My son is very emotional and sometimes talks to himself.

Filed under:Aspergers Behavior — posted by admin on February 5, 2013 @ 2:05 pm

Answer

The situations that you are speaking of are common for children with Asperger’s. He becomes overwhelmed with changes, things he does not understand, and understanding the work around him. It can be very hard for a child with Asperger’s to grasp everything that they have to accept about the world and the people around them, but your son can improve in these areas.

Here are a few things that you can do to approach your son’s emotional issues and his talking to himself.

Minimize the distractions and changes your son encounters. Children with Asperger’s have a hard time handling change and distractions, and they may have frequent meltdowns as a result of this. Try to prepare your son for various situations before they happen. Allowing him to prepare in advanced can minimize the emotional breakdowns that he may have. Also, when it comes to him focusing on doing something, distractions may bring about the emotions that you see. When you want him to do something, make sure that he can focus on the task that you want him to do.

Let your son participate in social skills groups. Social skills therapy offers your son a way to cope with the various situations that he will have to deal with on a daily basis. This form of therapy is very good at teaching children how to find replacement behaviors for his emotional meltdowns and talking to himself. Offering social skills therapy in a group setting will help your son see how others react to situations and help him to work through is feeling. He may feel more comfortable getting social skills training in a group setting because he will interact with other children his age.

Keep your son occupied as much as possible. The talking to himself that your son does could be because he is not interacting enough with others. You should encourage your son to get involved in activities and find new friends that he feels comfortable talking to about whatever he wants. Make sure that you prepare your son in advanced so that he does not shut down or have a meltdown.

Allow your son to participate in-group play. Group play is a great way for yours son to interact with others. He will learn many new and appropriate behaviors from his peers, and he will no longer have a need to talk to himself because of his new interactions.

This is just a phase that your son is going through. He will likely stop talking to himself and being as emotional as he grows older.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

comments (29)

29 comments »

thank you for the information.we are also in the states and have been blessed to have good teachers.this year they decide he is not focusing,or staying on task or understanding certain things.he is 8 and is diagnosed as having aspergers and pdd and will soon be tested for adhd.again thank you for your insight.

Comment by bonnie — February 5, 2013 @ 2:57 pm
Oh,for heavens sake, Dave. Autistic people talk to themselves. It’s just part of their brains not filtering things properly. Those ASD individuals who function well in the NT world must learn to avoid talking to themselves in the office etc, so it has to be addressed. Why do I believe this? Because I live/have lived in a whole household of them. My family members would all be considered successful in the NT world. One needs to treat the household as a place that ASD can feel safe,including talking to themselves, if necessary.

Comment by Laura — February 5, 2013 @ 3:05 pm
My son (age 12.5 yrs) has always talked to himself. He always has social interactions. I’ve just always thought this is his way of processing info or just using his imagination.. But I’m also a little concerned because he does tell me he hears voices. He has always said this and hasn’t ever given any indication that ‘they’ have ‘told’ him to do things, so we haven’t ever seen it as a problem. Are these things that I need to be concerned about or take action with?

Comment by Cyndi N — February 5, 2013 @ 3:08 pm
I recently found that a simple explanation of how the brain works helps. I regularly had issues getting my daughter to do her math homework. She is very smart and when calm and in a good frame of mind she can do it very well. However, most of the time she doesn’t want to and my insistence that she get it done can get her quite worked up and then she makes lots of silly mistakes. Then one day she got it done in a short time without mistakes. I loaded on the praise and said I wanted to let her in on a big secrete. That when she gets all worked up and up set, that causes a chemical to be released in her brain that physically makes it harder to think and therefore harder to get her work done. But when she is calm her brain releases another chemical that makes it easier to think. Thus deciding to remain calm, even if frustrated, makes it easier to do her work and get the right answers. The next day she came home and when I asked her do her math homework, she did it right away, without a fuss and got it all right the first time. We got excited and celebrated and I told her great job. She responded by saying “See mom, that’s because when I stay calm my brain works better”. It was a happy mama moment

