Aspergers and Siblings

Filed under:Siblings — posted by admin on September 29, 2009 @ 1:58 am

Hi there and welcome to this weeks blog article …

Question

How will Asperger’s affect my other (non-Asperger’s) 7 yr old son as he grows up?

Answer

Living with a sibling who has Asperger’s Syndrome is not always easy. One minute the two are playing a game or sharing a special toy and the next minute, the child with Asperger’s is in the middle of a meltdown while the sibling sits wondering what happened to cause it.

Everyone in your home should learn about Asperger’s Syndrome. Even small children can be told why their sibling acts the way he does in a way they can understand. Simple, matter-of-fact explanations will satisfy the younger ones. Allow the children to ask questions. Negative effects on siblings will be diminished if they are informed. Young children do not like personal mysteries.

Here are some additional ideas for you to use to help your other children deal with Asperger’s Syndrome.

* There are books written specifically for the siblings of children with Asperger’s Syndrome. These books are available for all ages and come in the form of non-fiction essays by real children, fictional storybooks, books written by teens with Asperger’s, and personal accounts written by parents or adult siblings to name a few. You should be able to find just what you need for your child’s siblings. A possible choice is “Views from Our Shoes: Growing Up with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs” by Donald Meyer, editor. This book is a collection of essays written by the siblings of children with Asperger’s Syndrome. They range in age from four to eighteen.

* Special attention is a necessity for the siblings of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. The child with Asperger’s unintentionally demands attention. His behaviors are questionable in his sibling’s eyes; they would never get by with doing some of those things. Schedule regular one-on-one outings or play dates with each child. Give each one your undivided attention and make them feel special as often as possible. They need you and yes, you need them.

* Family counseling can help with all sorts of negative feelings, especially once the siblings get older. The child with Asperger’s can embarrass them. Having a safe place to vent frustrations and negative feelings will keep your household feeling positive while everyone makes the most of having a compassionate listener.

Siblings of a child with Asperger’s should suffer no ill effects when living in a balanced, supportive home. Take steps when they are young to minimize any negatives and help them grow up to be caring, compassionate adults.

That’s all for this week and have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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What tips can you give me to help my son with Aspergers to cope with his first day at college?

More children with Asperger’s Syndrome are going off to college now than ever before. While college is a big step in every teen’s life, you can help make the transition go smoothly with a little advanced preparation. Until he leaves, you are still in command. You can help him …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/331.cfm

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We are planning a family holiday this year with our child who has Aspergers – any tips?

There is just nothing better than a family holiday! Asperger’s Syndrome should not stand in the way of a fun family adventure. With a little advanced planning and extra consideration, you can arrange a trip that will be a great memory for years to come …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/330.cfm

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What tips can you give me to help my son with Aspergers to cope with his first day at college?

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/329.cfm

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comments (9)

9 comments »

Dear Dr. Dave,
In a country like mine, Ethiopia,a place where there is zero resorce in this area, the information you providing me constantly is precious. I am using it, sharing with friends, and with school teachers. Keep on doing this, God bless you all for this wonderful work.
Sincerely,
Belt

Comment by Belt — September 29, 2009 @ 6:17 am
Why did you cancel my subscription?

Comment by Dona Manning — September 29, 2009 @ 8:30 am
It is so true that the siblings need extra attention. I have an eleven yr old aspie and last year my 6 yr old was also diagnosed. My 8 year old (who has a rare blood disease) is often caught in the crossfire of the competing needs and I find myself acting harder on him as I perceive that he “should” get it. I am wrong. I just reveived notice from his teacher that she wants him tested for learning disability and dysgraphia. He has sensory issues and I think will end up on the spectrum as well. I am receiving no services because the two aspies are not behind in grades. (just lots of behavior) I am doing my best with my own resources which at this point is social skills group for the 6 yr old and I hired a behaviorist to work with me at home and help put something together at school.

Thanks for listening…This community is my biggest support.

Comment by Katie — September 29, 2009 @ 9:25 am
Dear Katie
I understand your delemma so well, as up to 2 years ago, I was being told that my then 9 years old son was reacting to my overly high expectations of him, as my younger son has ADHD, dyspraxia, and aspergers syndrome. It is still an ongoing battle to get both boys the right help, as particularily the older one is very bright, and is largely coping in a mainstream class. All I can suggust that you just need to keep at it, keep a written record of all of the “odd” behaviours, and comments from school with which to retry getting appropriate professional help. Good luck, and try to keep sane,
Colette

Comment by colette scraace — September 29, 2009 @ 9:53 am
What about a grandmother who doesn’t understand her Aspie grandchild. She says it’s all our poor parenting, not Aspergers.

Comment by Tammi Nishimura — September 29, 2009 @ 12:25 pm
Tammi, I understand what you’re going through… my friends think it’s my parenting why my child has constant meltdowns. Only thing is they SPOIL their children and i have consistancy and perameters for mine. I was a nanny for 4 years before becoming a parent. I nannied 5 different children from 2 different homes and i NEVER had a problem with any of them. Children need consistancy and firmness, along with patience and love and an adult who seeks to understand them. This is how i parent. It is not POOR PARENTING, when we are stuck with a child afflicted with Aspergers. My 2 year old has a hard time coping with life, and she has since she was born. I knew something was ‘wrong’ since she was about 3 weeks old and that obviously isn’t any parenting gone bad in such a young baby. We as the parents are the bests judges of our children. It’s easy for outsiders to comment in ignorance and judgement but we can see the ‘things’ that trigger the meltdowns. The broken routine or dirty hands, or overwhelmed by too many people. My child hasn’t been diagnosed yet, but i know already that she has this. I love her so incredibly much with it, but nobody should tell us we have done something wrong. We are doing something ‘right’ because we seek to help them through resources like this!

Comment by Kristi — September 29, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
I am NOT advertising, but, All Cats Have Aspergers is the best book I have found for my 5 year old younger sibling of my 7 year old Aspie grandson. It is a gentle book about accepting differences. An “it is what it is” philosophy seems to work for us. Our Aspie is gifted academically and artistically and his brother is gifted verbally as well as having highly advanced social skills. Hopefully they will help each other through life.

Comment by Becky Mitchell — September 29, 2009 @ 9:16 pm
My difficulty is homework. My oldest has Aspergers and needs me to sit next to him to give him reassurance. My high abiity learner has decided he needs this too. I was extremely pulled in two directions. I finally set up different study times so each gets the attention they need. My oldest is now camping once a month with the Boy Scouts so that allows me to have one-on-one time with my youngest. It’s a lot of scheduling but definitely worth it for their sanity and mine!

Comment by Heather B. — October 5, 2009 @ 1:03 pm
I aldo bought my son the book All Cats Have Aspergers. We have 3 cats and he enjoyed knowing that he wasn’t the only one in the house that was “different”. He was also reassured when I sat down with him and went through the book and pointed out different behaviors and told him that I sometimes felt that way too and how I handled it. He’s 10 yrs old now and it’s still one of his favorite books.

Comment by Kristen — October 16, 2009 @ 10:50 am