Hi there and welcome to this Tuesday’s Aspergers blog post.

Just another quick reminder that the special offer for getting your free copy of “Surviving the Summer Holidays” ebook runs out in less than 24 hours.

So if you are interested in taking advantage of this offer please go to …
http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/267.cfm NOW!

Anyway here’s this week’s article:

Question

How do I help my 12 year old son to come to terms with his diagnosis and help him to understand that it is not the end of the world?

Answer

So many times in life, we focus on the negative.  It’s raining, getting up early, taking a test, and spilling a glass of milk are things that happen all the time.  None of these are true negatives, but our perspective makes them worse than reality.  You can turn each of these examples into a positive with a shift of thinking:  thick green grass, seeing the sun rise, showing off skills, and a floor that needed a good mopping anyway are all positive outcomes to the same situations.

Asperger’s Syndrome is definitely not the worst thing in the world.  There are many positive qualities to be found in a child with Asperger’s.  They’re smart, so knowledgeable, and have an amazing memory.   Children with Asperger’s have an intense sense of right and wrong and desire to follow the rules.  In the same sense, they are extremely honest.  And although they may have problems focusing on things like reading, spelling, or chores, they have an incredible ability to focus on a subject of interest until they know all there is to know about that subject.

Sit down with your son and make a list of his positive qualities.  I’ve probably listed several here to get you started.   Keep in mind that he may attempt to phrase something as a negative.  Help him see the positive in as many qualities as possible.  His list may look like this:

* Very intelligent
* Remembers everyone’s birthday and phone number
* Can talk about fun things that happened when he was 3 years old
* Almost never breaks the rules
* Almost always tells the truth
* Knows everything there is to know about ___________________(special interest)
* Tries to make sure everyone else follows the rules
Talk to your son about any weaknesses he specifically brings up.  Remind him that none of us are perfect.  We all have weaknesses, but we also have the ability to seek help to control those weaknesses.  Explain to him that the extra help and therapies he receives at school are to help him gain more control over his weaknesses.

Share a few printed resources with your son.  He is old enough to read books and magazines written by and for kids his age.  “Jay Grows an Alien” by Caroline Levine is a good example.  This novel is written for the child with Asperger’s, as well as his peers and shows kids that all of us have differences and are unique and special in our own way.

Finally, let your son know that he is the person he was intended to be and that he is loved just the way he is.  He has Asperger’s Syndrome, but he is not Asperger’s Syndrome.  He is an intelligent, unique, and special twelve year old boy.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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Why is my son’s world always so “black and white?” He is ALWAYS RIGHT!

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome have a particular way of viewing the world. Children with Asperger’s typically have a lack of understanding of the different levels of social interaction. They lack social imagination, and they tend to have some sort of difficulty with communication. These three traits lead to …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/280.cfm

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My Brain by Matthew Readman

Many people, who do not understand me, always ask how my brain works.  When I was 6, I had an assessment done because I acted differently.  The psychologist used all these terms to describe me, but eventually she came out with, I had Aspergers Syndrome.  She told my parents that I was very bright but when it came to social, my score was below average.  I rock while sitting, I see things black and white, and I am a visual person. How do I see my brain?  I have …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/279.cfm

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Living with Aspergers

This is an excellent video set in the UK at City College in Norwich. It features students with Aspergers as well as their lecturers and learning support assistants. Several students give their experiences of college. This is followed by a lecturer and learning support assistant giving feedback on their students. The main feature of the video is the “rug room” which is an amazing space to help students to cope better with college and was designed by a young person with Aspergers. It features PlayStations, computers, color changing booths (which you can set to match mood), seating arrangements to facilitate social interaction and much more. At the end several students elaborated on the question “What do you find difficult at college” which was very enlightening. This is a high quality video with some great insight into what all colleges/schools should be aiming for with pupils who have Aspergers. Running Time 5 Minutes 17 Seconds . . .

To watch this video go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/278.cfm

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Hi there and welcome to this week’s Parenting Aspergers blog article.

Just to update you I have now completed my new ebook “Surviving the Summer Holidays” – at the moment only members of The Parenting Aspergers Community have access to it (which is just one of the benefits of membership at www.ParentingAspergersCommunity.com) …

But don’t worry because I am going to sending out an email in the next few days to everyone about getting a copy too – so look out for that email.

