.

Borcherds, who grew up in Birmingham, was a top student of his class and has shown potential to be a great chess player. He graduated from Cambridge University and taught in Cambridge and University of California-Berkeley after getting his doctorate. Currently, he is a Mathematics professor in Berkely.

In an interview with The Guardian, Borcherds said that he considers the possibility of him having symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome.

To see the full text of the article go to:  http://simonsingh.net/Fields_Medallist.html

The person mentioned above may or may not have Asperger’s Syndrome.
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I hope this month’s newsletter has intrigued you and provided information new to you.

The next edition of the newsletter is due in May, 2009.

And as ever … please send in any inspirational stories that you know of, any questions that you would like our team of experts to answer, any topics that you wish to be discussed, and news stories that you want to share VIA THE BLOG.

We will publish as many as we can.

Until next month………

Best Wishes

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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My son self-mutilates and carries out other destructive behaviors and I just don’t know where to turn.

Children with autism, and sometimes those with Asperger’s Syndrome, may engage in self-injury, also known as self-harm. These actions result in physical injury to the child’s own body. Self-injury behavior includes …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=241.cfm

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How can I teach my 7 year old son about dangers (e.g. strangers, road crossings, and such like)?  He has no sense of danger.

This is not uncommon in children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Your son is so young that he may not comprehend the dangers you describe and warn him about.  Children with Asperger’s are not aware of the “social dance” that we all learn as children. We learn how to …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=240.cfm

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Gluten Free Graham Cracker Cut-Out Cookies

This is one of my all-time favorite recipes, and one you can share . . .

To read the full article and recipe go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=242.cfm

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Hi there – It’s Dave Angel with this week’s blog post.

I hope you’ve had chance to read Matthew Readman’s latest insight – because his writing provides just such a great and unique insight into the life of a child with Aspergers.

I am just SO thrilled that he’s going to be writing regularly for The Parenting Aspergers Community.

Anyway this week’s blog post follows below …

Question

My son is being home-schooled this year because of the bullying that went on in his public school class.  How can Asperger’s kids be helped with bullying or, even better, get it stopped in the first place?

Answer

Unfortunately, the majority of children with Asperger’s Syndrome experience bullying or victimization at school. There are many reasons for this, but mainly it is because children with Asperger’s stand out from typically developing students due to their problems in social situations.  Children who bully are socially savvy and are able to keep from getting caught, which makes bullying difficult to spot and stop.  Students with Aspergers have a low social IQ, so they either do not notice the bullying, retaliate, or get the blame for it shifted onto them!  It is the responsibility of adults, parents and teachers, to address this issue.

Your decision to homeschool your son is a wise one in this situation.  Be sure that he knows he must tell you right away when he is bullied.  Warn him against being aggressive or provoking the bully.  Help him practice being assertive and not showing fear.  Encourage your child to stick with friends at all times when he is away from home.  Also warn him against trying to appease the bully, for example, if the bully says he should steal something and then they’ll be friends, your son should be taught how to say no.

The myth of the “overprotective mother” in this case is bogus; parents and professionals must assume a “protective” role with Asperger’s children.  These children are extremely vulnerable and independence should be introduced gradually, in controlled, non-threatening situations.

Your next step is to see if anti-bullying laws exist in your country or state and get a copy of the law.  Your child’s rights are contained in these laws.  Many states have anti-bullying laws that should contain the following:

1)   The word “bullying” must be used in the bill/law/statutes and the law must mandate programs, using the word “shall.”   Some other words used are, “hate crimes” harassment, discrimination, or intimidation.

2)   The law must be an anti-bullying law, not a school safety law.  Anti-bullying laws discuss individual student rights and personal safety; not building safety.

3)   There must be definitions of bullying and harassment.  Any child can be a bullying victim and all children should be protected.

4)   There should be recommendations on how the policy will be implemented.  Log on to: www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html for more information.

5)   An effective law involves education specialists at all levels, i.e.; the State Superintendent of Education’s office, school district and school personnel, parents and students.

6)   Laws should include a date by which policies must be in effect.

7)   There must be consequences for reprisal, retaliation, or false accusations and procedures for reporting bullying anonymously.

8)   There must be school district protection against lawsuits.  Parents of bullies should know that they can be sued for their child’s behavior and school districts should know that they can be sued if they fail to comply with anti-bullying law.

