Hi everyone here’s this weeks blog article which focuses on the following question I was asked:

“I have a ten-year-old boy with Asperger’s Syndrome who is high functioning. We are consistent with making him aware of what is socially unacceptable and why. It seems to go in one ear and out the other though. For instance, at meal time we always tell him to eat with his mouth closed. He will do as we say for 20 seconds and then he’s right back to chewing with his mouth open. We have sent him to eat in the other room, or we take away dessert if he continues after the fourth prompt. We have had no success for the past 2 years! Do you have any ideas or do you think that it’s something he can’t help?”

Answer

This can be a “Catch-22” situation because, even though you want your son’s behavior to change in a positive manner, it might become more resistant or rigid if he is confronted or forced to behave in a manner that he finds disagreeable. This can become a long-term power struggle that can lead to your frustration and his feelings of failure.

In this case, giving your son rewards might have better results than imposing punishment. One possible solution would be “fun money” for your son. You can make or purchase “fun” (fake) money for your son to use when he behaves in a socially acceptable manner. The money can be spent for privileges, such as time spent with a video game, or other activities he enjoys. This money can be made from ordinary paper, or it can be purchased from the Lakeshore Company at www.lakeshorelearning.com Type in the words “Paper Money” when you are on this website. If your son behaves in an unacceptable manner, you can impose a financial penalty, and your son has to give a portion of the money back to you. However, if he has to give too much back, he might never earn the reward, so reserve the “fines” for very serious transgressions of the rules.

An effective economic-reward system is based on consistency in enforcing it and keeping the list of rewards/penalties attainable and short. Start this system with just one goal to earn reward and increase the goals as he gets a feel for how it works. Try using one standard-size piece of paper and list the rewards on the left-hand side and the penalties on the right-hand side. Your son will be able to comprehend this list without it overwhelming him. This way, when he is rewarded or punished, he will know that there are limits being set and he has a degree of control over how much he will receive or forfeit. Your son will feel a sense of empowerment with this system, and it will allow him to make choices; he will learn from both.

A structured reward system works well with Asperger’s children because they do extremely well with structure, consistency, and clarity. When there is no structure, the Asperger’s child feels that chaos is controlling his life. A reward system maintains structure for your son, and it eliminates chaos from his life.

Structure, consistency, and clarity will give your son a sense of mastery over his environment. Whether you incorporate the solution proposed above or one that you obtain elsewhere, you will be integrating predictability into your son’s life, and this leads to his being able to rely upon you as being supportive and fair in his upbringing. Children without Asperger’s Syndrome and within your son’s age range are coping with the beginning of adolescence. Children like your son are coping with the same thing, except they find that they have to deal with the Asperger’s diagnosis in addition to everything else.

You need to make sure that the consistency that we stress here is maintained for your son’s benefit. Do not let your feelings and emotions take precedence because of the stress that accompanies any child-discipline procedure. Stay calm and let him choose to earn reward or pay fines. Also, be willing and available to discuss discipline with your son; it’s important regardless of any diagnosis that your son has. Above all, be truthful and sincere; your son will know that you love him and care about his well being.

Take Care

Dave Angel

Question

How to deal with violent outbursts during fits of frustration (i.e.: hitting, throwing stuff, yelling). Especially at school. Obviously prevention is key, but any tips would be helpful.

Answer

Some research studies have shown that people with Asperger’s Syndrome may exhibit violent behaviour; yet, other studies have indicated the opposite. More research to obtain consistent conclusions is needed in this area as it has not been adequately studied.

You are not the only parent to have observed such behaviour in your child. Whether it is due to Asperger’s Syndrome or is a co-existing psychiatric disorder remains to be seen. In the meantime, you need to know how to deal with your child’s aggression and violent outbursts.

When a child behaves inappropriately, he is fulfilling the need to do one or more of the following:

• Avoid something that needs to be done, such as going to school or obeying a parent;

• Get something like his or her own way or attention;

• Manage pain and reduce feelings of psychological hurt or physical discomfort;
• Fulfill a sensory need, perhaps feelings of hot, cold, thirst, or hunger.

Reasoning or debating an issue with your child to justify your expectations will not change her behaviour. She wants to satisfy her needs, not satisfy your wants. She is not likely to empathize with you or acknowledge anyone’s objections to her behaviour. You need to be “concrete” with her. In other words, tell her that the inappropriate thing she wants or the unacceptable behaviour that she is demonstrating is not allowed. She needs to follow structured, consistent rules which will assist in modifying her behaviour. Don’t give in to hitting, throwing things, or yelling, no matter how hard it is not to.

One way to stop aggression is through the use of behaviour modification. You must determine what need the aggression is fulfilling, and then teach her a replacement behaviour that will satisfy the need. For example, if your child wants a glass of water, she can be taught to ask for or point to the source of water. Also, you can design an emotion card which shows a glass of water, and she can point to it. Some children use PECS, a non-verbal system of communication to indicate their wants and needs.

The importance of maintaining a daily routine cannot be overstressed. Consistent behaviours, obligations, etc. will help reduce your child’s aggressive and violent behaviours. Daily routine creates stability and comfort for Asperger’s children; also, it helps to lessen their need to make demands on you. When you establish a routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your daughter becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give her attention, she may have less need to show aggression to try to get your attention.

