Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog article.

Just before I get into it a quick reminder …

There are just 6 days left to claim your free copy of my latest ebook

“A Parent’s Guide to Social and Independent Living Skills” – just go to

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/336.cfm

And now this week’s article –

Question

I was wondering if there are any articles for fathers that can’t cope with the fact their children have Asperger’s. I realise that our 2 children are on the spectrum but for 5 years now I cannot get him to deal with it and it is going to break us up.

Answer

It can be difficult for a parent to accept a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome or a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder or Autism. Parents, especially of young children, often do not want a diagnosis and they don’t want to acknowledge that certain behaviors are indicators that a child has Asperger’s. Parents often make excuses for their children and learn to work around their behaviors.

Coming to accept a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome can be a long process. Many parents have trouble thinking of their children as different. Some parents are relieved to finally understand why their child acts or reacts the way he does. But for those parents who have trouble coping with the diagnosis, you need to be patient and persistent.

If you realize that your children are exhibiting behaviors on the autism spectrum, it is in their best interest, as well as yours, to get a diagnosis soon. This means you will need to take them and have them evaluated. Speak to your husband before you do this to see if he agrees with taking this step and wants to participate with you.  Encourage him listen to the doctor’s evaluation of your children’s situation. You both may be surprised by what the doctor has to say. It may also be necessary to consider having the children evaluated on your own if your husband does not want to participate.

Once you receive a diagnosis, it would be wise to talk with a therapist or counsellor who is skilled in helping families adapt to new situations such as this. Talking things through with a neutral third party can be very helpful for both you and your husband. Hopefully, this will bring you together so that you can begin to parent your children from the same point of view.

If you can come together and start to work together with the children, getting further advice on how to parent a child with Asperger’s can be helpful. Jeffrey Cohen has written a book entitled, “The Asperger Parent: How to Raise a Child with Asperger Syndrome and Maintain Your Sense of Humor.”

Jeffrey Cohen is the father of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome and he talks about what it’s like to parent his son. This book is full of humor and is easy to read. It can help you develop insights into your own parenting. It provides great information as well as emotional support.

Thanks for reading and have a great week,

Dave Angel

PS Don’t forget to claim your free copy of my latest ebook “A Parent’s Guide to Social and Independent Living Skills” from …

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/336.cfm

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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Is it true that a mood phone has been designed to help people with Aspergers understand better in telephone conversations, and how does this work?

In 2006, a college student won a scholarship contest by coming up with the concept for a mood phone.  This mood phone concept uses mood-interpreting algorithms to pick up on the speech inflection . . .

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/341.cfm

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Can you tell me about Puppet Assisted Relationship Learning?

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome have great difficulty developing friendships. They lack the ability to recognize social cues, struggle with eye contact and body language, and trouble with demonstrating emotions. These children can be very uncomfortable making small talk or meaningful conversation. This is where the puppets come in …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/340.cfm

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My child with Aspergers has been permanently excluded from school. What do I do now?

Unfortunately, it is very common for children with Asperger’s Syndrome to have great difficulty in the classroom. Strong social skills and well-developed sensory integration are necessary in the school setting; both areas in which your child is weak. The important thing is you do have options. However …

To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/339.cfm

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Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog post; coming up below …

Just a quick reminder first of the 25% off offer for The Parenting Aspergers Volume 2 which is available for several days more at http://parentingaspergers.com/thankyouoffer.html

Here’s this week’s article …

Question

Where can I get help in dealing with my own feelings and the reactions of others, especially family members?

Answer

The biggest step a parent has to take after the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome is acknowledgement and acceptance.  As hard as it sounds right now, you have to accept the diagnosis and move on. 

It helps if your family is supportive and understanding, but this isn’t always the case.  Your child appears normal and intelligent (which he is) so his behavior draws unwanted attention and unwarranted remarks from the people you love.  Honestly, sometimes you cannot be sure if his behavior is deliberate or not.  Here are some suggestions on how to deal with the issues that Asperger’s brings into your life.

Come to terms with the Asperger’s Syndrome diagnosis

It is what it is.  Think of your child’s diagnosis as information.  Your child is the same child he was before the diagnosis.  Now you have an explanation for his weaknesses and even some of his strengths.   Keep a positive attitude by focusing on the strengths. 

