Question

How can I help my child with Asperger’s deal with family problems?

Answer

All families have problems.   Family members have to work together to overcome many everyday obstacles.   Problems can result from emotional issues, financial problems, or merely personality conflicts.  Families dealing with Asperger’s Syndrome know this better than most.

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes appear to be non-caring and aloof when it comes to family problems.  They may show more concern for the disruption of their routine than they show for the troubling family issue that may be the cause.  Children with Asperger’s Syndrome sometimes lack the social language skills needed to show appropriate responses.  Even though the outward appearance is off, rest assured that your child is aware of the problems and is affected by them.  Most children with Asperger’s Syndrome are extremely intelligent in spite of their weaknesses.

There is a variety of common responses you may see from your child in times of trouble.  He may be an emotional mess, crying over every little thing.  He may be angry or overly aggressive.  He may become very anxious or extremely depressed, isolating himself from other family members.  Your goal is to get an appropriate response from your child for your personal situation.   Here are some suggestions that may be helpful.

• Help your child develop strong coping skills. Basic coping skills are centered on how we think, what we feel, and when we self-protect.  Some children will try to ignore certain painful feelings which can lead to serious problems later.   Children can learn coping skills from watching others or by using actual written exercises.  You can find resources on the Internet.
• Have pre-set strategies for every family member to use during intense situations.  Sometimes it is more effective to tell our children what emotional response we expect.
• Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to prepare your child for trying times.  This therapy is highly effective for children with Autism in so many different situations and skill sets.  You can see a behavioral therapist or find published resources for use at home.

There are many books aropund that can give you guidance in the area of family unity when living with Autism.  Top Ten Tips:  A Survival Guide for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum by Teresa Cardon, Ph.D., CCC-SLP is a good example of this type of resource.  The pressure that Autism adds to family relationships can feel insurmountable.  It is good to know that others have lived through the tumultuous times and found ways to share their success stories.

Thanks,

Dave Angel