Next, make an appointment with the school principal to see a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy.  The vast majority of schools have disciplinary policies to address this type of misconduct.  Explain what happened to your child and demand to know what steps are being taken so that your child can return to school without harassment.  If the school principal refuses to cooperate with you to get bullying in the school stopped, speak to the School Board, publicly stating what is happening.  You will get a response!  If you know of other bullying victims, get their parents to work with you.  If the school district still won’t cooperate, get a child advocate or attorney and take steps to see that they do.

Notify the police if your child is assaulted.  Get a restraining order so that a bully is required by law to have no contact with your child.  Take legal action.

That’s all for today (and watch out for this month’s newsletter later this week too)

Have a great day

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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My son self-mutilates and carries out other destructive behaviors and I just don’t know where to turn.

Children with autism, and sometimes those with Asperger’s Syndrome, may engage in self-injury, also known as self-harm. These actions result in physical injury to the child’s own body. Self-injury behavior includes …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=241.cfm

============================================================

How can I teach my 7 year old son about dangers (e.g. strangers, road crossings, and such like)?  He has no sense of danger.

This is not uncommon in children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Your son is so young that he may not comprehend the dangers you describe and warn him about.  Children with Asperger’s are not aware of the “social dance” that we all learn as children. We learn how to …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=240.cfm

============================================================

Gluten Free Graham Cracker Cut-Out Cookies

This is one of my all-time favorite recipes, and one you can share . . .

To read the full article and recipe go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=242.cfm

============================================================

Hi there – It’s Dave Angel with a quick update …

I am thrilled to announce another guest writer on The Parenting Aspergers Community and the very first employee!

I am sure many of you remember Matthew Readman for his previous writing from the perspective of a young person with Aspergers.

Well Matthew has kindly agreed to join me on the website as a professional writer, and submit a brand new article each month all about his experiences and topics related to Aspergers.

So that everyone gets a chance to read some more from Matthew I have added another great article from him right here on the blog below.

But don’t forget that to read more of Matthew’s work in the future you will need to be a member of The Parenting Aspergers Community at:

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Here’s Matthew’s article …

Have you ever wanted to know why a lot of kids with aspergers want to hide in their own fantasy worlds?  Here is an example why I do at times.

Its 3:00 pm on a Saturday afternoon and my younger brother Christopher gets a call from his friends to go over to their place to play.   As I watch from my window I can feel myself scream inside “can I play too?”  Already knowing the answer I close my curtains then shut my door. 

Hearing my parents downstairs, I do not feel like sharing my thoughts with them.  I sit on my bed and a thousand feelings go through my head.  Why can’t I have friends?  I am just as nice as my brother.   Life is not fair!   I did not ask to have aspergers.   

As I go through all these emotions, my mother knocks on the door and asks is everything okay?  I yell back I’m fine I just want to be left alone.  She leaves, but its true I want to be alone. 

I turn to the one thing I know that makes me happy my computer.  I play games like medieval conquest or Sims.  This is my world and I control it.  I can make everyone like me, I can control the environment and if anything goes wrong I can delete it or start again.  Its not the rules of the outside world its my rules!!

As my anger leaves because I am now living in my own world, my mom comes to my door and says I don’t wont you playing computer all day!  I yell back sarcastically FINE!!!!   I play for as long as I can because I know once I leave my world I have to open my door from my room and enter the world I can not control.  A world that you can’t hit delete or restart, a world where my aspergers has more control then me.                   

All I know is when I can enter my world is a time when I can truly be happy inside myself.

Matthew Readman.

Thanks again for that great insight Matthew.

Dave Angel

Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers question which looks at a particular behavioral issue.

Just before then a quick update as to what articles have been added to the Parenting Aspergers Community this week:

“My biggest challenge is trying to understand the way in which my child learns; can you help explain this to me?”

“What do I say to my son when he says that he hates himself and wants to kill himself?”

“I am struggling with my adult son with Asperger’s. How can I help him understand that not all friendly people are good choices for friends? He’s thousands of dollars in debt and has been in jail four times because of those who “befriended” him.”

To join The Parenting Aspergers Community and get full access to the library of resources, Aspergers videos, busy community forum, direct support from me and much more please go to …

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Here’s this week’s question:

Question

My son will strip off at times and swear – how can I stop these behaviors?

