Hi there and welcome to this weeks blog post.

A big thanks to everyone who signed up as new members at www.ParentingAspergersCommunity.com this week and I hope you’re enjoying the materials that I’ve provided for you.

This week’s article is …

Question

How can I get help in obtaining services that are supposedly out there and available?  My son’s ISSP (IEP) looks fantastic on paper, but in reality, most of the services are not obtainable due to extremely long wait lists or shortage of workers to completely fill the positions.

Answer

Developing a relationship with your son’s school and creating an acceptable IEP, or Individual Education Plan, is very important.  “How Well Does Your IEP Measure Up?” by Diane Twachtman-Cullen and Jennifer Twachtman-Reilly is a book that can help you grow to be a valuable member of your son’s IEP team, giving you insight into the IEP process.  You’ll learn about often-neglected areas that should be addressed during the IEP meeting.

Your son’s school has obviously been cooperative, working with you and acknowledging his disabilities.  However, without follow-through, all you have is a stack of papers. By law, your son is entitled to FAPE or a free, appropriate public education due to his diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome.  His IEP is a legal document.  Your son’s school is legally responsible to uphold the contents of his IEP.  There are procedures in place to protect all parties involved in the education plan.  However, someone has to initiate these procedures.

At the time of your son’s IEP meeting, his IEP team leader should have reviewed your state’s laws and your rights as a parent of a child with special needs.  You should have been given a copy of your state’s FAPE procedures and parent’s rights handbook.  Now is the time to review this handbook and determine your first step.

You must initiate a legal procedure called due process.  Once you file due process, you will have the opportunity to show proof that the school system is not fulfilling your son’s services as set in his IEP.  Your parent handbook will outline the steps you must take to begin due process in your state.  You, as the parent, are responsible for holding the school system accountable.

Preserving your relationship with your son’s school is very important.  Even if you file for due process, your son will remain in their care until the process is resolved.  You will want to be comfortable with this arrangement.  Remember to maintain neutral communication.  While this is a personal matter in your life, this is not a personal attack.  Moreover, it doesn’t have to become one.

Contact your state’s special education advocacy support group.  This group is in place to support the families of special needs kids by offering information and advocacy training services at no charge.  This group can guide you through the legal process of receiving FAPE for your son.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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My child has a dual diagnosis of Aspergers and Downs Syndrome — can you tell me what similarities there are and give me some helpful hints to help him better at school and home.

Asperger’s Syndrome and Downs Syndrome are two separate entities that do not share many similarities. Downs Syndrome is caused by the presence of an additional chromosome in a fetus. It can cause learning disabilities. Downs Syndrome has many special distinguishing physical characteristics, such as a small head, a small mouth, and upward slanting eyes. People with Downs Syndrome typically have trouble with physical coordination and are likely to suffer gastrointestinal problems as well as heart problems. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome suffer from … To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/308.cfm

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We have one main concern with our child with Aspergers. Eye contact is very important to me and the people around me. And as I have read before, eye contact is something that is hard for a child with aspergers to do. We cannot get my son to look anyone in the eyes. If he does then it is only for a split second before he looks away again. sometimes he will say he is looking at us but his eyes are diverted elsewhere. Is there an exercise we can do with him to help get his attention on our eyes better?

It can be very difficult for children with Asperger’s to engage in eye contact with people they are speaking to. Many people are uncomfortable talking with someone who can’t look them in the eye. There are several things you can work on with your son concerning eye contact … To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/306.cfm

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Could you please send me a list of calming music to help 12 year old boy with Aspergers to sleep? And can you suggest other techniques too?

During the course of the day, there are several things you can do to help your son get sleepy at bedtime. First of all, monitor his diet. Try to avoid as much sugar as you possibly can, as well as caffeine. He should have no soda or sugary snacks after lunchtime, if he must have them then. Sugar and caffeine can cause the body to be alert at bedtime. Try to encourage your son to …

To read this article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/305.cfm
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Hi there and welcome to this weeks’ Aspergers blog which has a definite education theme this week …

First up let me remind you that you can get a free copy of my latest ebook entitled “Back To School” which covers all sorts of questions that you may have about your child’s education …

To find out more go to –

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/299.cfm

… but don’t forget this special offer is only available for the next 6 days.

This week’s educational-themed article is …

Question

Can you offer tips for completing assignments?

Answer

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome have the same motivational needs as other kids.  Sometimes less and other times, a lot more motivation is needed to accomplish the same assignment.  However, Children with Asperger’s will always have the need for a little extra help due to the weaknesses created by the syndrome. 

Because Asperger’s affects functional skills in socialization and communication, teachers and parents will need to get creative in order to find ways to help these kids succeed.  Here are a few tips to help with school assignments.

