Hi there and welcome to this week’s blog post from an internet cafe in deepest, darkest South Wales a day early!

Here’s the article …

Question

My son only wants specific foods.  How do I ensure a healthy diet for him?

Answer

Children with Asperger’s commonly have difficulty when it comes to eating a variety of foods.  Textures and smells play a part due to the sensory issues they experience.  In addition, having too many choices goes against what is comfortable for these kids. Finding a balance will take work and special accommodation.

Kids with Asperger’s have sensory issues that may prevent him from registering the feelings of hunger.  Therefore, you can’t rely on your child’s hunger to motivate him to eat.  Eliminating the foods he loves will create a true battle.

When you begin your attempts to alter your child’s diet, do so quietly.  The less fuss, the less likely it will become a bigger deal than it already is.  And keep trying.  Success may come slowly, but the ultimate goal is improving your child’s diet.  Every little victory will bring you one step closer to the desired result.

The most common trick to entice your child with Asperger’s to eat is to change the presentation.  Altering the form of a food may work.  If your child likes the flavor of strawberries, for instance, but cannot handle the texture, you could toss them in the blender with some yogurt and try giving him a strawberry smoothie.

Another trick you can try is the element of disguise.  Many vegetables can be pureed and added to favorites without changing the taste of the texture of the food.  One example is adding pureed vegetables to meatloaf or spaghetti sauce.  The taste is overpowered by the favored food and the puree blends in undetected.  This is sneaky, but a great way to meet the goal of a healthy, balanced diet.

Finally, create a meal/snack routine or schedule.  This will appeal to your child’s need for order and structure.  Eventually you’ll be able to introduce new foods without being sneaky.  He’ll know that mealtime is approaching and he will be expected to try the foods you have prepared.

“Just Take a Bite” by Lori Ernsperger and Tania Stegen-Hanson is a great book that can help you understand the whys behind the limited diet preferred by children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  It describes how the child’s environment, physical needs and sensory problems interfere with eating and offers a plan to correct the situation.

New articles this week at Parenting Aspergers Community…

A lot of people tell me I need to be more consistent in my parenting to my son with ASD.  What does this really mean?  Can you advise how I can become better at this?

Being the parent of a child on the Autism spectrum can be a tough job at times.  There is nothing more demanding than the need to rediscover what it means to parent a child.  There are some . . .

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/285.cfm

———————————————————————————

What are some of the classic ways that parents miscommunicate with their children who have Asperger’s — and how can this be improved?

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome usually have well developed speech and articulation. However, there is much more to communication than having the ability to speak. These children struggle with the physical side of communication. Eye contact, personal space limitations, body language, facial expression, and social and vocal cues are additional elements that make up true communication. These areas are most likely the cause for miscommunication. To improve communication between parents and children with Asperger’s Syndrome, the parents will need to …

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/284.cfm

———————————————————————————

Aspergers News Desk

This is a cartoon style news broadcast about the basics and fundamentals of Aspergers An excellent video for showing people who are new to the diagnosis as it packs lots of helpful information and tips into under 2 minutes footage. So a helpful educational tool for family members, friends or school educators. Running Time 1 Minute 57 Seconds . . .
http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/283.cfm

———————————————————————————

Have a great day,

Dave Angel

Hello there and welcome to this week’s blog.

Thanks to all of you who have been submitting tips for helping your child in the summer holidays.

If you have a tip and haven’t yet added it to the blog you can still do so at http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/do-you-have-any-good-summer-holiday-tips/

And I’m working hard on the “Surviving Summer Holidays” ebook so I hope it will be all ready in a week or two.

Here’s this week’s blog post …

Question

How should I deal with my son’s emotional outbursts?

Answer

Emotional outbursts are very common in children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Also referred to as rages or meltdowns, these events can be frightening for the child and everyone present.  Children of all ages (and even adults) with Asperger’s must take precautions to help prevent reaching the stage of losing complete control.  There are several Asperger’s characteristics that can cause these emotional outbursts.

To help your son control these emotional outbursts you’ll have to discover the reasons behind the outbursts.  The answer will depend upon the cause or causes.

Possible Causes

*   Social issues.  Children with Asperger’s have problems with social communication and situations.  Being in a social situation can be extremely uncomfortable and can lead to an emotional breakdown.

*   Sensory issues.  Hyposensitivity and hypersensitivity to light, sound, touch, smell, and visual activities can quickly become overwhelming, sending the child with Asperger’s spiraling out of control.

*    Emotional awareness.  Children with Asperger’s do not always understand their own emotions or feelings about people, things, and situations.

