Does your child with Aspergers have a split personality?

Filed under:Behavior — posted by admin on December 16, 2008 @ 4:50 am

Hi there it’s Dave Angel with this week’s Aspergers article:

Question

Is it common for a child with Asperger’s to have a split personality? My son is a really good kid at school, but then a complete monster at home. Is this normal?
Answer
Asperger’s Syndrome is known to manifest itself differently with different children. Also, children with Asperger’s Syndrome may react differently to various situations depending on their individual personalities. Your child may feel more comfortable with the familiar surroundings at home, and feel freer to act out more at home than in public, where he is surrounded by strangers and in a less familiar environment. The stress of school may be relieved by a “meltdown” or other difficult behaviour at home. This is a common occurrence.

Dr. Tony Attwood, a clinical psychologist, is a world renowned expert on Asperger’s Syndrome. Here is what he says about split personality and Asperger’s. “Quite a few children with Asperger’s Syndrome are Dr. Jeckylls and Mr. Hydes. They are saints at school, but they soak up the anguish, then squeeze it out on their brothers and sisters when they get home. We do not know why this happens…” This quote may be found at: http://www.awares.org/pkgs_files/librarydoc_134.doc

Asperger’s is treated in two ways, and both of them help manage the anxiety that accompanies this illness. The first is cognitive psychology, and the second is prescription medication. The first thing you need to do in order to help your son is to find a psychiatrist or psychologist who specializes in Asperger’s Syndrome. This specialist will be able to help your son. He or she will help you and your son discover the reasons behind his behavioral changes.

In addition, a specialist will help you do two things:
1. Modify the situation or the environment in which he lives to reduce difficult behaviour;
2. Create interventions for handling your son’s anxiety.
Please don’t be intimidated. Changes don’t have to be complex or unmanageable. The changes you need to make might just involve changing lighting to a lower level, adjusting sound levels in your home, or creating a new schedule.

If initial interventions do not help, a psychiatrist can prescribe medications which will provide your son with the help he needs. It’s important to note that psychotropic (mood-altering) drugs like Zoloft or Prozac can help children, but they can also cause serious problems for children. If the psychiatrist prescribes medication, ask about dosage levels and, more importantly, side effects. Just about all drugs have side effects, and it’s important for you to know about them so you know what to expect. You know your son better than anyone else; ask yourself if he can handle side effects like nausea, hypersensitivity, or prolonged sleepiness. These are all possible, depending on the medication prescribed.

You can obtain additional information about this subject in the book A Parent’s Guide to Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism: How to Meet the Challenges and Help Your Child Thrive by Sally Ozonoff, Geraldine Dawson, and James McPartla. This book is available on the internet at: Parent’s Guide

This book was written to help parents of children with Asperger’s Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism (AS/HFA). The book contains common terms and strategies for by AS/HFA. You can use this book as a reference during your child’s developmental years. The book advocates capitalizing on your son’s strengths and the challenges he will face on a daily basis. One of the highlights of this book is that it will help you to distinguish between your son’s adolescent issues and the effects of autism/Asperger’s.

Thanks for reading
Dave Angel

PS Some of the latest articles to be added to the new website include how to help your child to speak more appropriately to others, how to help your child when he becomes an adult, and an overview of the issues and differences for both mums and dads when parenting a child with Aspergers.

comments (30)

30 comments »

My daughter is has become a Jeckyll and Hyde as she has grown older, and more aware of how to self manage. It is both a blessing and a curse. At her primary school she was well known, and teachers were very willing to help, even though she was barely manifesting there. At her high school where teachers don’t know her background there is very little help. She now longer qualifies for STA help. The teachers have other AS boys to deal with, so at least the routines are there, but while she doesn’t manifest, there is very little that can be done. I’ve even gone so far as to encourage her AS behaviour from time to time so teachers might have the chance to see her in “action”. Meanwhile we give her plenty of space when she gets home to try and get the days stresses out of her system. Sometimes things get interesting, but we have learned how to help her over many years. Trampolines and bikes are great tension releases.

