Comments on: Does a child with Aspergers know right from wrong? http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/ Aspergers Syndrome-Aspergers-Aspergers Disease-Aspergers Disorder-Autism Aspergers-ASD-Asperger Syndrome-Asperger-Asbergers-Asbergers Syndrome-Asberger Syndrome-Asberger-Autistic-Autistic Children-Autism Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:30:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Jo de la Moriniere http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4109 Jo de la Moriniere Mon, 25 Aug 2008 13:11:49 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4109 Thanks Kay, worth a try. I have been looking for programs for girls regarding self esteem. They used to be everywhere, now that you want them, they are no where to be found! Thanks Kay, worth a try. I have been looking for programs for girls regarding self esteem. They used to be everywhere, now that you want them, they are no where to be found!

]]> By: Kay http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4103 Kay Sun, 24 Aug 2008 10:40:17 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4103 Just a little addition to my above post - when internet use does become a problem, as it did with one boy in mainstream, it can be a good idea to take immediate action. His mother and I met and we decided a little white lie was in order. He was told that there was a problem with the server and so internet access was off. Of course he was distraught initially, but after 2 day he stopped pestering and by the time 'normal service' was resumed he had found a new interest in silent movies. He never returned to the violent sites he had craved - going cold turkey really worked for him. The key is to replace the bad with the more acceptable --- not easy but worth a try. Just a little addition to my above post - when internet use does become a problem, as it did with one boy in mainstream, it can be a good idea to take immediate action. His mother and I met and we decided a little white lie was in order. He was told that there was a problem with the server and so internet access was off. Of course he was distraught initially, but after 2 day he stopped pestering and by the time ‘normal service’ was resumed he had found a
new interest in silent movies. He never returned to the violent sites he had craved - going cold turkey really worked for him. The key is to replace the bad with the more acceptable — not easy but worth a try.

]]> By: Kay http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4102 Kay Sun, 24 Aug 2008 10:00:49 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4102 Dear Jo, Your comments really struck a chord with me. I teach in a special school, do outreach into mainstream schools and also am the mother of an Autistic son. I am always concerned when children who don't get the full picture have access to unvetted material. Fortunately my son is now 23 and so internet access was not an issue as he grew up. Today he does like to surf but I keep an eye on the history inventory and so far he only appears to have a penchant for Lladro figurines and old style cartoons! I think this is where obsessions really have their value -provided they are harmless. Steering your daughter towards areas of interest, rather then forbidding certain sites may be the answer. We often reinforce the very thing we disapprove of just by mentioning it. It is possible that she has ASD and strategies used with these children often fit the bill for all children with special needs. I am sure you already try, but raising her self esteem by encouraging anything she is good at, really does work. My own son is now a cartoonist , author and illustrator. All those years of rewinding the disney cartoons really paid off. If you want to see a sample of his work go to www.georgeformby.co.uk and press the link for Levi's Monkey MIke. We often give talks to schools and parents on the positive aspects of ASD and he has turned into a fine young man. Still a ' Billy no-mates' but I am sure I can find a good wife for him somewhere. Don' t lose heart and do continue with your PhD. Most experts have hands on experience just like you. All the best Kay. Dear Jo,
Your comments really struck a chord with me. I teach in a special school, do outreach into mainstream schools and also am the mother of an Autistic son. I am always concerned when children who don’t get the full picture have access to unvetted material. Fortunately my son is now 23 and so internet access was not an issue as he grew up. Today he does like to surf but I keep an eye on the history inventory and so far he only appears to have a penchant for Lladro figurines and
old style cartoons! I think this is where obsessions really have their value -provided they are harmless. Steering your daughter towards areas of interest, rather then forbidding certain sites may be the answer. We often reinforce the very thing we disapprove of just by mentioning it. It is possible that she has ASD and strategies used with these children often fit the bill for all children with special needs. I am sure you already try, but raising her self esteem by encouraging anything she is good at, really does work. My own son is now a cartoonist , author and illustrator. All those years of rewinding the disney cartoons really paid off. If you want to see a sample of his work go to http://www.georgeformby.co.uk and press the link for Levi’s Monkey MIke. We often give talks to schools and parents on the positive aspects of ASD and he has turned into a fine young man. Still a ‘ Billy no-mates’ but I am sure I can find a good wife for him somewhere. Don’ t lose heart and do continue with your PhD. Most experts have hands on experience just like you. All the best Kay.