There are a few things you can try that may help with your son’s emotional outbursts.  You will want to contact your son’s physician to discuss the use of medication therapy or counseling and to check his general health.

Management Options

*   Behavior modification.  Help your son pinpoint any stressors that cause outbursts.
1. Adapt the use of redirection to avoid an outburst.
2. Create a safe zone that is a calming place to relax and regain control.
3. Use rewards to encourage self-control.

*   Family and individual counseling.  Counseling can help you understand the feelings your son is struggling with and can give you the knowledge you need to develop a plan for him.  Counseling can help your son understand why he loses control which can lead to better control and prevention.

*   Medication.  Your son may need help with anxiety and depression or other emotional issues that can be improved with the appropriate medicines.

There are books available that will increase your understanding on the issues your son experiences on a daily basis.  “Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns – Revised and Expanded Edition” by Brenda Smith Myles & Jack Southwick is a great resource for you to utilize.  This book offers solutions and practical advice for home and for school and helps the child with Asperger’s, as well as those around him.

Educating yourself on the causes and treatments for these extreme emotions will benefit both you and your son.

Have a Great Week

Dave Angel

============================================================

Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

============================================================

Is it possible to help my son improve his organizational skills?

Thanks to the treatment and management advances made in the area of Asperger’s Syndrome, children with Asperger’s Syndrome can expect to live successful, productive lives. Medications, therapies, and school support are proving to add confidence and skills in the lives of these children. It is common for a child with Asperger’s to have problems with organization. These skills normally begin to develop at a very young age. The simple act of sorting beads by color is a beginning organizational skill. As the child grows, these skills begin to advance. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome do not make these advances. However, this doesn’t mean they cannot learn. This just means that you’ll have to …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/269.cfm

============================================================

My son has problems in school. The other students know how to upset him, what can I do to help him?

The parent-teacher relationship is always important, but is even more so when Asperger’s Syndrome is involved. Communication is essential since you cannot always rely on your child to convey the day’s happenings. Address any problems in a timely manner to avoid damage to your child’s self-esteem. He is already a high risk for …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/270.cfm
============================================================
Public school versus Janus school. Which is the better choice?

Asperger’s Syndrome can be complicated when it comes to education. The combination of high intelligence and language/communication weaknesses, along with social skills struggles, present a need for an educational balancing act. How do you create an individualized program for a child who has above average intelligence while lacking the skills to follow multi-step directions? …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/271.cfm
============================================================

Also the following 10 Special Reports and Ebooks have just been added to The Parenting Aspergers Community …

Aspergers Answer Revealed

Emotional Freedom Therapy and Aspergers

Grandparents Top Tips for a Child with Aspergers Syndrome

An interview with a Speech-Language Pathologist

The Best of ASD Parenting Tips

The Parenting Autism Resource Guide

An interview with Donna Williams

Real Life Autism Tips, Techniques and Stories

Ten ways to Cope when Caring for someone with Autism

Autism Resource Sheets for Working with Autism
============================================================

Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers question which looks at a particular behavioral issue.

Just before then a quick update as to what articles have been added to the Parenting Aspergers Community this week:

“My biggest challenge is trying to understand the way in which my child learns; can you help explain this to me?”

“What do I say to my son when he says that he hates himself and wants to kill himself?”

“I am struggling with my adult son with Asperger’s. How can I help him understand that not all friendly people are good choices for friends? He’s thousands of dollars in debt and has been in jail four times because of those who “befriended” him.”

To join The Parenting Aspergers Community and get full access to the library of resources, Aspergers videos, busy community forum, direct support from me and much more please go to …

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Here’s this week’s question:

Question

My son will strip off at times and swear – how can I stop these behaviors?

Answer

Because of an inability to control impulses, understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and empathize with others’ feelings, as well as experiencing nearly constant frustration in dealing with daily life, children with Asperger’s often behave inappropriately at home or in public.  Stripping off is particularly inappropriate and is something about which you must be direct and forceful.  Your son may refuse to accept that his behavior must change, in which case he will not respond to the suggestions that follow.  If so, counselling is appropriate.  You can use the techniques below for both stripping and swearing.

Sit down and have a talk with your son.  Establish firm rules for his behavior; let him know that stripping and swearing at home or in public are inappropriate and disrespectful of others.  Ask him why he does these things.  He may respond by saying that he gets frustrated or angry when certain situations occur.  If you can address the situations, you may be able to find ways for him to avoid them or handle them more appropriately.

