I often get asked by parents how to prepare your child for adult life.

A massive topic. But for today here’s 10 things that all children with Asperger’s should know:

1. How to set an alarm and wake up with the alarm.

This needs to be taught in two phases.

Phase one is getting them to use the alarm to wake them up in the morning. Of course when you are setting the alarm at night, you will show your son or daughter exactly what you are doing. When they have gotten comfortable with waking to the alarm then you move to getting them to set the alarm on their own.

2. How to figure out how long it takes to complete an activity.

There are places online to purchases timers that “will show time” going by so that your children see time.

Start using the timer with the different basic parts of your child’s day; i.e. homework, getting ready in the morning, showering, etc.

3. How to groom yourself properly.

Remember asking if they have brushed their teeth, did you put on deodorant, etc.

This is where making special reminder notes for in their bedroom, bathroom, and other key places in the house could come in handy.

4. How to keep up with their personal property.

A lot of kids can be really good at setting things down and walking away from them.

If this applies to your child: You can start telling them if and when they leave the house and they have something in his hands that they has to keep out with it.

Tell them you will not carry it or keep up with it for them. Then ask if they really need to take the item with him.

5. How to use visual cues.

These can be post it notes, a wall calendar to write reminders, programming your cell phone to give you a reminder, or any other number of ways to help someone remember to do something. The key is finding what works best for your child.

6. How to cook.

I’ve read this one several times before. Not only in articles about moving on after high school, but in general from other parental advice.Start small and make it a learning experience.

7. How to use the phone and take a message correctly.

These should start out with basic calls and messages. If there is a sensory issue with phone noise, try using a speaker phone option. That will help cut down on sensory issues with your children’s ears.

8. How to go places by themselves.

This has to be an age appropriate activity and with safety issues within your living area. Once you have addressed those two issues then you can proceed to determine if walking somewhere, riding a bicycle, or taking public transportation somewhere.

9. How to leave the house with necessary items they need.

Making sure that they have a cell phone, wallet, keys, money, etc. All items that are necessary for going somewhere out in public.

10. How to be safe.

This involves helping your children know who is OK to talk to and who is not. It also deals with knowing what kind of personal information to share with people and when to share it. Knowing how to behave in public and around strangers is part of this step.

Ever wonder if your child with Asperger’s will . . .

Get a decent job?

Get married?

Get a good set of friends?

Of course you have. Every parent does. It’s totally natural to
worry about the future.

But is it helpful?

Maybe not.

These goals may seem seem impossible at the moment. But no
matter how hard you try . . . you still worry and fret. Often late at
night. But nothing you can do to instantly fix it.

However there is  an alternative . . .

I heard a mom recently talking about her 90 day plan. Basically
she will always focus on just the next 90 days ahead. Doesn’t
have to be THAT exact , however you get the idea. About 1/4 of a
year at a time.

That way you still look ahead.

But it’s more manageable. More controllable.

Put practical plans in place and properly prepare your child for the
future.

Yet NOT get freaked out by the bigger picture – which is just too
far away to directly effect (but brings a whole heap of negative
energy/worry).

Why not give it a try?

You might find you like it.

To 90 day plans,
Dave Angel

Recently saw the film Selma.

Set in the 60’s civil rights movement. All about Dr. Martin Luther
King and the Selma-Montgomery voting marches.

Inspirational , powerful, but also a deeply saddening part of history.

In one scene Dr. King met with President Lyndon Johnson; asked
him to let black people register to vote. The president refused
(other more pressing political issues at the time).

Dr. King explained why it simply COULDN’T wait.

1000’s of black people were being racially murdered. Yet juries
not convicting anyone.

Why?

Juries were all white (and prejudiced).

Why?

You had to be a registered voter to get on the jury.

Catch 22:
Black people couldn’t register to vote; so couldn’t get on the jury.

Pretty compelling reasoning.

The right to vote alone – a pretty strong ideal.

But when he explained what this meant (murder of innocent people
going unpunished) – stratospherically important.

The reason BEHIND the reason.

Took a while – and LOTS more action – but eventually the right to
vote was afforded to everyone.

This powerful “reasoning” approach is applicable to parenting too.

Sure ask for 2 hours social skills class per week in the IEP
meeting; as your child lacks these skills.

But way more powerful :

Explain what this really means for your child. Lunch breaks spent
alone. Upset and tears over their struggle with friends.
Vulnerability to bullies and how this can impact their emotional
and physical health . . . etc . . . etc . . .

The reason BEHIND the reason.

Next time you’re explaining a point to the school, relatives,
neighbors, your other half, or even child remember to think about the
reason BEHIND the reason.

It’s much more powerful.

For more tips and strategies for parenting children with
Asperger’s: https://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/1908.cfm

To reasons,
Dave Angel

Take a Styrofoam coffee cup.

Make some tiny pin pricks in the bottom.

Fill it with water.

BROKEN TIRES, BROKEN MINDS . .. You may remember I had a “near escape” when my tires blew on the motorway (freeway) recently. Left a “footprint” on my mind and body. Until that incident I loved my car. Now I dislike it. Maybe at some level even fear it.One isolated incident has affected the way I feel and think (and not in a good way).

Which reminds me of life for children with Asperger’s.

Think about your child’s average day, or week.

Not one to get too gushy normally.

But I really love you guys!

You are some of the busiest, hard working people on the planet.
Contending with so many challenges each and every day.

