Hi it’s Dave Angel typing in a huge hurry as I am trying to dash out of the door to my local library for the Christmas stories this morning with my daughter! So with no time for further ado here’s this week’s article:

Question

I have a 15 (almost 16) year old with Asperger’s.  She was a late diagnosis (wasn’t diagnosed until she was 14).  What I would like to know is how do you help a teen with transition services, i.e. getting a job, learning to drive, going to or even just getting into college, when the teen doesn’t have any desire to learn or do any of those things?

Answer

Unfortunately, and as of this writing, the diagnoses of autism and Asperger’s Syndrome do not receive the same government support as do other more well-known disabilities.  When financial assistance is not available for therapy or medication, illnesses go untreated, and the person with Asperger’s experiences mental and social difficulties.  If you can afford medical services, obtain them as soon as you can.  If you cannot afford such services, check with your child’s school.  They can design an individualized treatment plan for her.  The ideal treatment plan involves your daughter, a counsellor or therapist, her teachers, and her parents be consistently involved with her treatment and use effective teaching and disciplinary principles.  While you may not be able to afford therapy for your daughter, you will learn a lot of coping principles at the treatment plan meetings.

A quick, easy way for you to start helping your daughter is to begin reading books about Asperger’s Syndrome.  There are many titles on the subject; start by going on the internet and typing the words “Asperger’s girls” or “Asperger’s teenagers.”  The books can be purchased on the internet, or you can make note of the titles and take them to your local bookstore.  They will order them for you. In addition to the internet, keep up with the information provided on this website.  Make it a habit to read the questions and answers on this website to get the information you need.  Another source of information is your nearest autism or Asperger’s Association and support group.  They will refer you to free or low cost services available in your area.
All parents of Asperger’s Syndrome children worry about their child’s diagnosis as well as their future.  There is an excellent video available titled “Asperger’s Syndrome: Transition to College and Work” by Dan and Julie Coulter.

At the age of 14, your daughter is coping with adolescence in addition to her Asperger’s diagnosis.  Talk with her about the future, and discuss the benefits of driving, going to work, and attending college.  Don’t expect her to make conclusive decisions about these subjects, especially college.  After all, it is several years away.  Prioritize her issues.  First, make sure she gets treatment for her Asperger’s, see if there is a teenage support group in your area, and take the rest slowly.  Her first goal should be learning about and getting treatment for her Asperger’s Syndrome.

One educational option for your daughter is a junior college as opposed to a university.  Colleges are now accommodating their growing populations of disabled students who begin their studies with a variety of diagnoses.  Community college can be an excellent choice for an Asperger’s student because students at community colleges get more counselling support, and, since most community college students are still living at home, they have fewer new adjustments to make.  Whether she chooses a community or four year college, it is best to find one which offers special programs for students with disabilities.  Before enrolling, students on the autism spectrum need help planning a manageable course load.

One way to help prepare your daughter for adulthood is a part-time job while in high school.  See if you can determine your daughter’s vocational strengths and interests that will help her be successful with part-time employment.

To learn more about teenagers and Asperger’s Syndrome, read the book Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum: A Parent’s Guide to Cognitive, Social, Physical, and Transition Needs of Teenagers with Autism Spectrum Disorders by Chantal Sicile-Kira.  This book considers the issues that teens with Asperger’s Syndrome cope with during their teenage years.  The information is clearly written and is appropriate for children outside the autistic spectrum, too.  It was written by a parent, for parents.  While the book doesn’t present the issues in depth, it does serve as a starting point for planning your daughter’s future.
Have a great day
Dave Angel

PS – I wrote several more interesting articles this week for the new site entitled “How to discipline a child with Aspergers” and “How to find competent therapists for a child with Aspergers” which I know may be very useful for many of you. And again apologies for the delay in this website (still aiming for January) but there’s so much to still do!

Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers blog post.

If you didn’t see yesterday’s email; just a quick reminder that I am running a 72 Hour “Credit Crunch Sale” which offers all my parenting products at discount (topics are Aspergers, ADHD and Autism).