Behavior modification techniques can be effective.  Make two firm rules.  “No stripping off.”  “No swearing. {List the swear words he is not to use.}”   Make a chart of the rules.  List a consequence for each day he strips off or swears.  Choose a consequence that deprives him, for one day, of something he loves to do, perhaps watch TV or use the computer.  List a reward for each day that he follows the two rules.  You might consider extra TV or computer time, money (don’t offer too much per day), or a special privilege after he goes for 7 days (they don’t have to be consecutive) without breaking the rules.  If this plan does not work, increase the consequences by depriving him for two days when he breaks the rules.

If your son does not respond to your attempts to teach him to stop these behaviors, I recommend immediate psychological counselling.   If he strips off in public, he could be arrested and jailed, which you want to avoid.  Besides helping him control these behaviors, a counselor will help him handle frustration and anger in ways that are appropriate for his age.

Thanks

Dave Angel

PS Don’t forget if you want to join The Parenting Aspergers Community and get full access to the library of resources, Aspergers videos, busy community forum, direct support from me and much more please go to

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Hi there it’s time for this weeks Aspergers blog post …

But before then I just want to ensure you are updated with the latest news on the Parenting Aspergers Community.

After a brief closure so that I could ensure that all members are being well looked after the site is back open again for new members.

And following a number of email requests … I have agreed to keep the current introductory offer open for another 6 days only.

If you want to learn more or sign up NOW just go to:

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

OK on to this week’s article …

Question

I have a partner and many family members with Asperger’s, but the worst affected is 19.  He has very limited social skills, his eating pattern is poor, and so is his sleeping pattern.  But he is addicted to a game on his computer.  How do we as parents encourage him to spend less time on the computer, eat better, and sleep more?

Answer

Playing electronic games provides repetition, consistency, and security in his life.  Also, electronic games are predictable.  He can count on the same actions and results every time he plays the games.  People with Asperger’s Syndrome want to feel safe and secure in their activities.  The electronic games allow him to follow predetermined rules that result in predictable outcomes.

It sounds like your son is concentrating on electronic games at the expense of his health.  He spends time in front of a video screen that could be better spent learning new eating habits and practicing better sleeping patterns.

Check into Asperger’s support groups for your son; there might be one in your local area.  Support groups give advice on daily living skills and healthy lifestyles.  Encourage your son to join one of these groups; he will meet people who are his age and may be experiencing similar difficulties with Asperger’s Syndrome.  In addition to information, a support group can give your son the opportunity to talk about his feelings about Asperger’s and the help necessary for him to cope with adult responsibilities.

Another resource for your son is an Asperger’s specialist who can inform and teach your son social skills.  A specialist, such as a psychiatrist, might prescribe Melatonin, which will help your son sleep better at night.

Your son is in his late teens, and he is fast approaching adulthood.  You can use reasoning and negotiation instead of rules and orders.  However, if the excessive computer use continues, you might need to move it into a room that restricts his access to it.  Also, the computer can be used as a reward if your son tries new foods and establishes a regular pattern of sleep.  Although your son is getting older, there are rules that are still effective in changing his behaviour; you should establish those rules in your household.

In terms of nutrition, many autistic children suffer from food allergies, overgrowth of intestinal yeast, and sensitivity to sugar and dairy products.  Consult a doctor to see if your son needs to adjust his diet.  Changing your son’s diet to wheat-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free products requires patience because people with Asperger’s can be very strong-willed, and implementing change can be difficult for both of you.  See if other family members will adopt a diet similar to your son’s; this will make him feel integrated into the family.  Also, read diet books, look into websites, and read advice from nutritionists.

Your son’s sleep patterns can be changed with consistent hours.  He needs to establish a time that he will go to bed each evening and get up each morning.  If he complains that he cannot get to sleep or wake up at a given time, tell him that there are parts of our bodies called circadian rhythms, and they help our bodies rest.  If your son can get to bed at a specific time several nights in a row, the circadian rhythms in his body will reset and help him go to sleep and wake up at a given time each evening and morning.  Remove all distractions from his bedroom to help him concentrate on rest and sleep.

That’s all for this week … and don’t forget to take advantage of the extended special offer to join The Parenting Aspergers Community go straight to:

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Thanks and have a great day

Dave Angel

Hi there and welcome to this week’s blog from a very snowy South Coast of England. We so very rarely get any snow here so it’s quite a big deal. Last night I was out with my 20 month old daughter (Honey) who absolutely loved it. Unfortunately I decided that the cold roast potatoes from the fridge would make great “eyes” for the snowman … Sadly not; we ended up with a very greasy snowman’s head when the potatoes burst as I tried to shape them into eyes! Ah well who wants a perfect snowman anyway!