Anyway here’s this week’s article …

Question

It is frustrating not being able to change or modify behaviors such as diet, social skills, and motivation.  Are there any new techniques you could recommend?

Answer

Most children with Asperger’s Syndrome struggle with social skills, communication, and a limited diet.  The causes of these struggles: social, communication, and behavioral problems, along with sensory issues, can create the desire for isolation and a lack of motivation.  Children with Asperger’s easily drop into a lonely state of depression, making the original problems that much worse.

Behavior modification is the most popular area of concentration when treating kids with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Social skills therapy and living skills therapy are widely available and do bring about effective progress in most cases.  However, you are looking for something new to try.

Motivation is the key to improving your child’s circumstances.  Actually, motivation is a factor anytime you are seeking to modify any child’s unwanted behaviors.  Now motivation in itself is definitely an old concept, but using motivation in a new way will create the wanted result for your child.

Old Motivation

As parents, we often use set motivators to achieve the behavior we feel is appropriate.  The concentration has been placed on the behavior, which sets a negative tone to the process of change.  You can’t blame a child for reacting negatively to a negative tone.

*    Punishment-“If you don’t do ______, then you will get ______!”   We all use this at one time or another and over the course of time, it has proven to be an ineffective motivator.
*    Rewards or bribery- “If you do ______ today, I’ll buy you a ______.”  We’re guilty of this one, too.  This probably creates more confusion and greed than motivation over time.

New Motivation

Motivators should be positive.  It feels good to see your child happily learning or cooperating in desired behaviors.  Motivators that appeal to the individual child should be used for maximum results.  Motivation is definitely personal.  What motivates one child will not work for every child.

*    Special Interests-Using your child’s special interests both at home and at school can generate positive responses in all situations.  For example, your child’s love of trains can be used to encourage eating at home.  Train themed dinnerware or even themed foods may be used to entice the reluctant eater.

*    Routines-Keeping your child’s routines constant will improve his outlook.  He’ll know what to expect at any given time, lessening the stress he feels.

Finally, “The Motivation Breakthrough” by Richard Lavoie is the perfect resource for someone looking for new techniques to motivate their child with Asperger’s Syndrome.  The author provides proven, effective tools and strategies parents and teachers can use to encourage any child to learn and achieve success.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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Food is a big problem diet has reduced to very few items he will eat survives on toast, bread, rolls, milk, scotch finger biscuits, Smiths original crinkle cut crisps. Smells are also a big problem and younger brother copies his older brother. What can I do?

Food issues can be a serious concern for children with Asperger’s Syndrome. Most of the food issues stem from sensory integrations issues the children may have. Typically, children with Asperger’s will want to eat foods that are the same color, or the same texture. Foods that have strong smells will be avoided. Children with Asperger’s have a tough time with …To read the full article go to: -

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/275.cfm
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We are trying to know how high to set the bar or what kinds of expectations we should help set for our 16 year old son.  He seems so capable sometimes and so clueless/lost at other times.  Any advice?

Teenagers are often a puzzle. One minute they seem totally clueless and other times they come across as sharp as a tack. There is definitely an age factor at play. Kids in the mid-teen years conveniently bounce between being a child and becoming an adult as the need arises. Not purposely, of course, they are just trying to find their place in life. Asperger’s Syndrome does not change this reality. Due to the additional struggles that Asperger’s brings with it, the teen years can be extremely difficult. This is a time of …To read the full article go to: -

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/276.cfm
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My son is 14.  Due to his physically violent outbursts towards me and his younger brother with Asperger’s, he now attends residential school during the week.  Weekends are so unpredictable with his behavior.  He is very verbally abusive towards me, calling me all sorts of horrible names, and then the following weekend he will present me with chocolates and tell me I am the best mum in the world.  I try to ignore all the bad behavior and praise the good.  We try to make weekends well structured and centered on my eldest son, but he still seems to treat the house terribly.  What can I do to change his way of thinking?  He does tend to box things.  School says he is the model student.  He has been at this school for a month.  The other two secondary schools he was excluded from due to his behavior.  How can I change the behavior?

