Can children with Aspergers play board games?

Filed under:Education — posted by admin on November 11, 2008 @ 9:51 am

Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog. Last weeks discussion on Barack Obama seemed to cause upset and annoyance to some readers; whilst others seemed really happy to discuss the issues. It was a really mixed reaction – but I guess that’s politics for you!

Anyway moving on; I wanted to let you know that next week I’m planning to run a bit of a Pre-Xmas sale of my Aspergers, Autism and ADHD e-books. Because I know that times are getting hard for a lot of people and so I want to offer them at a discount for those who may be struggling. So look out of for that in an email next week. But on to this week’s article which is …

Question

How do I make my child understand the rules of board games like monopoly? He wants to play it only his way and gets extremely angry if he has to pay a penalty. He does not understand the sets of rules for different games and only wants to win with his own rules.

Answer

The child with Aspergers may get upset over game rules, sharing, or taking turns. This applies especially when following the rules means that sometimes the child with Aspergers loses the game! Hence, your son’s insistence on playing with his own rules. He does not understand that others want to win a game sometimes, too. And, even if he does come to understand that, he may not care about their feelings enough to play the game appropriately. While some children act as “the warden” or keeper of the rules, others find it hard to grasp the give and take of peer relationships, including following rules while playing games with others.

To help your son with this problem, target “fairness” strategies. Step-by-step, teach causes and effects in feelings, behaviour, and consequences, along with how following rules and social/emotional reciprocity leads to positive rewards. But of course that is much easier said than done!

Many children with autism spectrum disorders are more successful in structured situations. Playing games on “neutral turf” in the community often provides the means for structuring activities. For example, a play date at mini-golf has an inherent structure and it will be difficult for your son to change the rules, as other players can say, “Everyone has to follow the rules of the golf course.” Pair him with a friend who understands his difficulty. The friend may be able to help him accept the fact that rules are necessary.

If you son has trouble taking turns, plan some games that are based on just that! For example, in Parcheesi, all players might be given “a point” when they take a turn when they are supposed to and don’t complain when others have a turn. Write the points down in clear view of everyone. At the end of the game, these points are added up. For each 10 points earned, a small reward is given, such as an M&M, a penny, etc. Everyone participates and everyone earns the reward – a bigger amount of reward is earned by the players who are most cooperative at taking turns. Don’t take points away for misbehaviour or your son may not get any reward for the times he did behave appropriately!

In the card game War players choose a card, turn it over and the highest card takes both. The person with the most cards at the end wins. This can be a learning experience for your son. Play with only cards 2 through 10 as the face cards may be confusing. In this game, your son may win often enough to prevent him from becoming angry. If not, explain to the players that as well as the highest card taking both, each player who accepts losing a card gracefully will earn a point. Write the points down in clear view of everyone. Give a reward for highest points at the end, as well as one to the winner of the most cards.

Chutes and Ladders is a good game for your son to play as it’s difficult to change the rules. You roll the dice, move, and either climb the ladders or slide down the chutes. Again offer points for gracious acceptance of sliding down a chute. The winner at the end and the one with the most points both should receive a small reward.

Parcheesi is another good game that is simple, requires taking turns, and rolling the dice to determine moves. There are no penalties involved to create frustration.

Many children with Aspergers enjoy computer or hand held, electronic games. With a little research, you can find games that will interest your son. Start with the simplest ones; ones at which he can easily be successful. The penalties and rewards are built in. He won’t be able to change them or the rules. If he gets angry while playing, he’ll have to learn how to move beyond anger to win the game. If he gets physically angry (hits the computer or throws the game, etc.), take it away, but let him try again in a few days. Over time, he may accept the need for rules when playing. If he plays for a period of time without anger, give him a lot of praise. Since the games can be played at various levels and be restarted if he wishes, he has some control. With these games, he is free to fail without having to deal with another person winning and “lording it over him” which kids often do. Increase the complexity of the games as he matures. Avoid violent games, though.

Thanks for reading and have a great day,

Dave Angel

PS – As part of my now regular weekly update on the new Aspergers website ; I just wanted to let you know that the site’s got a really cool feature that I’m working on. It allows you to read all the latest headlines and news topics from around the world related to Aspergers – on one simple web page. I love technology (when it actually works!) that brings new sources of information to people in such a simple and easy to use way. As ever keep watching this space!

comments (37)

37 comments »

I love this blog but the way the page is formatted I can only see 3/4 of the sentence and then it is cut off by advertisements – is this a problem for anyone else?

