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10 things that all children with Asperger’s should know

Filed under:Aspergers Children — posted by admin on June 7, 2017 @ 8:21 am

I often get asked by parents how to prepare your child for adult life.

A massive topic. But for today here’s 10 things that all children with Asperger’s should know:

  1. How to set an alarm and wake up with the alarm.

This needs to be taught in two phases.

Phase one is getting them to use the alarm to wake them up in the morning. Of course when you are setting the alarm at night, you will show your son or daughter exactly what you are doing. When they have gotten comfortable with waking to the alarm then you move to getting them to set the alarm on their own.

  1. How to figure out how long it takes to complete an activity.

There are places online to purchases timers that “will show time” going by so that your children see time.

Start using the timer with the different basic parts of your child’s day; i.e. homework, getting ready in the morning, showering, etc.

  1. How to groom yourself properly.

Remember asking if they have brushed their teeth, did you put on deodorant, etc.

This is where making special reminder notes for in their bedroom, bathroom, and other key places in the house could come in handy.

  1. How to keep up with their personal property.

A lot of kids can be really good at setting things down and walking away from them.

If this applies to your child: You can start telling them if and when they leave the house and they have something in his hands that they has to keep out with it.

Tell them you will not carry it or keep up with it for them. Then ask if they really need to take the item with him.

  1. How to use visual cues.

These can be post it notes, a wall calendar to write reminders, programming your cell phone to give you a reminder, or any other number of ways to help someone remember to do something. The key is finding what works best for your child.

  1. How to cook.

I’ve read this one several times before. Not only in articles about moving on after high school, but in general from other parental advice.Start small and make it a learning experience.

  1. How to use the phone and take a message correctly.

These should start out with basic calls and messages. If there is a sensory issue with phone noise, try using a speaker phone option. That will help cut down on sensory issues with your children’s ears.

  1. How to go places by themselves.

This has to be an age appropriate activity and with safety issues within your living area. Once you have addressed those two issues then you can proceed to determine if walking somewhere, riding a bicycle, or taking public transportation somewhere.

  1. How to leave the house with necessary items they need.

Making sure that they have a cell phone, wallet, keys, money, etc. All items that are necessary for going somewhere out in public.

  1. How to be safe.

This involves helping your children know who is OK to talk to and who is not. It also deals with knowing what kind of personal information to share with people and when to share it. Knowing how to behave in public and around strangers is part of this step.

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The 90 Day Asperger’s Parenting Plan

Filed under:Aspergers Children — posted by admin on May 5, 2016 @ 8:23 am

Ever wonder if your child with Asperger’s will . . .

Get a decent job?

Get married?

Get a good set of friends?

Of course you have. Every parent does. It’s totally natural to
worry about the future.

But is it helpful?

Maybe not.

These goals may seem seem impossible at the moment. But no
matter how hard you try . . . you still worry and fret. Often late at
night. But nothing you can do to instantly fix it.

However there is  an alternative . . .

I heard a mom recently talking about her 90 day plan. Basically
she will always focus on just the next 90 days ahead. Doesn’t
have to be THAT exact , however you get the idea. About 1/4 of a
year at a time.

That way you still look ahead.

But it’s more manageable. More controllable.

Put practical plans in place and properly prepare your child for the
future.

Yet NOT get freaked out by the bigger picture – which is just too
far away to directly effect (but brings a whole heap of negative
energy/worry).

Why not give it a try?

You might find you like it.

To 90 day plans,
Dave Angel

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Dr. Martin Luther King’s inspirational Asperger’s parenting tip

Filed under:Aspergers Children,Aspergers Education — posted by admin on March 14, 2016 @ 5:54 pm

Recently saw the film Selma.

Set in the 60’s civil rights movement. All about Dr. Martin Luther
King and the Selma-Montgomery voting marches.

Inspirational , powerful, but also a deeply saddening part of history.

In one scene Dr. King met with President Lyndon Johnson; asked
him to let black people register to vote. The president refused
(other more pressing political issues at the time).

Dr. King explained why it simply COULDN’T wait.

1000’s of black people were being racially murdered. Yet juries
not convicting anyone.

Why?

Juries were all white (and prejudiced).

Why?

You had to be a registered voter to get on the jury.

Catch 22:
Black people couldn’t register to vote; so couldn’t get on the jury.

Pretty compelling reasoning.

The right to vote alone – a pretty strong ideal.

But when he explained what this meant (murder of innocent people
going unpunished) – stratospherically important.

The reason BEHIND the reason.

Took a while – and LOTS more action – but eventually the right to
vote was afforded to everyone.

This powerful “reasoning” approach is applicable to parenting too.