* Children with Asperger’s crave order, structure and routine.  These desires can be utilized to help with assignment completion.  Classroom time for the child with Asperger’s must be an organized and structured environment.   Consistent structure will provide comfort, allowing the child to make progress on his assignments.

* Use visual schedules for children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  They need a balanced schedule that will alternate core subjects with chances to de-stress, usually with structured down time.  For example, the student may be scheduled for an hour of math, thirty minutes for lunch, and then an hour of music.  Assuming that music is a class he thoroughly enjoys, that hour would be his time to de-stress. 

* Allowing further breakdown of assignments into mini-assignments will also help ensure successful completion. This breakdown will appeal to the child’s sense of order as he sees each step is simply written and manageable.

* The breakdown of assignments into steps leads to another suggestion.  Additional time is useful when assigning work to a student with Asperger’s. Children with Asperger’s may find additional time helpful to complete their assignments.  Meeting a deadline on an assignment can create stress that causes the child to become completely overwhelmed, wiping out any chance of completing the assignment.

* Teachers of children with Asperger’s should also keep in mind the need to use straightforward instructions stated simply and clearly.  Language is difficult for kids with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Sarcasm and slang go right over their heads.  Remember that they need to know what, when, and how.  Basic instruction goes a long way.

Finally, praise the student for the work that is completed.  Praise from his teacher will motivate the child with Asperger’s and the typical child alike.  Teachers should always praise their students if possible.  Children with Asperger’s may have weaknesses to battle, but praise is a weapon that can be used successfully in the classroom.

And don’t forget to get loads more educational tips, tricks and techniques for free go to …

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/299.cfm

Have a great day,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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EEG therapy and Asperger’s

EEG therapy is also known as EEG Biofeedback, Neurotraining and Neurotherapy. This treatment is essentially a way to exercise the brain and to strengthen it. According to Autism Home, EEG therapy also calms the brain and improves its stability. Neurofeedback uses computerized technology to …

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http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/304.cfm

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Biomedical therapies and Asperger’s

While there are many conventional medical treatments for symptoms related to Asperger’s Syndrome, there are also alternative biomedical treatments that many people turn to in order to try to help alleviate some of the most common symptoms. While many biomedical therapies are possible for Asperger’s symptoms, there are some that are most common. Many people begin a more holistic treatment for Asperger’s symptoms by beginning a …

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http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/303.cfm

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How can I find treatment options for older children with ASD, that may actually help and that won’t leave a parent financially strapped

As children with Asperger’s age, treatment options become more limited. As your child finishes high school or college, you’ll want to be looking for living situations for your older child. Many young adults with Asperger’s function well in society. They are able to hold jobs, but will continue to need …

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http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/302.cfm
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Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog …

Here’s the article …

Question

What are the best options for post high school education?

Answer

The future is looking brighter than ever for children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  As you know, children with Asperger’s are usually very intelligent, but suffer from a lack of social skills, communication abilities, and sensory issues.  The recent surge of information, education, and treatment options are starting at younger ages, increasing the chances and the choices for post high school education.

There are several secondary education options to investigate for your child with Asperger’s.  Here are several choices to research.

*    Technical or vocational schools-These schools offer career training in a relatively short amount of time, with the added benefit of being close to home.  If your child is thinking of a career in computer repair, air conditioning and heating repair, general office duties, or computer technology, a vocational school is worth a look.  Check your local schools for the programs available in your area.  Many of these schools offer federal financial aid, as well as state or local aid.

*    Community college-If your child is interested in earning an Associates degree, the local community college may be the solution.  These schools are close to home, yet offer the ‘real’ college experience.  For kids who are uncomfortable with the thought of going away to college, this alternative can give them that big school experience at a more manageable volume.

*    Specialty schools-Single concentration schools are popping up everywhere.  These schools cater to one certain specialty.  For the child with Asperger’s, special interests can mean sure success when it comes to choosing a career path.  Why not concentrate fully on that special interest after high school?  Some examples of specialty careers are culinary arts, cosmetology, graphic arts, fashion design, and animation.

*    Colleges and Universities-It is no longer unusual to find children with Asperger’s going away to a college or university in search of a higher-level degree.  These schools are starting to make necessary accommodations for students with Asperger’s, offering more assistance on campus.  Teens with Asperger’s are demonstrating their capabilities by adapting to college life quite well, as long as the preparation has been in place during high school.  Possibilities for financing their education are numerous with federal and state financial aid and scholarships.

Choosing the right school can guarantee success.  “Colleges that Change Lives: 40 schools you should know about even if you’re not a straight-A student” by Loren Pope, Director of the College Placement Bureau and author of Looking Beyond the Ivy League is a book that lists a group of colleges that have shown a proven ability to develop potential in exceptional students.  This book is necessary for anyone faced with planning a child’s post secondary education.