Comment by ccmum — December 16, 2008 @ 5:35 am
My 16 year old Aspergers son displays challenging and obnoxious behaviour while at school, he shows virtually no respect for teachers. I seem to find out as times goes by, that there is a lot more happening at school that I am not aware of. He communicates very litle about his school life, saying is is none of my business. Home is usually quite peaceful, as he is an only child and probably doesn’t have many things restricted, he is quite cooperative about doing chores but still needs to be reminded (like any teeanager)He has occasional flare ups usually these are when he is playing a computer game or game console game and he is not achieving what he is aiming for.

Comment by Kathleen — December 16, 2008 @ 6:15 am
Ha ha ha! Sorry, I had to laugh at this article because – hey, that was me! I behaved at school, then let it all hang out at home. I still behave one way with people I know well, and another way with strangers.

I think I did this because I feel more comfortable being myself in a familiar environment with familiar people. At school, I knew I had to behave and follow the rules. (and back then, all my classrooms had all the rules neatly printed up, very helpful!) There was also a certain “wall” between me and my teachers, a definite feeling that these people needed to be obeyed.

It’s not a split personality! Au contraire, it (for me) was two different reactions to two very different situations. Oh, the hell I put my parents through when I was a teenager! (and to think that if I had been born 20+ years later, I’d be on drugs/therapy, hehe)

Anyway, my 3-yr-old son (also an Aspie) does the same thing. Payback is hell, eh? Good to know it’s a common thing.

Comment by Vicky — December 16, 2008 @ 6:30 am
Like ccmum I have two daughters, and the eldest is a Jekyll & Hyde. Doctor recommended a session with Relate, but they had noone with training, and my daughter sat there saying nothing, even when we tried as a family instead. My daughter is never happy with homework and kept tearing it up. It has taken two years to get her the same help as her sister, even though both have the same diagnosis from the Child Development Centre. I passed on articles from this blog (thanks Dave!) to the school and pointed out that being quiet is not the same as being well adjusted, and after a meeting with the headmaster, we hope she will get help next term. Schools have very little funding for this. Good luck!

Comment by Kate — December 16, 2008 @ 6:31 am
I used to behave quite well in school too, then had meltdowns several times. Now I know I was not insane. But thankfully, those meltdowns went away on their on.

Comment by geraldine — December 16, 2008 @ 6:42 am
hmmm…interesting, you dont know how many times I as a concerned parent flagged up the jeckyll and hyde issues with professionals around me only to be told that I WAS WRONG OF COURSE. They had to be right and prefer that I was simply lying to seek attention at the expense of telling porkies about my sons behaviour. 6yrs later I find I was oh so very right , we are no further on in our limbo and my sons education is in total and complete tatters…perhaps I will go to university and accomplish my bachelors and phd, only to return to those PROFESSIONALS to put a rocket up their backsides ay!!!

Comment by paula — December 16, 2008 @ 7:24 am
This is a question, I have an 8 year son who has aspergers, and he does the Jekyll and Hyde thing between school and home but it is the other way around – although this has not always been the case. He behaves wonderfully at home – now – and is a “demon” at school. Last year he acted out at not school and home and the year before he was great at school and acted out at home. It is different every year thus far. Is this normal? Also, what do you do when the school wont protect your child? My son is constantly getting beat up either at school or on the bus and they do not do anything about it unless of course he actually does something to defend himself then they are all over him!

Comment by Amy — December 16, 2008 @ 7:41 am
I know exactly what you mean. Only it was the other way around for my son – he would go ballistic at school, which for him meant a high stress situation, and relax somewhat (though still be a challenge!) at home. This year he is 8-going-on-9 and in third grade and we seem to have hit a good combination with proper interventions at school – thanks to a superior parent advocate – and appropriate medications for his co-diagnosed ADHD. Most of his troubles now stem from communication problems and being misunderstood, except about the fact that he hates girls, which NOBODY misunderstands. It helps that he can “lose himself” in his video games for a while and de-stress because his body can’t keep up with his mind but the games can, and it provides an excellent way to engage him in conversation about something he likes. (I now know more about Mario and Pokemon than I ever thought I would.)

Comment by satscout — December 16, 2008 @ 8:27 am
Video games are a great stress releiver; however I am concerned with the type of games that someone I work with is playing. His parent is also concerned; however fears the rage that will likely happen if the violent games are removed. The parent does not want to remove all games, just the ones where you are allowed to hurt and kill people. Any ideas how this is best accomplished?

