Adults with Aspergers …

Hi everyone -

If you have a question relating to adults with Aspergers please can you post it below.

Thanks

Dave Angel

25 comments »

1. My son is 25 and recently diagnosed with Aspergers. It is very hard to find doctors who have an expertise in AS. We have tried quite a few therapists, but we feel they don’t know that much about it therefore they cannot help us properly. The doctor we are seeing has prescribed an ssri-, which he tried for a few months, which really didn’t seem to help. Then he tried Risperdal for about a month, but he wasn’t taking it regularly, but we really didn’t see a difference. Maybe he doesn’t really want to take any meds? Other comorbid symptoms he has are anxiety, depression, insomnia, nightmares, panic, and stomach aches. He is a great kid and wouldn’t trade him for the world. On a brighter note, he is a college graduate and has been looking for a job this past year. He looks great when he goes for the interview, and his resume speaks very well of himself but when he goes for the interview he totally freezes up, gets anxiety, and starts shaking. Where oh where can we find someone or somewhere who can teach him the social and job skills he needs to prepare for adulthood? I feel like he needs a crash course on this so he can succeed. He recently found a part-time he likes which he just started so we will see how that goes. Also I am worried about his relationships with his friends. Is there any other recently diagnosed Aspies with similar problems whom I can speak to? Or perhaps our Aspies can speak to each other? Thank-you for all your help.

   Comment by Zee — April 22, 2008 @ 3:11 am

2. my son of 22yrs is on medication, rispedil 2mg, cilift 20mg,I am concerned about the long term effects,I have seen older patients looking totally spaced out, not able to care for themselves,I believe their condition is due to been medicated long term, I was wondering is it possible for my son to come off medication, maybe look at ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION - IF AVAILABLE and not at any great expense, my son receives his medication from the state hospital. Also he is not able to study due to the reaction of medication. I am concerned that he is not coping very well at the moment, we at a cross road at this present time.
   thank you

   Comment by pingla parusnath — April 22, 2008 @ 5:16 am

3. A forgotten group?
   The present day focus is on discovering mental disorders at young children. There are adults who were never diagnosed, because we did not know about Autism Spectrum Disorders. And amongst these adults there are adults in their thirties, who are not really grown up, and still totally dependent on their parents.
   We have a son in that category of 35. He is very bright, but seems to lack the capability to finish things he has started.
   He was diagnosed officially as PDD/NOS 2 years ago. Since this ‘catalogue name’ has no meaning at all for a non-professional and to the psychologist it was just a matter of taste, we choose for the more friendly sounded term of Asperger. At first he agreed to learn more of the meaning of this diagnose and the impact of being an Asperger on him. We found a very knowledgeable, experienced and nice psychiatrist who started to work with him with good results. But after a collision he kicked her out and he doesn’t want to accept any help or support anymore that is linked with Asperger and denounced his diagnose.
   We coexist on as tight rope walkers from one to the next ‘accident’.
   It is an extinguishing group, I know, but they also need support and attention.

   Comment by Liesbeth Schreve — April 22, 2008 @ 5:23 am

4. I am a 46 year old woman with aspergers. Suffering as I write with dreadful anxiety, I see my GP again this afternoon at present I’m taking low dose of Lorazepam. This puts me to sleep and renders me almost like a zombie, without it I cannot stop the anxiety/dreadful thoughts etc etc. I’d like to know why this is so extreme (can aspergers mix with the menopause to make things worse) I’ve lived all my life with aspergers anxiety but this time it’s much worse, I can’t work - I’m a freelance writer and am having trouble facing daily tasks. I need someone to explain what is going on, how to stop the adrenalin with either better tablets or other methods. Any help most gratefully received, thanks, Heiid.

   Comment by Heidi Sands — April 22, 2008 @ 6:45 am

5. How do you tell an adult you think he has asperger syndrome especially if he is older? The adult I’m talking about thinks autism is spiritual more than physical. His son has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. His son is 7. Can you send me your anser kind of private if possible because I’m talking about my husband. So actually our son has been diagnosed.
   Thanks

   Comment by Cathy Browning — April 22, 2008 @ 7:08 am

6. Have 19 year old son with AS, He stays up all night, till 6:00 am, playing video games, and chatting on-line to his lets just say aquaintances on different forums he frequents. The problem is he is not on any medication right now, and he has very frequent SEVERE RAGES, when he does not do well with his Video games. Last night at 5:00 am we were blessed with the hand held game being thrown at the wall, and all hell broke loose. He has no repect for the hard work, and efforts we have attempted to help him with, and his only thoughts, are always only about his needs. We have a younger sibling, that has to deal with this, and my wife is really on the edge of a total break down right now. Today we will look for a new Pschiatrist, to hopefully find a medication that will allow him to function somewhat better. He did get his high school GED this year, and is currently working 2 days a week at an Electronic’s warehouse, stocking ,and testing Vacum Tubes. We want to get him out into the mainstream, but he has no social skills whatsoever, and no motivation to work more hours. We have looked into the CIP program in Melbourne, Fl., but it is extremely expensive, and not really flexable, if things don;t work out. I have tons of other things I could go into, and we really have run the gamut with him over the years, as far as different doctors, and therapists, and meds. I want my life, and my family life to be normal. Help me if you can. PLEASE.