Preparing your child early by working on social skills, organizational skills, and living skills will ensure a successful adjustment from high school and home life to the college experience.  Finding the right post high school opportunity for your child with Asperger’s Syndrome is not only possible, it is promising.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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I have a 14-year-old granddaughter who has Asperger’s syndrome. She is very intelligent and capable but hates school. She also has ADD (not hyperactivity). Her last year helper was terrible and made things so much worse. She did really well on her yearly achievement test but the teacher read the questions to her. My question is: What is the responsibility of the school? I just don’t think they are helping her in the ways she needs help. What should her parents do?

Your granddaughter struggles with Asperger’s as well as ADD and the combination of these two factors can make school a difficult place for her to function well. Her parents need to meet with the school administration and her teachers and come up with a plan of accommodations for your granddaughter that can help her succeed in the classroom. Children with Asperger’s typically will have …To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/295.cfm

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I just have started to work with adults with ASD, I work in a private home setting for an agency in my area. I would like to ask a few questions on handling situations with behaviors. Why at any given moment will they have a behavior, for no apparent reason, lashing out at a staff or another autistic person that lives there with them?

It is difficult to answer your question because there are so many reasons a person with Asperger’s could lash out at another person. Individuals with Asperger’s are all different and have different behavioral triggers, just as people without Asperger’s do. People with Asperger’s tend to have trouble in settings where there is … To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/294.cfm

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Keeping him off sugars and dairy, and too much wheat, that cause Aspergers symptoms and nightly upsets in the middle of sleep periods. Can you advise?

Restricting your child’s diet can have positive effects on his overall behavior as well as his sleep habits. Most people who have children with Asperger’s Syndrome experiment with a gluten free casein free diet, which eliminates many of the grains, including wheat, and dairy from a child’s diet. There is some scientific evidence, although not conclusive, that children on the Autism Spectrum have …To read this article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/293.cfm
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Hi there and welcome to this week’s blog post …

Question

Can you tell me about Asperger’s and depression?

Answer

Children with Asperger’s have difficulty verbalizing their feelings and thoughts. This can be misinterpreted by some and can lead to the assumption that because these thoughts and feelings aren’t verbalized, that they don’t exist. Often, the opposite is true. Many children with Asperger’s have an overwhelming number of thoughts and feelings that go unexpressed. This inability to express feelings can lead to depression.

Children with Asperger’s often find school a challenging environment. Difficulty with social interaction can lead to a child feeling isolated and friendless, especially during the tumultuous teenage years. Those feelings of isolation and confusion can lead to depression. This can be compounded by an inability to express the feelings of depression to anyone.

Learning to cope with these feelings is an important part of learning to cope with Asperger’s syndrome. In his book, “Helping Children Overcome Depression and Anxiety: A Practical Guide,” Kenneth W. Merrell
outlines some clear cut and creative strategies for helping your child’s teachers and counsellors deal with depression. By utilizing some of Mr. Merrell’s intervention methods and strategies, school personnel can work with you and your child to help recognize signs of depression and to help your child overcome it.

Since depression in children with Asperger’s is often linked to feelings of isolation and frustration with not being able to express himself, it’s important for parents to understand that while children with Asperger’s don’t necessarily express their feeling, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have them. Talk with your child about how he might be feeling about his social relationships with others. Try to give him the words to use, such as mad, sad, frustrated and angry. By giving him those words and trying to help him differentiate those words and identify those feelings, you can help him develop his voice while expressing his emotions. You may not be able to make his social relationships smoother for him, but you can try to get him to understand that his feelings surrounding those relationships are valid.

Talking to your child with Asperger’s about emotions can be a frustrating experience for you, but the benefits will hopefully outweigh the frustrations you are dealing with. It’s also helpful for you to understand the warning signs of depression. Watch for behavioral changes that might indicate depression in your child. Is he more easily frustrated? Is he giving up on his social relationships? Has he lost interest in things that typically gave him pleasure? Does he have difficulty sleeping? Has he gained or lost a significant amount of weight?

If you notice unusual changes, speak with your child’s doctor about the possibility of depression and possible treatments.

That’s all for this week … and have a great week.