Comment by Sarah Hiley — February 5, 2013 @ 3:14 pm
My son also does this a lot. His school only started questioning his behaviour when he began having terrible meltdowns. It could sometimes take an hour to get him out of school if he had had a bad day, this was particularly evident around Christmas time when so many timetable changes accurr. He was 5 yrs at the time. He is 6 now and still has the odd meltdown at school but nowhere near as often. He spends at least 1/2 hour talking to himself and re enacting school on his own when he comes home. He paces up and down the kitchen constantly holding conversations with 2 or 3 people from his class. I let him get on with it to be honest as its like he needs to get it out of his system. I only intervene if he gets upset or it goes on for too long. Often when he’s done he just comes into the living room and sttles down with me and his older brother. I hope I’m not getting it too wrong?

Comment by Sara — February 5, 2013 @ 3:16 pm
I’m 57 and I still talk to myself. I still get emotional and a disturbance in my head from overwhelming bullying causes meltdowns. It’s like another world to me when this happens. I feel as if a cloak comes upon me and I change into someone else or someone else takes me over. i can’t tell I’m getting better unless it rehappens but usually I am squashed in a hard place and it feels like I’m fighting to unprison myself. It’s very scarey for me as I don’t know what I will do and I generally cry. Mad for a 50 plus.

Comment by Michelle — February 5, 2013 @ 3:30 pm
I have a 11 year old daughter who has aspergues she is really emotional and finds it so hard to explain why she is angry n struggles with friends I have tried social skill groups but they don’t really work for her I have now come to except I can’t push her to have friends n make people like her she is who she is and happier in her own little world she is a lovely child just doesn’t fit in with everyone n it’s there loss when she does get angry we are trying little things like breathing to ten in her head or walking away n finding a teacher to help but sometimes she still see red I’m sure it will get easier till her teenage years then more problems to come

Comment by Debbie — February 5, 2013 @ 3:33 pm
It’s not “just a phase”. We don’t grow out of it, we just get beaten down to the point where we suppress our emotions and get ulcers, high blood pressure, headaches, stomach and intestinal disorders and other stress-induced diseases.

Comment by K.I. Matthews — February 5, 2013 @ 3:44 pm
I totally agree with all of these approaches to an emotional
Child with ASD, our son is 11 & has recently started high school &
We have spent the last 5 yrs since diaognisis doing all other things
To ensure an easy transition in any situation.

We are lucky to have a charitable group called GreenHouse Mentoring
& they run support groups for children & families with
Additional needs & it has proved to be both positive & life changing
For our son in anxious situations.

Fortunately for us ASD parents there are people like Dave Angel
Supporting us from afar! Thank you soo much for all your information,
It has been invaluable for us in the past & I have no doubt
It will continue to for the unforseeable future.

Kindest regards
Liza & Leo Talbot (& 11yr old Billy)

Comment by Liza talbot — February 5, 2013 @ 4:32 pm
My father is over 60 and he still talks to himself. He could qualify for a diagnosis of Asperger’s if he were to go through the procedures with the relevant bureacracies. (Not that he’s ever been good at that.) He rarely makes eye contact and is sometimes irrational. Suffice to to say that he is the reason I believe in astrology, because when they said he was a Scorpio, it made perfect sense to me on account of he had the temper of a scorpion. The miracle is that he hasn’t gotten into trouble (legally or with the mental health system) for something worse.

Comment by Laura — February 5, 2013 @ 5:41 pm
Don’t forget fatigue. It’s a major trigger for my son’s melt-downs. Your’s is a very useful and interesting blog. Please keep up the good work!

Hugh

Comment by Hugh Culliton — February 5, 2013 @ 5:59 pm
my son excessive talk to him self more after he get 24th BD
That was corrected with medication like rasperdile he was taking it for about 4 years and when we try to reduce amount of meds then self talking comeback
not sure if that helps ,ones he was admitting to the hospital because he was not reacted to any dialog or questions
he was in his world
may be any one have idea what else can be done ?