Educate yourself and your family about Asperger’s Syndrome

You must learn all you can about Asperger’s.  There are many books available written by professionals and by parents of children with Asperger’s.  For example, “Embarrassed Often…Ashamed Never” by Lisa Elliott is an encouraging and often humorous glimpse into her life as the parent of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome.  This is a great choice for parents and family members of a child with Asperger’s.

Find local Asperger’s Syndrome support groups

Connect with local families who have been where you are in the process.  These families know firsthand what it’s like to live with Asperger’s.   It is comforting and powerful to be with others who are on the same journey.  These support groups can help you find treatment resources in your area, community events for your family to attend, and more.   

Seek individual and family counseling

Asperger’s brings an added risk of anxiety and depression. Your child will benefit from counseling. While seeking a counselor for your child, consider finding a family counselor.  You are all affected emotionally be this diagnosis.  Individual and family therapy can help you work through the rough spots that will come.

Keep a check on your physical well-being

Regular medical care is necessary since stress can cause physical illness.  Your well-being is necessary in order to care for your family.  Allow time for yourself and your hobbies.  Plan regular outings and just be a family.  Asperger’s shouldn’t control your life. 

Don’t let the cynics get you down.  You can’t stop people from reacting negatively to your child, but you can stop responding to their negativity.  If they miss the joy of knowing your child, that is their problem.

Have a great day,

Dave Angel

PS – Don’t forget the current Aspergers Volume 2 special offer at http://parentingaspergers.com/thankyouoffer.html

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Articles posted this week at The Parenting Aspergers Community

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My 9-year-old son is having problems in Physical Education Class at school. His teachers don’t know what or how to cope with him when he starts to run away, and doesn’t want to do what the rest of the class is doing in P.E. What suggestions can I give them on how to deal with him in that class?

Physical education class can be a very frustrating experience for a child with Asperger’s. Gyms can be loud and overwhelming, with lots of activity going on. Often, there is music and people talking and shouting. These are all very normal behaviors, but they can be overwhelming for your son and he can feel very out of control in that atmosphere. One way to try to help you son deal with physical education class is to … To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/328.cfm

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Can children with Aspergers have some of the characteristics of Aspergers and not others?

The short answer to your question is that yes, many children will exhibit some symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome and not others. Many children will have Asperger’s compounded by other factors, such as ADD or ADHD, which can intensify some symptoms of Asperger’s as well as to add additional symptoms. While it is impossible to say that there is a set of symptoms all children with Asperger’s exhibit, there are a few cores symptoms that most children with Asperger’s will present … To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/327.cfm

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Is it possible to have varying degrees of the Syndrome and is it possible to grow out of it a bit and mature? Some mild, some middle and some severe cases?

There are varying degrees of Asperger’s Syndrome. The symptoms vary from person to person and the degree to which the symptoms affect the person can vary as well. Consequently, it is very difficult to pinpoint a set of Asperger’s behaviors that all children with Asperger’s will exhibit. It is not possible to grow out of Asperger’s Syndrome. It is possible, however to … To read the full article go to: -

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/members/326.cfm

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Hi everyone I’ve just got back from another nursery visit today; as my quest continues to find a nice place for my daughter. This morning’s visit was much better than last week – lovely staff, plenty of great activities, good health and safety procedures, tidy and clean BUT …

No places are available until April – Doh!! (as the “great” Homer Simpson would say).

Never mind onwards and upwards as they say. And talking of onwards I’m currently in discussion with a web designer out in California to help me design the new Aspergers site – which is going to be much, much better and more interactive than the current site! My aim is to build it into much more of a community where we can all share, learn and develop alongside one another. As well as offering much more support and help than is currently possible. So keep tuned in and like I say I am hoping this will all be ready in January.

This week’s blog post covers the following thorny question …

Question

How should a 14-year-old boy with Asperger’s explain to a neurotypical friend what Asperger’s is?

Answer

Here is a good script for a 14-year-old to follow:  (Notes might be helpful and your son should practice this with you before he talks to a friend.)
“Asperger’s is a form of autism.  When I say autism, I mean that there’s a little difference in how my brain is put together.  It’s probably been there since I was born, and it’s affecting me as I grow up.  What I have is called Asperger’s Syndrome.  The symptoms I have were first seen by a guy named Asperger.  It can affect my language, awareness of my senses, my movements, and emotions.  Asperger’s can’t be cured, but there are things like medications out there that can help me deal with it.  It doesn’t make me weird or wrong or inferior; it’s a different way of experiencing the world that most people don’t understand.”