Having a child with Asperger’s affects the whole family. As parents, you see the special strengths, as well as the individual weaknesses of your Asperger’s child. You work to get this child the help he needs to be successful at home, at school, and in life. This child takes a lot of time and work on your part, but he’s worth every minute of the time you spend now. Your hope is that, in the future, he’ll …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/274.cfm
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Hi there – Just a quick blog post today. Our resident writer and some time poet Matthew Readman has written a poem about his dad that he wants to share and dedicate to all the dad’s out there today. Here’s what he has to say …

On this special day I would like to take a moment and thank my dad for all he’s done for me.  I know I talk to mom more, but I want to let you know how important you are to me. Here’s my poem …

I know sometimes it’s hard for me to tell you how I feel
But today I will let you know and that my feelings are for real
I know when times are tough and mom cries within
You hold are family together with your love and wisdom

I remember when you taught me how to ride a bike
You said you wouldn’t let go, and you held on so tight
You never break your promise, and you always keep your word
Dad you always shown me that family comes first

I know you try to show me that a man should never lie
You also have shown me that a man’s allowed to cry
Those few little words you say which takes away my blues
Is when you say to me, Matt I’m so proud of you

I know it’s hard to have a son with so many difficulties
A son who hides and at times can’t stand reality
But Dad I love you so much and my words may be few
Dad you are my idol and I want to be just like you

Have a great day,

Dave Angel

Hi,

This is Dave Angel.  Welcome to the thirty-second edition  
of “The Parenting Autism & Asperger’s Newsletter”

Inside this edition you will find:

1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger’s Syndrome and Video Games: Can It Be Helpful or Dangerous?

2. In the News – Wales Schools failing to support children with Aspergers’s and Autism

3. Prominent People Linked with ASD – Bill Gates, Chairman of Microsoft Corporation

Thanks

Dave
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1. Hot Topic of Discussion – Asperger’s Syndrome and Video Games: Can It Be Helpful or Dangerous?

With all of the recent technological advancements, video gaming has become one of the latest tools that children with Asperger’s Syndrome turn to for social skills experimentation and entertainment. Researchers have shown that children with Asperger’s can make use of video gaming as a way to educate themselves about relationships and to expose them to different kinds of people. There are several video games that have been developed to cater to individuals with Asperger’s, teaching life skills and social networking.

However, although there have been significant studies that support video gaming in children with Asperger’s, several experts doubt the effectiveness of this tool. Experts argue that video gaming may result to over-dependence on the internet by children. They say that the things children learn from video games are never applied in real life. Video games also increase the child’s inclination to be isolated since their social exposure to real people is very limited. Concerns have also been raised regarding inappropriate communication skills over the internet and the risk for internet predators and other criminals. Experts weigh in that vulnerability of children with asperger’s will make them defenseless against internet harassments and other criminal offenses.

It is recommended for parents with children who have asperger’s to create a balance between the time spent in the internet or video gaming and in developing social skills in real life. Video gaming can be helpful to children with asperger’s as long as they limit its use to entertainment and a bit of social interaction. However, video gaming is not paramount to social interactions and life skills learned from the real world.
To read the full article, go to:  http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/video-games.html

People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with it.

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2.  In the News – Wales schools failing to support children with Aspergers’s and Autism.

A report by the Welsh Assembly’s Cross-Party Autism Group shows that a great percentage of schools in Wales are lacking sufficient services to children who have Asperger’s syndrome and Autism. According to parents, the quality and availability of education for children who have autism or Asperger’s syndrome have children feeling excluded from the mainstream educational setting. Even individuals over 16 years with autism or asperger’s who want to pursue further education, fails to benefit from the services they need. This is because unlike in other learning disabilities, schools fall short on providing specialists for children with autism.

The National Autistic Society believes that there is a need for advanced specialist training for teachers to help transition children to further education. Also, schools need to be knowledgeable and aware of the conditions of autism and asperger’s to cater to the needs of children who want to excel in schools or universities.  

To read the full article, go to: http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/2009/05/21/many-schools-failing-to-support-autistic-children-91466-23675871/

People mentioned as having Asperger’s Syndrome may or may not have actually have been diagnosed with it.

