Question

How do you deal with the negative behaviors of Asperger’s  (e.g. temper tantrums and having no empathy for other family members) on a daily basis?

Answer

For families living with Asperger’s, negative behaviors can seem to dominate the atmosphere, leaving an air of contention over the entire household.  The tantrums, rigidity and lack of social communication skills can do real damage to family relationships.  It helps to remember that these behaviors are a direct result of some type of difficulty your child is facing and struggling to overcome.  Examples of this may be times of transition, like changing from play time to homework time, or outside interferences interrupting his special interest time.  Dealing with these negative behaviors with punishment almost always seems to make matters worse.  The child feels attacked for trying to communicate in the best way he knows how.

For weary parents of children with Asperger’s, negative behaviors can seem too routine and too overwhelming to correct.  It can be done by creating a plan.  Parents must first identify each negative behavior and its cause.  Each family member can contribute to this step, which should be done without the child’s knowledge.  No one wants to see and hear a list of his worst attributes.  However, the negative has to be identified before it can be conquered.  Here are some additional suggestions to help complete this process.

• Rate each negative behavior to decide what needs immediate attention.  List the behaviors, the causes, the desired behaviors, and the supports needed for each problem behavior you hope to correct.  Once you have a complete list, you can start working on each behavior one at a time.

• Use rewards to reinforce positive changes and behaviors.  Special treats like candy and stickers make good rewards for young children.  Older children work well when they earn points they can save up for big rewards.

• Remind family members to offer the suggested support instead of a negative reaction.  The repetitive nature will help reinforce the desired behavior.

• When negative behaviors crop up, remain calm.  Suggest a time out for everyone if tempers flare.  This is not a punishment, but a chance to regain composure and calm attitudes.

When dealing with Asperger’s negative behaviors, remember to recognize your child’s feelings.  Most negative behaviors stem from frustration due to a lack of communication skills.  As your child matures, this ability should mature with him, naturally reducing his negative behaviors.  If you fail to see improvement once you implement your behavior modification plan, your child may need outside help to make positive changes.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

How do you teach your teenage son with Asperger’s about appropriate dating behaviors and interacting appropriately with the opposite sex? 

Dating is an important rite of passage into adulthood for your teen with Asperger’s.  Relationships can be difficult for him to form and maintain for several reasons.  The biggest influences are usually the lack of appropriate social skills, the struggles with sensory sensitivities, and the sometimes overwhelming anxiety.  Even though it sounds difficult to overcome, many teens with Asperger’s Syndrome are not only able, but also successful in this area.  Teaching your son about appropriate behaviors within the dating scene is a great place to start.

For a teen with Asperger’s, relationships within the peer group, whether dating the opposite sex or friendships with both sexes, hold much merit.  These types of relationships signal typical behavior, meaning success in this area will help your teen fit in among his typical peers.  If your teen has a couple of good friends, he will likely move into dating relationships with some ease.  If not, you can start by teaching him basic friendship skills.  Here are some ideas to help you get started.

• Make a list of your teen’s interests and positive qualities.  Use this list to form some ideas on where to find possible friends.
• Help your teen find like-minded peers that can become his friends.  Name peers from school, church, extended family, and your neighborhood that are possibilities.  Concentrate on those with similar values and interests.
• Become the hang-out house.  For example, invite your teen’s peers over for pizza and video games.  There is less pressure within a group.  Watch for obvious friend connections.
• Encourage group plans like movies outings, skating, and bowling.  Keep your teen’s sensory issues in mind.  If he is uncomfortable in noisy, brightly lit places, you want to stay away from those types of events.  You want him to be in his best element.
• Role-play appropriate behaviors and responses for many different situations.  This is a common teaching method for kids with Asperger’s Syndrome.
• Watch movies about friendships and critique the action on the screen.  Use the pause button during the parts that need special attention.  You can use this teaching method to show your teen both proper and improper behaviors.

As your teen with Asperger’s relationships build, you can be assured that dating is achievable.  You can use the same tips above to teach about dating relationships.  Make sure to concentrate on concepts such as body language, personal hygiene, and the art of conversation.  A lack of preparation in any of these areas can quickly derail a budding relationship.  With a little practice and your encouragement, your teen will soon be ready for the dating scene.

Thanks,

Dave Angel