Latest on the new website is that I am still sorting a few things with the web designers but it should definitely be ready in March. I apologize hugely for the delays – as I know initially I told you that I was aiming for January, but it’s just been a mammoth task combining everything to make it work.

I am still writing and adding articles all the time; this week I’ve added articles on the following questions:

“We are divorced and each of us as a parent has our own way of handling the child. He’s confused due to this joint custody, so what do you advise?”

“Is there anything I can do to help me remember that his behaviors are not designed to irritate me and that to him they are needful or make sense?”

“My son talks incessantly; I don’t want to dent his confidence, but need some peace and quiet — how can I deal with this sensitively?”

Now on to this week’s article which is ….

Question

My teenaged son with Aspergers goes crazy when he sees a woman’s feet.  He likes to touch them.  I can’t go out anywhere because I always have this problem.  When I try to stop him he turns violent and tries to hit me or hits himself.  What can I do to help him?

Answer

Teens with Aspergers have a difficult time understanding sexual feelings and appropriate actions regarding sexual activities.  Many times, the sexual interests of people with Aspergers, at your son’s age, are one-sided, not reciprocal, as it is when he touches the feet of women he doesn’t know.  As you have seen, this results in some terribly difficult situations.  Your son is unable to understand the rules that govern this type of behavior; he only knows that he must (as far as he is concerned) touch those feet!  He misunderstands the situation and acts too intense and very inappropriately.  His frustration when you try to stop him results in violence.

If all sense of proportion is lost, an obsession like his can lead to a criminal offense.  A lack of concern for others can result in an assault that is damaging.  People with Aspergers often lack insight into the feelings of others and deny responsibility for their actions; this is an inability to see inappropriate behavior as others see it.  This situation is very serious because of the potential for arrest and prosecution.  Sit him down and explain to him very graphically how the women feel when he approaches them and touches them.  He must understand that they are terrified, don’t know what to do, and upset because this type of behavior in public is illegal.  Tell him he could be arrested and put in jail.  Repeat this – over and over.

Adults with Asperger’s, who have average or above IQs, report a high frequency of obsessions and compulsions that are intrusive, upsetting, and overwhelming.

People with Aspergers tend to be obsessive about their interests, so it’s no surprise that a lot of them are obsessed with sex.  Reports have been made regarding these obsessions, but they haven’t been studied much.  Sexual obsessions are more commonly reported by people with Aspergers who also were diagnosed with Obssessive/Compulsive Disorder.  Compulsions occupied at least one to three hours per day in 26%, and 56% reported anxiety if prevented from performing their rituals.

It’s difficult to determine if your son’s behaviour is distinct as a sexually offensive behavior or one that is a manifestation of Asperger’s Syndrome, or both.  The two are merged.  He will continue this behavior unless intensive treatment is provided.  His insight and ability to stop is extremely limited and you are not able to control him at his age and size.

Your son may well need professional counseling support.  Consult with a psychotherapist familiar with both sexually offending behaviours and pervasive developmental disorders.  Family psychotherapy and careful supervision are warranted.  The therapist may recommend that he participate in group social skills training and group treatment for adolescents with sexually offending behaviours and pervasive developmental disabilities.  A therapeutic, highly structured and supervised educational program would seem necessary.

Individuals with ASD who have obsessive-compulsive symptoms may benefit from standard treatments for OCD such as serotonin reuptake inhibitors as well as cognitive and behavioural therapies.  Serotonergic drugs can reduce obsessions, although finding the right drug may take time and, once found, its effect may be partial and temporary. Also as ever; be mindful of any side effects.

The sooner you arrange for your son to get some help, the better.

Have a great week

Dave Angel

Review of CD 1

The first thing to say about the Total Transformation program is that the quality of the recording and presentation is very high. It consists of a series of interviews on each disk involving James Lehman and several of his colleagues. The sound quality is excellent and it’s a slick recording studio effort. James himself has worked for over 3 decades with children who have difficult behaviors and their families in a variety of settings in New England, USA.

On CD1 James looks at what he calls “The Real Causes of Obnoxious and Abusive Behavior”. He goes through an extensive list of 16 categories that explain why children may behave in certain difficult and challenging ways. This is a really helpful starting point for looking at where your child may be at and each category is explored in depth. The categories make good common sense and are easy to follow.

With regard to Aspergers James clearly states that his approach will work for children with neurological impairment, learning disability etc. when there are behavioral issues to be addressed. For example he outlines a case that he worked on with a child with ADHD who was “hiding behind” that diagnosis and avoiding responsibility for his behaviors and actions. Now I know for a fact that for many children with Aspergers this type of scenario goes on to, so clearly the information can transfer.