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3. Prominent People Linked with ASD – Bill Gates, Chairman of Microsoft Corporation

William Gates, born Oct. 28, 1955 in Seattle, is the co-founder of the Microsoft Corporation, the pioneer in personal computer innovation. Bill Gates studied in Harvard University in 1973 but dropped out during his junior year to start the Microsoft Corporation with his friend, Paul Allen. To date, Microsoft Corporation is the largest computer software company in the world. Bill Gates is believed to have Asperger’s Syndrome.

Gates is married to Melinda French with whom he has 3 children: Jennifer, Rory and Phoebe. Bill Gates is also known as a philanthropist. Together, Bill and Melinda founded The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to support organizations working on global health.

Bill Gates has also published two books- The Road Ahead and Business @ the Speed of Thought.
To see the full text of the article go to:  http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/exec/billg/bio.mspx

The person mentioned above may or may not have Asperger’s Syndrome.
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I hope this month’s newsletter has intrigued you and provided information new to you.

The next edition of the newsletter is due in July, 2009.      
And as ever … please send in any inspirational stories that you know of, any questions that you would like our team of experts to answer, any topics that you wish to be discussed, and news stories that you want to share VIA THE BLOG.

We will publish as many as we can.

Until next month………

Best Wishes

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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Is it possible to help my son improve his organizational skills?

Thanks to the treatment and management advances made in the area of Asperger’s Syndrome, children with Asperger’s Syndrome can expect to live successful, productive lives. Medications, therapies, and school support are proving to add confidence and skills in the lives of these children. It is common for a child with Asperger’s to have problems with organization. These skills normally begin to develop at a very young age. The simple act of sorting beads by color is a beginning organizational skill. As the child grows, these skills begin to advance. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome do not make these advances. However, this doesn’t mean they cannot learn. This just means that you’ll have to …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/269.cfm

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My son has problems in school. The other students know how to upset him, what can I do to help him?

The parent-teacher relationship is always important, but is even more so when Asperger’s Syndrome is involved. Communication is essential since you cannot always rely on your child to convey the day’s happenings. Address any problems in a timely manner to avoid damage to your child’s self-esteem. He is already a high risk for …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/270.cfm
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Public school versus Janus school. Which is the better choice?

Asperger’s Syndrome can be complicated when it comes to education. The combination of high intelligence and language/communication weaknesses, along with social skills struggles, present a need for an educational balancing act. How do you create an individualized program for a child who has above average intelligence while lacking the skills to follow multi-step directions? …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/271.cfm
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Also the following 10 Special Reports and Ebooks have just been added to The Parenting Aspergers Community …

Aspergers Answer Revealed

Emotional Freedom Therapy and Aspergers

Grandparents Top Tips for a Child with Aspergers Syndrome

An interview with a Speech-Language Pathologist

The Best of ASD Parenting Tips

The Parenting Autism Resource Guide

An interview with Donna Williams

Real Life Autism Tips, Techniques and Stories

Ten ways to Cope when Caring for someone with Autism

Autism Resource Sheets for Working with Autism
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Hello there and welcome to this week’s blog.

Thanks to all of you who have been submitting tips for helping your child in the summer holidays.

If you have a tip and haven’t yet added it to the blog you can still do so at http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/do-you-have-any-good-summer-holiday-tips/

And I’m working hard on the “Surviving Summer Holidays” ebook so I hope it will be all ready in a week or two.

Here’s this week’s blog post …

Question

How should I deal with my son’s emotional outbursts?

Answer

Emotional outbursts are very common in children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Also referred to as rages or meltdowns, these events can be frightening for the child and everyone present.  Children of all ages (and even adults) with Asperger’s must take precautions to help prevent reaching the stage of losing complete control.  There are several Asperger’s characteristics that can cause these emotional outbursts.

To help your son control these emotional outbursts you’ll have to discover the reasons behind the outbursts.  The answer will depend upon the cause or causes.

Possible Causes

*   Social issues.  Children with Asperger’s have problems with social communication and situations.  Being in a social situation can be extremely uncomfortable and can lead to an emotional breakdown.