Dave Angel
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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community
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Communication/comprehension is a big problem (understanding what is meant by others in conversation).  How can I help my child with this?
Asperger’s is interesting in that it is the only group on the autism spectrum in which language is acquired normally and a good vocabulary is not unusual.  Some young children with Asperger’s have difficulty using pronouns, such as …
To read the full article go to: -
http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/248.cfm
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Standing up to bullies by Matthew Readman
What is a bully; in the Webster dictionary a bully is defined as “one who intimidates one who is smaller then weaker” HA! To anyone who has aspergers the list goes on and on. I have been mocked, criticized, humiliated, punched. If anyone who knows bullying it’s me. Ever since I was …
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http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/246.cfm
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My child will not take personal responsibility for her actions; she’s now 18 so what can I do?
Even though your daughter is 18, emotionally she may be anywhere from 12 to 15 years old. She acts irresponsibly because she is functioning at 13 or 14! She will continue to mature as time passes and may catch up by the time she is 25 or so. If your daughter still lives with you, she is not an adult and you still have the responsibility of …
To read the full article go to: -
http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/247.cfm
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Hi there – It’s Dave Angel with this week’s blog post.

I hope you’ve had chance to read Matthew Readman’s latest insight – because his writing provides just such a great and unique insight into the life of a child with Aspergers.

I am just SO thrilled that he’s going to be writing regularly for The Parenting Aspergers Community.

Anyway this week’s blog post follows below …

Question

My son is being home-schooled this year because of the bullying that went on in his public school class.  How can Asperger’s kids be helped with bullying or, even better, get it stopped in the first place?

Answer

Unfortunately, the majority of children with Asperger’s Syndrome experience bullying or victimization at school. There are many reasons for this, but mainly it is because children with Asperger’s stand out from typically developing students due to their problems in social situations.  Children who bully are socially savvy and are able to keep from getting caught, which makes bullying difficult to spot and stop.  Students with Aspergers have a low social IQ, so they either do not notice the bullying, retaliate, or get the blame for it shifted onto them!  It is the responsibility of adults, parents and teachers, to address this issue.

Your decision to homeschool your son is a wise one in this situation.  Be sure that he knows he must tell you right away when he is bullied.  Warn him against being aggressive or provoking the bully.  Help him practice being assertive and not showing fear.  Encourage your child to stick with friends at all times when he is away from home.  Also warn him against trying to appease the bully, for example, if the bully says he should steal something and then they’ll be friends, your son should be taught how to say no.

The myth of the “overprotective mother” in this case is bogus; parents and professionals must assume a “protective” role with Asperger’s children.  These children are extremely vulnerable and independence should be introduced gradually, in controlled, non-threatening situations.

Your next step is to see if anti-bullying laws exist in your country or state and get a copy of the law.  Your child’s rights are contained in these laws.  Many states have anti-bullying laws that should contain the following:

1)   The word “bullying” must be used in the bill/law/statutes and the law must mandate programs, using the word “shall.”   Some other words used are, “hate crimes” harassment, discrimination, or intimidation.

2)   The law must be an anti-bullying law, not a school safety law.  Anti-bullying laws discuss individual student rights and personal safety; not building safety.

3)   There must be definitions of bullying and harassment.  Any child can be a bullying victim and all children should be protected.

4)   There should be recommendations on how the policy will be implemented.  Log on to: www.bullypolice.org/wa_law.html for more information.

5)   An effective law involves education specialists at all levels, i.e.; the State Superintendent of Education’s office, school district and school personnel, parents and students.

6)   Laws should include a date by which policies must be in effect.

7)   There must be consequences for reprisal, retaliation, or false accusations and procedures for reporting bullying anonymously.

8)   There must be school district protection against lawsuits.  Parents of bullies should know that they can be sued for their child’s behavior and school districts should know that they can be sued if they fail to comply with anti-bullying law.

Next, make an appointment with the school principal to see a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy.  The vast majority of schools have disciplinary policies to address this type of misconduct.  Explain what happened to your child and demand to know what steps are being taken so that your child can return to school without harassment.  If the school principal refuses to cooperate with you to get bullying in the school stopped, speak to the School Board, publicly stating what is happening.  You will get a response!  If you know of other bullying victims, get their parents to work with you.  If the school district still won’t cooperate, get a child advocate or attorney and take steps to see that they do.

Notify the police if your child is assaulted.  Get a restraining order so that a bully is required by law to have no contact with your child.  Take legal action.

That’s all for today (and watch out for this month’s newsletter later this week too)

Have a great day

Dave Angel

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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My son self-mutilates and carries out other destructive behaviors and I just don’t know where to turn.

Children with autism, and sometimes those with Asperger’s Syndrome, may engage in self-injury, also known as self-harm. These actions result in physical injury to the child’s own body. Self-injury behavior includes …

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http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=241.cfm

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How can I teach my 7 year old son about dangers (e.g. strangers, road crossings, and such like)?  He has no sense of danger.