   Comment by ap smith — April 22, 2008 @ 7:43 am

7. Yes - my ex husband has aspergers as does my son. He is an explosive man. I am concerned that his temper tantrums that everyone allows to exist are negatively impacting my son with AS. How effective can an untreated parent be with a child with the same disorder other than understanding their condition.

   Comment by Tereson — April 22, 2008 @ 8:56 am

8. I believe that many adults with Aspergers truly are children on an emotional, psychological and social level. I am 45 and never really could conceive of myself as an adult and had a great deal of issues surrounding my inability to think or perceive as an adult. My social functionality at age 42 was reported to be at age 13.8 years old almost across the board of social functioning scores. I played with children easily and sought adult attentions, usually from authority, and inappropriately which had to border on minor criminal tactics, merely because
   I THOUGHT these people were the adults and not me somehow. Yup, I got in trouble for things that were not intended to harm or violate any other person’s rights.
   I’m disturbed about the idea that “adults”, by only chronological terms, are not well-known by now to function as children with a brain sowired to remain as one.
   I hope I sort of got my point across. I’mway more functional but still slip into childlike thinking and methods as if it were part of my autonomic response system. You might be interested in this area.

   Sincerely, Ciera
   Mother diag. with Asp., and 3 children on the ASD spectrum. Youngest daughter, age 5, has all the criteria but the agencies are resistant to diagnosing because of FUNDING availability lacking in NH. I get ZERO assistance as a parent or individual in the social world so intimidating. It stinks being so left out and ostracized because I have an academic IQ unmatching to such a degree. 1990 shows 126 IQ to a 22 percentile Aptitude or Emotional Quotient, as I’ve heard it put to me. Eighteen years later, with virtually no friends and being a single parent, with a valid education, I remain on Disability. I have ABILITIES and could use them if I had even a fraction of the help given to “brain injured” clients in our region.
   I’m just upset.

   Comment by Ciera — April 22, 2008 @ 9:23 am

9. Finding out at age 22 adopted daughter is diagnosed ASD. I have taken her to tons of Dr. over the years. Not one nor school personnal ever mentioned Autism Spectrum. Let’s call her “Pam” I adopted knowing she had special needs MRDD,then I dtected epilepsy (petit mal) and now at 22 ASD. Pam aced her school work in the DH class. I should have insisted on the DL level and be happy with C’s. Now people are seeing the real Pam. Pam feels traffic should watch out for her,she is very slow moving. Fight with her to go to bed then fight wioth her to wake up. Very unorganized,does a lot of little time consuming ways and dont try to show her a a speedy way. These ASD ppl are very set and get angry if you show them a different way. Pam has lost 4 jobs due to speed. Pam is a happy kid that can’t keep her room cleanor help with house chores with out acting up. Not very good on hygeine issues. My concern since I had so many Dr. appointments with her I didn’t follow through with the sensory therapy. Is it too late for this to help? She hated dentist,and shots,and insects..just totally made her flip out. Acciording to school Pam was a good canidate to drive ..did that 2x. She drove up over curb on test but passed the manuverabilty. Her psych said no way! This high school seen the Pam ..that I had control over about dress act etc. Now at 22 she is an adult I can’t seem to get her to understand what matches,looks appropriate for her weight etc. Please help>>>>

   Comment by Cheryl — April 22, 2008 @ 10:34 am

10. I would really like to find valuable info on AS and marriages. My son, 10, has AS and the more my wife and I deal with him, it becomes apparent that I more than likely have it ( I have not been diagnosed, however). I just get dejavu when I have to handle him with his social/personable traits.

    Needless to say, our marriage has been on the brink of failure many of times. My wife believes that many of the problems we face are directly related to AS traits….I guess I would have to agree.

    Any suggestions out there?

    Thanks,

    DanJ.