So the verdict … so far so good. There is some excellent material put together in an easy-to-understand fashion with a work book (that includes actual activities that you can do). My only criticism is that James refers to “the kid” all the time when talking about what to do with your child – which seems a bit impersonal and not my favourite way of referring to a child or young person. But James does say in his accompanying workbook that he uses the term “kid” as a catch-all phrase and apologies for nay offense this may cause – so I guess I shouldn’t be too picky!

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Review of CD 2

This CD concentrates on what James calls “ineffective parenting roles”. On CD 1 he begins the program by looking at the child; on CD 2 he turns his attention to the parents. He classifies 7 types of ineffective parenting which include “the screamer”, “the over negotiator” and “the martyr”. Again James uses very clear terms such as these which you can already begin to guess as to what they are about.

One of the great points that James makes is about parenting styles over time. He says that when he grew up in the 1960’s he was actually being parented by his parents in a style from the 1930’s (i.e. when they grew up) and things clearly change! He makes this point in relation to parents in the 2000’s and that we should be careful not to parent from the 1960’s or 1970’s (i.e. when many of us grew up).  Which makes so much sense as the modern world is so different now for children. Think about the internet, cable TV, new child care legislation, the huge prevalence of cars, differences in schooling etc. and how this compares to the 1970’s. Clearly we all as parents (me included) need to have a modern take on how we parent our kids as that’s the society they live in each day.

Another  concept that I really liked was the idea of parenting your actual child and not your ideal child. We all of visions of our “ideal child” in our head and this can never truly match the reality of how your child actually is. For a child with Aspergers this issue may be even more pronounced and this is an area that many parents do need to do some work on.

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Review of CD 3

In CD 3 James continues on from CD 2 and talks about parenting roles that lead to accountability. He breaks these down in to 3 roles:

1.    Training & Coaching Role – Such as teaching by example, and providing strategic help and solutions.
2.    Problem-solving role – Such as encouraging exploration and experimentation, and participating in mutual decision-making.
3.    Limit-setting role – Such as demanding compliance with rules and viewing behaviors as a performance issue rather than a moral issue.

I really like a number of these roles and think they’re essential for positive parenting. For example James talks of setting clear rules that stop eventual “show downs” further down the road. He says that if a child has had a number of cookies instead of the parent asking “can you not have so many cookies?” be much clearer and state “stop eating the cookies now please”. This way things are 100% clear for the child and they are far less likely to eat more cookies, and this can save a later dispute on the same subject.

James also talks about being consistent with boundaries for example if you agree your son needs to be in at 6pm that’s when he should be in, which is another good basic principle. But James then goes on to say that even if your son calls to say that the sports teacher has asked him to stay behind a further 30 minutes to practice with the team, that your son should still be told to be back at 6pm. I disagree with this and think it’s a little too rigid. Instead I would suggest that you insist to speak to the teacher and if it’s a valid and worthwhile exercise then the time can be pushed back to 6:30pm. But other than this criticism I found CD 3 to be another excellent parenting resource.

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Review of CD 4

In CD 4 the focus is back on to the child again when James outlines 27 Tools to Change Your Child’s Behavior Now. One great point that he makes on this CD is that parents should stop comparing the inside of their family (i.e. all the arguments, rows and fights that go on) with the outside of other families (i.e. what seems to be a perfectly nice and happy family across the road but probably have many of the same problems as you but you just cannot see them). This is a pressure that so many parents could really do without, and it’s a totally artificial pressure that can be avoided.

Also another strategy that I really like from the extensive list of  27 is what James calls “re-direct interest”. This is the basic and common sense view that changing activity or conversation can help to reduce difficult behaviors almost immediately. This is also described as motion changing emotion. So for example if during a huge argument you were to get yourself and your son to hop 5  times on each foot immediately then this would know doubt change how he feels and acts in this second. I have heard this approach used before by Tony Robbins (the world famous self-help guru from the USA) and really like it myself. And would urge you to give it a go – in many ways the more silly and bizarre action that you and your child do the better it may reduce any difficult behaviors.

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Stay tuned for reviews of the other CD’s in the program …

Thanks

Dave Angel

Hi there it’s Dave Angel with this week’s Aspergers article:

Question

Is it common for a child with Asperger’s to have a split personality?  My son is a really good kid at school, but then a complete monster at home. Is this normal?
Answer
Asperger’s Syndrome is known to manifest itself differently with different children.  Also, children with Asperger’s Syndrome may react differently to various situations depending on their individual personalities.  Your child may feel more comfortable with the familiar surroundings at home, and feel freer to act out more at home than in public, where he is surrounded by strangers and in a less familiar environment. The stress of school may be relieved by a “meltdown” or other difficult behaviour at home.  This is a common occurrence.