Comment by pardon — December 16, 2008 @ 9:31 am
my Jeff is a very inteligent aspie. he`s very lonely at times, no friends, no life except for all those games, that I can`t tell you anything about. I worry about his social life that he does not have. We are older parents and we don`t feel like doing things we should be doing with him. I wish he could meet more people like him. but there is no place for him to go, except therapy, and the Dr. says he dosen`t need that or med., just college. which he`s not interested in. What to do? nothing I guess. well I`ve complained enough. He`s a blessing to us and we`re so very proud and thankful for Jeff. He`s precious and I still worry.

Comment by jimmie strange — December 16, 2008 @ 9:58 am
I’m not sure if my daughter has Aspergers or not, but she sure seems to have the whole Dr. Jeckyll and Mr Hyde thing going on. She does well in school. Although everything has to fit inside “her” unusually shaped little box. She is such a perfectionist ( as we thought that’s all it was when she was younger, she’s 13 now). She was diagnosed as autistic and with sensory integration disfunction as a young child). I really think she has Aspergers with High Functioning Functioning Autism. She will be fine at school but when she gets home, WATCH OUT!! If something isn’t right or you cross “her” line, she will change personalities in an instant. I have tried to talk to her when she calms down to find out what is upsetting her and she starts to cry saying she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. It’s terrible to watch her go through this. Any thoughts–anyone?

Comment by Kathy — December 16, 2008 @ 11:44 am
Oh yeah my AS son is the same. When he started school at 3 with an autism program I found, he’d come home and just give me headache after headache. Finally I said to the director of the program whattttttt is going on. She then gave me a good book on Asperger’s and highlighted the after school meltdown chapter. Boy was I relieved I thought he liked them more than me or that I was doing something to upset him at home. When they say knowledge is power they aren’t kidding. He is my first child and I was so unprepared for this but I’m doing pretty good now. The meltdowns are more rare and his brother and sister are learning to just stay away from him for the first hour after school is all over.

Comment by micki — December 16, 2008 @ 12:37 pm
well my son is the opposite he acts out in school he is usually OK at home he needs his space when he first gets home but the school is unsure how to handle his outburst but we are working on it just thought i would share good luck.

Comment by debbie — December 16, 2008 @ 2:19 pm
i have a daughter with autism and 2 others which havnt yet been diagnosed but which show symptoms of asperger paticularly my 11 yr old daughter,she absolutely gives us hell at home has no empathy,but is good in school in if she dosent have to change routine for example school trips she has been known to disapeer in tantrums but according to a adolescent psychiatrist shes not on the spectrum ,so know im waiting for a second opinion from a speacilist in autism ,she also displays facial and verbal tics which are fantastic when you have a 3 yr old who copys every word(the worst swear word and insults you could possibly imagine)the school dealt with my daughters problems by putting her in time out and wouldnt recognise that she had any problem whatsoever she was just a naughty child to them,scince she has moved on to high school she has found the most difficulties in understanding nuances and idiems in every day language and that gets her into trouble constantly,so without a diagnosis she is struggling to cope and so are all the family.

Comment by michelle — December 16, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
This is true of my son, as well. Only it’s the other way around…school is a nightmare while at home he’s very comfortable because he’s in a more stress-free environment. We’ve been back & forth with medications this year trying to find something that will help (since he has become physically aggresive at school with students & teachers alike). I only wish there were an answer other than to pull him out of school & homeschool him…he needs the social interactions that school can give him, but it just seems as though he is very unhappy there…which makes us believe the school can’t educate him properly.

Comment by Lela — December 16, 2008 @ 3:50 pm
My 14 year old son was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s and I was actually releived as I would much prefer this outcome to one of insanity. Nick has always experienced what I now know as meltdowns throughout his life but it wasn’t until High school(year that they manifested themselves in such an extreme form.
He is a perfect student at school and the teachers all look at me strangely when I question them about his behaviour and social abilities. His reports are always excellent both for academic achievement and effort. It’s the break times that confuse him, he just does not ‘fit in’ as he puts it and hence the meltdowns at home. Where once I got angry with his ‘bad’ behaviour, now I wait it out and then talk about it.
I’m not loking forward to the next few years of school as it’s a constant battle to get him to even attend but I’m sure we will survive. Thankyou for sharing your experiences. I am obviously not alone.

