Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog post …

A big thank to all of you who joined The Parenting Aspergers Community this week and took advantage of the special offer that I had for “A Parent’s Guide to Social Skills and Independent Living” – it’s great to have you on board.

Another thing to look out for is another email from me in the next 48 hours with a whole host of information on it …

I have had a number of emails from people offering great advice, therapeutic opportunities, the chance to be part of studies and other such matters – all aimed at parents of children with Aspergers.

So I’ll bundle them all up into a (quite long probably!) blog post and let you know about it by email.

Anyway today’s article covers …

Question

What can I do to help my son with Aspergers function better in the outside world (places other than home)?

Answer

We expect the people around us to look and act a certain way.  Acting civilized is desired of all ages, young and old.  Sometimes this is just too much to expect.  People are individuals with their own agendas.  What seems civilized to one family may be over the top in another household.  What seems barely acceptable in one place is normal behavior in another.

Nevertheless, we all want to be accepted and we want our children to be accepted.  We teach and train from the earliest point in time to the best of our ability and our expectations, only to be told we aren’t quite reaching the bar in other’s eyes.  Then add in Asperger’s Syndrome.  How can we succeed?

Make sure that your son recognizes appropriate behavior for public places.  The younger you start, the more time you’ll have to cement the skills in his mind. Manners, personal cleanliness, and appropriate conversation are a few that are not only important at home but can mean acceptance in public.

You should make lists that are very straight-forward with simple language.  An example of a list subject could be as follows:

This is how I act at a restaurant:

•     I sit quietly and stay in my chair
•     I speak calmly and place my order
•     I eat my food using my manners

Picture charts are similar to lists, but use pictures instead of words.  For example, a picture of a restaurant logo could be used as the title.  The following pictures could be a car, people walking into a door, people sitting as a table, and so on.

Reading social stories is another good option. Choose a story about a boy going to eat in a restaurant.  It is possible to write your own story. Make sure the story includes many examples of proper behavior. Read the story several times before the trip to the restaurant.

Use every possible opportunity to remind your son about his lists, charts, and stories.  This will help him become more aware of how he should present himself.  Children with Asperger’s Syndrome do not always see the importance of good behavior because of their lack of social skills.  The good thing is that they want to do what is right and acceptable and will work hard to follow the rules.

Utilize the Internet to find books and videos that will model proper behavior for him.  This video can be used for older kids through adult:  “Manners for the Real World:  Basic Social Skills” (DVD).

Your son can watch and emulate actual demonstrations of appropriate behavior by using this video.  There are many topic areas covered, from table manners to public conversations and everything in between.  All topics are discussed during the segment and then reviews are captioned on the screen.  He’ll see it, hear it and read it.

As your son grows, you will need to add new rules to his lists.  The body is always changing.   There will be added personal hygiene issues, as well as new social situations in which he’ll begin to participate.  The goal is to show him how to tackle the issues of public behavior himself as he becomes an adult.  Because of your diligence over the years, your son will know what he needs to do to function appropriately in public.

Thanks for reading and have a great week,

Dave Angel

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Articles and videos posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

This is an awesome animated video made by children with Aspergers in York, UK.

It is split into a number of short sections — The brain — Outlines how the brain is wired for children with Aspergers … and how this effects them day to day.

Diagnosis – A 16 yr old explaining his experiences in life and how his diagnosis helped him to understand

Communication — Why online communication can be easier than face to face.

Favorite things and interests — How having limited friends can lead to spending muc more time on interests and skills development.

Sensory Overload — A display of both visual and auditory experiences of Aspergers.

And also understanding other people (mind blindness), what it’s like to have aspergers and one Person’s View of the future.

A well presented video that in a few places may need you to turn up your pc volume a little — but offers good insight into what things are like for young people with ASD. Running Time – 8 Minutes 41 Seconds …

This is a video of a young man with Aspergers from Sweden talking about his frustrations with dating.

He makes an interesting point that as 75% of people with Aspergesr are male — the odds are not so good for him to meet a girl with Aspergers.

And he wants a girlfriend with Aspergers — as he feels they will understand him better.

He also talks about the fact that girls don’t generally approach guys but it’s generally the other way around.

He says that he doesn’t look approachable — and people have said “you look sad” when he is actually OK.

Also he discusses the challenges of interacting with a girl when you have Aspergers.

Whilst this video does not provide major answers to the challenge of relationships; it provides fascinating insight as long as you are not offended by one or two swear words! Running Time 10 Minutes 50 Seconds …

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/351.cfm
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Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog post.