    Comment by danJ. — April 22, 2008 @ 12:53 pm

11. Just a general comment, and then a specific one:
    In regard to your blogs being about children, it seems natural that as these children age, we’ll be confronted with situations relating to adulthood. So it’s quite natural to be curious about what to expect and how to deal with issues that will arise. The wealth of knowledge your blogs bring to us is so welcome and appreciated.

    Now specifically, i’m concerned about the likelihood of reproduction. Sex is such a skewed subject, even in the mainstream. And say what you might, i don’t think anyone would wish what we go through on anyone else. Nor do i look forward to having to decide whether another individual should be allowed to reproduce. I understand how callous this may sound, but i feel it’s a dillema many will have to face, and i for one could use some guidance along these lines. Thanks.

    Comment by T. Hunter — April 22, 2008 @ 1:11 pm

12. I was born in 1970, doctors said I was “minimal brain damage”; which I know that back in the day that meant autism (at least from what I read). I most certainly had OCD or “Obsessive-Compulisive Disorder” as a child, which a doctor finally listened to me as a 30 year old adult. My son, Aaron, definately has both Asperger’s and OCD.

    It has always hurt that I have distant emotionally from others around me…including my children; can this be improved or completely wiped out? For a long time I wondered that this was an emotional reaction from the bullies and rejection that I encountered at school; now I am not sure.

    Comment by Kim — April 22, 2008 @ 1:47 pm

13. After reading all of the comments posted, I am convinced that I am a 52 year old AS adult who has never been diagnosed. I have a 6 year old grandson who was recently diagnosed with ADHD/AspergerSyndrome. His mother displays a lot of symtoms of a AS/Adult who was never diagnosed. I am desperately seeking help for myself and my daughter. Support groups will be very helpful as well as how to go about getting my daughter to go get help for her illness. I am currnetly seeing a physiciatrist but he has never explored that fact that I may be an adult AS. I attended a conference on children with AS this past weekend and I am thoroughly convinced that I have finally found out what is really going on with me. I lack social skills, and don’t have many friends, in fact I act like a big kid fro the most part. Please help me to get in touch with someone who could relate to what I am feeling (different).

    Comment by Jenny — April 22, 2008 @ 3:17 pm

14. I have a 20 yr old son who was diagnosed with AS 2 yrs ago. He is extremely intelligent, with an amazing musical gift, but no social skills whatsoever. His father and I are divorced and when he’s staying with me he seems to do better in both school and socializing. Last year he started attending a Jr. College and was pulling straight A’s. His musical talents were recognized and he was offered a spot as a solo pianist in the Symphony. He was also offered a musical scholarship on the East Coast. I had him visiting a counselor twice a week and she had him on anti-depressants. Things seemed to be improving and he was coming out of his shell, beginning to socialize more and all in all just seemed happier. He went to visit his father over the holidays who is an avid Video Game player (World of Warcraft)and when he came back he had his gaming computer with him and shortly thereafter dropped out of school. He wouldn’t come out of his house on campus, and stopped taking his meds. All he was doing was playing the video game all night and sleeping until 1-2pm. I told him I would not support him if he wasn’t going to school - next thing I know, he’s moved back with his father (another state) who is allowing him to just sit around and play video games. No job, no school. He’s never had a girlfriend (or a job) and the only times he socializes are when he’s playing the piano for someone. I’m frustrated because I don’t have any support from his father - we obviously have different viewpoints. My son has now completely shut me out. Do you have any suggestions on how I can open the lines of communication again with an AS adult and/or what I might be able to do to help him get back on track….books for him to read…anything?? Are my expectations of him too much? Am I pushing too hard? His counselor told me that sometimes we just have to accept that people with AS may not be able to be productive in their lives, but I’ve seen my son happy and doing well and I really feel if he had the right support it would make a difference. Any advice is appreciated.

    Comment by Kimberly — April 22, 2008 @ 3:23 pm

15. My four year old has recently been diagnosed and with it has come the dawning of my husbands weird traits his temper lack of friends unable to understand complex issues… As i try to find therapies to help my son how do I help my husband who doesnt even understand what being ASD means.

    Comment by Anuradha Rangarajan — April 22, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

16. I am 42 years old and have not been officially diagnosed with AS but, I have a son who has AS. He was 15 when he was diagnosed. I have homeschooled him since first grade and he is my only child. I always knew he was different than other kids but I just figured he took after me! He has always been very quiet and well behaved and obedient. However, I became more and more concerned as each year passed and he still could not work independently with school work and he still could not remember to do things he was asked for example if I asked to go find and bring back to me a cup, a shirt, and a tissue. He would only remember to one and it was usually the last one that I said to him. Ofcourse that is just a simple example…. My point is that Now that I have been reading about AS and the syymtoms I find that I completly relate to this I never knew growing up and in my adult life that the fact that I am different and see things differently actually has a name. I struggle daily with anxiety and depression. My husband says I’m anti-social and I have to agree I do feel anti-social because I don’t know how to be social. The only thing that keeps me going is my Faith in God and knowing that he is in control. I take my worries and fears and lay them at the cross. It’s how I have gotten through life for many years. I am not sure about medication with all of the side effects I wonder if it is worth it. In a side note: I am also thinking that my father may have had some tendencies to AS as well because he had a lot of social inabilities. Thanks for listening.