Comment by Chris — December 16, 2008 @ 4:28 pm
Trampolines and bikes REALLY help. My son wouldn’t even make it through the front door before he (melted?) exploded, for the whole first year of school! He’s 11 now and beginning to understand how to deal with his AS.

Comment by Carolin — December 16, 2008 @ 4:30 pm
To keep this in perspective: This different home/school behaviour is true for many children, but it is perhaps more bizaar with those with ASD. It is my son who doesn’t have autism, but does have atatchment issues where the differences in behaviour is actually most marked: Very polite, helpful and excellently behaved in school and other places, but can be abusive to us at home. And even those of us who are well adjusted mentally healthy adults, do we not find our responses and reactions vary depending on the environment and who we are with?

Comment by k m — December 16, 2008 @ 4:43 pm
Although I agree our AS kids (mine included) can take this sort of behavior to new levels, I would also like to point out that EVERYONE does this, not just people with Asperger’s. We all are on our best behavior at school, work, church, etc, and then when we go home we can relax, let down our guard and sometimes behave badly, or at least not so perfect. That’s because it’s home, it’s a safe place with people we can count on to love us no matter what. I’m sure people realize this but as parents of children and teens with Asperger’s or other issues we have to recognize that sometimes our kids’ admittedly difficult behavior is just as normal as anyone else’s. Personally, I find this sort of comforting.

Comment by Liz Ninyo — December 16, 2008 @ 4:55 pm
My 13 year old grandson is back living with his mother after 10 of his l3 years with us. She says he is aggressive with her 8 yr old daughter and he always says its her that starts everything. I believe that its a stress thing as when he is home with us he is good as there are no siblings hassling him. At school it depends on his teacher. He either likes them or intensely dislikes them. I, myself, miss him and his quirky behaviour and jokes. Hes one of a kind.

Comment by Lillian Carde — December 16, 2008 @ 4:56 pm
Dave – your comments were great! I struggle this some with my 10 year old. We were at a private Christan school since he was 18 months, but by 3rd grade he was really starting to struggle in the classroom. I tried home-schooling at the beginning of this year, but that was tough! I’m a state-certified teacher EC – 4th with a masters in education and he was driving me crazy! We were having melt downs almost daily just like at the Christan school. Finally, we enrolled him in the neighborhood public school. He’s in a self-contained room that’s working a grade level ahead and his teacher started in Special Ed. the first two years of her career. We’re also working with the school psychologist. It’s been a great fit! I’ve decided to pick my battles carefully. If he’s doing well at school than I can deal with him at home.

Thanks for your help and the great articles. Have a Merry Christmas!

Comment by Michele Snow — December 16, 2008 @ 5:56 pm
My son just turned 9 years old and will melt down at school like there is no tomorrow. One minute he is sweet and happy and the next he is hitting, tipping over chairs. Sometimes he is in such a rage and then the next he is crying like a baby. It breaks my heart to see him struggle. He just went thru a medication change because he was having more agressive behavior we could not trust him at school. Does anyone have a child that will just flip on a dime? I am concerned he will really hurt someone or himself. We have had TSS since he was three years old and nothing seems to work. Any suggestions?

Comment by M. Neubert — December 16, 2008 @ 6:54 pm
My 8 year old son seems to function quite well at school, but from the time I pick him up until he goes to bed, the you-know-what hits the fan!! He seems to save up all of his anger, frustration, aggression, whatever, just for me- and aren’t I the lucky one?!! We have experimented with different meds. over the years (since around 1st grade) and have come up with a combination which has seemed to help more than most. By no stretch of the imagination is his behavior “perfect” but he is at the best we have been able to find, and that is through a combination of Risperdal and Concerta (low dosage). This kid is about as difficult as they come- we always say that he is 8 years old going on 2! He is sooooo smart but sooooo immature. We definintely are parenting a “Jeckyl and Hyde”

Comment by Lisa Johnson — December 16, 2008 @ 9:10 pm
I have managed to avoid meltdowns since I discovered the glutamate in MSG was causing them. It hides under 30 different names including natural flavorings which may or may not be MSG. So it is very hard to avoid but worth it. (google MSG for all the names it hides under and all the incredible number of health problems it causes!)_I feel much calmer and my social life has improved a little bit. At least one friend who was avoiding me is starting to talk to me again. I wish I had known this earlier. I don’t know why the FDA lets the food companies disguise what it is this way. They should not be allowing it at all. It is an excitotoxin that destroys brain cells. It is also in every live virus shot and when people are stressed thing can cross the blood brain barrier that usually can’t cross. Children being held down and stuck with needles are VERY stressed.