*   Sensory issues.  Hyposensitivity and hypersensitivity to light, sound, touch, smell, and visual activities can quickly become overwhelming, sending the child with Asperger’s spiraling out of control.

*    Emotional awareness.  Children with Asperger’s do not always understand their own emotions or feelings about people, things, and situations.

There are a few things you can try that may help with your son’s emotional outbursts.  You will want to contact your son’s physician to discuss the use of medication therapy or counseling and to check his general health.

Management Options

*   Behavior modification.  Help your son pinpoint any stressors that cause outbursts.
1. Adapt the use of redirection to avoid an outburst.
2. Create a safe zone that is a calming place to relax and regain control.
3. Use rewards to encourage self-control.

*   Family and individual counseling.  Counseling can help you understand the feelings your son is struggling with and can give you the knowledge you need to develop a plan for him.  Counseling can help your son understand why he loses control which can lead to better control and prevention.

*   Medication.  Your son may need help with anxiety and depression or other emotional issues that can be improved with the appropriate medicines.

There are books available that will increase your understanding on the issues your son experiences on a daily basis.  “Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns – Revised and Expanded Edition” by Brenda Smith Myles & Jack Southwick is a great resource for you to utilize.  This book offers solutions and practical advice for home and for school and helps the child with Asperger’s, as well as those around him.

Educating yourself on the causes and treatments for these extreme emotions will benefit both you and your son.

Have a Great Week

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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Is it possible to help my son improve his organizational skills?

Thanks to the treatment and management advances made in the area of Asperger’s Syndrome, children with Asperger’s Syndrome can expect to live successful, productive lives. Medications, therapies, and school support are proving to add confidence and skills in the lives of these children. It is common for a child with Asperger’s to have problems with organization. These skills normally begin to develop at a very young age. The simple act of sorting beads by color is a beginning organizational skill. As the child grows, these skills begin to advance. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome do not make these advances. However, this doesn’t mean they cannot learn. This just means that you’ll have to …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/269.cfm

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My son has problems in school. The other students know how to upset him, what can I do to help him?

The parent-teacher relationship is always important, but is even more so when Asperger’s Syndrome is involved. Communication is essential since you cannot always rely on your child to convey the day’s happenings. Address any problems in a timely manner to avoid damage to your child’s self-esteem. He is already a high risk for …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/270.cfm
============================================================
Public school versus Janus school. Which is the better choice?

Asperger’s Syndrome can be complicated when it comes to education. The combination of high intelligence and language/communication weaknesses, along with social skills struggles, present a need for an educational balancing act. How do you create an individualized program for a child who has above average intelligence while lacking the skills to follow multi-step directions? …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/271.cfm
============================================================

Also the following 10 Special Reports and Ebooks have just been added to The Parenting Aspergers Community …

Aspergers Answer Revealed

Emotional Freedom Therapy and Aspergers

Grandparents Top Tips for a Child with Aspergers Syndrome

An interview with a Speech-Language Pathologist

The Best of ASD Parenting Tips

The Parenting Autism Resource Guide

An interview with Donna Williams

Real Life Autism Tips, Techniques and Stories

Ten ways to Cope when Caring for someone with Autism

Autism Resource Sheets for Working with Autism
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Hi there – Just had a quick thought whilst I am writing the new “Summer Holiday Survival Guide” …

It would be great to also add some tips and strategies from other parents too.

So if you’ve get any great ideas or tips for surviving the holidays please leave them in the comments section on the blog and I’ll put them together and add them into the new ebook.

Thanks in anticipation

Dave Angel

Hi there – Just a quick update to let you know that I have been swamped with questions to write for the summer holidays project.

So a huge thanks to all those who have submitted a question … I’ll try to get to as many as possible.

And please do not send any more questions in at this time as I have MORE than enough to be going on with!

Just a few sample questions that I will be answering are …

How can I get him to do things besides computer and video games? He just does not want to go out and do things!

How do I get my child to understand how to approach other children on the playground? He tends to be aggressive when  meeting anyone new.

How do you keep siblings from killing each other during summer vacation?

How do I get our son to interact more with the family during the holidays.

How do you settle a child into a new environment when you go away for a holiday?

