An Interview With Shellique Carby

Filed under:Aspergers Adults — posted by admin on January 8, 2013 @ 4:28 pm

Today’s article comes from an interview I did with Shellique Carby several months ago. She is a remarkable young woman from South Africa who has a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. Here’s her story:

Shellique went to a Special school (called Open Air) in Durban, South Africa at age 7. Prior to this age a Dr. had actually advised that she shouldn’t go to school at all! Following Special school she then went on to mainstream school which was hugely challenging (more about this in a minute…) and then she was diagnosed at 18 with Asperger’s. Being diagnosed with Asperger’s really gave her a framework to understand her past as not being just “bad” or stupid” (as she had heard so many times). This diagnosis actually gave her more confidence in itself (which is currently ironic when you think of the changes coming up within the DSM5).

At school Shellique felt very alone and had maybe one friend , was rarely invited to birthday parties and generally avoided by others. She was picked on for being clumsy, naive and gullible. Other children called her “retard” and even spread rumors about her that she had a virus. They would also be physically abusive to her – pulling hair, hitting or tripping her up. At times she would also have a meltdown in response; which would only add to the problems. Such social isolation and rejection inevitably led to her losing confidence and experiencing depression.

Shellique felt that the teachers didn’t help as they would say things like “just walk away” and “we can’t prove what that person did to you” when she tried to tell of her ill treatment. In the end she said that she “became quite as a mouse” and simply tried to avoid situations. On many occasions she just wanted to run away, and she largely stopped expressing emotions.

Shellique said that one of the worst things was the unpredictability of the bullying. She never knew when the next episode of bullying was coming and this led to big anxiety. She also became paranoid and hyper vigilant as to what others were saying. She likens such intense experiences to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. As she would often be left with flashbacks where in great details she would replay events in head and obsess about what happened and how to do it differently. And also like other forms of PTSD it actually led to her feeling suicidal.

Even away from school she was treated differently, and was often told by her parents’ friends that her behaviors were socially inappropriate. She gave me an example of when in a church group – she pushed other kids into the pool for fun and was told how inappropriate she was for this. And whilst clearly it wasn’t a great piece of behavior – the lack of understanding by adults around her was clear. Shellique couldn’t wait to leave school for the “light at end of the tunnel”…

She went to study for an Anthropology Degree at Rhodes University and over time began to regain a little confidence and began to slowly become proud of being a little different. But it wasn’t all plain sailing at University; for example when she was struggling they refused to give her extra time to complete papers exams. Then after university she was unemployed for 3 years. Which Shellique puts down to a lack of social skills, mood swings and physical illness over this time. But then things finally picked up…

Shellique got a job as a sub editor for a local community newspaper (South Coast Fever), and the company are fully aware and supportive of her needs as a woman with Asperger’s. Some of her Aspergian traits really help her in her role such as her ability to single mindedly focus on editing tasks, have great attention to detail, and her ability to concentrate for long periods of time. She passed her probation year at the newspaper and now has a full time job there, which she really enjoys. She has also gone on to speak out about bullying at a National Autism Conference in South Africa, has had numerous articles published, and plans to write a book about her experiences and struggles.

I hope that this little flavor of Shellique’s life provides some form of inspiration for you. She has gone through many of the hugely challenging and painful experiences of a child with Asperger’s and managed to come out the other side. She is now a more confident young woman with a promising career in journalism. And I would like the opportunity to thank Shellique for sharing some of her story with me – as I personally found it hugely motivational. And found Shellique to be a fun, warm and engaging young woman.

You can add comments here on the blog for Shellique or find her on Facebook in her own name.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

P.S. If you want to listen to my FULL 60 minute interview with Shellique (plus access over $197 worth of FREE Premium Asperger’s Resources to help You and Your Child Now) for just $1 (trial offer) please click the following web link for full details => http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/department80.cfm

comments (14)

14 comments »

i was inspired by this survival story.she is an inspiration to all who may read her story.may God use her to help others.Not everyone is the same if they were wouldn’t the world be a mess.

