Question

How can I help my child with Asperger’s deal with family problems?

Answer

All families have problems.   Family members have to work together to overcome many everyday obstacles.   Problems can result from emotional issues, financial problems, or merely personality conflicts.  Families dealing with Asperger’s Syndrome know this better than most.

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes appear to be non-caring and aloof when it comes to family problems.  They may show more concern for the disruption of their routine than they show for the troubling family issue that may be the cause.  Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes lack the social language skills needed to show appropriate responses.  Even though the outward appearance is off, rest assured that your child is aware of the problems and is affected by them.  Most children with Asperger’s Syndrome are extremely intelligent in spite of their weaknesses.

There is a variety of common responses you may see from your child in times of trouble.  He may be an emotional mess, crying over every little thing.  He may be angry or overly aggressive.  He may become very anxious or extremely depressed, isolating himself from other family members.  Your goal is to get an appropriate response from your child for your personal situation.   Here are some suggestions that may be helpful.

• Help your child develop strong coping skills. Basic coping skills are centered on how we think, what we feel, and when we self-protect.  Some children will try to ignore certain painful feelings which can lead to serious problems later.   Children can learn coping skills from watching others or by using actual written exercises.  You can find resources on the Internet.
• Have pre-set strategies for every family member to use during intense situations.  Sometimes it is more effective to tell our children what emotional response we expect.
• Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to prepare your child for trying times.  This therapy is highly effective for children with Autism in so many different situations and skill sets.  You can see a behavioral therapist or find published resources for use at home.

There are many books aropund that can give you guidance in the area of family unity when living with Autism.  Top Ten Tips:  A Survival Guide for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum by Teresa Cardon, Ph.D., CCC-SLP is a good example of this type of resource.  The pressure that Autism adds to family relationships can feel insurmountable.  It is good to know that others have lived through the tumultuous times and found ways to share their success stories.

Thanks,

Dave Angel

Question

How do I get my child with Aspergers to open up and tell me her feelings?

Answer

Opening up and talking can be difficult for children with Asperger’s.  Feelings are complex and not always fully understood.  It is important, however, that your daughter learns to recognize and acknowledge her feelings and emotions.  She will grow to become a well-adapted individual if she will cooperate with your wishes.

There are a couple of different therapies that are useful for improving Asperger’s feelings responsiveness.  The first one is cognitive-behavioral therapy.  This therapy teaches children and adults with Asperger’s Syndrome that their feelings and emotions have a direct effect on their behavior.  They learn that controlling their emotions and feelings can change the outcome of a situation, even if the situation remains unchanged.  The other therapy involves social skills training, which covers everything from personal space, social cues and gestures, understanding humor and slang, two-way conversations, and making and keeping friends, just to name a few.

With the right tools, parents can accomplish the same Asperger’s feelings expressive goals as these therapies in their own home.  Parents can consult professional therapists for guidance, or they can search and find their own resources.  For example, “What’s That Look on Your Face? All About Faces and Feelings,” by Catherine S. Snodgrass, is a highly acclaimed illustrated book for children in upper elementary school.  This book matches exaggerated facial expression to examples of emotions and feelings, and can be used by parents, teachers, and therapists.  This is just one of many resources available to parents of children with Asperger’s Syndrome.

It is important that you work with your child with Asperger’s.  Feelings and emotions are obvious, but their impact may not be.  Helping your daughter acknowledge her feelings and emotions while working on her social skills will ensure that she has the skills she need to grown into an independent young woman.  If you notice that your home program is not producing the results you expected, it may be beneficial to find an outside source to supplement your efforts.  Individual counseling, support group social opportunities, and clubs geared to your daughter’s special interests are all options for social and emotional interaction.

Thanks for reading,

Dave Angel

This weeks featured resources at The Parenting Aspergers Community are:

Aspergers Treatment – How does a parent provide for a child with Aspergers when all resources tell you that he needs intense therapy but there are no local resources available to you?

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/How_does_a_parent_provide_for_a_child_with_Aspergers_when_all_resources_tell_you_that_he_needs_intense_therapy_but_there_are_no_local_resources_available_to_you.cfm

Aspergers Behavior – My grandson with Aspergers seems to ramp up at bedtime and into “silly” behavior. Why do you think this is?

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/Aspergers_Behavior__My_grandson_with_Aspergers_seems_to_ramp_up_at_bedtime_and_into_quotsillyquot_behavior_Why_do_you_think_this_is.cfm

Aspergers Information – How can I assist my child with Aspergers spiritual development?

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/How_can_I_assist_my_child_with_Aspergers_spiritual_development.cfm

Hello and welcome to this week’s Aspergers article.

This week the topic is communication …

Question

What is the best way of effectively communicating things to my child with Aspergers?

Answer

Communicating with a child with ASD can be a delightful experience. It can just as often be a frustrating experience. Children with ASD can have a wide range of communication skills, so it’s important to tailor any communication specifically to your child. Many times, you’ll have to try some communication techniques to see if they’re effective.

