Aspergers and Stress
Being a member of a family in which one or more members have Aspergers syndrome can be extremely stressful at times. Sometimes it seems as if the entire family focus is on the Aspergers child and on the various tantrums and behaviors that come with it. Family members, and especially parents, can feel a low level of anxiety in anticipation of what could happen next.
It’s vital to take steps as a parent or family member to take time for yourself away from the situation when things feel overwhelming. Take turns with the other parent so you each have peaceful times away from the situation. If possible, spend one on one time with other children in the home. This will reduce their stress level as well.
Get plenty of sleep. If your Aspergers syndrome child has difficulty sleeping, speak with his or her doctor to find ways to help your child sleep better so you can get your sleep, too. Don’t be afraid to take naps so you have enough rest to cope with whatever comes.
Don’t skip meals and eat as healthy as you can. If your child is on a special diet, make sure that the rest of the family and you get the type of nourishment that suits you best and revives your energy levels.
Consider exercising with or without your child. Take walks or bicycle rides to calm your nerves and increase your body’s endorphin levels. Stress levels automatically decrease with exercising just a few times per week.
Some herbal supplements like kava kava, valerian root and St. John’s Wort have relaxation and calming properties. In serious situations, these herbs can come in handy when you just can seem to stem the anxiety on your own. For questions about herbal supplements, speak to your doctor. There is a great website that sells these product at 20-70% discount called EVitamins which you can visit to search for more information on them.
If the family appears to be in crisis over the stress and anxiety of some of its members, family therapy can be very helpful. Individual therapy is also an option for those family members needing extra help. Often the therapist can coach you in the coping skills necessary to stay healthy and to raise your Aspergers syndrome child as best as is possible.
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I’d like to also comment about an amazing product
we discovered for children’s exercize, it’s made by Radio Flyer–”The Inchworm” they burn off alot
of energy this way without worries of injury too!
Comment by Patricia Banks, BMsc. — February 19, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
Please, please, please reiterate that herbal remedies such as St Johns Wort MUST NOT be taken if people are taking antidepressants. In my experience, many, many Asperger’s parents do take some form of antidepressant. The consequences can be extremely serious. Cheers, Sophie Gurnett
Comment by Sophie Gurnett — February 19, 2008 @ 10:37 pm
Hi, how does one take time away from the situtation when there is only one parent in the household? She refuses to get help & Im going carzy along with my son. I try locking myself in my room but she picks the lock to get in.
Comment by Nancy Zinser — February 19, 2008 @ 10:39 pm
You didn’t mention her age - Sounds like she’s very persistant - hopefully you can help her to channel that into areas that will be beneficial! Don’t have answers but will keep you in prayers ’cause understand that stress level.
Comment by Marcia — February 20, 2008 @ 2:22 am
my son(6)was recently diagnosed by ot with possible aspergers and/or autism. his father refuses to believe and stopped me for getting formal diagnosis from neurologist & i receive no support @ home however, i have found ways of dealing with stresses eg he loves animals and i got children’s encyclopedias which he then explores at night (severe sleep problems from birth) - keep tv & playstation games to minimum, diet without preservatives etc and some music (rock with drums!) seems to calm him - also we keep to a strict routine which i let him help set up. he sees a psychologist (play therapy)& ot once a week. i ensured that his sisters (22 & 17) also went for therapy and this helped them. i enrolled both of us for taekwondo (discipline sport) and he excels in it and it keeps me sane
Comment by Paula — February 20, 2008 @ 3:38 am
I have a 7 y/o boy with AS, the biggest lesson his teachers and family are learning is don’t take on a child with AS - you’ll never win ! Try and avoid the arguments and try and distract them - it really helps reduce the stress !
Comment by Helen — February 20, 2008 @ 8:15 am
Hang in there Paula, sometimes it is hard to admit that you may have a child with autism. I know, I did that myself for awhile. Just explain that you only want the best for him and maybe by getting diagnosed may help everyone to deal with things better.
Comment by Kim — February 20, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
I have found magnesium citrate to have a calming effect on my son with Aspergers.