Dr. Tony Attwood, a clinical psychologist, is a world renowned expert on Asperger’s Syndrome.  Here is what he says about split personality and Asperger’s.  “Quite a few children with Asperger’s Syndrome are Dr. Jeckylls and Mr. Hydes.  They are saints at school, but they soak up the anguish, then squeeze it out on their brothers and sisters when they get home.  We do not know why this happens…”  This quote may be found at:  http://www.awares.org/pkgs_files/librarydoc_134.doc

Asperger’s is treated in two ways, and both of them help manage the anxiety that accompanies this illness.  The first is cognitive psychology, and the second is prescription medication.  The first thing you need to do in order to help your son is to find a psychiatrist or psychologist who specializes in Asperger’s Syndrome.  This specialist will be able to help your son.  He or she will help you and your son discover the reasons behind his behavioral changes.

In addition, a specialist will help you do two things:
1.    Modify the situation or the environment in which he lives to reduce difficult behaviour;
2.    Create interventions for handling your son’s anxiety.
Please don’t be intimidated.  Changes don’t have to be complex or unmanageable.  The changes you need to make might just involve changing lighting to a lower level, adjusting sound levels in your home, or creating a new schedule.

If initial interventions do not help, a psychiatrist can prescribe medications which will provide your son with the help he needs.  It’s important to note that psychotropic (mood-altering) drugs like Zoloft or Prozac can help children, but they can also cause serious problems for children.  If the psychiatrist prescribes medication, ask about dosage levels and, more importantly, side effects.  Just about all drugs have side effects, and it’s important for you to know about them so you know what to expect.  You know your son better than anyone else; ask yourself if he can handle side effects like nausea, hypersensitivity, or prolonged sleepiness.  These are all possible, depending on the medication prescribed.

You can obtain additional information about this subject in the book  A Parent’s Guide to Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism: How to Meet the Challenges and Help Your Child Thrive by Sally Ozonoff, Geraldine Dawson, and James McPartla. This book is available on the internet at: Parent’s Guide

This book was written to help parents of children with Asperger’s Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism (AS/HFA).  The book contains common terms and strategies for by AS/HFA.  You can use this book as a reference during your child’s developmental years.  The book advocates capitalizing on your son’s strengths and the challenges he will face on a daily basis.  One of the highlights of this book is that it will help you to distinguish between your son’s adolescent issues and the effects of autism/Asperger’s.

Thanks for reading
Dave Angel

PS Some of the latest articles to be added to the new website include how to help your child to speak more appropriately to others, how to help your child when he becomes an adult, and an overview of the issues and differences for both mums and dads when parenting a child with Aspergers.

<!–[endif]–>

Hi there and hope you’re having a happy Sunday. It’s 2pm here in the UK so I guess for many of my American readers you may still be in bed! I wish I was – the weather here is “raining cats and dogs” as they say, and I really don’t like it!

It’s strange to be doing the weekly article on a Sunday but that’s because of the problems and late delivery of the September newsletter last week. It appears I resolved the blog posting problem (which was a miracle in itself!) but a number of people are still struggling to read the full articles due to the information on the right hand side merging with the article.

I spoke to a friend in the States who’s been a web designer and general internet “know it all” for 15 years and he said that these problems are browser problems and nothing to do with the website. He said that it cannot be cured 100% but that his advise would be for you to use Mozilla Based Browsers (such as Netscape, Firefox or Safari) and NOT Internet Explorer.

But this should only be an issue for several more months before I can get the new website up and running. Talking of which it’s getting quite exciting for me, as I’m finally getting chance to start creating some great new information for this new site. Last week I was researching and writing on topics such as helping teenagers to make friends, understanding new behaviors in your child, social cues and boy/girl relationships for young people with Aspergers.

Anyway after that longer than normal intro. here’s this week’s article:

Question

I would like ideas on how to deal with my son’s frustrations. He will either dig his heels in and refuse to do what he is supposed to do, or he shuts down and then we have a time away so he can get himself together to discuss the problem. It seems he works himself up over things that are not that big a deal.