“You might have heard me say a lot of up front things to people, and that’s one of the differences.  Kids with Asperger’s Syndrome say exactly what they mean without being aware of what can happen.  We might not be aware of the consequences of what we say.  Someone might hear me say something, and they might think I meant something else, or someone might get offended at what I say.  I don’t mean to put people off or offend them, but that’s the way the words come out, and I’m not always aware of how people will react.  On the other hand, some people will see me as being totally honest, but not offensive.  It depends on the person who I’m talking to, but I don’t mean to offend anyone.  I need help in saying things carefully so that I don’t hurt people’s feelings.”

“Another situation I have trouble dealing with is body language.  The way people move or sit can say a lot about how they feel.  Sometimes, I make mistakes when I see other people’s body language.  I can’t get a handle on facial expressions and what they mean.  If I’m talking with someone and they’re being subtle with their body language, I won’t notice it, and I don’t get what they’re saying with their body language.  It can make the other person angry or frustrated or confused, but, with time and some help, I can make myself more aware of what someone means by their body language.”

“Hey, there’s one really huge difference that I go through.  I don’t really care about being cool, and some people think I’m going against a lot of other people, but that’s not what I’m trying to do.  It might make people give me a hard time or think I’m out there, but I’m not.  I just have my own special interests.”

“When I go to a movie and the sound is loud, I don’t like it.  I don’t even want to be in a movie theatre if there’re loud noises or a lot of lights flashing, like in the sci-fi movies.  It makes me just want to go home to get away from it.  Sometimes sounds and lights are so intense that they actually hurt me.”

“But there’s one thing I hope you’ll understand.  Having Asperger’s isn’t all bad.  I’m honest, caring, and really smart.  The doctor said that there’re a lot of really successful people, like doctors, authors, and business people with Asperger’s.  If you want to ask me any questions, I’ll answer them as best I can.”

In addition to using the above script, read the book Asperger’s Download: A Guide to Help Teenage Males with Asperger’s Syndrome Trouble-Shoot Life’s Challenges by Josie and Damian Santomauro.

This book is a terrific resource for adolescents and their parents.  It discusses some of the life passages in young adulthood, and it is written in terms that teenagers find understandable.  It has relevance and authenticity based on the author’s personal experiences, and it can help your son get through his teen years with less interpersonal conflict.

Thanks for reading and enjoy your week,
Dave Angel

Here’s this week’s article:

Question

My 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with Asperger’s, and I’d like to know what to tell friends, neighbours, teachers, and extended family to help them understand his behaviour.

Answer

Asperger’s Syndrome was first noticed in 1944, and it was first seen in children that had been diagnosed with autistic personality disorder. A researcher by the name of Asperger worked with children and saw that they exhibited delays in social maturity, social reasoning, and social abilities. He found verbal- and non-verbal impairments in communication, especially when the children attempted to converse. Asperger also observed that the children had difficulties controlling emotions, but they could intellectualize their feelings.

Further research by Asperger found that the children became preoccupied with various interests and these would dominate their thought processes. Asperger also found that some of the children were having learning problems, difficulty with coordination, and that they exhibited a marked sensitivity to certain smells, sounds, and textures.

You can start sharing information by giving friends and relatives an introduction to Asperger’s Syndrome using the above paragraphs. This will provide them with some history and context. Sharing information on any illness or diagnosis requires tact and discretion. You might want to tell the people in your life on a “need-to-know” basis.

It is very important to stress that a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome does not make your child “weird” or inferior. Make sure you stress the positive elements that can be found in people with Asperger’s Syndrome. There are actors, authors, researchers, and scientists who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s, and they have achieved seemingly insurmountable life goals. When your friends and relatives are aware of these facts, it will help dispel the mystery and confusion that surrounds Asperger’s.

When you discuss Asperger’s Syndrome with children, you can use classroom materials that have been developed to assist children in understanding this diagnosis. Go on the internet to a company called AAPC and you will find several books about Asperger’s. Also, look for a local group that helps people and their relatives cope with Asperger’s Syndrome.

One highly recommended book is Asperger’s Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals by Tony Attwood. Mr. Attwood is a leading expert on Asperger’s Syndrome, and his book provides a wealth of information that you can use as discussion topics.