Comment by Debbie Eiden — November 11, 2008 @ 10:16 am
My step son has a problem with eating. He eats compulsively especially if he is nervous. He is 9 and eats everything with his hands – even corn. I have tried to encourage manners but he doesnt seem interested! It is hard because we only have him a few days out of the month. He gained nearly 30 lbs since last December. Is this an issue with other children w/aspergers?

Comment by Donna B — November 11, 2008 @ 10:24 am
My 13 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with AS. She tends to get extremely anxious about exams and as a result, she performs relatively poorly. She is currently writing end of year exams and she has been allowed to sit them in a separate exam room. This has made all the difference and she is much more relaxed and confident about the whole process. I can recommend this as a simple but effective coping mechanism. Bryony

Comment by Bryony Evans — November 11, 2008 @ 10:57 am
Bingo is another game they can’t fool with. To increase chances of winning, let them control more than one board. I’ve found an inexpensive Bingo game that has a ball you turn and out comes the little ball with the number on it. It’s visually fun!

Comment by Allyson Boan — November 11, 2008 @ 12:32 pm
LOL!!! This was the story of our life with our son…who is now 18! We just stopped playing board games with him. There were to many other things that needed attention than this and it was unbelievable!! He would cry and literaly throw the board and stomp away in an angry upset manner!! We did try for a long while but to no avail! Thinking back…we may have tried to video tape a couple sessions to show when we had evaluations. He has grown up now and just finished his Senior year of high school football…so there is hope for playing some games…they do grow and learn! I have found it interesting that having Aspergers, that he has never been really interested in video games and I think I’m happy with that.
Thanks for the article…it brought back memories!! Kim

Comment by kim — November 11, 2008 @ 12:51 pm
It’s so funny that this topic came up today. I just recently had a conversation with a mom about the emotions during family games. I had a 12 year old with AS and a 7 year old with PDDNOS. I really like your tips with the reward system. One thing I have noticed is that sometimes my boys tend to hold it together a little better when they are playing with friends than they do when they are playing with family members. Thanks for speaking to such daily and common dilemmas. It really helps me to feel like I’m not the only one and there is something I can do about it.

Comment by Melody — November 11, 2008 @ 12:52 pm
My aspie son loves to play board games. But he understands in order to play the game we must all understand and agree to the rules. Sometimes this doesn’t work in the end but most of the time it does. When it comes to card games, when we have a new game it only takes him two times to master the game after that he is hard to beat but we have alot of laughs.

Comment by Nicole — November 11, 2008 @ 1:02 pm
Sorry I don’t have a solution. My son could play board games,but often liked to tweek the rules. was not a big problem.
My main reason to post is to say I’m so glad the problem with text being blocked by adds for the newsletter/books has been resolved. I recently tried to send a message to that effect and was told that due to spam etc. my message was blocked. I was unsuccessful in using the e-mail suggested to resend my message so I thought it didn’t get through. Noticed a similar comment on the blog(which I don’t often read) so maybe word got through that way. Anyhow I now will take the time to read the weekly posts,since I don’t have to spend time figuring out the previously blocked text.
Thank you.
Lissa

Comment by Lissa Kearns — November 11, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
We had the same problem with “luck” games like Trouble and Chutes and Ladders so for a while we played whoever wins the game loses instead.

Comment by Renee — November 11, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
I know exactly what you mean. My son didn’t want to follow rules unless he made them himself – until he started playing video games, where you had to figure out what the games’ rules were in order to advance. He particularly enjoys games where he can plan a strategy, like Pokemon, or have clear goals, like the Mario games. It gives him something to focus on, exactly what he needs for the ADHD component.

Comment by satscout — November 11, 2008 @ 2:27 pm
My 6 year old always has to be the winner. When he isn’t the winner he cries or becomes angry. We are working really hard to teach him that others want to win too, and we can take joy when our friends win.