Answer

People with Aspergers overreact to crowds, confusing situations, sensory stimuli, and situations in which they are asked to do things they don’t want to do. Situations or problems that seem minor to most of us are a “big deal” to those with Asperger’s because they don’t know how to handle them. Removing your son from a stressful situation and giving him time to calm down is an excellent idea. Then if he is willing to discuss the problem, you may be able to help him learn how to handle a similar situation in the future. His frustration and stubbornness are due to the anxiety he feels and his inability to handle situations; he can’t help those feelings.

Generally, there are two therapeutic approaches to working with the anxiety disorders seen in Asperger’s Syndrome children. The first is cognitive psychology, which is an approach that focuses on the client’s mental processes, such as problem solving, memory, and language. A cognitive psychologist will want to know how your son perceives and solves his problems.

A cognitive psychologist will be able to help your son figure out exactly what triggers his anger. The psychologist will help him change the negative environment that fuels his anger and develop various age-appropriate techniques for coping with anxiety.

The psychologist’s recommendations might be simple, like lowering lights and sound levels, or it could be more complex, and therapy might become long term.

In addition to cognitive psychology, medication may be recommended for your son. A psychiatrist can prescribe medications that will help reduce your son’s frustrations and reduce his anxieties. Please note that antidepressants like Zoloft and Prozac have been prescribed for Asperger’s children, but they have also been known to cause serious problems. Ask the psychiatrist to explain all of the behavioral changes and discuss the possible side effects of any medication that is prescribed.

The second approach for helping your son and one of the most frequently recommended interventions for children with Asperger’s Syndrome is for you, as a parent, to make his life structured and consistent. If he has chores to do around the house, they can be done on a certain day and at a specified time. You didn’t state your son’s age, but, assuming that he is (or will be) in school, he can leave for school at the same time every day, and he be expected to return home at a certain time every day, also.

Structure can be built into his life for recreational activities, in addition to his school obligations and household chores. If he enjoys video games, a time can be set aside that is predictable for the both of you. He can complete school homework and chores while looking forward to the recreational time that he knows will occur at the same time every day.

Your son is becoming easily frustrated over things that he perceives as too challenging. You can provide a “wraparound” treatment for him by surrounding him with a psychologist that he can talk to, medication he can use to reduce anxiety, and a predictable home environment each day.

That’s all for this week and enjoy your day

Dave Angel

PS – The majority of people contacting me said that they would like both a blog post and text-based email each week, to ensure that they got the article one way or another. So after much deliberating (as I don’t want to fill your in-box with stuff each week), I have come up with a plan. I will email you the details on the blog post every Tuesday as usual, and then on a Thursday I will send the text version.

I will always put the headline for the text version as “Text version of this week’s Aspergers article”. That way if you want to read it you can, and if you don’t you can just delete it without needing to actually waste time opening it. No doubt this may not please everybody (that’s impossible to do!) but it’s the best plan I can think of. But for this article as it’s out of sync with the normal pattern; I’ll send it by text later today and then the new routine will start from Tuesday.

Hi everyone here’s this weeks blog article which focuses on the following question I was asked:

“I have a ten-year-old boy with Asperger’s Syndrome who is high functioning. We are consistent with making him aware of what is socially unacceptable and why. It seems to go in one ear and out the other though. For instance, at meal time we always tell him to eat with his mouth closed. He will do as we say for 20 seconds and then he’s right back to chewing with his mouth open. We have sent him to eat in the other room, or we take away dessert if he continues after the fourth prompt. We have had no success for the past 2 years! Do you have any ideas or do you think that it’s something he can’t help?”

Answer

This can be a “Catch-22” situation because, even though you want your son’s behavior to change in a positive manner, it might become more resistant or rigid if he is confronted or forced to behave in a manner that he finds disagreeable. This can become a long-term power struggle that can lead to your frustration and his feelings of failure.

In this case, giving your son rewards might have better results than imposing punishment. One possible solution would be “fun money” for your son. You can make or purchase “fun” (fake) money for your son to use when he behaves in a socially acceptable manner. The money can be spent for privileges, such as time spent with a video game, or other activities he enjoys. This money can be made from ordinary paper, or it can be purchased from the Lakeshore Company at www.lakeshorelearning.com Type in the words “Paper Money” when you are on this website. If your son behaves in an unacceptable manner, you can impose a financial penalty, and your son has to give a portion of the money back to you. However, if he has to give too much back, he might never earn the reward, so reserve the “fines” for very serious transgressions of the rules.