After you have shared some of the above information, ask the person/people you are talking with if they have any questions or concerns about anything that you have discussed. Let them know that any question or concern they may have is valid, and you are not going to be offended by their inquiries. Not only will this ease communications, it will prove you to be a mature, open-minded individual who loves your child and cares about friends and family.

Thanks and have a great day

Dave Angel

This week’s article covers the following question:

I need help in getting my in-laws to understand that it’s not a lack of discipline that has made my son act the way he does. Spanking isn’t the answer. They think he’s fine, that it’s my fault (that he acts out).

Your in-laws need to be educated about Asperger’s Syndrome. They may accuse you of spoiling the child or of not knowing how to raise children. You may be tempted to think you are not a good parent. Don’t! Your child has specific difficulties related to Asperger’s Syndrome and it takes time and a lot of knowledge to deal with them successfully.

You, or better yet your husband, should talk with them about the symptoms and behaviours commonly associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. Let them know that the issue is one of sensory overload and not inadequate discipline on your part. Your in-laws need to understand that his responses to sounds, lights, smells, tastes, and touch strongly affect him, sometimes causing actual pain, and it is not anyone’s fault that he sometimes cannot handle situations. Also, his interactions with people are not a demonstration of an antisocial personality. He may fear individuals or crowds, and he may not know how to interact with strangers. This is not due to your lack of training. It is a syndrome (condition) that involves many behaviours described in such books as Asperger’s Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals by Tony Atwood or Asperger’s Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick. Reading these books may help your in-laws understand AS.

The internet is a valuable source of information on Asperger’s Syndrome. There are two popular sites for Asperger’s information. The first is O.A.S.I.S., the Online Asperger’s Syndrome Information and Support website, at http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/. The second is A Directory for Asperger’s Syndrome, which contains a directory of resources (articles, books, services) related to Asperger’s Syndrome. It is available at http://www.kandi.org/aspergers/index2.html

On the home front, both you and your spouse need to be equally involved in this situation. You can provide a mutual source of support for yourselves, as well as your child. Treatment for any illness, disease, or disorder is always enhanced when there is family unity. To begin, look into family counseling for you, your spouse, and your child. Then, integrate your in-laws into the counseling sessions. During the sessions, ask the therapist for a referral to support groups for families affected by Asperger’s Syndrome. Therapists and their support staff usually have community support information at hand. There is a website support group based in the United States. The Los Angeles’ Asperger’s Syndrome Parents’ Support Group, available on the internet at http://myweb.lmu.edu/jdevine/as/, provides information on Asperger’s and its relationship to autism, general diagnostic information, and local meetings for families who are dealing with Asperger’s.

Thanks

Dave Angel

Hi – If you have a parenting tip for a child with ASD that you would like to share with other parents please do so by adding a comment below…

Thanks

Dave

Being a member of a family in which one or more members have Aspergers syndrome can be extremely stressful at times. Sometimes it seems as if the entire family focus is on the Aspergers child and on the various tantrums and behaviors that come with it. Family members, and especially parents, can feel a low level of anxiety in anticipation of what could happen next.

It’s vital to take steps as a parent or family member to take time for yourself away from the situation when things feel overwhelming. Take turns with the other parent so you each have peaceful times away from the situation. If possible, spend one on one time with other children in the home. This will reduce their stress level as well.

Get plenty of sleep. If your Aspergers syndrome child has difficulty sleeping, speak with his or her doctor to find ways to help your child sleep better so you can get your sleep, too. Don’t be afraid to take naps so you have enough rest to cope with whatever comes.

Don’t skip meals and eat as healthy as you can. If your child is on a special diet, make sure that the rest of the family and you get the type of nourishment that suits you best and revives your energy levels.

Consider exercising with or without your child. Take walks or bicycle rides to calm your nerves and increase your body’s endorphin levels. Stress levels automatically decrease with exercising just a few times per week.

Some herbal supplements like kava kava, valerian root and St. John’s Wort have relaxation and calming properties. In serious situations, these herbs can come in handy when you just can seem to stem the anxiety on your own. For questions about herbal supplements, speak to your doctor. There is a great website that sells these product at 20-70% discount called EVitamins which you can visit to search for more information on them.

If the family appears to be in crisis over the stress and anxiety of some of its members, family therapy can be very helpful. Individual therapy is also an option for those family members needing extra help. Often the therapist can coach you in the coping skills necessary to stay healthy and to raise your Aspergers syndrome child as best as is possible.