This is not uncommon in children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Your son is so young that he may not comprehend the dangers you describe and warn him about.  Children with Asperger’s are not aware of the “social dance” that we all learn as children. We learn how to …

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Gluten Free Graham Cracker Cut-Out Cookies

This is one of my all-time favorite recipes, and one you can share . . .

To read the full article and recipe go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/login.cfm?hpage=242.cfm

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Hello and welcome to this week’s Aspergers article, but before I get started I owe you a quick apology.

Over the past few weeks I have posted several articles that have already featured on the blog in the past, by mistake. Thanks to several readers of the blog for letting me know this; as I hadn’t realized.

As you can imagine I have so many articles written on my pc, and had been taking the articles from a folder that had some pre-written articles in it. Unfortunately they were old ones I’d already used!

Again apologies for this and I assure you that this week’s is a brand new article.

Talking of articles … over the past few couple of weeks just some of the new articles posted on The Parenting Aspergers Community include …

I need skills to help my daughter understand time and the need to be ready at a specific time, e.g. leaving the house to get to school on time. We’ve got a visual timetable with photos, but it doesn’t work at home even though she will follow one at school.

The most difficult thing is controlling the behaviors without overmedicating him. I feel he would be better served with less medication, but his behaviors escalate without them. Where can I get help?

My son lacks organization and working memory; what can be done?

I need skills to help my daughter understand time and the need to be ready at a specific time, e.g. leaving the house to get to school on time. We’ve got a visual timetable with photos, but it doesn’t work at home even though she will follow one at school.

Is there a way that I can find out what other treatments/therapies parents have tried and what they have found as a result?

So if you are stilling wanting to join The Parenting Aspergers Community you can do so by going to the following web page:

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Ok this week’s blog article is below …

Question

As he gets older, he doesn’t want to go to school as it is boring and he wants to play video games or computer all day every day if allowed.  Is this normal?

Answer

Yes, unfortunately this behavior can be quite normal for children with Asperger’s Syndrome.  It is also quite normal for children without Asperger’s to behave this way, especially around the ages of 12-14.  Kids want to stay home and play!  Keep in mind that your son with Asperger’s is three or four years behind others his age in maturity.  So, if he is acting this way, it may be because he is emotionally only 12 or 13 years old.  Most parents have to deal with this issue at one time or another.  Obviously, you cannot allow him to avoid school.

The fact that he says its boring may only be a cover-up for the fact that he is having difficulty in school.  Your first step is to meet with your son’s teacher(s) and find out how he is doing.  Tell them what he has said about school and ask them for suggestions on how to help him.  He may need counselling or academic interventions if he is doing poorly.  Or, if he is not being challenged enough (in other words, he really is bored), perhaps the teacher can modify his work to be more interesting.  Ask if it would be possible to gear his work to his favourite topics or obsessions.  Find out if he could use the computer when he finishes his regular schoolwork or use the computer to complete his regular work.  That may motivate him.

Also, while you are at school, find out if your son has any friends.  If he doesn’t, or is being bullied, that may be why he doesn’t want to attend.  Work with the teacher to find solutions to these problems if they exist.  Children who have friends are much more willing to attend school.

At home, sit down with your son and explain to him that school attendance is required by law and if he doesn’t attend, he could get into trouble.  Make it clear to him that if he does not attend school (for any reason), he will not be allowed to use the computer or play video games (or watch TV).  He must understand that school comes first and that other activities are rewards for doing well in school.  Make it very clear that if he refuses to go to school, the video games and computer will be removed from your home.  Be sure to carry out this threat if he drops out of school.

If your son has a goal in life, find out what it is.  A school counselor might help him think about future goals if he is unsure at this time what kind of work he wants to do as an adult.  Then, find someone who works in the area in which he is interested and have that person explain to your son how much education he will need to reach his goal.  That may help him understand why school is so important, even if it gets a bit boring at times.

If the problem continues after you do the above, find a counselor and make sure he gets help.

Have a great week,

Dave Angel

PS – Just a reminder; did you get the free “travelling with ASD kids” booklet yet at http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/228.cfm

Well here’s the last Aspergers blog post of 2008! I’m glad so many people enjoyed the Christmas article that I was able to share last week, and I hope it helps. I want to wish all of you and your families the very best for Christmas and New Year. And look out for another email from me today as I THINK I have worked out how to send a little seasonal greeting card to all of you via email – but apologies in advance if those technical gremlins mess it up! As this Thursday is Christmas day the text version of today’s article will be a few days later than normal this week (please forgive me as I am going nowhere near my pc on Thursday!) Have a great holidays and here’s this week’s article:

Question

My daughter is 10 years old, high functioning and now in middle school.  Her teachers are constantly sending me notes saying she isn’t working up to her ability and they can’t get her to stay on task or ask for help.  When she’s home (1 on 1), I can get her to do well with homework. I obviously can’t go to school with her everyday….what are some ways the teachers can get her to stay on task without making her stand out to the rest of the class?  She is also legally blind and doesn’t want to appear different in any other way.