An effective economic-reward system is based on consistency in enforcing it and keeping the list of rewards/penalties attainable and short. Start this system with just one goal to earn reward and increase the goals as he gets a feel for how it works. Try using one standard-size piece of paper and list the rewards on the left-hand side and the penalties on the right-hand side. Your son will be able to comprehend this list without it overwhelming him. This way, when he is rewarded or punished, he will know that there are limits being set and he has a degree of control over how much he will receive or forfeit. Your son will feel a sense of empowerment with this system, and it will allow him to make choices; he will learn from both.

A structured reward system works well with Asperger’s children because they do extremely well with structure, consistency, and clarity. When there is no structure, the Asperger’s child feels that chaos is controlling his life. A reward system maintains structure for your son, and it eliminates chaos from his life.

Structure, consistency, and clarity will give your son a sense of mastery over his environment. Whether you incorporate the solution proposed above or one that you obtain elsewhere, you will be integrating predictability into your son’s life, and this leads to his being able to rely upon you as being supportive and fair in his upbringing. Children without Asperger’s Syndrome and within your son’s age range are coping with the beginning of adolescence. Children like your son are coping with the same thing, except they find that they have to deal with the Asperger’s diagnosis in addition to everything else.

You need to make sure that the consistency that we stress here is maintained for your son’s benefit. Do not let your feelings and emotions take precedence because of the stress that accompanies any child-discipline procedure. Stay calm and let him choose to earn reward or pay fines. Also, be willing and available to discuss discipline with your son; it’s important regardless of any diagnosis that your son has. Above all, be truthful and sincere; your son will know that you love him and care about his well being.

Take Care

Dave Angel

Question

How to deal with violent outbursts during fits of frustration (i.e.: hitting, throwing stuff, yelling). Especially at school. Obviously prevention is key, but any tips would be helpful.

Answer

Some research studies have shown that people with Asperger’s Syndrome may exhibit violent behaviour; yet, other studies have indicated the opposite. More research to obtain consistent conclusions is needed in this area as it has not been adequately studied.

You are not the only parent to have observed such behaviour in your child. Whether it is due to Asperger’s Syndrome or is a co-existing psychiatric disorder remains to be seen. In the meantime, you need to know how to deal with your child’s aggression and violent outbursts.

When a child behaves inappropriately, he is fulfilling the need to do one or more of the following:

• Avoid something that needs to be done, such as going to school or obeying a parent;

• Get something like his or her own way or attention;

• Manage pain and reduce feelings of psychological hurt or physical discomfort;
• Fulfill a sensory need, perhaps feelings of hot, cold, thirst, or hunger.

Reasoning or debating an issue with your child to justify your expectations will not change her behaviour. She wants to satisfy her needs, not satisfy your wants. She is not likely to empathize with you or acknowledge anyone’s objections to her behaviour. You need to be “concrete” with her. In other words, tell her that the inappropriate thing she wants or the unacceptable behaviour that she is demonstrating is not allowed. She needs to follow structured, consistent rules which will assist in modifying her behaviour. Don’t give in to hitting, throwing things, or yelling, no matter how hard it is not to.

One way to stop aggression is through the use of behaviour modification. You must determine what need the aggression is fulfilling, and then teach her a replacement behaviour that will satisfy the need. For example, if your child wants a glass of water, she can be taught to ask for or point to the source of water. Also, you can design an emotion card which shows a glass of water, and she can point to it. Some children use PECS, a non-verbal system of communication to indicate their wants and needs.

The importance of maintaining a daily routine cannot be overstressed. Consistent behaviours, obligations, etc. will help reduce your child’s aggressive and violent behaviours. Daily routine creates stability and comfort for Asperger’s children; also, it helps to lessen their need to make demands on you. When you establish a routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your daughter becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give her attention, she may have less need to show aggression to try to get your attention.

Children who get what they want because of their violence or aggression are very likely to continue and escalate that behaviour. In time, your child must learn to appropriately communicate the cause of her aggression and get her needs met through that communication.

A behaviour-modification program may help your daughter. This program must be designed for individual children because people with Asperger’s Syndrome vary greatly in their handicaps and family circumstances. Please note that some treatment approaches that work in certain cases may not work in others. Also, children with Asperger’s have difficulty generalizing learned experiences from one setting to another. As a result, the skills they learned in a hospital or school tend not to be transferred to the home or other settings.

Asperger’s Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns – Revised and Expanded Edition by Brenda Smith Myles & Jack Southwick is a great place to learn more on the subject.

This expanded edition of this bestselling book offers parents and professionals many solutions to minimize and/or prevent the rage cycle of the child with Asperger’s Syndrome.

This excellent resource also focuses on the behaviours and reactions of the adults in the child’s life and emphasizes the importance of teachable moments before and after a rage.

Thanks

Dave Angel