Hi there – Here’s this weeks blog post …

Question

My adult son is doing wonderful at college managing his courses and his job.  This past year he has even been developing new friendships.  However, he is not managing his finances well.  For a while he only had to pay for his car payment and insurance.  Now, he has also accumulated some credit cards and short-term loans.  While he lives away at school, his mail and bills come here–so I’ve been checking his mail.  He has not been paying his bills on time–I’ve had to make some payments for him.  He knows that I am holding him accountable to reimburse me.  How can I help him develop an organized budget system, while at the same time not offending him and turning him away from us?  It’s been difficult to get him to answer our phone calls and emails, and maintain that delicate balance of discussing these problems while maintaining our nice parent/son relationship.  I’d appreciate any advice or resources for this.

Answer

Congratulations on raising a well-adjusted, successful adult.  Leaving home, managing college courses, a job and developing new friends are all huge accomplishments for a person with Asperger’s Syndrome.  These types of life changes can be overwhelming for any young adult.

Going away to college creates feelings of newfound independence.  It is normal for your son to pull away a bit as he finds his own way.  Balancing this independence with the need for parental guidance may be difficult for all of you.  Assure your son that it is still your job to support him through life, no matter how old he is.  While you are willing to help in any way, you will expect him to take full control of his financial situation, just as he has taken control of the other areas of his life.  Paying his late bills for him will keep his credit report in good shape, but he will not learn to manage his money this way.

One way you can help from a distance is to find a good computer bookkeeping program.  These programs make budgeting and bill paying quick and easy.  Use the program yourself and recommend it to him.  This will help the encounter seem more equal-a genuine product review rather than a parent-to-child demand.  Encourage him to share this new information with any friends who may be struggling with their finances.  This is a common problem for college kids everywhere.  Sometimes the freedom is just overwhelming.  Once he has come up with a solution for his financial struggles, make sure he budgets for the money he owes on those late bills you paid.  Live and learn, right?

There are many things to learn at college other than that major being pursued.  This time of life can be stressful for the student and the family.  It is difficult to make life changes and they seldom go perfectly.   The book “Succeeding in College with Asperger Syndrome:  A Student Guide” by John Harpur, Maria Lawlor and Michael Fitzgerald will be a helpful guide that your son can refer to as often as necessary.

This book will answer many questions regarding life as a college student with Asperger’s.  Covering concepts such as studying, peer interaction, household chores, relationships and time management, this title takes on all aspects of life away from home from the perspective of both clinical applications and personal interviews with Asperger’s students.  You can learn more about it at

Have a great day

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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Can you give actual examples of behavior that demonstrate aspects of the “Triad of Impairment” in terms parents that parents can relate to. Terms used in diagnostic criteria such as ‘lack of appreciation of social cues’ could be illustrated by a very wide range of examples of real-life behavior, with which parents could identify.

This is the Triad of Impairment in Asperger’s Syndrome as it appears in the behavior of Asperger’s children and teens …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/257.cfm

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How can I make his school more cooperative in working with me?

You must be your child’s advocate. If you are unable to do that or are ineffective, consider getting help from an advocate group. An advocate will attend school meetings with you, keep you informed about education law, and help you obtain …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/256.cfm

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Video about Aspergers and meetings

This video features a young man in England. His video is all about how people with ASD are hugely disadvantaged in meetings. He talks about the problems for people with Aspergers in meetings …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/255.cfm
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