Hi I am back from my vacation and so normal Tuesday night Aspergers blogging should now be resumed. Just a quick apology as it seems that no matter what I try and get my techie guy to do, there are some people who can’t quite read the pages on the blog clearly.

But fortunately that is going to be another cool feature of the new project – as I am going to be using some software that is supposedly much more rigid than then the free software (Wordpress) that I use right now. So for those still struggling to read the blog please accept my apologies – and hold on as things will get better!

This week’s post focuses on the following question:

Does my child know what’s right and what’s wrong? It seems he does not really know the difference.

On the surface, the issue of right and wrong appears to be a complicated one for Asperger’s children, but it is not. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome have very firm ideas of right and wrong, and they can become argumentative with adults and peers over issues of proper or improper behavior. They are typically unable to consider shades of grey and will perceive issues in black or white terms; however, they can discuss those issues with an adult and come to an agreement when solutions are proposed to them.

The good news is that Asperger’s children are known for being able to follow clearly explained and set rules that are consistent, and this trait can be used to help them learn right from wrong. As these children mature, they will learn right from wrong in a rote manner at first; but later they will develop a greater understanding of why something is right or wrong. An important factor is that the rules, and the explanation for the rules, should be explained in a manner that they understand, and the rules should be consistently enforced.

In fact, their inclination to learn right from wrong can be so profound, it might seem that Asperger’s children are pre-programmed to detect right and wrong, and they might even bluntly announce that a request or activity is right or wrong. Also, they will take notice of others’ incorrect behavior, but not their own; this can be perceived as a double standard. In addition, they may not be able to show empathy for others, and this can lead to problems as they may do or say things that seem wrong because they may not be able to understand or empathize with another person’s feelings.

Children and adults who do not have a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome can relate to other people and engage effectively in social interactions with others because they are able to perceive things from another individual’s point of view. The ability to comprehend someone else’s point of view is the result of correctly perceiving speech patterns, body language, tone of voice, facial movements, and the situation in which communication is taking place. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome and other autistic disorders can lack the capacity to relate to and understand others’ feelings or behavioral nuances, particularly on an emotional level. Also, the child’s inability to interpret someone else’s actions, whether deliberate or unintentional, can result in the child’s experiencing paranoia. This can result in inappropriate behavior.

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome may not exhibit traditionally moral feelings or behaviors because Asperger’s denies them the ability to experience the capacity for emotion and introspection on which society’s perceptions of morality are based. These children do not experience the feelings associated with traditional right and wrong; yet, they may possess a sense of ethics as well as a cognitive understanding of right and wrong. Asperger’s Syndrome does not completely remove a child’s awareness of correct and incorrect behavior; it does allow them to behave with a sense of socially acceptable morality if they are helped to do so.

All the best

Dave Angel

When a child without Aspergers syndrome makes friends, parents are not often involved in the choice of the friend or the facilitation of the friendship. In Aspergers syndrome children, however, the parent or parents may need to be an active participant in helping the child make and keep solid friends.

Part of the process involves concretely teaching the child how a normal friend should act. Teaching them politeness, restraint, in some situations, and how to talk and establish good eye contact with others will help the child learn skills that aren’t innate to their development.

Finding a child to be your child’s friend in the school situation often takes careful planning and effort. It genuinely helps if you volunteer in the classroom and get to know the children well. If you can find a receptive, relatively quiet child who would make a good friend for your child, ask the child’s parents if the two could play together. Rowdy or noisy children may be a source of distress to the Aspergers syndrome child.

If your child is one of the many who have specific interests or musical ability, make the effort to link the child up through groups or clubs of children with similar interests. Often, having a similar interest as another child will help facilitate a relationship between the two. Even if your child doesn’t have a special interest, consider something structured such as the boy scouts or a church group from which friends can be found and maintained through regular contact.

It’s probably not a good idea to invite a bunch of kids over for a sleepover. Rather, one child playing with your child at a time has the best chance of success. If the other child seems to have some maturity, explaining the condition of Aspergers syndrome to the child may help avoid the frustration some children feel around Aspergers children.

Not in every case will your child be receptive to a friendship and he or she may prefer to play alone. In that case, wait until you see signs of receptiveness before attempting to facilitate a friendship.