So if you want to take advantage of this unique discounted offer go to:

www.parentingaspergers.com/creditcrunch.html

Anyway let’s go straight into this week’s question:

Question

I have a partner and many family members with Asperger’s, but the worst affected is 19.  He has very limited social skills, his eating pattern is poor, and so is his sleeping pattern.  But he is addicted to a game on his computer.  How do we as parents encourage him to spend less time on the computer, eat better, and sleep more?

Answer
Playing electronic games provides repetition, consistency, and security in his life.  Also, electronic games are predictable.  He can count on the same actions and results every time he plays the games.  People with Asperger’s Syndrome want to feel safe and secure in their activities.  The electronic games allow him to follow predetermined rules that result in predictable outcomes.
It sounds like your son is concentrating on electronic games at the expense of his health.  He spends time in front of a video screen that could be better spent learning new eating habits and practicing better sleeping patterns.

Check into Asperger’s support groups for your son; there might be one in your local area.  Support groups give advice on daily living skills and healthy lifestyles.  Encourage your son to join one of these groups; he will meet people who are his age and may be experiencing similar difficulties with Asperger’s Syndrome.  In addition to information, a support group can give your son the opportunity to talk about his feelings about Asperger’s and the help necessary for him to cope with adult responsibilities.

Another resource for your son is an Asperger’s specialist who can inform and teach your son social skills.  A specialist, such as a psychiatrist, might prescribe Melatonin, which will help your son sleep better at night.

Your son is in his late teens, and he is fast approaching adulthood.  You can use reasoning and negotiation instead of rules and orders.  However, if the excessive computer use continues, you might need to move it into a room that restricts his access to it.  Also, the computer can be used as a reward if your son tries new foods and establishes a regular pattern of sleep.  Although your son is getting older, there are rules that are still effective in changing his behaviour; you should establish those rules in your household.

In terms of nutrition, many autistic children suffer from food allergies, overgrowth of intestinal yeast, and sensitivity to sugar and dairy products.  Consult a doctor to see if your son needs to adjust his diet.  Changing your son’s diet to wheat-free, dairy-free, and sugar-free products requires patience because people with Asperger’s can be very strong-willed, and implementing change can be difficult for both of you.  See if other family members will adopt a diet similar to your son’s; this will make him feel integrated into the family.  Also, read diet books, look into websites, and read advice from nutritionists.

Your son’s sleep patterns can be changed with consistent hours.  He needs to establish a time that he will go to bed each evening and get up each morning.  If he complains that he cannot get to sleep or wake up at a given time, tell him that there are parts of our bodies called circadian rhythms, and they help our bodies rest.  If your son can get to bed at a specific time several nights in a row, the circadian rhythms in his body will reset and help him go to sleep and wake up at a given time each evening and morning.  Remove all distractions from his bedroom to help him concentrate on rest and sleep.

Until next time …

Dave Angel

PS – Don’t forget the discounted offer at www.parentingaspergers.com/creditcrunch.html

Question

My son is now 13, he was diagnosed at the age of 8. All of a sudden he is acting out, cussing all the time, lying, etc. Are these years the hardest, or is this just the beginning? When he finally hits puberty, will things get better?

Answer

Yes, the teen years are the hardest, whether your son has Asperger’s Syndrome or not! I think he probably has “hit” puberty, but it’s just beginning. Raging hormones and frustration with social interactions at school can cause a lot of anger and bad behavior during the teen years. Many teens need counseling to negotiate this time in their lives successfully. Consider counseling for your son, starting now.

Your son is exhibiting rebellious behavior; i.e., inappropriate, and this type of behavior fulfills the child’s needs. Your son may have the need to:

• Avoid responsibility – Attending school, obeying parents
• Get something – His way in a decision, your attention, control over a situation
• Manage pain – Physical and/or emotional stress that must be alleviated
• Fulfill sensory needs – Relief from heat, cold, or to satisfy thirst

Your son is unlikely to identify with your feelings or comprehend others’ objections to his behaviour. The only explanation you should use with him is to specifically state that the objectionable behavior is not permitted. Your son needs to follow rules, and following rules can help to focus and modify his rebellious behavior.

