Aspergers Siblings Problems

Filed under:Aspergers Siblings — posted by admin on July 12, 2011 @ 1:30 pm

Question

I would like to know how to deal with sibling rivalry, when you have an Asperger child who never wants to be bothered with his or her siblings.

Answer

Family life can be difficult for children with Asperger’s. Siblings may also struggle due to the inconsistencies found in the child with Asperger’s. The lack of social attention, coupled with the extra attention from mom and dad can cause some serious family dysfunction. Here are a few of the common misconceptions by siblings of children with Asperger’s.

* The child with Asperger’s does not look any different. Siblings may struggle to understand how this unseen condition can be so bad.

* The child with Asperger’s is a bad kid who gets away with bad behavior. Siblings may not understand the frustration, stress, anxiety, and depression that can come with Asperger’s Syndrome.

* The child with Asperger’s behaves strangely around the siblings’ friends, causing embarrassment. Siblings may not understand the sensory issues, motor skills weaknesses, and lack of social skills that affect their sibling with Aspergers.

* The child with Asperger’s gets all the attention and love. Siblings may not see that the attention given to this child is necessary for his safety and development.

Parents should enlist the whole family to help the child with Asperger’s. Siblings can play a valuable role in the developmental growth of the child with Asperger’s. “Siblings of Children With Autism: A Guide for Families,” By Sandra L. Harris, Ph.D, is a guide that covers all aspects of how Autism affects the entire family. It tackles tough subjects like sibling rivalry and good family communication. Here are some other things siblings can do to help.

* Embrace the child’s differences, accepting him for who he is. Let him become a part of the group whenever he attempts, even if his behavior may be embarrassing.

* Help with therapy goals and social interactions. Explain to his siblings the reasons why he avoids contact. Share his therapy assignments and have each sibling help with a particular goal.

* Understand that sometimes the child will need extra attention from the parents.

* Help teach basic self-care and living skills by assisting him with his chores. Have the siblings show him how certain chores are done and explain why they are so important.

Parents can easily become overly focused on the child with Asperger’s. Siblings need the attention of their parents, too. Find ways to spend time with each child separately. If necessary, check within your community for disability support groups and respite care services. A well-balanced family life will make things better for everyone.

Thanks for reading,

Dave Angel

comments (16)

16 comments »