Answer

Because of an inability to control impulses, understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and empathize with others’ feelings, as well as experiencing nearly constant frustration in dealing with daily life, children with Asperger’s often behave inappropriately at home or in public.  Stripping off is particularly inappropriate and is something about which you must be direct and forceful.  Your son may refuse to accept that his behavior must change, in which case he will not respond to the suggestions that follow.  If so, counselling is appropriate.  You can use the techniques below for both stripping and swearing.

Sit down and have a talk with your son.  Establish firm rules for his behavior; let him know that stripping and swearing at home or in public are inappropriate and disrespectful of others.  Ask him why he does these things.  He may respond by saying that he gets frustrated or angry when certain situations occur.  If you can address the situations, you may be able to find ways for him to avoid them or handle them more appropriately.

Behavior modification techniques can be effective.  Make two firm rules.  “No stripping off.”  “No swearing. {List the swear words he is not to use.}”   Make a chart of the rules.  List a consequence for each day he strips off or swears.  Choose a consequence that deprives him, for one day, of something he loves to do, perhaps watch TV or use the computer.  List a reward for each day that he follows the two rules.  You might consider extra TV or computer time, money (don’t offer too much per day), or a special privilege after he goes for 7 days (they don’t have to be consecutive) without breaking the rules.  If this plan does not work, increase the consequences by depriving him for two days when he breaks the rules.

If your son does not respond to your attempts to teach him to stop these behaviors, I recommend immediate psychological counselling.   If he strips off in public, he could be arrested and jailed, which you want to avoid.  Besides helping him control these behaviors, a counselor will help him handle frustration and anger in ways that are appropriate for his age.

Thanks

Dave Angel

PS Don’t forget if you want to join The Parenting Aspergers Community and get full access to the library of resources, Aspergers videos, busy community forum, direct support from me and much more please go to

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog post.

Just a quick reminder that I’ve recently had a guest expert join the Parenting Aspergers Community and she’s going to be providing great gluten free recipes for members.

Her name is Jules Shepard and she’s a published author who has appeared on numerous radio and TV shows in America.

To get her great gluten-free Southern Cornbread recipe for free just head on over to  http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/233.cfm?sd=225

Happy cooking … and here’s this week’s article

Question

My 21 year old is staying out all night and not telling us where he has been.  I am worried as he is not really “street wise” and probably at big risk.

Answer

Those with Asperger’s have a lot of difficulty recognizing when someone is lying to them, using them for their own purposes, or befriending them in order to get them involved in inappropriate activities.  Many Asperger’s teens and adults are surprised that someone would even try to take advantage of them.  While they understand if something is true or false, they cannot understand why someone would use the truth to create lies, say one thing but mean something else, or believe something that is not true.

The slow or confused processing of emotions many Aspies experience can impede awareness of dangerous situations and stop rational thought.  The emotional warning signs that are meant to protect them from difficult or harmful situations may malfunction, or work so slowly that they lose effectiveness.   This means that Aspies are less prepared to defend themselves verbally or physically in an argument or conflict or say “No” to inappropriate activities.  Consequently, your son, even though he is an adult, may fall victim to exploitation or worse through no fault of his own.

Even though he is an adult, you must still try to protect your socially naïve son as he is not ready for the same amount of freedom as other adults.  Does he have a trustworthy friend or relative (a cousin, perhaps) who could help him by going out with him and keeping him out of trouble?

This person can try to help him understand that many people act friendly, but may want to get him involved in foolish or dangerous activities.  Also, this person could help him get involved in clubs or groups in which he will meet responsible friends.

Counselling is definitely called for in this situation.  You and a counsellor may be able to convince your son to tell you what is going on when he is outside the home.  Also, he needs to tell you when “friends” want him to do something wrong or dangerous.  Convince him that by doing so he is doing the right thing, obeying the law, and keeping himself and others safe.

It is probably a good idea to put your name on all his bank accounts so that both of you must agree before he can access his money.

Sit down with your son and have a long talk about what he shouldn’t do when he is with friends, including inappropriate sexual activity, criminal activity, take drugs, drink, drive after drinking, and so forth.  Make it very clear to him the negative consequences of doing each of these things, in very specific terms.  Make it clear that he must not engage in these activities even to gain the friendship of others.