Behavior modification is a therapeutic approach that can change your son’s behaviour. You need to determine the need that his rebellion/aggression fulfils and teach him an acceptable replacement behavior. For example, your son can be taught to ask for, point to, or show an emotion card to indicate the need that he is trying to fulfill. Sometimes, self-stimulating behaviours such as rocking or pacing are taught as replacement behaviours, but it will take time for your son to integrate these behaviours into his daily activities. If your son is severely out of control, he needs to be physically removed from the situation. Granted, this may be easier said than done, and you may need someone to help you; yet, behaviour modification can be helpful, and it must be started as soon as possible.

For children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome, the importance of maintaining a daily routine cannot be stressed enough. A daily routine produces behavioral stability and psychological comfort for Asperger’s children. Also, it lessens their need to make demands. When you establish a daily routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your son’s behaviour becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give him attention, he may have less need to show aggression to try to get that attention.

Ideally over time, your child will learn to recognize and communicate the causes of his aggression and get his needs met by using communication. Unfortunately, children who get their needs met due to aggression or violence are very likely to continue and escalate this oppositional behavior.

A behavior therapy program may help your son; however an individualized program has to be designed for your son because children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome vary greatly in their handicaps and/or family circumstances. Treatment approaches that work well with other diagnoses may not work with Asperger’s. Consult a psychiatrist who can oversee a treatment plan as well as any medication regimen that your son may be need.

All the best

Dave Angel

Hi everyone - 

Today is the first of the “new posts” answering directly the questions that you asked recently on the web survey.

Please let me know what you think of the new style of posts by leaving your comments on the blog.

OK here’s this week’s question… 

I would like to know what to expect from an Asperger’s child in the teenage years. My son was diagnosed 6 years ago. I know they say that they can suffer from this and that, but what is the long term goal, what can we expect, what not to expect?

Young people with Asperger’s Syndrome often have a difficult time between the ages of 12 and 19.  They may be socially excluded and face rejection by their peers if they act differently from others.  They want to be accepted and liked, but often don’t know how to behave and communicate appropriately.  School is demanding and they long for friends.  The goal for your Asperger’s child is to make it through the teen years with: his self-esteem intact, at least a friend or two, knowledge that his family loves him, and a high school diploma.  

There are some teens that manage to navigate these years successfully because they don’t care about peer pressure and focus on a special interest of their own, such as chess or computers.  So, encouraging your son to develop a special interest may help him at this time of life.  A special interest may encourage friendships with other teens that have the same interest as well, making it easier to talk to and make friends with others. 

A big problem for Asperger’s teens is that often they don’t care about fads, clothing, celebrities, and teen communication devices such as cell phones or MySpace.  Your son’s interests may be more appropriate for younger children.  Boys may be rejected if they are not interested in sports.  Some of these issues can be resolved.   

Help your son become aware of teen fads and how to talk about sports, celebrities, rituals, and school events.  Encourage him to leave phone messages for and arrange social engagements with peers.  Perhaps he could join school clubs, especially those that focus on his special interest.  Explain to your teen that he does not have to tell everyone that he has Asperger’s.  Your son may enjoy talking with other Asperger’s teens in internet chat rooms. 

Your son may ignore personal hygiene and wear clothes and a hair cut that are not in style.  Find a same sex friend who will help your teen choose appropriate clothes to wear.  Monitor your teen’s hygiene and create reminder notes or charts for him about daily bathing, tooth brushing, etc.  Reward him for good hygiene, if that’s what it takes!   

“Aspie” teens are sometimes not very well-informed about sex and dating.  Boys may be very naïve or too forward with girls.  Hormones cause rampant emotions, which Aspie teens can’t handle.  If they get angry, they may physically attack others or have a “melt down.”   

You must teach your teen about sex.  Provide books for him to read.  Choose books that aren’t overly “clinical.”  Be specific and detailed about safe sex.  Never be judgmental or punish him when he confides in you; counsel him.  Boys need to be told that masturbating should take place only at home, in private.  Aspies often respond to “rules” by obeying them.  Establish some rules for your son, such as: “We have a rule in our house that teenagers should not have sex because they are too young to handle the emotions and problems that may occur.” 