A lot easier to read than to action. Esp hard is when the Aspie child is the oldest child of four and the others copy his behaviour thinking its normal….so then you have four kids and a totally dyfunctional family….its my life!
Comment by caroline dawson — July 12, 2011 @ 2:28 pm
Very hard when a family of two children and a single mom trying to cope with them both having Aspergers and ADHD. Constant sibling rivalry, one gets more than the other in their eyes.
Comment by Audrey — July 12, 2011 @ 2:52 pm
How do u deal with 2 asperger children but 1 on them is oppositional defient and the other just does not want to share anything with anyone even though everyone else shares with him?
Comment by Jackie — July 12, 2011 @ 3:53 pm
Five boys – one with aspergers – aggressive and controlling, difficult to live with.
Comment by Patricia O'Meara-Thompson — July 12, 2011 @ 4:11 pm
I agree with you Caroline! I only have 2 kids, the older with AS and a younger one with SPD and while the younger one so wants to play dolls with the older one, she is never interested:(. The younger one does copy the older one and grasps things more but I hear you about how hard it is. Try having two with different sensory profiles!!! They clash daily just because of that 🙁
Comment by Cat — July 12, 2011 @ 4:41 pm
We have a blended family. The oldest boy of 15 has Asperger syndrome. His diagnosis came around 13 1/2 yrs old. He has a sister of 13 and and step sister of 11. The sibling problems are huge. He wants responsibility…but the youngest is probably the most mature. How do we get him and the two girls to understand that their brother doesnt WANT to be the way he is and that He WANTS to be more mature and responsible like others his age???
Comment by Angie Williams — July 12, 2011 @ 6:49 pm
I agree…always easier to read it than to do it! I would love to read specific examples of behaviors or situations with realistic ways to tackle the problem! We can talk to our kids all day long but in the “heat of the moment” sometimes the tools (or patience) are not there to handle the best way possible…
Comment by dmckinney — July 12, 2011 @ 10:21 pm
anyone else have a problem from the aspect of how to handle an asperger’s child who has no tolerance for typical sibling – everything annoys him, the noise, the pretend play, the fact that he has so many friends… the anger my aspie can have toward his brother can really scare me, and I’m not sure how to handle it
Comment by Stacey E — July 13, 2011 @ 8:34 am
Poor Caroline, if only we all had more help with our “autie” families. I am sure her younger children will eventually understand and things will get better as they all get older. We cope with humour,what else can you do ?
Comment by Carolan — July 13, 2011 @ 1:25 pm
I entirely agree with previous comment. Our families are just as varaible as our children and so the theory can’t be applied. It would be lovely if we did have therapy and therefore therapy goals to engage in. There is no provision of therapy or services where I live in the UK even with an SEN statement. I get so fed up, I too can spout theory, and best practice, the reality is oh so very different.
Comment by Elizabeth Stockman — July 14, 2011 @ 3:13 am
I completely agree with last two comments- where do you get the support from and how do you stop feeling as though your whole life will revolve around the aspergers child? Neuro-typical siblings are difficult enough to manage at times without the added dimension of aspergers.
Comment by Mrs Bryce — July 14, 2011 @ 7:57 am
Our situtaion is two fold… oldest son age 11 is an aspie/ADHD/high anxiety and his brother 1 year younger is severely ADHD. Trying to keep peace and balance of attention is difficult at best.
Comment by Kathy Mahoney — July 15, 2011 @ 7:48 pm
It is also very hard as even parents with so called NT children their siblings seem to fight a lot too! What is funny for me is that after doing a strict diet with both kids the AS one is now quite calm but the SPD one is always so up and down! They just annoy eachother all the time ! I have recently started a “sharing is caring jar” and let them put marbles inside each time they play well together even if it is for 10 mins … It has helped but the AS one just can’t stand sharing anything!!
Comment by Cat — July 18, 2011 @ 6:51 pm
I have an 11yr old Aspie boy, a 9yr old daughter with ADHD and a 6yr old Autistic daughter – my son has decided in his delightfully aspie way that he hates his ADHD sister and loves his younger autistic sister and nothing any of us say or do will convince him otherwise so they fight constantly particularly as he struggles with her high activity and noise levels, not to mention personal space issues!
Comment by Liz Turnbull — July 20, 2011 @ 3:20 am
I have a NT 13 year old daughter and my fiance has an 11 year old Aspie. The problem lies in how his dad view my daughter. He expects her to never get frustrated with him and tolerate his bad behavior without any reaction. When she wants to play with her friends and isn’t anxious to include him, he says she’s mean. He just can’t play with multiple kids without having a meltdown. She even tries to protect him from what the other kids think but my fiance doesn’t see that. How do you handle the other parent being over protective of their Aspie child? I get along with his son very well but he just can’t function well in the social setting with other kids, while my daughter thrives in that environment. Any advice?
Comment by Lisa — August 4, 2012 @ 9:51 am
I have 3 kids. Oldest has asperger’s and probably anxiety disorder. My middle daughter is gifted. My youngest has ADHD.
I just found out that the boys do not talk to each other. They share a room and sleep next to each other. They avoid talking to each other because they don’t want to argue. They have no relationship at all, I guess. I am heartbroken.
We have done counseling in the past and it has not seemed to help. Recently my youngest has been bullied. His older brother is constantly on his case too but is also very worried about his little brother.
You could try to tell this to others but honestly, they just would not understand. I worry that they will never talk to each other when they are older. They are 16, 14 and 12 so there is not a lot of intervention that we can do.
Comment by chrisd — March 4, 2013 @ 11:21 am