Sure ask for 2 hours social skills class per week in the IEP
meeting; as your child lacks these skills.

But way more powerful :

Explain what this really means for your child. Lunch breaks spent
alone. Upset and tears over their struggle with friends.
Vulnerability to bullies and how this can impact their emotional
and physical health . . . etc . . . etc . . .

The reason BEHIND the reason.

Next time you’re explaining a point to the school, relatives,
neighbors, your other half, or even child remember to think about the
reason BEHIND the reason.

It’s much more powerful.

For more tips and strategies for parenting children with
Asperger’s: https://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/1908.cfm

To reasons,
Dave Angel

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The (Italian) Coffee Cup of Life

Filed under:Aspergers Children — posted by admin on February 16, 2016 @ 4:55 pm

Take a Styrofoam coffee cup.

Make some tiny pin pricks in the bottom.

Fill it with water.

Depending on the size of the cup and the pin pricks, it may take a
short or long time, but you can be sure of one thing:

Eventually that cup will be fully drained.

This was an analogy in my newspaper today about an Italian
football/soccer team (Juventus). So relentless they drained the
energy out of their opponents.

“So what?”

I hear you (quite rightly) cry. Well I’m getting to that because . . .

I’m “borrowing” it as a great analogy for children with
Asperger’s:

The CUP –

Your child with Asperger’s

The WATER –

Their day’s Energy. Patience. Tolerance. Life Force.

The HOLES –

Every little thing they contend with each day.

* Battling with the morning toothbrush routine – oops there’s a
pin prick.

* Getting organized and on time for school – another hole.

* Stressful journey to school – bzzzzzt another!

Right . . . through . . . the school day . . . and beyond . . .
interacting with other kids . . . understanding the teacher . . .
the unstructured chaos of break time (recess) . .. sensory
assault of school dining . . . noise . . . false lighting . ..
being in the same building as 100 to 700+ other kids and adults . . .
etc . . . etc. . .

No wonder the cup gets punctured.

No wonder the water flows out.

If it lasts until the first school bell it’s likely a miracle.

And when the water’s all gone?

Well that ‘s your child’s energy. Their ability to cope.
Drained away by so many little punctures.

What follows?

Meltdowns. Upset. Distress. Inability to concentrate. Mom being
called to pick up an “out of control” child”. A very tricky
situation for all from 3pm onwards at home.

The answer?

Prevention.

Every little hole needs to be plugged – BEFORE it happens.

Plan as much as you can. Prepare your child as much as possible.
Show them how to interact with others. Teach them skills to stay
calm.

Not gonna stop every hole. But maybe enough for some of that
vital “water” to stay in your child for the day – with a little left for home
too.

To stopping the water flow,

Dave Angel

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Broken tires, broken minds

Filed under:Aspergers Children — posted by admin on February 7, 2016 @ 12:00 pm

BROKEN TIRES, BROKEN MINDS . .. You may remember I had a “near escape” when my tires blew on the motorway (freeway) recently. Left a “footprint” on my mind and body. Until that incident I loved my car. Now I dislike it. Maybe at some level even fear it.One isolated incident has affected the way I feel and think (and not in a good way).

Which reminds me of life for children with Asperger’s.

Think about your child’s average day, or week.

* Teased in class by other kids

* Shouted at by teachers

* Surviving the hostile sensory jungle of school (noise .
. . lights . .. crowding)

* Struggling to understand (let alone complete) certain school work.

And that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

Traumatic events (often daily).

One negative experience, stacking on top of another . . .

And another . . .

No wonder kids with Asperger’s melt down . .. get SO distressed
. .. feel low . . . even, in extreme circumstances, hurt themselves (or
others).

A lot of the time it’s not “The Asperger’s”.

It’s the negative experiences that happen because of
Asperger’s.

Experiences that stack on top of another – increasing the
pressure every time.

Impacting on their mind and body.

What to do?

Be there.

Be available.

Listen, without judgement.

Tell them it’ll be OK. Give them strategies. Then turn your
inner anger at the bullies and others who don’t understand.
Channel it. Use it to pressure the school or whoever to
change – makes things a little better for your child.

Good luck I know you can do it.

Dave Angel

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I’m so proud of you

Filed under:Aspergers Adults,Aspergers Children — posted by admin on November 16, 2015 @ 5:59 pm

Not one to get too gushy normally.

But I really love you guys!

You are some of the busiest, hard working people on the planet.
Contending with so many challenges each and every day.

Yet . . . you’re always willing to give and share with others.

Last week I asked for your help twice. Didn’t plan too. Just
kind of happened that way.

And boy did you deliver . . .