Comment by Shannon — November 11, 2008 @ 3:40 pm
My nearly 13 year old grandson has always loved board games and games. We have always taught him to go by the rules and that we wont play unless he plays by the rules. He is very good at chess and has played chess since he ws six. Draughts, card gmes, funworder (scrabble), etc. He knows them all. I feel its the fact that they are playing games with someone and when they are playing fairly and by the rules its good to have a win. When he was four and five we used to have a block puzzle that could be done in 60 different ways. I had to take a photo of each puzzle so he could change the design. We mde a poster of the different patterns.

Comment by Lillian Carde — November 11, 2008 @ 3:46 pm
I’m shocked at the amount of people that have written their Aspie children like to play board games! Thats great but I have never come across any to my knowledge…so that is great to hear!
Kim

Comment by kim — November 11, 2008 @ 6:40 pm
Last year my 7 year old son was always frustrated when playing board games because he had to win every time. I struggled with this for a long time until a psychologist suggested setting up a ‘Good Sport’ reward chart. I sat him down and explained what a good sport is (being a gracious winner/loser, staying calm, congratulating the winner, etc) and then we played. I couldn’t believe it worked the first time. He made no attempt to congratulate his brother for winning BUT he didn’t stomp and yell when he didn’t win. He was rewarded with a sticker on his chart and eventually got a reward.
12 months on and he is an absolute delight to play games with.

Comment by Mel — November 11, 2008 @ 7:02 pm
My son loves to play board games. Like the question said he likes to play on his terms. We generally explain that he has to follow the rules and if he continues to argue about the situation we stop playing. Eventually he learns the concept of playing by the rules with most games. His favorite games are the ones that involve math. I think his favorite board games are sequence and the consequence game.

Comment by Rose Mary — November 11, 2008 @ 7:09 pm
Money is a great motivater. My sons who are almost 5 and almost 7 each get a quarter for playing a game – despite whether they win or lose. Of course I must still intervene to remind them to play nicely and to play by the rules – reminding them of their “prize” helps.

Comment by Alicia — November 11, 2008 @ 9:51 pm
Sir,
The name is CHIRSTMAS not xmas. If you are not a christian then the term “holidays” would be plenty accectable, but to remove CHRIST for Christmas is rude to those of us who are believers.(it is after all our holiday) I am not forcing my religion on you I just ask you to respect mine and the millions other who are. So in closing “HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU!!”

Comment by K. Koke — November 11, 2008 @ 9:57 pm
K. Koke,
This is an Asperger’s blog, not a blog about Christmas or what is the politically correct term for Christmas. I am also a Christian but also realize that I can’t be offended each time I see “Xmas”. Let’s just stick to the topic at hand shall we? Thanks. My son, 12, is very good at games and can, thankfully, can handle a loss now and then. The challenge has been to find games that he is, at that moment, in the mood for or agrees to instead of being indifferent just because. So often when we have our family night we take turns in choosing the games the family plays together.

Comment by Lori — November 12, 2008 @ 12:57 am
Our 6 yr old asperkid loves the ‘Cranium’ board games.They make several different kinds for families to play.
The games focus on teamwork rather than winning, we have a really good time playing these with him.

Comment by Kris Costello — November 12, 2008 @ 1:15 am
Thanks for your blog, although some people still can’t get the meaning of just commenting on Aspergers, not religion or politics and how they see it! It’s your blog Dave…and you are stating your opinion, NOT the opinion of the world and I still spell XMAS Xmas and belileve that Christ lives and he doesn’t care how we spell it as long as we understand his motives!
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion!
However, I digress.
My son is the opposite to alot of the comments above! Loves board games and the fact that he almost outsmarts “dummy mummy” as he calls me when we are playing board games, but has a very hard time with video games because of their rigidity….I think if we are flexible within reason whilst these kids are learning to abide by rules, and explaining why the rules have to be the way they are, we will all get along fine…kind of like life really…..

Comment by Bianca — November 12, 2008 @ 2:37 am
My son can’t get off the computer once he gets on. I fear addiction but I feel that he gets engaged and a measure of control while playing or designing new skin for characters. While he’s playing computer games though, the rest of us get some peace.