One of the good things for young people with Aspergers in this situation is that they can be very “black and white” in sticking to rules. So if you can emphasise some of the laws around certain behaviors e.g. petty crime, certain sexual behaviours, use of alcohol/drugs etc. you have a much better chance of compliance than with non-Aspie teens. In such situations quite rigid thinking can be a good thing if it helps to keep your son on the “straight and narrow”.

You should also consider the possibility of a group home or assisted living situation for your son to help him learn to become independent and act responsibly.

That’s all for th is week and don’t forget that free cornbread recipe at http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/233.cfm?sd=225

Take care

Dave Angel

Hello and welcome to this week’s Aspergers article, but before I get started I owe you a quick apology.

Over the past few weeks I have posted several articles that have already featured on the blog in the past, by mistake. Thanks to several readers of the blog for letting me know this; as I hadn’t realized.

As you can imagine I have so many articles written on my pc, and had been taking the articles from a folder that had some pre-written articles in it. Unfortunately they were old ones I’d already used!

Again apologies for this and I assure you that this week’s is a brand new article.

Talking of articles … over the past few couple of weeks just some of the new articles posted on The Parenting Aspergers Community include …

I need skills to help my daughter understand time and the need to be ready at a specific time, e.g. leaving the house to get to school on time. We’ve got a visual timetable with photos, but it doesn’t work at home even though she will follow one at school.

The most difficult thing is controlling the behaviors without overmedicating him. I feel he would be better served with less medication, but his behaviors escalate without them. Where can I get help?

My son lacks organization and working memory; what can be done?

I need skills to help my daughter understand time and the need to be ready at a specific time, e.g. leaving the house to get to school on time. We’ve got a visual timetable with photos, but it doesn’t work at home even though she will follow one at school.

Is there a way that I can find out what other treatments/therapies parents have tried and what they have found as a result?

So if you are stilling wanting to join The Parenting Aspergers Community you can do so by going to the following web page:

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Ok this week’s blog article is below …

Question

As he gets older, he doesn’t want to go to school as it is boring and he wants to play video games or computer all day every day if allowed.  Is this normal?

Answer

Yes, unfortunately this behavior can be quite normal for children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  It is also quite normal for children without Asperger’s to behave this way, especially around the ages of 12-14.  Kids want to stay home and play!  Keep in mind that your son with Asperger’s is three or four years behind others his age in maturity.  So, if he is acting this way, it may be because he is emotionally only 12 or 13 years old.  Most parents have to deal with this issue at one time or another.  Obviously, you cannot allow him to avoid school.

The fact that he says its boring may only be a cover-up for the fact that he is having difficulty in school.  Your first step is to meet with your son’s teacher(s) and find out how he is doing.  Tell them what he has said about school and ask them for suggestions on how to help him.  He may need counselling or academic interventions if he is doing poorly.  Or, if he is not being challenged enough (in other words, he really is bored), perhaps the teacher can modify his work to be more interesting.  Ask if it would be possible to gear his work to his favourite topics or obsessions.  Find out if he could use the computer when he finishes his regular schoolwork or use the computer to complete his regular work.  That may motivate him.

Also, while you are at school, find out if your son has any friends.  If he doesn’t, or is being bullied, that may be why he doesn’t want to attend.  Work with the teacher to find solutions to these problems if they exist.  Children who have friends are much more willing to attend school.

At home, sit down with your son and explain to him that school attendance is required by law and if he doesn’t attend, he could get into trouble.  Make it clear to him that if he does not attend school (for any reason), he will not be allowed to use the computer or play video games (or watch TV).  He must understand that school comes first and that other activities are rewards for doing well in school.  Make it very clear that if he refuses to go to school, the video games and computer will be removed from your home.  Be sure to carry out this threat if he drops out of school.

If your son has a goal in life, find out what it is.  A school counselor might help him think about future goals if he is unsure at this time what kind of work he wants to do as an adult.  Then, find someone who works in the area in which he is interested and have that person explain to your son how much education he will need to reach his goal.  That may help him understand why school is so important, even if it gets a bit boring at times.

If the problem continues after you do the above, find a counselor and make sure he gets help.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

PS – Just a reminder; did you get the free “travelling with ASD kids” booklet yet at http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/228.cfm