I think we tipped the petition for Maggie the adorable pig (and 9
year old Julian with ASD) up by 1000 votes; bringing it closer to
the 10k needed. If you didn’t vote still not too late:
https://www.change.org/p/city-of-chandler-arizona-help-maggie-city-says-pet-pig-that-helps-boy-with-asperger-s-has-to-go?recruiter=46784941&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink

And on Sunday lots of you sent birthday wishes to Raevan (a 19
year old with Asperger’s from Canada who has had a really tough
time lately). His mom emailed me Sunday morning:

“Thank you Dave!

Raeven has been in awe at the 70 emails so far this past hour
this morning since he has been up and wondering how all these
people know it’s his birthday!

He is very interested in all the locations around the world of
the birthday wishes and different birthday greetings in other
languages and is intrigued by the photos some have sent and the
wonderful words of inspiration and positivity!

His words to all “That’s awesome and thanks!” From Raeven!

Brings happy tears to my eyes. Thanks everyone!
Joanne”

So from the bottom of my heart thanks to all of you for helping
make a difference.

In a week when most of us, I’m sure, have been trying to make
sense of the absolute tragedy in Paris. This was a shining beacon
to me personally.

The absolute BEST that people can be.

Humans together. Helping each other out. Offering support, love,
understanding, decency and kindness.

Not prejudice, hatred and the very WORST of human tendencies
some display.

(Apologies. Not trying to be political. Not what I’m about at all. But
occasionally my soapbox is here . . .)

So thank you and blessings to all and every one of you.

(I’m actually fighting tears a little as I write this. These words are
hitting me with such emotion as I type them out. Because I just
believe gestures like yours – no matter how big or small – are at the
heart of all that’s good and right in the world.)

Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you . . .

And whilst I’m about it:

To all the people who tragically died in France (and other such
victims around the world) and their families. I’m sure I speak for all of us
– to say we are thinking of them, and wish them all the love in the world.

A rather emotional,
Dave Angel

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Funny things children with Asperger’s say

Filed under:Aspergers Children — posted by admin on November 13, 2015 @ 2:35 pm

Hate to upset any of you good readers.

Got a message last Friday from Lori:

” Hi Dave, I miss the “Friday funnies”. Am
I the only one?!”

I promised Lori I’d do some more soon. And
apologies to anyone else whose missed them.

So here we are:

Friday Funny #1 from Dee (USA)

” I was having a conversation with my 14 year old son about
something he does that just drives me nuts and I said to him, “I
think you do this just to get my goat.” He promptly says, “Mom,
you don’t have a goat.”

Friday Funny #2 from Emma (UK)

“My son Matthew made me laugh one Christmas when he was 5.
He was looking through the Argos (UK shop) catalog and was
pointing out items’ he would like. I had asked him to give me
some ideas. He pointed out some toys’ that I already had on my
list to buy, which pleased me, but then he started pointing at
more expensive one’s, which worried me. He didn’t understand the
value of things, so I knew that he was just wishing. Then he
pointed at a particular page saying “I want this, and this and
this” which included a very expensive motorized jeep! I said to
him “In your dreams” To which he replied “No! In my toy box”

Friday Funny #3 from Ewan (Australia)

“My son Andrew is 13 and we were at a men’s shed night at our
local church. Andrew was standing around a fire with some blokes
of all ages whilst the BBQ was going.Next to him was another dad
who had a son a bit younger than Andrew. The dad was looking up
at the wonderful starlight heavens with his son. He told him that
his wife (and the mum of his son) who had died quite recently was
now a new star in the heavens. In fact his son’s mum was now the
bright star located near the western horizon…..It was an overly
sentimental moments and was a bit uncomfortable for rest of us.
Nobody was quite sure what to say next. Andrew, however, after
considering the story said flatly; “Nuh… That’s Venus.”
Thankfully this lightened us all up. (Andrew still has no idea
why).

That’s all folks. In fact . ..  literally! Got no more funny
readers stories saved up at the moment. So if you’d like to share
one please email me back.

For free Asperger’s daily emails: http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/Daily-Aspergers-Email-Tips.cfm

To Friday funnies,

Dave Angel

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Can you help Maggie (the pig) and Julian ( young man with Asperger’s)

Filed under:Aspergers Children,Aspergers Therapy — posted by admin on November 12, 2015 @ 9:25 am

I couldn’t NOT share this story.

The tale of Julian (aged 9) from Phoenix, Arizona and his beloved
Maggie (70 pound Vietnamese pot bellied pet pig).

3 years ago he fell in love with the pigs when he saw them in the
Minecraft game. His loving parents got Maggie.

She’s a definite part of the family now. Has has her own bed,
regularly showers, and loves Cheerios!