Answer

If your daughter’s teachers expect her to respond to the predominantly visual learning methods that are used in most schools, obviously, they will not work for her because she’s legally blind!  If this situation exists, no wonder your daughter can’t stay on task or ask for help.  In addition, her Asperger’s affects her attention span and motivation.  It’s unclear from your question whether your daughter is in a special education situation.  Whether she is or not, I suggest the following.
First of all, your daughter should be evaluated by an educational child psychologist – either privately or through the school.  A full diagnosis and specialized treatment is very important, including a complete assessment of her strengths and weaknesses, including her vision problem.  Children with Asperger’s Syndrome often are assumed to be able to function successfully in mainstream education, but cannot through no fault of their own.  Asperger’s Syndrome children are very smart, but their problems with social interaction and repetitive behaviours make mainstream education difficult.  In addition, your daughter has a serious vision problem, an added cause of difficulties.  Once evaluated, she can be appropriately placed in a mainstream educational program with instructional aide support or in special education (probably the best option).

Based on your description, it sounds as though the school’s program (whether it’s mainstream or special education) is not meeting her needs and the teachers do not have the knowledge they need to help her.  Special training and classes for them is vital, as they must address issues with Asperger’s as well as her vision problem.
The school has a responsibility to re-evaluate your daughter if she is not progressing well.  In many countries, this is a legal, federally mandated responsibility.  You should formally request the school to address your daughter’s difficulties and, with your input and that of her doctors, teachers, and psychologist, prepare a specific, educational plan to address all of her disabilities.  You may need an advocacy group’s help if the school is reluctant to do this.

Often a child with Asperger’s and other diagnoses is more successful when placed in a special education classroom (or even a special school) with trained teachers and aides, who provide a consistent, individualized educational program in a smaller group of students.  Counselling and occupational therapy can be easily scheduled, monitored, and supported by special education teachers.  The child may have the same teachers and aides for several years, increasing their understanding of her needs and maximizing her progress.

While your daughter may not want this type of placement at first, because she will appear to be “different,” once she experiences the improvement in her ability to participate in the curriculum, she will understand why a special placement may be the best option for her.  Counselling may help her come to terms with the fact that she is different in some ways from other students, but that she is also very gifted, as well.  I highly recommend it.

Thanks
Dave Angel

PS Two of the latest questions that I have answered on the new Aspergers website are … “How can I get my child to take personal responsibility for her actions” and “How do I help my child retain information for school homework and exams?”

Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog. Last weeks discussion on Barack Obama seemed to cause upset and annoyance to some readers; whilst others seemed really happy to discuss the issues. It was a really mixed reaction – but I guess that’s politics for you!

Anyway moving on; I wanted to let you know that next week I’m planning to run a bit of a Pre-Xmas sale of my Aspergers, Autism and ADHD e-books. Because I know that times are getting hard for a lot of people and so I want to offer them at a discount for those who may be struggling. So look out of for that in an email next week. But on to this week’s article which is …

Question

How do I make my child understand the rules of board games like monopoly?  He wants to play it only his way and gets extremely angry if he has to pay a penalty.  He does not understand the sets of rules for different games and only wants to win with his own rules.

Answer

The child with Aspergers may get upset over game rules, sharing, or taking turns. This applies especially when following the rules means that sometimes the child with Aspergers loses the game!  Hence, your son’s insistence on playing with his own rules.  He does not understand that others want to win a game sometimes, too.  And, even if he does come to understand that, he may not care about their feelings enough to play the game appropriately.  While some children act as “the warden” or keeper of the rules, others find it hard to grasp the give and take of peer relationships, including following rules while playing games with others.

To help your son with this problem, target “fairness” strategies.  Step-by-step, teach causes and effects in feelings, behaviour, and consequences, along with how following rules and social/emotional reciprocity leads to positive rewards.  But of course that is much easier said than done!

Many children with autism spectrum disorders are more successful in structured situations.  Playing games on “neutral turf” in the community often provides the means for structuring activities.  For example, a play date at mini-golf has an inherent structure and it will be difficult for your son to change the rules, as other players can say, “Everyone has to follow the rules of the golf course.”  Pair him with a friend who understands his difficulty.  The friend may be able to help him accept the fact that rules are necessary.