Comment by ira — February 5, 2013 @ 6:25 pm
Very good advice Dave. My son wasn’t diagnosed until he was 35. His meltdowns and talking to himself at times when in distress, or more often, when he was absorbed in one of his special interests, got him diagnosed with schizophrenia and decades of torture on neuroleptics. It almost destroyed him but at last things are improving. It has been a fight to get him the specialist ASD services he needs but I hope that will be sorted out in the next few weeks. I can’t help but be full of rage and grief for the decades of his life that have caused him such pain but I am trying to put it behind us and get on with improving things.

Comment by Margaret — February 5, 2013 @ 7:12 pm
My 9 yr old son has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. His nan is terminally ill and his dad is sending most of his time with her. I have never seen emotions so heart breaking as when his dad has been home, but leaves to go back. He screams, and cries uncontrollably, he punches things and he clings to his dad for dear life when he’s leaving. This will go on for hours and there is no consoling him. What can I do to help him?

Comment by Victoria — February 6, 2013 @ 1:12 am
Hi,
My son was diagnosed with high functioning autism. I’m in the u.k. He talks to himself always and it is nothing to do with isolation or not communicating with others in his case. He was non-verbal till the age of 3 and a half years and every task he did I talked him through it. E.g. “CHAY…link see shoe, CHAY putting shoe on etc. He now talks himself through his own tasks he’s seven. This helps his awareness. It is unfortunate we live in a society where self talk is classed as a tad doo-Kelly and he struggles to stay quiet in a mainstream school. I totally encourage it because rather him have it out than swirling round and round in his head. Hopeful one day he will be able to write his self talk out of himself. He does draw very occasionally and it usually reflects upon his topics of self talk. Anyway Just shall shut up now thank you xx

Comment by lesley kelly — February 6, 2013 @ 4:12 am
How can I help my daughter…how much is normal teen and how much is aspergers? And then there is pmt too? She never cried as such before! Ad then there’s boys! She’s nearly sixteen! He please thank you

Comment by Suzan whymark — February 6, 2013 @ 4:24 am
Can you also address the Kemal health side of such behaviors that may not be attributed to aspergers.

Comment by Brian Lacey — February 6, 2013 @ 5:20 am
Can you also address the mental health side of such behaviors that may not be attributed to aspergers?
Sorry about typo in last email entry.

Comment by Brian Lacey — February 6, 2013 @ 5:23 am
I am 41 was diagnosed with aspergers at the age of 36 this thing of talking to them selves is not how i see it as not having a other people to talk to it is something that i have been known to do all my life i have many friends and people i can call yet i still do this i fuind myself doing it even more so after i have been with people its just a thing we do as i see it

Comment by amanda louise oakley — February 6, 2013 @ 2:45 pm
I find your advise to the mum re her sons emotions really interesting, as my 12 year old also is very emotional. He is classic in reactions to his emotions. I would agree with all your advise as I am at the stage now with my son that we are wearing the t-shirt. We still struggle however with social skills and making friends. There are no social skills therapy groups locally, but we have managed to get him into a devolopement group at school. So to anyone else in the same situation, look to your school for help if there’s nothing else. We are lucky in that he does have a chance to go to an autistic youth club too. Both these have really helped him come on some much. These sessions have helped his confidence and self esteem so much that many aspects in his life have improved, and he can see for himself how well he can do in life. Life isn’t perfect, but as a parent, I feel we are happier and that means so much and gives us all hope, that things will improve, but just may take longer to get there. My advise, is keep looking for things to try that may help,if they don’t move on to the next. You will get there.

Comment by Helen — February 6, 2013 @ 4:08 pm
Actually I and two of my three kids actually do talk to ourselves alot !! I have noticed that talking to self makes up for the lack of socializing….but talking to self can be inappropriate in some settings and can actually get some people upset ..
Thanks for your blog !!

Comment by Rhoda Bryan — February 6, 2013 @ 6:36 pm
I have AS and I’m like this. I have always been this way and I haven’t grown out of it. I’m now 27 years old. I talk to myself to process my thoughts, identify and release my emotions and to plan the way forward in an objective manner.