Yet . . . you’re always willing to give and share with others.

Last week I asked for your help twice. Didn’t plan too. Just
kind of happened that way.

And boy did you deliver . . .

I think we tipped the petition for Maggie the adorable pig (and 9
year old Julian with ASD) up by 1000 votes; bringing it closer to
the 10k needed. If you didn’t vote still not too late:
https://www.change.org/p/city-of-chandler-arizona-help-maggie-city-says-pet-pig-that-helps-boy-with-asperger-s-has-to-go?recruiter=46784941&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink

And on Sunday lots of you sent birthday wishes to Raevan (a 19
year old with Asperger’s from Canada who has had a really tough
time lately). His mom emailed me Sunday morning:

“Thank you Dave!

Raeven has been in awe at the 70 emails so far this past hour
this morning since he has been up and wondering how all these
people know it’s his birthday!

He is very interested in all the locations around the world of
the birthday wishes and different birthday greetings in other
languages and is intrigued by the photos some have sent and the
wonderful words of inspiration and positivity!

His words to all “That’s awesome and thanks!” From Raeven!

Brings happy tears to my eyes. Thanks everyone!
Joanne”

So from the bottom of my heart thanks to all of you for helping
make a difference.

In a week when most of us, I’m sure, have been trying to make
sense of the absolute tragedy in Paris. This was a shining beacon
to me personally.

The absolute BEST that people can be.

Humans together. Helping each other out. Offering support, love,
understanding, decency and kindness.

Not prejudice, hatred and the very WORST of human tendencies
some display.

(Apologies. Not trying to be political. Not what I’m about at all. But
occasionally my soapbox is here . . .)

So thank you and blessings to all and every one of you.

(I’m actually fighting tears a little as I write this. These words are
hitting me with such emotion as I type them out. Because I just
believe gestures like yours – no matter how big or small – are at the
heart of all that’s good and right in the world.)

Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you . . .

And whilst I’m about it:

To all the people who tragically died in France (and other such
victims around the world) and their families. I’m sure I speak for all of us
– to say we are thinking of them, and wish them all the love in the world.

A rather emotional,
Dave Angel

Hate to upset any of you good readers.

“My son Andrew is 13 and we were at a men’s shed night at our
local church. Andrew was standing around a fire with some blokes
of all ages whilst the BBQ was going.Next to him was another dad
who had a son a bit younger than Andrew. The dad was looking up
at the wonderful starlight heavens with his son. He told him that
his wife (and the mum of his son) who had died quite recently was
now a new star in the heavens. In fact his son’s mum was now the
bright star located near the western horizon…..It was an overly
sentimental moments and was a bit uncomfortable for rest of us.
Nobody was quite sure what to say next. Andrew, however, after
considering the story said flatly; “Nuh… That’s Venus.”
Thankfully this lightened us all up. (Andrew still has no idea
why).

I couldn’t NOT share this story.

The tale of Julian (aged 9) from Phoenix, Arizona and his beloved
Maggie (70 pound Vietnamese pot bellied pet pig).

3 years ago he fell in love with the pigs when he saw them in the
Minecraft game. His loving parents got Maggie.

She’s a definite part of the family now. Has has her own bed,
regularly showers, and loves Cheerios!

More importantly she soothes Julian who has Asperger’s.

He talks to her, strokes her, and whispers his feelings in her
ear. She’s the one he turns to when he’s depressed or in a
meltdown.

Her calm and nurturing presence really helps. She even has a
special grunt to calm him when he becomes visibly anxious. Beyond
cute . . .

However there’s a problem.

A neighbor has complained to the city authorities. They are now
taking action to have Maggie removed from the home. Under law –
they say she’s classed as livestock, and shouldn’t be in the
home.

Maggie’s fate will be decided by council leaders later this
month.

But we can help . ..  Please join me in signing the online
petition to keep Maggie and Julian together:
https://www.change.org/p/city-of-chandler-arizona-help-maggie-city-says-pet-pig-that-helps-boy-with-asperger-s-has-to-go?recruiter=46784941&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink

Fingers crossed it saves the day,

Dave Angel

I love peanut butter.

On my big tab of nutty delight is a warning: “Oil separation is
normal”.

The reason?

Crushed peanuts end up a mix of thick  butter, and gloopy oil.

And it looks a bit odd.

Without warning – the first time natural peanut butter user may
think it’s off.

So the warning is important; as at first glance things appear a
little odd.

Which reminds me a little of the situation for parents of
children on the spectrum.

To warn or not to warn?

When a 10 year old (with no obvious physical challenges) starts
to get really upset in a shop (for no obvious reasons).

Average Joe public doesn’t understand.

Quickly describing the child as a “brat” or parent as “weak” (or other
such judgmental tosh!)

To them it looks odd.

You or I would likely know it’s a good old fashioned meltdown
brought about by a sensory issue . . . personal injustice . . .
social interaction gone wrong . . . or . . . something similar.

One way around this is to “warn”.

Tshirts or cards to hand out explaining “my child is autistic”.

On the one hand it can “label” a child unhelpfully to everyone
within 50 yards (and maybe even make the child feel like they
have to meltdown – “cos it says so my t-shirt!”)

On the other . . . if it helps you as a parent (and maybe your
child too) survive a difficult moment then it’s your call. You
need to do what you need to do.

As ever there’s no one RIGHT right answer. Just a lot of
opinions.

What’s yours?

To peanut butter separation,

Dave Angel