More importantly she soothes Julian who has Asperger’s.

He talks to her, strokes her, and whispers his feelings in her
ear. She’s the one he turns to when he’s depressed or in a
meltdown.

Her calm and nurturing presence really helps. She even has a
special grunt to calm him when he becomes visibly anxious. Beyond
cute . . .

However there’s a problem.

A neighbor has complained to the city authorities. They are now
taking action to have Maggie removed from the home. Under law –
they say she’s classed as livestock, and shouldn’t be in the
home.

Maggie’s fate will be decided by council leaders later this
month.

But we can help . ..  Please join me in signing the online
petition to keep Maggie and Julian together:
https://www.change.org/p/city-of-chandler-arizona-help-maggie-city-says-pet-pig-that-helps-boy-with-asperger-s-has-to-go?recruiter=46784941&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink

Fingers crossed it saves the day,

Dave Angel

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Life’s like a jar of peanut butter

Filed under:Aspergers Children,Parents Issues — posted by admin on @ 9:21 am

I love peanut butter.

(Early childhood memory – on breakfast toast.)

Now I buy it in a big jar from the health store. 100%
pure. No sugar or nonsense.

Well there’s an exciting insight Dave, glad I tuned in today, I
hear you cry! Well patience my good friend. Patience . . .

On my big tab of nutty delight is a warning: “Oil separation is
normal”.

The reason?

Crushed peanuts end up a mix of thick  butter, and gloopy oil.

And it looks a bit odd.

Without warning – the first time natural peanut butter user may
think it’s off.

So the warning is important; as at first glance things appear a
little odd.

Which reminds me a little of the situation for parents of
children on the spectrum.

To warn or not to warn?

When a 10 year old (with no obvious physical challenges) starts
to get really upset in a shop (for no obvious reasons).

Average Joe public doesn’t understand.

Quickly describing the child as a “brat” or parent as “weak” (or other
such judgmental tosh!)

To them it looks odd.

You or I would likely know it’s a good old fashioned meltdown
brought about by a sensory issue . . . personal injustice . . .
social interaction gone wrong . . . or . . . something similar.

One way around this is to “warn”.

Tshirts or cards to hand out explaining “my child is autistic”.

On the one hand it can “label” a child unhelpfully to everyone
within 50 yards (and maybe even make the child feel like they
have to meltdown – “cos it says so my t-shirt!”)

On the other . . . if it helps you as a parent (and maybe your
child too) survive a difficult moment then it’s your call. You
need to do what you need to do.

As ever there’s no one RIGHT right answer. Just a lot of
opinions.

What’s yours?

To peanut butter separation,

Dave Angel

comments (0)

10 amazing little words

Filed under:Aspergers Children — posted by admin on November 10, 2015 @ 2:15 pm

HAD to share this from a proud gran (Tess Stoffa who writes for
The Aspirations Newsletter).

This year her daughter got a letter from the Young American
Poetry Digest. She thought it was a mistake.

It read:

“Your son’s (Nicholas) teacher submitted a poem of his, and it
was selected for our next edition”.

Daughter (and gran Tess) confused.

The teacher was quizzed. And confirmed he had submitted the poem
(he hadn’t told them yet to avoid disappointment, in case it
wasn’t chosen).

Mom and grandma ECSTATIC!

They rushed to tell Nicholas. Who gave a little smile (clearly
not quite as blown away as the doting female matriarchs!)

Proud gran ordered 4 copies. A little while later the mail man
did his job. And there it was (on page 42):

Wolf

Wolf lives in forest

Mother protects playful pup

Furry, endangered
10 little words. Tess described it as “so Nicholas fact, fact,
fact, fact…”

(Since aged 4 Nicholas had been captivated by wolves. Constantly
learning and talking about them).

Tess and her daughter smiled, with tears in their eyes, and
hugged each other in joy!

Tess joked “You’d have thought he’d won the Pulitzer as far
as we were concerned.

We were so proud of him; no one would have thought we would ever
see this day come, but it’s like a lot of triumphs and milestones
in life.

When the day comes or the event happens, it’s a thrill and an
opportunity to be grateful, happy, and proud . . .”

They showed Nicholas, he grinned and asked, “Do you like it?”

“We LOVE it!”

Tess adds “That moment will be frozen in time forever, in our
minds and in our hearts . . .

Never underestimate the power of any child, no matter what.”

I was so pleased for them when I read that. Particularly Tess
whom I’ve got to know as such a kind hearted and generous woman.
A “super gran” in my humble opinion.

For free daily tips: http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/Daily-Aspergers-Email-Tips.cfm

To 10 word poems of passion,

Dave Angel

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