]]> By: Jayson Lee http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4100 Jayson Lee Sat, 23 Aug 2008 16:23:03 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4100 hello Jo de la Moriniere, I do not know if this helps at all, but I had a problem with that as a kid to. With me though, I was used to making guys feel good as I grew up sexually abused. It started at around 5 and kept happening until I was about 17 or so. I was diagnosed with autism at 3 and did not talk until i was around 8. Somehow the doctor people say that I "grew out of it a little" and now my diagnosis is Pdd-nos. When I was in 8th grade I started doing sex stuff to my friends though I did not have many to make them feel good because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I kept doing the same stuff though I hated it until almost 19 years old. It turns out that someone told me that they really weren't my friends though I did not know that at the time. I hope that no one hurt your daughter in the same way...not that I am saying you did, but I mean someone else who maybe you know but someone she has not told you about. I hope that came out right. anyway, at 19 i met sara my wife and things have been really good since then. due to some of the bad sex stuff my father did to me at 5,ive been in diapers ever since because of nerve damage. I was really lucky to find my wife being that im a diapered autistic 30 year old. Somehow she loves me just the same as if I was "normal." For everyone here, it will be ok. One way or another your kid will do fine. The world is just stupid and doesnt get "us" yet, but eventually they will have to because there are so many of us. Some of the "normal peoples" rules we can learn and finally understand, and others we just don't get at all. But I am glad that is the way it is, because I don't want to be like someone else,,,I'm me. Jayson hello Jo de la Moriniere,
I do not know if this helps at all, but I had a problem with that as a kid to. With me though, I was used to making guys feel good as I grew up sexually abused. It started at around 5 and kept happening until I was about 17 or so. I was diagnosed with autism at 3 and did not talk until i was around 8. Somehow the doctor people say that I “grew out of it a little” and now my diagnosis is Pdd-nos. When I was in 8th grade I started doing sex stuff to my friends though I did not have many to make them feel good because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I kept doing the same stuff though I hated it until almost 19 years old. It turns out that someone told me that they really weren’t my friends though I did not know that at the time. I hope that no one hurt your daughter in the same way…not that I am saying you did, but I mean someone else who maybe you know but someone she has not told you about. I hope that came out right. anyway, at 19 i met sara my wife and things have been really good since then. due to some of the bad sex stuff my father did to me at 5,ive been in diapers ever since because of nerve damage. I was really lucky to find my wife being that im a diapered autistic 30 year old. Somehow she loves me just the same as if I was “normal.” For everyone here, it will be ok. One way or another your kid will do fine. The world is just stupid and doesnt get “us” yet, but eventually they will have to because there are so many of us. Some of the “normal peoples” rules we can learn and finally understand, and others we just don’t get at all. But I am glad that is the way it is, because I don’t want to be like someone else,,,I’m me.

Jayson

]]> By: Jo de la Moriniere http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4099 Jo de la Moriniere Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:50:36 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4099 I could probably write a story about what we have been through. In the beginning, we did not know that we could have an Aspergers thing going on. This started when she was 16 and her mother died, someone at school gave her a site from a web that would make her feel better. I found pictures of men and found some threads that shocked the devil out of me. She wants to be popular and accepted and thinks this is what the boys want. At 20, I am so concerned, her father and I have talked to her, but I am not convinced that we have gotten through. This problem is so severe that I have thought about doing my PhD dissertation on this very subject. The sad thing is I am not trained in this field, and she hasn't been diagnosed as having Aspergers. She was born with fluid on the brain, and other than at times seemingly about 2 years behind others her age, appears to be "normal". I have found that using some Asperger's techniques has helped her. I do know that any brain energy will cause some symptoms of autism. Are other teen age parents wanting to see more help in this area? With the Internet and the age, I am very concerned and frankly scared! I could probably write a story about what we have been through. In the beginning, we did not know that we could have an Aspergers thing going on. This started when she was 16 and her mother died, someone at school gave her a site from a web that would make her feel better. I found pictures of men and found some threads that shocked the devil out of me. She wants to be popular and accepted and thinks this is what the boys want. At 20, I am so concerned, her father and I have talked to her, but I am not convinced that we have gotten through. This problem is so severe that I have thought about doing my PhD dissertation on this very subject. The sad thing is I am not trained in this field, and she hasn’t been diagnosed as having Aspergers. She was born with fluid on the brain, and other than at times seemingly about 2 years behind others her age, appears to be “normal”. I have found that using some Asperger’s techniques has helped her. I do know that any brain energy will cause some symptoms of autism. Are other teen age parents wanting to see more help in this area? With the Internet and the age, I am very concerned and frankly scared!