    Marna

    Comment by M Schriner — April 22, 2008 @ 4:22 pm

17. My 5 yr old son has recently been diagnosed with Asperger’s & the more research I do on the subject, the more I think that my husband has Asperger’s as well. It fits so perfectly & as I explain to my husband, so much of his childhood makes sense to him with this self diagnosis. It’s a bittersweet feeling for him. What happens now though? He really struggles to stay at a job b/c of his desire to be alone or an “entrapraneur”. We have 3 children & I can’t afford to support us all on my own. My husband has many talents & is HIGHLY intelligent so none of this really made sense until recently.

    Comment by Melanie — April 22, 2008 @ 4:29 pm

18. I am 42 years old and have not been officially diagnosed with AS but, I have a son who has AS. He was 15 when he was diagnosed. I have homeschooled him since first grade and he is my only child. I always knew he was different than other kids but I just figured he took after me! He has always been very quiet and well behaved and obedient. However, I became more and more concerned as each year passed and he still could not work independently with school work and he still could not remember to do things he was asked, for example if I asked him to go find and bring back to me a cup, a shirt, and a tissue. He would only remember to bring one back and it was usually the last one that I said to him. Ofcourse that is just a simple example. He also has the fits of rage and other qirks (to many to list). My point is… now that I have been reading about AS and its symtoms. I find that I can completly relate myself to AS. I never knew growing up and in my adult life, the fact that I am different and see things differently actually has a name. I struggle daily with anxiety and depression. My husband says I’m anti-social and I have to agree I do feel anti-social because I don’t know how to be social. The only thing that keeps me going is my Faith in God and knowing that he is in control. I take my worries and fears and lay them at the cross. It’s how I have gotten through life for many years. I am not sure about medication with all of the side effects and I wonder if it is worth it. In a side note: I am also thinking that my father may have had some tendencies to AS as well because he had a lot of social inabilities.

    Thanks for listening.

    Comment by Marna — April 22, 2008 @ 5:10 pm

19. My son was tested by a Autism specialist (she does not diagnose) at school and she mentioned he is on the Autism Spectrum. We will be having further testing with those who diagnose. I have been married to my husband for 16 years and just in the last 5 years things got tough with 2 kids and the purchase of our first home the stress was on. And all of the sudden the stress showed me what can happen if someone with Asperger’s is under stress. My husband has not been dx’d yet but it is very difficult to deal with him if he is stressed or upset. It is virtually impossible to convey any reality if he is all stressed out. I have since been having to deal with my in-laws and they too have some sort of disorder most likely Asperger’s. I understand this is a disability but at times I just tell my husband that it feels like I am being sabtoshed by his behavior or lack of thinking. There was a day where I actually had to call him and remind him to feed my kids they were 4 and 9 at the time. His body language and lack of eye contact has almost driven me crazy. I am not a ’stare into the eyes’ kind of person but at times it’s like he is looking completely somewhere else while I am talking and I do not put up with that it feels disrespectful and demeaning. Just like his parents they seem like the most selfish, thoughless people I have ever seen. His mom acts like a child if she doesn’t get her way she cries and wants all this attention from the adults it’s downright weird. BUT when I send her things regarding my son about Autism Spectrum Disorders/Asperger’s she minimizes the whole thing down to ‘Odd Ball Personality Quirks. I won’t even say what I would like to do to her next time I see her….use your imagination! LOL Needless to say this is quite crazy making and to say that I have 3 kids one of the my husband…is an understatement. It would me nice if there were some hints and tips you could provide just so us NT’s can keep things in perspective.
    thank you for your time,
    Marci

    Comment by Marci — April 22, 2008 @ 7:23 pm

20. I have a 26 year old graddaughter. She is a college graduate, physically and emotionally unable to drive, she does proof-reading via her computer. She lives at home with is embarasing to her and not comfortable for her parentes. She is a fine girl who would like a life of her own. She has a dull personality and not responsive to dating. She seems mature in some ways, but does not venture out into the world of a young adult. What are the possibilities for a future her and her parents? How often does this situation arise? Thanks, Chuck

    Comment by Charles Paul Du Clos — April 22, 2008 @ 9:32 pm

21. I suspect that my husband has Aspergers. Our oldest son was diagnosed with it in kindergarten. I am hearing a lot about temper tantrums in these postings. Straterra seems to have helped out a lot for both my son and husband. Neither are out of it. They also take B12 to enhance the stratera. Magnesium and Calcium have also helped with calming. Neuromin DHA and Omega 3 have helped with memory. On days when they miss it, you will know it loud and clear. Faith has also played a huge role in our family.