Just a quick reminder that I’ve recently had a guest expert join the Parenting Aspergers Community and she’s going to be providing great gluten free recipes for members.

Her name is Jules Shepard and she’s a published author who has appeared on numerous radio and TV shows in America.

To get her great gluten-free Southern Cornbread recipe for free just head on over to  http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/233.cfm?sd=225

Happy cooking … and here’s this week’s article

Question

My 21 year old is staying out all night and not telling us where he has been.  I am worried as he is not really “street wise” and probably at big risk.

Answer

Those with Asperger’s have a lot of difficulty recognizing when someone is lying to them, using them for their own purposes, or befriending them in order to get them involved in inappropriate activities.  Many Asperger’s teens and adults are surprised that someone would even try to take advantage of them.  While they understand if something is true or false, they cannot understand why someone would use the truth to create lies, say one thing but mean something else, or believe something that is not true.

The slow or confused processing of emotions many Aspies experience can impede awareness of dangerous situations and stop rational thought.  The emotional warning signs that are meant to protect them from difficult or harmful situations may malfunction, or work so slowly that they lose effectiveness.   This means that Aspies are less prepared to defend themselves verbally or physically in an argument or conflict or say “No” to inappropriate activities.  Consequently, your son, even though he is an adult, may fall victim to exploitation or worse through no fault of his own.

Even though he is an adult, you must still try to protect your socially naïve son as he is not ready for the same amount of freedom as other adults.  Does he have a trustworthy friend or relative (a cousin, perhaps) who could help him by going out with him and keeping him out of trouble?

This person can try to help him understand that many people act friendly, but may want to get him involved in foolish or dangerous activities.  Also, this person could help him get involved in clubs or groups in which he will meet responsible friends.

Counselling is definitely called for in this situation.  You and a counsellor may be able to convince your son to tell you what is going on when he is outside the home.  Also, he needs to tell you when “friends” want him to do something wrong or dangerous.  Convince him that by doing so he is doing the right thing, obeying the law, and keeping himself and others safe.

It is probably a good idea to put your name on all his bank accounts so that both of you must agree before he can access his money.

Sit down with your son and have a long talk about what he shouldn’t do when he is with friends, including inappropriate sexual activity, criminal activity, take drugs, drink, drive after drinking, and so forth.  Make it very clear to him the negative consequences of doing each of these things, in very specific terms.  Make it clear that he must not engage in these activities even to gain the friendship of others.

One of the good things for young people with Aspergers in this situation is that they can be very “black and white” in sticking to rules. So if you can emphasise some of the laws around certain behaviors e.g. petty crime, certain sexual behaviours, use of alcohol/drugs etc. you have a much better chance of compliance than with non-Aspie teens. In such situations quite rigid thinking can be a good thing if it helps to keep your son on the “straight and narrow”.

You should also consider the possibility of a group home or assisted living situation for your son to help him learn to become independent and act responsibly.

That’s all for th is week and don’t forget that free cornbread recipe at http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/233.cfm?sd=225

Take care

Dave Angel

The child with ASD may need numerous prompts and assistance to complete daily living skills, such as personal hygiene, dressing and household chores. These difficulties may occur because the child is preoccupied with other things, lacks the ability to focus, and simply doesn’t have the ability to finish these tasks to completion.

Having to provide continual prompts and direction may inadvertently resulting power struggles between parent and child and lead to more behavior problems. Children with ASD need repetition and visual cues to learn these skills and to complete them on a daily basis.

There are many ways to provide visual cues. Providing the necessary repetition for children takes a great deal of time and effort on the parents part, and finding the time to do so may be difficult. In addition, teaching these skills to children with ASD often includes an assessment of where there skills are currently at, and what is needed to build these skills.

The Able Individual Video Learning Series (Available on DVD and VHS) provides instruction on a variety of skills that children need and use on a daily basis. Through the use of repetition, this series provides the opportunity for children to practice their motor skills, and increases their ability to follow directions.

It provides directions in personal hygiene, dressing, and household chores. In addition, this series provides both verbal and visual cues for learning tasks. When children are able to learn these tasks and perform them independently, they begin to feel better about themselves. Eliminating the need for assistance and continual verbal prompts will increase their independence and self-esteem.Kids need to be able to perform these tasks independently, they just need additional time and assistance to learn these skills, which this video series provides.

Check it out by clicking The Able Individual Video Learning Series

Thanks

Dave Angel