Comment by Melody McMaster — February 20, 2008 @ 11:26 pm
My grandson has Aspergers he thinks he is a fruitcake keep trying to help him no help in the school system he hates me wants to run away. is there any one that can talk to me Thank you K. Johnson
Comment by Kathy — February 22, 2008 @ 12:16 pm
is there any behavioral sites on the internet i live in a very rural area
Comment by Kathy — February 22, 2008 @ 12:19 pm
The advice is spot on EXCEPT that it does not consider a lot of typical situations where it is a single mother, working full-time, with other children to manage. Take time-out? Who is going to look after the children? Some of us can’t even go to the toilet alone. In my experience (and it is only MY experience), there are autistic traits in all members of the family, to varying degrees. Hence, the lack of understanding and support.
Comment by lisa powell — February 22, 2008 @ 5:44 pm
K. Johnson. You need to get some help. There are advocacy groups EVERYWHERE. You need to talk to your pediatrician so they can set you up with someone. If he hates you and wants to run away, he needs to get some therapy and/or medication for depression. How old is he? Has he had therapy of any kind? There are many serveces out there available to him, you just need to find them. Don’t be afraid to ask, you are not alone in this. Take care.
Comment by Sandy — February 23, 2008 @ 10:29 pm
Paula, my husband was in denial for about a year. Finally, I made him take our son to get evaluated by the school. When our son could not even complete 5 out of 6 tests they gave him because of his ranting and raving, my husband finally got the picture. Our behavioral pediatrician who diagnosed him said that my husband needed to get his head out of the sand “today” so we could start therapy. My son was 4 at the time. Thank God she was so forceful, made a real impression on my husband and he has been great ever since. Good luck.
Comment by Sandy — February 23, 2008 @ 10:32 pm
My son is 8 1/2 y/o and was diagnosed with AS in Dec.’07. He is oblivious to the fact that he is different. He doesn’t see that. It’s usually the other kids that aren’t nice to him or are mean. I need help in dealing with how to explain to him that he has AS.Some tell me not to say anything until he comes to us and asks, others say we should sit him down and tell him.
Any advice?
Comment by H.Rist — February 24, 2008 @ 11:32 am
Hi Kathy, I know what you mean. Sometimes my son, when he gets really down about a situation or has a tantrum, he bemoans that he is different and he can’t do anything, etc. It gets better with time, patience, understanding, and practive. Find ways to distract him or that appeal to him. Exercise really helps with my Aspie. Lots of walking, climbing trees, running, chasing ducks, etc. lol Find a good therapist for you both and find a support system in a local advocacy group, the school, and/or your family/friends. Good luck! It gets easier, sometimes.:-)
Comment by Kim — February 25, 2008 @ 9:58 pm
Hi, I’m new to this site but all the postings sound so familiar. My son is already 16 years old and it has been a long, hard road that somehow doesn’t look like it has an end. While he makes progress every year, (he’s now a sophomore in a mainstream highschool), the amount of input from me remains so high. I wonder will he ever be able to navigate the world alone? And now that he is nearing six feet and I’m nearing 60, I just don’t want to cajole or threaten him into doing the homework etc. anymore. I’ve always thought that if I could just get him through a regular high school with perhaps a postgraduate year in some special boarding enviornment where they teach life skills, that maybe he’d wake up someday and have the skills to hold a job or whatever. But the back talk and oppositional behavior is really taking its toll.
Comment by Joan Frawley — February 25, 2008 @ 10:22 pm
Hi Dave!
I’d lost the link addressing Autistic parental stress,
so please add to my commentary response. It’s scientifically
factual from a Columbia University study released May 2004
that St. Johns Wort is proven to diminish the effectiveness of
oral contraceptives!! Parents of Autistic Spectrum children
SHOULD ALL be aware, as not many people nor practitioners
know of these findings. It is verifiable per that University as
released in one of the Medical Journals and Bulletins I receive.
PLEASE share this information with all! Patricia Banks, BMsc
PurePractitioner@aol.com
Comment by admin — February 26, 2008 @ 4:38 pm
My son is terribly persistent! I felt that I could not escape him for 2 seconds - he follows me around the house and I never get a moment to myself - even in the bathroom, he stands outside the door talking. Recently, a therapist told me that one way to handle his tantrums is to take away his “time” with mom. When he calms down, he can have my time; or if he behaves he earns some of my time. If I lock myself in my room, he just bangs on the door or picks the lock, or throws things at the door and it makes him more upset. Any advice?
Comment by Renee Cain — March 30, 2008 @ 9:36 am