Comment by Josephine — November 12, 2008 @ 5:35 am
My son loves to play games. We had issues for a long time. He is a stickler with rules though so we have to play by the rules. We would sometimes have to just not play the game for a little while then after a few months I would pull it out again. On of the ones he likes to play but was hard to grasp was “Sorry”. He got so angry when we had to switch places or send one of his pons back home. But today we play and he doesn’t mind it. The one he never got past was “Perfection”. It’s so hard to beat the timer for him he would get really frustrated and so we put it away for good. That one always ended in a melt down. He does better with winning/losing now than ever before. He is 10 now. We have been working with him since we found out about AS when he was 7. What is hard is his speech therapist suggested we change the rules on some of the games we play to condition him to changes. HA HA. We spent the last 3 years MAKING him follow the rules so I’m going to have to be creative with that one. I haven’t changed the rules with games at this point but when we play cars sometimes I’ll tell him we are going to play differently. Doesn’t like that so well. We’ll keep trying.

Comment by Marci — November 12, 2008 @ 8:10 am
My 11 yr old son loves games, he loves to win, but loses with grace , now at least…lol he also loves computer and hand held games, although he must be monitored as he will spend hours researching things like the Titanic on line. I would like some help in finding him a firmer yea or nay diagnosis, how is aspergers generally diagnosed, where do I go to best help him, so the schools will better understand his issues? Thankyou in advance for any advice anyone can give me.

Comment by Sharyn — November 12, 2008 @ 8:15 am
I just wanted to say that in my Aspie son’s IEP, board games are part of their social group time.. He has learned to share and follow the rules and he does pretty well most of the time. Before he started with this group, we could not play any games at all with him, because he would get so upset if he lost. Now, he has learned to play board games with other children who have aspergers and we now have a collection of different Monopoly games. He loves to be the banker and does not mind if someone else has to charge him rent or go directly to jail!!!

Our school system here in Indiana has great programs for children on the Spectrum. If it wasn’t for them, my son would be lost.

Comment by Terry Coons — November 12, 2008 @ 9:51 am
I am curious which board games your aspies like to play. I have four boys… 12, 10, 7 and 6. The 12 year old and 7 year old are diagnosed on the autistic spectrum. I struggle to find games that we all can enjoy together because of our varying ages, skill level, and tolerance for loosing. One game I have found that seems to work is UnoSpin. How about you?

Comment by Melody — November 12, 2008 @ 10:36 am
Oh and on the Christmas thing. I believe x is a symbol which means Christ.

Comment by Melody — November 12, 2008 @ 10:38 am
I would suggest that you find a professional that works only with high functioning and Aspergers and have your son evaluated to see if he meets the criteria used in making a firm diagnoses.
I don’t think you can go wrong with that avenue.
Best of luck…Kim

Comment by kim — November 12, 2008 @ 3:00 pm
Wow! Realising your child is on ‘the spectrum’ is one thing (well actually it is huge). I guess I am overwhelmed by the ‘normality’ of you all. The fact that you are able to debate politics and religion on this site shows that you are not defined by your childs reality. Congrats to all of you who continue to be amazing people with your own view of reality. After all the greatest gift I have learnt from my experience with my young son is that no one can see the world exactly as I can and therefore makes us (hopefully) a group of people who are able to see and advocate for a different way of thinking!!!!!!!

Comment by Sarah — November 13, 2008 @ 5:23 am
My son gets so frustrated if he’s not winning that I find it very hard for us to play board games as a family; I think this is one of the hardest things for his younger sister to understand (7 and he’s 9). I used to hate Xmas too, instead of Christmas, BTW but try to be more tolerant as I age to prove stereotypes wrong!

Comment by Judy — November 13, 2008 @ 5:25 pm
I think those who get offended at the term “Xmas” don’t realize that the “x” doesn’t mean what we do in English – a variable or unknown quantity. It represents the Greek letter chi, which is one acceptable abbreviation of Christ’s name. Or you could think of it as a Greek initial.

But on topic – it is great to see so many Aspie/AS folks are able to play rule-based and turn-based games. I personally think part of it is maturity level, in that they have to be able to emotionally mature enough to handle letting someone else have a turn. My son is usually ok with this until or unless he gets upset about something, when his emotional functioning level plummets.

Comment by satscout — November 13, 2008 @ 5:40 pm
What my 11 yr old Aspie son hates most is people laughing at him even if they are not laughing at him, he thinks they are and gets very angry and upset. He doesn’t mind losing too much but if he is not doing well at something i.e bowling he loses interest and does something else. He loves his computer games(Xbox etc) but can get very angry if he can’t do a mission.