Some Aspie teens develop problems with drugs and alcohol because they are eager to do what other teens do.  They are not able to determine a “good” crowd from a “bad” crowd.  Other teens may take advantage of your son’s eagerness to be liked and convince him to buy and/or take alcohol or drugs.  You must always know where your son is, who he is with, what they are supposed to be doing, and the characters of the other teens he hangs around.  Emphasize that drugs and alcohol are illegal.  Since Aspies are rule-oriented, this may help your son avoid problems.

Asperger’s teens may have school problems because of the difficulty in dealing with more than one teacher.  Each classroom is a different environment which is confusing.  Some teachers may be hostile.  Some assignments may be overwhelming.  Keep in close touch with your son’s teachers.  A placement into Special Education may be necessary when an Aspie teen enters middle school.  Some Aspies need special classes even though they didn’t before.  Make sure your son has a “safe place” at school where he can share emotions with a teacher, nurse, guidance counsellor, or psychologist.  If your son experiences harassment and/or rejection at school and the staff does not help, a special education placement or a therapeutic boarding school can give professionals a chance to assist your teen academically and socially.   

Suicide may become a possibility for some teens with Asperger’s.  If you have any worries about this, get help immediately from a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Use reasoning and negotiation with your son, instead of orders.  If possible, give him two choices rather than telling him what he must do in a situation.  He will have more control over his life and feel less resentment.  He will be less likely to listen to you (like all teens!) at this age and may exhibit anger and impatience.  He may hate school and resist everything you want him to do.  Depression is common.  If these problems occur, your son may need counselling. 

Most Aspies learn to drive successfully because they obey the rules!  Have your son carry a cell phone and a card that explains Asperger’s.  Teach him to call you in a crisis and to give the card to any police officer who stops him or her.  Role play with him so he knows what to do and say if stopped by an officer.

Some Aspies do well in summer jobs in an area of special interest or with little contact with the public.  Occupational therapy will help your son get ready for adulthood.  Special programs are available that teach job and living skills.  This will reduce his dependence on you. 

Above all, ask for help from professionals when you or your son need it.

Young people from 10 to 18 years of age face many challenges and those with Asperger’s Syndrome can have serious difficulties both socially and academically when they reach middle school.  Child psychologist and Asperger’s specialist Teresa Bolick addresses solutions for overcoming the difficulties Asperger’s sufferers face.  Full of practical advice and inspiring stories, Asperger’s Syndrome and Adolescence can help parents guide a teen with Asperger’s successfully and happily.

Thanks Dave Angel

The teen years can be difficult whether or not your child has Aspergers syndrome. In situations where they do, however, there are special challenges that differ depending on the child.

Some parents find themselves dealing with a child who is a loner, who has few friends and focuses on one or more hobbies or preoccupations. This type of child is independent in some ways but lacks the maturity to truly be independent in life. A teen like this needs to be pushed in the direction of finding friends and developing relationships.

He or she may also need to learn some of the specific things necessary for “life independence”, like how to deal with money, cleaning up after oneself, doing the laundry and other life skills that will be needed once the teen is ready to leave home. Interpersonal skills, including how to talk to service people, shop assistants and other people they may meet along the way, should be taught and practiced as concretely as possible.

Other parents are dealing with the ongoing presence of rituals and obsessions that might interfere with the teen’s eventual independence. Psychotherapy might work in this kind of situation but there are also medications designed to control ritual behavior. Getting this under control as a teenager will go a long way in enhancing the teen’s adult experience as they grow older.

This is a time when depression can develop in teens, who know they don’t fit in and suffer from a poor self esteem. Be aware of the signs of depression and be proactive through the use of psychotherapy or medications to control some of these symptoms. This means, as a parent, you need to be aware of excessive isolation, “dark” language, outbursts of anger, or self mutilation. Help is available and can help the teen resolve some of the conflicts unique to adolescence and having Aspergers syndrome.

Question