What kind of activities are the best to put your child into?  If I ask him about a sport or subject, he says no.

How do you deal with kids who will play with your child when they are the only ones around but will dump your kid as soon as another kid arrives?

My son doesn’t have friends at home- how do I keep him from being so isolated during the summer?

How close to the school routine is it important to stay with during these months or do you start a different routine during these months?

… And a whole lot more too!

Thanks again for your support and I’ll try to get this ebook completed in the next few weeks (if anyone can post a comment on the blog when school holidays start in the USA and Australia I would appreciate it; as I am not sure being a Brit!)

Thanks

Dave Angel

Hi and welcome to this week’s blog post …

Before I get into it I want to talk briefly about the summer holidays.

I know that the long holidays can be a very difficult time for many parents so I am wanting to offer some help …

In the next day or so I am going to put out a quick online survey where you can ask me your most important question about the upcoming summer holidays.

And I’ll answer as many of them as I can in my brand new ebook.

So look out for that email in the next 24-48 hours …

Here’s the blog post …

Question

How to explain abstract concepts of friendship and love

Answer

Talking about abstract concepts with a child with Asperger’s Syndrome can be challenging. Typically, children with Asperger’s have a very difficult time understanding abstract concepts, especially those that have to do with social interactions. When you talk to you child with Asperger’s about friendship and love, understand that this will not be something he can grasp overnight.

A great deal of the conversation depends on the age of your child. Young children, especially elementary age children, will likely be talked to about friendship many times. Keep the conversations as concrete as you can, using specific examples. If you son has a good friend, talk to him about what sorts of things he can do to nurture that friendship. He can invite his friend over for play dates. He can share his toys. He can talk to him, especially when his friend wants to talk. He can be a good listener. Using specific examples, you can explain to your son, over time, what friends do for each other, and what friendship means. Helping him understand this will enable him to better create and nurture friendships when he gets older.

When your child is young, you will want to introduce the concept of love to him. Explain that love is a feeling, and talk to him about times when he might feel that feeling. He loves his mother and father. He loves his siblings. He loves his pets. Helping him to identify that feeling will help him understand the emotion. You can also talk to him about how he treats people he loves. Give him concrete examples of ways he can act and things he can do to nurture a loving relationship. This might include holding hands or hugging, or a kiss good night.

As your child gets older, you will need to continue to talk with him about the changing nature of his feelings and the nature of his relationships. He may have feelings for girls that he has trouble identifying. Talk to him about those feelings and help him give them names. You will need to talk about the varying degrees of love, such as the love he might feel for a good friend and the crush he might have on a girl in his class. Discuss appropriate ways to act on those feelings.

It’s important to help your son identify his own feelings and give them names. He will then need to talk about the appropriate ways to act when he has those feelings. A good reference for parents is a book entitled “Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults” by Zosia Zaks In this book, the author writes about concrete ways to deal with challenges that come up in daily life, about friendship and love. Ms. Zaks writes for autistic adults and stresses the relationship between self-esteem and independence. This would be a great book to have your older child or adult child with Asperger’s read. This would give you a common language to talk through some of these issues.

Take Care

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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I have an issue with your Asperger’s tips, they are all geared to boys and the girls present very different symptoms in a lot of areas, especially at school. My 12 yr old tries to participate and when the teacher responds negatively or worse with sarcasm, she either gets really upset or shuts down. She tries to interact socially, but ‘trips over her own tongue’ and will say things to really upset her peers. Can you help?

Boys and girls do present Asperger’s symptoms differently, and have a different rate of diagnosis. According to the Asperger’s Foundation (www.aspergersfoundation.org.uk), Asperger’s is diagnosed in four boys to every one girl. It is thought that Asperger’s affects children at a rate of ten boys to one girl. Consequently, when discussing Asperger’s syndrome, more often information is geared toward boys than girls. Girls tend to present Asperger’s symptoms differently. Girls with Asperger’s tend to do better socially than boys with Asperger’s. In your daughter’s case, it seems she has trouble …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/263.cfm

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My child with Asperger’s seems to be developing anorexia. What should I do?