Be sensitive when speaking with a child with Asperger’s. Understand that your child might not be able to maintain eye contact or that he might not want you sitting close to him or touching him. Understand that you will need to teach him how to communicate effectively.

Using a tool such as Interactive Training Cards, created by Joan Green, can help you teach your child about communication. Interactive Training cards were developed by special educators specifically to help facilitate communication with people with communication delays or difficulties. Each set of communication cards comes with 120 2”x2” laminated cards that relate to the topic of the set. The set also includes four sentence and cards containing common words, such as yes, no, thank you, no thank you, and more. Words are printed on the front and back of each picture.

These Interactive Training Cards come in several sets, each set having a different theme. The Food Set includes foods for each meal, snacks, condiments and kitchen materials and utensils. The Home and Health Set include chores, hygiene activities, body parts and physical ailments. Another set contains Elementary and High School Activities.

Understand that communicating with a child with ASD will be repetitive and time consuming. It can often be frustrating. Be patient. Often children with ASD are slower to process things they hear, so expect the pace of conversation to be different than in a standard conversation. Give your child time and space to respond appropriately and to formulate a response.

When working on communication skills with your child, try to engage him in a topic of interest to him. This will help extend the conversation and give him a change to feel confident while talking to you. He will be excited and will be more willing to engage when the topic piques his interest.

Communicating effectively with children with ASD can be a challenge. But the rewards and benefits are tremendous. Your child will reap the benefits of your efforts, as he is able to understand the world a bit better and to learn more effective communication skills.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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Can you tell me more about Wilderness Therapy for Asperger’s?

Adolescence is a tough age for children with Asperger’s Syndrome. The lacking social skills cause awkwardness. At a time when it is so important to be an accepted member of the group, these children are often rejected, teased, bullied, or totally ignored by their peers. It can be a lonely time for the child, triggering behavioral problems and a very troubled teen. Home life and family relationships may suffer …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/356.cfm

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I am worried that my teenaged son with Aspergers is becoming more reliant on alcohol to cope with his low feelings. Is this common and what can I do to help him?

The teen years can be precarious when under the influence of alcohol. A teen’s peer group often sees alcohol use as a rite of passage. Teens think to be accepted by the crowd, you have to be willing to take some risks. These risks are …

To read this article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/355.cfm

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My son gets so distraught when he gets a bad mark in class — how can I help him with this? He’s 11 and has Asperger’s.

Pushing for perfection is a very common characteristic in children with Asperger’s Syndrome. The need to do things right, every time, is overwhelming. When it doesn’t happen, it can be a disaster. Feelings of despair can lead to extreme anxiety and depression since as we all know, perfection is impossible. It is so difficult to watch your child struggle to meet his expectations. You cannot make him see that he is setting unachievable goals; he really doesn’t understand. This creates such a helpless feeling for a parent …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/354.cfm

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Hi and welcome to this week’s Aspergers article …

Just as a quick update I am still working on the “Back To School” ebook which should be completed in the next 2-3 weeks.

I also hope to put out an extra article later this week about Gary McKinnon – the young man with Aspergers who is due to be extradicted to the USA from the UK on some very serious hacking charges.

So stay tuned; here’s today’s article …

Question

Tips on teaching black-and-white kids labels for different emotions would be invaluable. With our nine-year-old, everyone is either happy, sad, frustrated or mad. His difficulty labeling emotions compounds problems because by not being able to adequately express what he’s feeling and be understood. This frustration usually ends with a day full of sitting on the couch with his head down, not talking to anyone because he’s so upset. How can I help him better express himself?

Answer

It can be very difficult for some children with Asperger’s Syndrome to understand their own emotions. They have a very hard time reading the emotions of others as well. This can be a very frustrating place for a child to be and helping him to learn how to identify these emotions can be very beneficial for your child.

Understand that it will be difficult for your child to learn how to identify emotions. He’ll first need to have a frame of reference. In her book, “What’s That Look on Your Face? All About Faces and Feelings,” Catherine S. Snodgrass has created a set of pictures of exaggerated facial expressions. These pictures are accompanied by poems that further reinforce the emotion shown in the face to help reinforce the connection in the child’s mind. This is a great way to begin to teach your child how to read and identify emotions.

You can also create activities for you and your child to participate in, depending on the age of your child and his desire to participate. You can photograph yourself and your child making faces that portray different emotions. You can have pictures of happy faces, sad faces, frustrated faces, and mad faces – all sorts of faces. Take a picture of you and take a picture of your child making the same face. You can take those photographs and turn them into flash cards so your child can practice identifying emotions.

Once he has a language and a frame of reference, then you can begin to help your child learn to identify how he is feeling. This can be a time consuming process, but a very important process. When you see your son is happy, have him stop what he’s doing and talk about what it feels like to be happy. He will begin to equate the feeling he’s having with the word. You can do this with many emotions, such as anger and frustration. Once your son begins to connect words with the emotions he is having, he’ll be able to correctly identify the emotions. This will help greatly when you are trying to help him modify some of his behaviors that may surround some of his emotions, especially around anger and frustration issues.