]]> By: Jill Yohn http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4095 Jill Yohn Thu, 21 Aug 2008 03:52:39 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4095 My heart hurts for so many of the kids and young adults I read about on your blogs. I so wish I had an answer to help but counseling when they are younger may be the only way to help. I found taking my son to an anxiety class was actually helpful, I had to sit in on it, and I learned alot about what he goes through. But as they get older and bigger, they can definitely put up some big barriers around themselves, and seem very stubborn if they don't want to do something or go somewhere. Thank goodness my son seemed to be a little mature for his age when 8 years old, so I had him take a "stay at home alone" class. That enabled me to take short shopping trips without having the tantrum about not wanting to go with me. My heart hurts for so many of the kids and young adults I read about on your blogs. I so wish I had an answer to help but counseling when they are younger may be the only way to help. I found taking my son to an anxiety class was actually helpful, I had to sit in on it, and I learned alot about what he goes through. But as they get older and bigger, they can definitely put up some big barriers around themselves, and seem very stubborn if they don’t want to do something or go somewhere.

Thank goodness my son seemed to be a little mature for his age when 8 years old, so I had him take a “stay at home alone” class. That enabled me to take short shopping trips without having the tantrum about not wanting to go with me.

]]> By: Shelley http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4093 Shelley Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:50:37 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4093 My 10 year old grand daughter has just been diagnosed with aspbergers. We have tried to talk to her teachers and principal about this but they refuse to work with us. Can anyone give us some insight on how we can get them to work with us without alienating them? My 10 year old grand daughter has just been diagnosed with aspbergers. We have tried to talk to her teachers and principal about this but they refuse to work with us. Can anyone give us some insight on how we can get them to work with us without alienating them?

]]> By: Jill Yohn http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4087 Jill Yohn Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:28:36 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4087 Kay, you almost repeated an exact story of what happened with my child when he was younger. It was also a misunderstanding of what was said because he only processed the first part of the conversation. I also learned from it to keep my conversations and instructions with my son, short and to the point. Sometimes asking him to repeat them to make sure he "got them". Kay, you almost repeated an exact story of what happened with my child when he was younger. It was also a misunderstanding of what was said because he only processed the first part of the conversation. I also learned from it to keep my conversations and instructions with my son, short and to the point. Sometimes asking him to repeat them to make sure he “got them”.

]]> By: Kari Marchant http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4080 Kari Marchant Wed, 20 Aug 2008 03:43:02 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4080 Please stop the silly "person-first" language. You say "children and adults who do not have a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome..." and proceed to make a blatantly false statement. Having or not having a "diagnosis" does not make one Aspie or not Aspie. It is as inherent a condition as being male, female, old or young. It is not something you or a doctor can grant or take away by anything you do. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a woman. I am an Aspie. Not an individual diagnosed with or having Asperger's. No more than I am person having motherhood. I am an attorney. More of an identity that to be just known as a person licensed to practice law. Makes the whole contrived respect thing sound kind of silly, huh? Please stop the silly “person-first” language. You say “children and adults who do not have a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome…” and proceed to make a blatantly false statement. Having or not having a “diagnosis” does not make one Aspie or not Aspie. It is as inherent a condition as being male, female, old or young. It is not something you or a doctor can grant or take away by anything you do. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a woman. I am an Aspie. Not an individual diagnosed with or having Asperger’s. No more than I am person having motherhood. I am an attorney. More of an identity that to be just known as a person licensed to practice law. Makes the whole contrived respect thing sound kind of silly, huh?

]]> By: Kay http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4077 Kay Tue, 19 Aug 2008 22:25:01 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/does-a-child-with-aspergers-know-right-from-wrong/#comment-4077 Dear J.Yohn, Your comments remind me of a student I once had who went home and told his mother that his new teacher did not like him. He then refused to come to school. In fact what the teacher had said was : 'Mishal, I don't like you talking when I am talking." Mishal only processed the first few words. Just another illustration of how hard it is for someone with Asperger's to make sense of the world. When we sat down with Mishal and explained what the teacher had really said, he did then understand and went back into school. The teacher confessed that from that day on she always thought about what she was going to say and tried to use minimal language and visuals whenever possible. Dear J.Yohn,
Your comments remind me of a student I once had who went home and told his mother that his new teacher did not like him. He then refused to come to school. In fact what the teacher had said was : ‘Mishal, I don’t like you talking when I am talking.” Mishal only processed the first few words. Just another illustration of how hard it is for someone with Asperger’s to make sense of the world. When we sat down with Mishal and explained what the teacher had really said, he did then understand and went back into school. The teacher confessed that from that day on she always thought about what she was going to say and tried to use minimal language and visuals whenever possible.

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