Anorexia is a complicated illness. It is an eating disorder where a person controls the amount and type of food she eats and creates a situation where she is starving herself. Typically, people who suffer from anorexia are grossly underweight, and yet continue to perceive themselves as fat. An anorexic might …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/264.cfm

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How do I help other people in the world understand my son’s behaviors?
Here is a brief description of Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s is a developmental disorder that affects a child’s ability to socialize and communicate effectively. Children with Asperger’s syndrome typically are …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/262.cfm
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Hi there and welcome to this week’s blog post ….

Question

I need to help my child deal with friends and rejection of friends.  I want to be able to help my son fit in with his peers.

Answer

Everybody wants friends.  Friendships are what make us who we are developmentally, emotionally, and intellectually.  It starts when we’re babies.  Parents sit mesmerized, waiting for the baby to make eye contact, smile, and coo.  It’s the beginning of real, social connection.  From that moment, life is all about friends.

As little children, we spend most of our time trying to make and keep friends.  The early years of school continue to focus primarily on friendships, emphasizing socialization over academics.  Yet, children with Asperger’s Syndrome have genuine struggles making friends and keeping them.  This sets the stage for most of the obvious problems related to Asperger’s.

Your son should know that you are an available support for him when things happen that are beyond his control.  Asperger’s kids need structured, step-by-step guidelines to help them in sticky situations.  You can set up a plan for him to use when dealing with his friends and peers.

Use your son’s specific friendships to draw out your guidelines.  If he has a friend who is happy to play, but acts differently when others are around, he needs a plan of action on how to handle the situation.  This can be pretty typical behavior for kids when they fall into social cliques.  Help him make a list of “if-then” actions.

• If my friend is happy to play, then we’ll play together on the swings.

• If my friend calls me names in front of other kids, then I will play with someone else or tell my teacher.

• If my friend acts like he doesn’t know me, then I will tell him I don’t like how he is treating me.

Another example could be time on the playground.  Lay out the guidelines of acceptable behavior on the playground.  Give him examples of problems that may arise and write out guidelines on how to deal with these issues.  With practice your son will be able to replay his guidelines in his mind and put them into action.

• If a kid bullies you on the playground, tell the teacher as soon as possible.

• If a teacher doesn’t help you with a bully on the playground, tell another adult you trust as soon as you can.

• If the kids try to skip your turn on the slide, calmly tell them it is your turn. 

Rejection is tough for all of us.  There will be times when your son will be rejected.  It may be that his Asperger’s has nothing to do with the rejection. You can still have guidelines for dealing with rejection.  He should know what appropriate behavior is for a person who has been rejected.  Reassure him that this is normal and that everyone suffers from rejection at some point in life.

A book that may help your situation is “The Friendship Factor:  Helping Our Children Navigate Their Social World and Why It Matters for Their Success and Happiness” by Kenneth Rubin, Ph.D. and Andrea Thompson. 

This book will help you understand the importance of friendships in relation to all areas of development.  You can learn more about it at  http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?AFID=559699&u=www.asperger.net/bookstore_F112.htm

It will give you specific strategies you can use to help navigate the waters of friendship with your Asperger’s child.

Have a great day

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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I live in the USA and would love to find out about financial support and how to apply for it.

It’s difficult to advise you without knowing in which state you live. Please be aware that parents of Asperger’s children often have difficulty getting financial support as Asperger’s is often not recognized as a serious disability. It’s very unlikely that you will be able to get full financial support. However, there are some resources I can recommend …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/260.cfm
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My son will strip off at times and swear — how can I stop these behaviors?

Because of an inability to control impulses, understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and empathize with others’ feelings, as well as experiencing nearly constant frustration in dealing with daily life, children with Asperger’s often behave inappropriately at home or in public. Stripping off is particularly inappropriate and is something about which you must be direct and forceful. Your son may …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/259.cfm
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My son is still soiling himself. He wants to continue to play or do school work, and avoid pooping in the toilet or wiping himself until clean because it “takes too long.” What can I do?

I am assuming that your son is between the ages of 3 and 10. It is not at all unusual for children of this age, especially boys, to act this way, whether they have Asperger’s or not! In many schools this is a fairly common problem. Children will often …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/258.cfm
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