Comment by Elizabeth Hensley — December 16, 2008 @ 9:17 pm
i used to be the opposite, i was really naughty at school and most of the time i was ok at home, because i was challanged to do things at school like standing up in front of class to read which i never would do so i would have a meltdown and then wouldn’t talk at all. my 7yo son has just been diagnosed with aspergers and ADHD so what do docters know best nowdays is just drug them up, my son has big problems at school with changing teachers, he will sit under the table and scream at everyone and the anger is extreme. at home he’s good because he is rarely challanged so i haven’t seen alot of the things they say he does at school. i have no family here and most don’t believe there is anything wrong with him as u won’t see anything one on one, its only around people u will see it. could i have some info on whether or not i should find group therapy somewhere for him as i am all alone with this issue.

Comment by megan chamberlain — December 16, 2008 @ 10:47 pm
we are going through the same problem at the moment our son aged 4 is according to the nursery staff is perfect but as soon as he’s out the door he blows like a volcano even getting him home is a challenge this has been one of the best bits i have read and feel better now knowing that its not just our son i was beginning to question parenting skills but now know its probably not we are new to this and have not had a diagnosis for long and was given a so called specialist health visitor and the only advice we got was to cut hours at work and claim disability living and carers so thanks to all your help everyone

Comment by nick paterson — December 17, 2008 @ 3:35 pm
Well it’s a relief to know that this behavior is common and comes with the territory. I thought it must be me, since my 7 yr old aspie daughter is so very well behaved at school, and then melts down when I pick her up (sometimes she starts screaming before we even make it into our minivan!). She has just started an ADHD medicine which hasn’t shown much of an improvement. She does enjoy riding ber bicycle as an outlet, and it’s funny, I’ve been debating on a trampoline too (good to know, thanks!). It is a definite challenge when they are so behaved at school and save the meltdowns of stress anxiety and frustration for home. It makes getting the services that they need so much harder!! thanks for the article.

Comment by kerri dolby — December 17, 2008 @ 8:35 pm
I have a stepdaudghter who is 14yrs old she has been diagnosed with AS and HFA, I’ve known her for 7 yres now, as she gets older the more her differences show in comparison with her peers. I have two daughters of my own, one 12 and one 9 they love J very much and put her needs before theres most of the time. I’m worried that J does not realize what kind of stress she puts on our family everytime she doesn’t get what she wants. She hardly ever willingly participates in family activities unless cohersed by her father in one way or another. She has hardly any friends, those she has is because of us and they are mostly boys younger than her, so she can play videogames with. I try to give her certain chores, for her to find self gratification and accomplishment, however at her other home I don’t think she does anything therefore when she comes over to our house we always have to reestablish roles and responsibilities with her. So we always seem to be at the beginning with her. When in conversation she refers alot to others when she doesn’t want to do something, for ex: my friend doesn’t do that, it is babyish or my friends say it is ok. etc… how can I help her express herself properly, and stop making up stories all the time… HELP

Comment by Linda — December 18, 2008 @ 10:00 am
Our 10yr old son has AS/adhd and has always had meltdowns at school and at home, depending on wether he was ‘comfortable’ being himself in front of who he was with. the older he gets the mo people stare at his behaviour as he makes silliy noises and hand actions. He then reverts back to being a ‘normal’ kid again when as he puts it’ i pretend to be someone else so not to get into trouble.’ Its a relief to know we are not alone.

Comment by Caroline Dawson — December 19, 2008 @ 5:34 pm
It is such a relief to know we are not alone in trying to deal with this issue. My 10yr daughter with ADHD/AS does exactly as every other child here discussed does. She will be great at school and such a big help but as soon as we get in the truck she is a different child. We have tried different med combos that have not worked, changed her diet and try to keep a strict schedule but nothing seems to help. This is hard when we have 3 other kids who have no behavior problems and do not understand why she acts out the way she does. We thankfully just got approval from the insurance co to start her with some occupational therapy. Hopefully it will make a difference. Good luck and happy holidays to all.

Comment by Jennifer in Texas — December 21, 2008 @ 10:22 pm