Be patient with your son and try to understand how frustrating and confusing this can be for him. If he begins to understand that you are trying to help him understand this confusing issue, he will be better able to open up to you.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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When and how to explain Asperger’s to him?

Speaking to your child about Asperger’s is a very personal decision. There truly is no right and wrong way to approach this. You’ll need to keep several things in mind when you make the decision to talk to your child about Asperger’s …To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/298.cfm

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Can you give me information of natural products or holistic medicine?

While there is no specific treatment or cure for Asperger’s, people tend to treat symptoms of disorders associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. Typically, a child with Asperger’s might suffer from anxiety or depression, or he might have issues concerning attention. He might be overly aggressive and be diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. All of these disorders are typically treated with medication. The point of doing this is to … To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/297.cfm

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How can I help my son’s identity crisis and lack of confidence?

Adolescence is a time of experimentation and change and many people find this to be one of the most difficult periods of time in their lives emotionally. Navigating social relationships and creating an identity take a great deal of emotional effort. This period of time can be especially challenging for a child with Asperger’s syndrome. When most adolescents are struggling with the question of who they want to be, children with Asperger’s are struggling with decoding the world as well as … To read this article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/296.cfm

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Hi and welcome to this week’s blog post …

Before I get into it I want to talk briefly about the summer holidays.

I know that the long holidays can be a very difficult time for many parents so I am wanting to offer some help …

In the next day or so I am going to put out a quick online survey where you can ask me your most important question about the upcoming summer holidays.

And I’ll answer as many of them as I can in my brand new ebook.

So look out for that email in the next 24-48 hours …

Here’s the blog post …

Question

How to explain abstract concepts of friendship and love

Answer

Talking about abstract concepts with a child with Asperger’s Syndrome can be challenging. Typically, children with Asperger’s have a very difficult time understanding abstract concepts, especially those that have to do with social interactions. When you talk to you child with Asperger’s about friendship and love, understand that this will not be something he can grasp overnight.

A great deal of the conversation depends on the age of your child. Young children, especially elementary age children, will likely be talked to about friendship many times. Keep the conversations as concrete as you can, using specific examples. If you son has a good friend, talk to him about what sorts of things he can do to nurture that friendship. He can invite his friend over for play dates. He can share his toys. He can talk to him, especially when his friend wants to talk. He can be a good listener. Using specific examples, you can explain to your son, over time, what friends do for each other, and what friendship means. Helping him understand this will enable him to better create and nurture friendships when he gets older.

When your child is young, you will want to introduce the concept of love to him. Explain that love is a feeling, and talk to him about times when he might feel that feeling. He loves his mother and father. He loves his siblings. He loves his pets. Helping him to identify that feeling will help him understand the emotion. You can also talk to him about how he treats people he loves. Give him concrete examples of ways he can act and things he can do to nurture a loving relationship. This might include holding hands or hugging, or a kiss good night.

As your child gets older, you will need to continue to talk with him about the changing nature of his feelings and the nature of his relationships. He may have feelings for girls that he has trouble identifying. Talk to him about those feelings and help him give them names. You will need to talk about the varying degrees of love, such as the love he might feel for a good friend and the crush he might have on a girl in his class. Discuss appropriate ways to act on those feelings.

It’s important to help your son identify his own feelings and give them names. He will then need to talk about the appropriate ways to act when he has those feelings. A good reference for parents is a book entitled “Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults” by Zosia Zaks In this book, the author writes about concrete ways to deal with challenges that come up in daily life, about friendship and love. Ms. Zaks writes for autistic adults and stresses the relationship between self-esteem and independence. This would be a great book to have your older child or adult child with Asperger’s read. This would give you a common language to talk through some of these issues.

Take Care

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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I have an issue with your Asperger’s tips, they are all geared to boys and the girls present very different symptoms in a lot of areas, especially at school. My 12 yr old tries to participate and when the teacher responds negatively or worse with sarcasm, she either gets really upset or shuts down. She tries to interact socially, but ‘trips over her own tongue’ and will say things to really upset her peers. Can you help?

Boys and girls do present Asperger’s symptoms differently, and have a different rate of diagnosis. According to the Asperger’s Foundation (www.aspergersfoundation.org.uk), Asperger’s is diagnosed in four boys to every one girl. It is thought that Asperger’s affects children at a rate of ten boys to one girl. Consequently, when discussing Asperger’s syndrome, more often information is geared toward boys than girls. Girls tend to present Asperger’s symptoms differently. Girls with Asperger’s tend to do better socially than boys with Asperger’s. In your daughter’s case, it seems she has trouble …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/263.cfm

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My child with Asperger’s seems to be developing anorexia. What should I do?

Anorexia is a complicated illness. It is an eating disorder where a person controls the amount and type of food she eats and creates a situation where she is starving herself. Typically, people who suffer from anorexia are grossly underweight, and yet continue to perceive themselves as fat. An anorexic might …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/264.cfm

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How do I help other people in the world understand my son’s behaviors?
Here is a brief description of Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s is a developmental disorder that affects a child’s ability to socialize and communicate effectively. Children with Asperger’s syndrome typically are …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/262.cfm
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