Comment by Shellique — February 7, 2013 @ 1:32 am
Yes I’ve noticed that he talks to himself when he,s confused , upset or idle. It is advised to give him some occupations

Comment by Claudette — February 8, 2013 @ 3:29 am
I just received the MSDS sheets from the princical at my childrens’ middle school. It is extremely scarry what they are exposed to at school. I know that these chemicals are behind part of my sons poor behavior and attention deficit. He is very sensitive to chemicals and fragrances. These chemicals that they use on a daily basis can cause birth defects, nerve disorders, cause organ problems and reproductive problems, among other things. What do I do? My chilren have problems interacting with other children allready. I am afraid to try to home school them because they need the interaction with other children to learn these skills. I am not smart enough to home school them anyway. Please help. I have contacted many people, maybe even this website, but I get no answers.

Comment by Theresa V. — February 8, 2013 @ 8:33 am
Thanks for the great advice, Dave. Hormones are on high especially for Aspie teens. My son attends a teen social group,we finally found one that is a good fit.
He is on two basketball team one with neurotypicals, which his dad coaches and one for special olympics, which he get to be a role model/mentor to the younger kids.
I also found that laughter and music is such a great release of emotions for him. When he comes home from school (he’s had a full day on keeping it together)I let him relax before doing his homework either by watching a favorite sitcom (he loves big bang theory)or AFV on demand, which makes him laugh or going into his studio and playing instruments. He break is usually 30-60 minutes. He gets home before his sister so when he jams his instruments no one minds.
Thanks again,
Connie

Comment by Connie — February 8, 2013 @ 10:13 am
HI I WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS WITH A MAN THAT HAS ASBERGERS AND HE SEEMS TO RUN AWAY AND HIDE WHEN HE GET AFRAID AND NERVIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HE HAS DONE WRONG OR ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HE IS NOT SURE OF. IS THIS SOMETHING THAT IS COMMON AND ALSO HE HAS A BAD TEMPER WHEN HE CANT HAVE THINGS HIS WAY. IS THIS JUST BE DEFYANT OR IS THIS THE DECEASE JUST SHOWING HOW HE DEALS WITH HIS ANGER ISSUES. HE IS NOT RESPOSIVE TO MY FEELINGS AT ALL AND SHOWS NO FEELINGS IS THIS ALSO PART OF THE ILLNESS, I AM TRYING BUT ITS VERY HARD ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS NO COMMUNICATION ON HIS PART. HE IS AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS AND IS VERY AFRAID OF SO MUCH I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM. THANKS MAUREEN HIS VERY GOOD FRIEND AND LOVE HIM VERY MUCH AND HE ALSO HAS A BRAIN INJURY ALSO WHICH MAKES IT EVEN HARDER. SAD.

Comment by maureen — February 8, 2013 @ 3:58 pm
Hi
My son is 14 and still talks to himself. It is quite amusing to listen to his comments and all the other parents find this amusing also whilst he is partaking in activities in, for example, horse riding lessons.
On the whole his behaviour is good and he is quite a rounded individual although he, by his own admission, finds reading non-verbal clues confusing.
The worst thing about him talking to himself is if he used inappropriate language in the presence of others!!

Comment by Lynne — February 10, 2013 @ 5:58 am
On reading your post, I realized my son used to speak to himself initially when he was younger and now aged 10 and with being occupied with lots of activities he has stopped speaking to himself as he used to do earlier.

Thanks

Comment by Gunashree — February 11, 2013 @ 4:14 am
I have a daughter who may have asberger’s. She doesn’t like being around people at all.
Having to go to a “group” would cause her to have a panic attack of epic proportions.
yes, she needs to learn to cope in the large world we live in and she does need to learn to
Deal with people and not be so afraid of being touched accidentally but I’m not sure a group
Setting would help her. Ahe needs to develop some skills to allow her to control the panic before
she could adequately function in a group.

Comment by M Edwards — February 22, 2013 @ 7:59 am