Children who get what they want because of their violence or aggression are very likely to continue and escalate that behaviour. In time, your child must learn to appropriately communicate the cause of her aggression and get her needs met through that communication.

A behaviour-modification program may help your daughter. This program must be designed for individual children because people with Asperger’s Syndrome vary greatly in their handicaps and family circumstances. Please note that some treatment approaches that work in certain cases may not work in others. Also, children with Asperger’s have difficulty generalizing learned experiences from one setting to another. As a result, the skills they learned in a hospital or school tend not to be transferred to the home or other settings.

Asperger’s Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns – Revised and Expanded Edition by Brenda Smith Myles & Jack Southwick is a great place to learn more on the subject.

This expanded edition of this bestselling book offers parents and professionals many solutions to minimize and/or prevent the rage cycle of the child with Asperger’s Syndrome.

This excellent resource also focuses on the behaviours and reactions of the adults in the child’s life and emphasizes the importance of teachable moments before and after a rage.

Thanks

Dave Angel

A child with ASD, may make some positive changes in their ability to cope with lifes stresses through the assistance of others in their life. Even with positive change, some of these characteristics will follow them into adulthood, and may pose even larger challenges as they are encouraged to monitor their own behavior, develop their own relationships, and maintain those relationships in a positive manner.

Adulthood brings with it challenges for everyone, but the individual with ASD may not have adequate coping strategies to allow them to problem solve in different situations.

Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults by Zosia Zaks; is a book that is written for ASD adults.

Zosia Zaks, was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at the age of 31. This book is written as a guide for peers with ASD, using the strategies that she has used to cope with difficult situations. Zaks discusses common sense solutions for dealing with sensory issues including strategies for navigation, how to facilitate maintaining a clean and orderly home, how to shop for necessities without becoming distracted or vulnerable to impulse purchases, health care and vocational challenges, issues to keep in mind when dating from health and safety concerns to inappropriate versus appropriate behavior, things to keep in mind when trying to make autism spectrum/non-spectrum relationships work, advice for when and how to disclose one’s autism spectrum diagnosis, and much much more!

This excellent guide will help the adult with ASD develop concrete ways to deal with challenges that may arise in daily life and love. Check it out at by clicking Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults by Zosia Zaks.

One of the hallmarks of Aspergers syndrome is the development of obsessive thinking and the performing of ritual behaviors done to reduce stress and anxiety. This type of behavior can later meet the criteria in adulthood for obsessive-compulsive disorder. Aspergers syndrome children often have an obsessive interest in a particular subject and very little interest in much else. They may obsessively seek information about maps or clocks or some other topic. They may also be very inflexible in their habits and rigidly adhere to certain routines or rituals. These obsessions and compulsions are believed to be biological in origin. This means that it is very difficult to go to therapy or just talk the individual out of the rituals.

Even so, there is some evidence to suggest that cognitive-behavioral therapy may help control some of the behaviors and makes the child aware of ways to recognize when the behavior is occurring so as to stop it before it occurs. This kind of therapy, in general, can be helpful for children, teens and adults with Aspergers syndrome because it focuses on concrete behavioral and “thought” changes necessary to function on a day to day basis.

Parents may need to simply be supportive of the child who so rigidly hangs onto rituals he or she doesn’t understand. Unless the child has done a lot of therapy, it takes a great deal of effort to fight the rituals nor does it help to punish the child for them.

There are medications, often used in obsessive compulsive disorder that can take the edge off of the ritual behavior and obsessions, especially when used along with cognitive behavioral therapy. No medication is without side effects and the improvement may not be complete; however, it is worth the effort to try the medication as recommended by your child’s doctor.

Children with Aspergers syndrome have no greater permission to run amok and misbehave than other children. The way the parents gain control over their child’s behavior will likely differ with an Aspergers syndrome child as opposed to other children, mostly because of differences in how they think and how they perceive rewards and sanctions.

Aspergers syndrome children, similar to other children, do not respond well to negative reinforcement like spanking or yelling. Aspergers syndrome children really don’t respond negatively to isolation, so the phrase, “Go to your room!” may be seen as a positive thing instead of a negative thing. This means that parents need to be more creative in defining which things will be seen as rewards and which things will be seen as sanctions by the child.

Positive rewards may include being able to play with a preferred toy, being allowed watch a preferred television program or listen to preferred music. Rewarding a child with computer game time may be enough to alter his or her behavior accordingly.

These particular rewards are often offered because Aspergers syndrome children respond more to the presence or absence of “things” and less to human contact or even human praise. The rewards can be offered along with human praise but the praise alone often falls flat and doesn’t affect self esteem in the same way it might another child.

Sanctions involve removing preferred items, including television, toys, computer games or movies—anything the child prefers. All sanctions and rewards must come with clear reasons explained to the child as to why the sanction or reward is being given. Only then can the child match the reward or sanction with the behavior they have done and only then can change be affected.

Yelling or smacking can’t actually be a valid last resort. The child could easily be traumatized by either behavioral option and often won’t be able to tie the “behavior” with the “punishment”, leaving you back at square one.

This is just one of the many tips and techniques for helping your Asperger’s child that features in the book “The Parenting Asperger’s Resource Guide”. Which you can learn more about by visiting www.ParentingAspergers.com