How can I help my child with Asperger’s deal with family problems?
Question
How can I help my child with Asperger’s deal with family problems?
Answer
All families have problems. Family members have to work together to overcome many everyday obstacles. Problems can result from emotional issues, financial problems, or merely personality conflicts. Families dealing with Asperger’s Syndrome know this better than most.
Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes appear to be non-caring and aloof when it comes to family problems. They may show more concern for the disruption of their routine than they show for the troubling family issue that may be the cause. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes lack the social language skills needed to show appropriate responses. Even though the outward appearance is off, rest assured that your child is aware of the problems and is affected by them. Most children with Asperger’s Syndrome are extremely intelligent in spite of their weaknesses.
There is a variety of common responses you may see from your child in times of trouble. He may be an emotional mess, crying over every little thing. He may be angry or overly aggressive. He may become very anxious or extremely depressed, isolating himself from other family members. Your goal is to get an appropriate response from your child for your personal situation. Here are some suggestions that may be helpful.
- Help your child develop strong coping skills. Basic coping skills are centered on how we think, what we feel, and when we self-protect. Some children will try to ignore certain painful feelings which can lead to serious problems later. Children can learn coping skills from watching others or by using actual written exercises. You can find resources on the Internet.
- Have pre-set strategies for every family member to use during intense situations. Sometimes it is more effective to tell our children what emotional response we expect.
- Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to prepare your child for trying times. This therapy is highly effective for children with Autism in so many different situations and skill sets. You can see a behavioral therapist or find published resources for use at home.
There are many books aropund that can give you guidance in the area of family unity when living with Autism. Top Ten Tips: A Survival Guide for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum by Teresa Cardon, Ph.D., CCC-SLP is a good example of this type of resource. The pressure that Autism adds to family relationships can feel insurmountable. It is good to know that others have lived through the tumultuous times and found ways to share their success stories.
Thanks,
Dave Angel
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Our girl is in that very dark area again, 13 and started to treat everyone around very badly, no respect for herself or others. Need some coping skills to get through these times, feel like we are going backwards.
Comment by Kevin Saunders — April 24, 2012 @ 3:56 pm
How do I teach my Aspie son (5 yrs old) about death.
Comment by Dawn — April 24, 2012 @ 5:45 pm
My son has high functioning ASD only diagnosed last year and he is now 18. I recognise his coping mechanisms in your article, anger is a big one and he has told me he copes by forgetting things happened, even major traumas. It is helpful to have a forum to get some advice, as I have no official support network and his behaviour often causes friction within the family, between my husband and myself, who just thinks he is lazy and moody when he is disinterested in things and lacks motivation to find work or cannot stick to college etc. He has been referred for counselling and is on low dose antidepressants following an RTA on his motorbike. He struggles to understand himself and it is hard knowing that I didnt get his diagnosis for him until he was an adult as it would have made his life easier as a child, re:bullying etc. Many thanks for your articles, they are a lifeline.
Comment by Debbie — April 25, 2012 @ 7:54 am
Thank you Dave for all the information you keep mailing me with.I am sorry to hear of your accident with your daughters but glad that you were all ok.I look forward to your next mail thank you again.
Comment by dianataylor — April 25, 2012 @ 12:05 pm
How can i help to my asperger adolescent whit his ideas about suicide?
help me please
Comment by Claudia — April 25, 2012 @ 3:59 pm
my daughter has issues with being told she cant play her video game that i tell her she can play for a little bit and being taken of the system. she has high functioning autism. when i take her of the system she goes into a total melt down. how do i calm her down after that activity? i am new to this whole autism thing. it took two years for them to diagnose her.
Comment by cassandra — April 27, 2012 @ 11:45 am
DAVE,
EVERYDAY I LEARNED TO COPE WITH MY 6 YEAR OLD GRANDSON. HE LIVES WITH MY HUSBAND AND I. THE LOVED WE HAVE AS A FAMILY IS HOW WE MAKE IT THREW EVERYDAY .. HIS MOTHER IS A RN I SEE THINGS IN HER THAT MAKES ME THINK SHE HAS ASPERGERS.
Comment by judy — April 28, 2012 @ 7:31 am
How do I teach a AS teen coping skills, when he no longer wants anything to do with me because Im his mom and he it going thru the teen process of distancing himself from me…
Comment by tanja partington — April 28, 2012 @ 9:53 am