If you son has trouble taking turns, plan some games that are based on just that!  For example, in Parcheesi, all players might be given “a point” when they take a turn when they are supposed to and don’t complain when others have a turn.  Write the points down in clear view of everyone.  At the end of the game, these points are added up.  For each 10 points earned, a small reward is given, such as an M&M, a penny, etc.  Everyone participates and everyone earns the reward – a bigger amount of reward is earned by the players who are most cooperative at taking turns.  Don’t take points away for misbehaviour or your son may not get any reward for the times he did behave appropriately!

In the card game War players choose a card, turn it over and the highest card takes both.  The person with the most cards at the end wins.  This can be a learning experience for your son.  Play with only cards 2 through 10 as the face cards may be confusing.  In this game, your son may win often enough to prevent him from becoming angry.  If not, explain to the players that as well as the highest card taking both, each player who accepts losing a card gracefully will earn a point.  Write the points down in clear view of everyone.  Give a reward for highest points at the end, as well as one to the winner of the most cards.

Chutes and Ladders is a good game for your son to play as it’s difficult to change the rules.  You roll the dice, move, and either climb the ladders or slide down the chutes.  Again offer points for gracious acceptance of sliding down a chute.  The winner at the end and the one with the most points both should receive a small reward.

Parcheesi is another good game that is simple, requires taking turns, and rolling the dice to determine moves.  There are no penalties involved to create frustration.

Many children with Aspergers enjoy computer or hand held, electronic games.  With a little research, you can find games that will interest your son.  Start with the simplest ones; ones at which he can easily be successful.  The penalties and rewards are built in.  He won’t be able to change them or the rules.  If he gets angry while playing, he’ll have to learn how to move beyond anger to win the game.  If he gets physically angry (hits the computer or throws the game, etc.), take it away, but let him try again in a few days.  Over time, he may accept the need for rules when playing.  If he plays for a period of time without anger, give him a lot of praise.  Since the games can be played at various levels and be restarted if he wishes, he has some control.  With these games, he is free to fail without having to deal with another person winning and “lording it over him” which kids often do.  Increase the complexity of the games as he matures.  Avoid violent games, though.

Thanks for reading and have a great day,

Dave Angel

PS – As part of my now regular weekly update on the new Aspergers website ; I just wanted to let you know that the site’s got a really cool feature that I’m working on. It allows you to read all the latest headlines and news topics from around the world related to Aspergers – on one simple web page. I love technology (when it actually works!) that brings new sources of information to people in such a simple and easy to use way. As ever keep watching this space!

Hi there it’s Tuesday again and time for your weekly Aspergers article. There seems to be a little thing called an election featuring quite heavily “over the pond” at the moment! I’ve just watched Barack Obama cast his vote in some school in Chicago live on Sky News here in the UK (oh the wonders of modern technology!) And I just wondered (slightly tongue in cheek) if the candidates are ever tempted to vote for their opponent – just for a joke?

But seriously I would be curious to know who our US (and non-US) readers are rooting for – and why. In particular whether either candidate has any personal or political links with Aspergers or other Autistic Spectrum Disorders. I’ve seen very little debate on any “special needs” issues in what I’ve read in UK papers; but I suspect that some of you in the USA will have your opinions as to which candidate may be more supportive of parents with children who have special needs. So add your comments and thoughts this week – and let’s make this week’s Parenting Aspergers blog a political animal!

That said let’s move swiftly on to this week’s article:

Question

My son is 10 and having difficulty distinguishing bullying from normal, but unwanted, social advances.  I cannot help him with this (there isn’t really a problem, he just cannot tell the difference between being picked on and being asked to join in when he doesn’t want to).  I have always been able to assist in the past and now he is looking to me to do something but…what?  Any and all help would be appreciated.

Answer

Your 10-year-old son might experience anger and resentment if he thinks that he is being bullied.  Also, having Asperger’s Syndrome can result in him disliking or distaining people who he feels do not share his beliefs and interests.  He may be introverted or just not feel like interacting with people at certain times.  He may not confront these situations or may handle them inappropriately because he perceives the language used by others to be provocative or insulting.  An added component to all of this is that, at the age of 10, your son might not be able to explain how he feels about what he perceives to be the motives of others.

In general, here is how we define bullying:  “Persistent and unwanted aggressive behaviour that is directed toward a chosen individual.  This behaviour makes the individual feel uncomfortable, stressed, or hurt.  When bullying behaviour is repeated, it is called harassment.”  So, the difference between bullying and unwanted social interactions is, for the most part, whether the other person is “aggressive” or not (and that could mean physical or verbal aggression).  Your son probably cannot tell the difference between the two as he has difficulty understanding the emotions and intentions of others.

So, you son needs to learn an acceptable way to handle bullying, as well as any other interaction that makes him feel uncomfortable and/or is unwanted, regardless of the intentions of the other person involved.  He needs to find an effective way to communicate without provoking additional unwanted behaviours.