    Comment by Melody McMaster — April 23, 2008 @ 11:13 am

22. My son is 20 and is in his last year of college. He is very musically gifted and lives and breaths music. I worry what will happen to him when the saftey and order of college finishes, I can’t see him getting a job, unless anyone knows of an AS friendly job site in Kent, England?

    Comment by lianne — April 23, 2008 @ 12:06 pm

23. I know my husband 46 has AS. I can’t get him to accept it or his psychiatrist( he doesn’t precribe to it). He recently met a woman and less than a week after they met she moved him in to her home. My concern is she has a 5 yr old daughter and a 19 yr old mildly MR son. Is there any recommendations of how to communicate my concerns in a way he will understand? I can’t call him because he says it hurts her. I feel like the other woman. I guess I have to accept my husband doesn’t want to be married to me, but I’m just concerned about what he is getting involved in. Thanks.

    Comment by DebbieGross — April 23, 2008 @ 1:11 pm

24. Besides parenting 4 children who fall somewhere on the spectrum, or have shadows of AS, I have to deal with their father, who definitely has shadows of AS. He is, of course, adamant that he does not have it, or shadows of it, and that is not why our children have it. He is very rigid and inflexible. This makes it so hard to co-parent with him! He sees almost everything in a totally different light, different perspective, through different colored glasses, etc., on and on, however you choose to word it, than I do. Than 99% of the people I come in contact with on a daily basis. He says no one at work thinks he’s odd, or wrong in the things he thinks, or decisions he makes concerning the kids, or socially stunted, etc. Well, it might be because he works in an environment filled with people just like him! Computer geeks! Sorry. It’s really frustrating to keep the lines of communication open and hostilities down when you look at life from totally opposite sides. There is only black or white to him. No shades of gray. And there are definitely shades of gray in the world. On the positive side, there are times we do see eye to eye, like hitting the center of a bulls eye. We also share the same Christian faith which unites us in a big way and causes us to step back and pray for patience to keep from strangling one another! (Just kidding. Sort of.) Anyway, try to help us deal with and get along with the adults in our lives who have AS or shadows of it! Those of us wired Typically feel so alone and CRAZY when we deal with 5 PEOPLE EITHER ON THE SPECTRUM OR WALKING AROUND WITH ITS SHADOW STUCK TO THEM. (That would be Atypically wired people.) Thanks for listening to a burned out mom/ex-wife.

    Comment by Darlene — May 4, 2008 @ 7:38 am

25. As an adult with Asperger’s, member of extended family with many on the spectrum, and a mature age grad student in the field, I would like to say that receiving a diagnosis was a positive experience. However, this does not mean that it has been easy on anyone.

    One thing that bug others about me, is that I take them literally. That means that I believe them when they say they will do something. When they say that they will do that thing in five minutes, I count the seconds. When I have to wait for other people, I get extremely distressed and may express it in a way that others think is excessive or even violent (not often these days).

    I have sensitivities to light and sound and smells. I also have ADD and Dyslexia, and Clinical Depression, and a number of other co-morbid conditions, and take medication as and when required. I need a lot of time away from other people, and if I don’t get it, I am told that I am rude when I tell others to leave me alone.

    I stay up late at night playing computer games … when I am coping extremely badly with the world.

    Suitable work roles are indeed geeky. Computer support via telephone or internet, on the graveyard shift is great for some people. Others are good at art, or photography, or science, or philosophy, or anything that allows them the time to contemplate ideas without having to interact with other people spontaneously.

    Socialisation is about doing what other people are doing when they are doing it, talking about things that do not matter because commenting on reality is too confronting, and pointing out when they are wrong is considered offensive. It takes too much energy to spend time with people under those conditions, so I don’t. Even if they do not understand, we are all happier for it.

    There are lots of books and Dave’s materials. I suggest that you spend some time exploring those and then perhaps seeking out local services and facilities. BUT, you need to take it slowly and choose what is right for you and your family.

    I wish you all well.

    Suzanne

    Comment by Suzanne — May 12, 2008 @ 8:01 am

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