Comment by Karen Robins — November 14, 2008 @ 8:00 am
Good article mate. My 7yr old has a challenge playing some games and becomes quite emotional when things don’t go his way. What you have written is what we already do and I have to be honest, it works really well. We find variety works well and introducing alternative rules, like sliding down ladders and climbing the snakes (chutes) helps too.

He continues to have challenges when playing some computer games and does become angry when he cant complete a level. Things have been thrown, hit or broken as he tries to manage those feelings that he cant understand. We have tried removing the game, explaining that it is upsetting for him, and he reacts with more anger. This slowy disipates with only isolated expressions of “where is my game?” or “You have taken my game!” followed with tears and resentment. However, this is relatively short lived and he eventually returns to a settled state. He gets his game back, after a few days, and he appears to understand that his behaviour brings a consequence. When he begins to get angry again we remind him of the previous situation and this seems to calm him. It is as if we are reminding him that he can cope with NOT winning and does not always have to be first.

Comment by Tony Urosevic — November 14, 2008 @ 9:33 am
It’s like Dave reads my mind! When I have a question, it seems you post the article I need. My 12 year old son, Logan, has a hard time playing video games with his older brother who usually wins. Logan was just diagnosed last year with AS. He came to me last week after loosing a game and said “Mama, I don’t want to be a poor sport. Tell me how to be normal when I play games. Tell me how to not feel so angry when Mitch beats me? I want to be happy that he won and just remember the fun of playing but I can’t. I get so mad when he beats me! Please help me not to feel this way!” I honestly did not know what to say. I told him what I always say. That his brother is 3 years older and the games just come easier to him. I reminded him that he wins when he plays with his younger cousins. He said he knows that but he just can’t help feeling mad when Mitch wins. Logan has ALWAYS made a big deal about competition between he & his big brother. Mitch tries to make him feel better. He tells him that he (Logan) is better at so many things then he(Mitch) was at his age. Grades, basketball etc. How can we help Logan? ANY advice would be welcomed. He has the little brother complex which is magnified by his AS. He is asking for help because he doesn’t want to feel bad/mad when playing with his brother. If anyone has had similar experiences or ideas to help Logan, I’d love to hear from you! Thank you!
Mary Ann

Comment by Mary Ann Ryan — November 14, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
I need some help! I have withdrawn my son who is 12 years old and recently dign. with as along with adhd, bipolar, odd. AS is the latest diagn. What I need is some of the things kids do. Like I recently learned that they will stare off into space (i.e. a staring seizure), he also seems to block his hearing. Can they seem or act like they are having breathing difficulties like asthma? He has been tested for seizures & asthma, but I noticed alot of this during time of stimulations. He also runs away & hides, starts yelling & cussing, hitting the wall; and so on. Please if anyone has any information, please email me at trthskrs@yahoo.com. At this time we are also dealing with CPS. I will be having meetings with them and the school. I am in the process of learning so I can teach others. Please help with any and all information. Thanks!

Comment by Debra — November 14, 2008 @ 5:10 pm
Thank You for the advice Kim, but I am just not sure how to go about finding the right proffessionals to assess my son, we have been battling the schools since kindergarten, as they have believed him to be adhd, now that we have successfully eliminated that dianosis, they are starting to push add on him, I just know in y heart that this again is not the answer. the results of his tests with the Psycologist in grade 4 show he has a higher than average IQ and vocabulary. Where can I go that it won’t cost me $300. or more?

Comment by Sharyn — November 16, 2008 @ 1:04 pm
Asperger kids love rules. They love following rules
and the only real difficulty is when things go awry.
When rules are not followed almost exactly my child would get upset. It is chaos they hate.
Sometimes we have to walk on the grass ut if an AS child sees a sign saying “Do not..” he will not. They make good police officers and probably good bureacrats…Of course I stress flexibility building, the key to mental health.

Comment by Caroline Saddy — November 16, 2008 @ 5:07 pm
Thanks everyone for your information. It is a daily help. I am from South Africa and there is not a huge support system over here so reading the blog is everything. I forgot about the game playing problems and the breathing issues when she was younger. Everything just falls into place when I read about everyone else.When I think of all the worry and all the medical tests she was put through over the 12 years only to find all the answers at once is such a relief. Here in South Africa it appears to not be as well know a condition as in the U.S. Thanks everyone.

Comment by Erica Lewis — November 18, 2008 @ 3:41 am