Comment by bonnie — January 8, 2013 @ 6:48 pm
Thank you for sharing Shellique’s story as a parent of an pre-teen with Aspergers I am always wondering what her future holds. She is very confident and has had some bulling which she does not share with me but I do find out and follow-up. Aspie children are so unique with remarkable thinking and abilities to retain tons of information. Way to go Shellique… never give up!

Comment by Pam Hunt — January 8, 2013 @ 7:01 pm
Shellique, your story is so impressive, thanks for sharing and believing in yourself. You have overcome so many obstacles and should really be proud.

Leslie

Comment by Leslie Mitchell — January 8, 2013 @ 7:42 pm
God bless her,I wish her the best!!!!!!

Comment by Rocio olivo — January 8, 2013 @ 9:54 pm
Sounds as though Shellique had such a horrible time at school she maybe would have been better being home schooled. Still some people believe in the philosophy that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. We know from our own Asperger’s daughter’s experience how unbelievably cruel teenage girls can be. When our daughter just wanted to sit quietly and read a book during breaks the gangs of girls would come up, stand a few paces away, and have conversations amongst themselves in loud voices about how inept and different our daughter was. When I picked her up after school and asked her how her day went, she would reply “Torture”. Sorry, I’m not into torturing my children, so took her out of there. I’m extremely glad for Shellique after enduring so much ‘torture’ that she has found her niche and a sympathetic employer. Would there were more of them!

Comment by Christine — January 8, 2013 @ 10:33 pm
My husband and I had the pleasure of meeting Miss Carby on the first day of the Autism awareness walk in South Africa, when they arrived in our home town Amanzimtoti. She needed to catch her bus home and we took her to the station. Her bus was delayed by an hour and we spent this hour chatting about hers/our sons difficulties (our son is 12 with Aspergers). We felt truly blessed that she was willing to open up and this was another step forward or us in understanding Aspergers. She gave us some names of movies to watch “Mozart and the Whale”, “My name is Khan” which we have since watched, all this aiding our “healing”. I wish her all the best in her future and hope I have the pleasure of seeing her again.

Comment by Julia Orbe — January 8, 2013 @ 11:54 pm
This is really inspiring. I am also from South-Africa and my daughter also suffer under school bullying. As her mother I can only try to motivate her and keep a watchful eye that things don’t get out of control. She is so loveable and people that don’t make an effort to get to know her better, really miss out on a great opportunity. I can only pray that she will be like Shellique and build a career for herself when she finishes school. Thanks for the inspiring story.

Comment by Lorraine — January 9, 2013 @ 12:04 am
Thank you for this article! I know Shellique personally, and no words can describe the respect that I have for this incredible lady.

Comment by Anna Atkins — January 9, 2013 @ 2:19 am
Hi Shellique,
Your story is amazing. I’m real glad you came out the other side, a better, stronger person. I was diagnosed with AS only 4 years ago. I know just what it’s like, having to shut down to guard against being bullied. Advice like “Just walk away” or even worse “Just ignore them and they’ll go away” is terrible advice because it doesn’t address the person. Very best wishes.

Comment by Michael — January 9, 2013 @ 6:13 am
Shellique, you are a true brave heart, the way you have braved all the odds and emerged as a winner, A very heartening and motivational read, Hope my 12 year old boy also sees light at the end of his tunnel. Cheers Ritu

Comment by Ritu — January 9, 2013 @ 7:18 am
Thank you so much for your story. It gives me hope. We have a 12 yr old son with Asbergers. I homeschool him along with his 5 other brothers, but we are having trouble with him. We’re considering putting him in public school. He’s not responding well at home and he’s falling behind. It’s hard to know what’s the right decision to make.

Comment by Marissa — January 9, 2013 @ 8:13 am
Inspiring to say the least. Gives us hope and faith to keep trying for our grandson, and not ever give up.

Comment by verona griffith — January 9, 2013 @ 2:42 pm
Hooray for Shellique! Her story sounds much like mine, except that I’m still undiagnosed. I am glad that the bullying stop her from achievement.

Comment by Barbara Clark — January 9, 2013 @ 3:59 pm
Absolutely fascinating. Will certainly inspire my daughter who is an aspie.Could you also let me know if you had to use medications for managing the anxiety & stress caused by the bullying.

Comment by Kannan — January 10, 2013 @ 11:25 pm