One effective method to help your son is to role play, or ask a trusted friend to role play, with him.  Your son can use “I statements.”  These are statements that tell another individual how he feels.  The statements are not designed to escalate aggressive or unwanted behaviour from the other individual.

Here are some possible “I statements” for your son to use:

“I’m not comfortable right now, and I need to be left alone.  I’m leaving now.”

“I think we can talk about this.  Please sit down and talk with me.”

“I’m not sure what you want from me.  Will you talk with me?”

“Oh, I’m due home now.  Gotta go!”

“It’s been nice talking to you, but I’m busy this afternoon.  See ya later.”

When you are doing role play, give him a couple of these sentences, and practice various situations that might occur.  Then ask him if he can think of some situations he’s been in and use the responses for those situations.

The “I statement” intervention assumes that your son is not being hit, pushed, or otherwise attacked physically.  Please consider meeting with your son’s teacher and the school principal to see what can be done to provide closer supervision for your son while he is on school grounds if this type of situation is occurring.  Outside of school, perhaps some of your son’s friends can be with him to help him in various situations.  The last two “I statements” are probably the best ones to use for gracefully leaving a situation in which he doesn’t want to participate.

Thanks for reading and I hope you get the president that you want if you’re in the States.

Until next week …

Dave Angel

PS – To keep you updated I have now written even more Aspergers articles for the brand new site on topics such as keeping your child safe (e.g. stranger danger, road crossing etc.), coping with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, puberty, and various sex/sexuality questions.

PPS – Don’t forget to use the “Share This Post” button if you think this article will be helpful to other parents that you know.

I’d love to see some information about how to teach in a way that an Asperger’s mind will absorb, particularly rote facts such as math measurements and such. I’d also love more information about teaching basic social skills, manners, and social graces.

Asperger’s children have excellent rote memories and often show intense interest in one or two intellectual areas, such as math, transportation, history, or the characters in a television series. Sometimes the special interest is so absorbing that they ignore all other subjects. They learn every fact about the chosen topic and talk about it endlessly, whether or not their listeners are interested. The child may have little understanding of the meaning of these facts. But, if you can tie rote information into the area of interest, you may find it easy to teach him or her and the learning will be remembered. For example, if the child is interested in transportation, you might be able to involve him in measuring the length of railroad tracks or distances airplanes travel on various routes.

Often using a computer and rote learning computer games helps Aspies retain factual information. Surprisingly, Aspies often respond well to flash cards and other rote teaching methods also. Some Aspies are very good with visual memory and remember things they read or see on charts very well.

Etiquette and social graces are like a foreign language to Aspies. Social skills, such as saying “Hi” or “Good morning” or looking others in the eyes when conversing, are often taught by communication specialists or in social training groups. Imitating and practicing new skills in situations which are as realistic as possible is very effective. Skills’ training includes:

a. Learning nonverbal behaviours, such as using appropriate hand gestures, smiling, and verbal behaviours;

b. Interpretation of nonverbal behaviours of others;

c. Processing of visual information with auditory information;

d. Social awareness.

There are video lessons that teach social skills. Consider using “Model Me Conversation Cues” and “Model Me Friendship” videos, part of a set of videos that focus on social skills activities. You can find the Model Me Kids Videos at http://www.modelmekids-store.com/?Click=1082

There is a Skillstreaming Curriculum that may help with social skills.

Another idea for teaching social skills is to set a weekly or monthly goal. The goal is to learn a specific skill and be able to apply it in a variety of situations. Here is the procedure.

Decide which skill you would like the child to learn, for example responding to the question “What’s new?”

• Teach the child the question/skill and several possible responses. Explain that there are many ways to respond. Model lots of options.
• Involve family, friends, and school staff in setting up situations that require practicing the skill.
• Develop a plan for how the questioner should prompt or respond, if the child doesn’t respond correctly.
• Keep track of the child’s responses to see if the child uses the skill consistently.
• Use a lot of praise for appropriate behaviour, especially when it is used without prompting.

The AS child may form friendships with others who share his interests. Computer or math clubs, science fairs, Star Trek clubs, etc. are possible avenues to consider. Many of these children will develop coping and social interaction skills, and the ability to “fit in” as a result. For those that don’t, counselling and social “training” may help.

Asperger’s Syndrome – Practical Strategies for the Classroom; A Teacher’s Guide is a great place to learn more on the subject. You can see more about this book by Clicking Here

This guide explains the difficulties underlying Asperger’s Syndrome and how it causes problems in school. The book provides practical, common sense management suggestions. While focusing on “making sense” of the difficulties, common behaviours are discussed and “things to try” are recommended.

All the best

Dave Angel