Helping your child’s teacher to understand your child
Hi - and welcome to the first post on the Parenting Aspergers Blog.
I strongly recommend that you read the section on the blog called “How To Use This Blog” in order to understand fully how best to benefit from this blog.
By the time your child reaches the age where he or she is going to school, you’ll have several years of experience figuring out what works and what doesn’t work in managing your Aspergers syndrome child.
While your child’s teacher understands the fundamentals of teaching, he or she will be lacking in crucial information about your child and what works best in certain circumstances. This means that you have information to share with the teacher, and the time to do that is before or very near the time the child enters the classroom.You’ll want to share information on your child’s diagnosis and his or her normal level of functioning. If your child has a normal or above normal IQ, tell the teacher that your child has the cognitive ability to succeed under the right circumstances. Talk about visual learning and the fact that children with Asperger’s syndrome learn through pictures and are less likely to learn through auditory awareness or through letters and words.
You’ll also want to talk to the teacher about those things that set your child off, including any obsessions or compulsive behavior your child exhibits. If your child still has temper tantrums, talk about how to manage them and how to avoid them, if possible.
Tell your child’s teacher that you can be available as a resource for the teacher. Try to have a phone number at which you can be reached for any impromptu issues that arise during the course of the day. Make a deal with the teacher that allows you to attend class on the first few days of the school year or when things get difficult. Not only will that help your child adjust to school, it will aid the teacher in the process of getting to know your child.
Maintain that teacher-parent alliance throughout the school year in order to have the best chance of your child learning and thriving within the structure of the classroom.
This is just one of the many tips and techniques for helping your Asperger’s child that features in the book “The Parenting Asperger’s Resource Guideâ€. Which you can learn more about by visiting www.parentingaspergers.com/
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As you are on the subject of education I would like to put a question out to other parents regarding getting a statement for my son. He has been on Action Plus for 3 yrs, the Local Educational Authority are ‘cutting cost’s’ and changing the rules. If a child has been on action + for more than two terms it is suggested a Statutory Assessment is carried out.I very much welcomed this until the Psych Ed of the area told me that my son had to be on the first/second centile of the ‘curve’ on his chart to warrant an assessment, which means ,unless he is seriously behind in his numeracy & literacy he wont be considered! As many AS kids/adults my boy is well above average in those two subjects, he needs support in his social skills like many others. It looks as if he will have his support taken away because he is too bright!
Comment by Carol — December 18, 2007 @ 4:34 am
These are all helpful suggestions, but it’s also important to tell the teacher if you think your child will need time out during normal socialising times such as recess and lunch. My Aspergers daughter preferred to have access to a quiet place rather than try and mix all the time
Comment by Christine Grayden — December 18, 2007 @ 4:41 am
Thanks for setting this up. Your work is appreciated…
Comment by Daryl Leffler — December 18, 2007 @ 7:15 am
I’m so happy to be one of the first to comment. I’m a foster parent to a 15 year old young man diagnosed with Aspergers and it has been a test. I’m so glad I found Dave and his website!!
Comment by Sunny Lalone — December 18, 2007 @ 9:44 am
Dave,
This is wonderful advice. All parents should contact teachers ahead of time and discuss these types of things with them. However, I want to point out that it isn’t always a smooth ride from there nor do all teachers appreciate a parent discussing these items with them. They may put this type of discussion off for an IEP. Even with an IEP or discussing things with a receptive teacher doesn’t always ensure everything that you told them will be followed or your child will be educated in the way that he needs. When a teacher is dealing with 20 to 30 kids in a classroom, they cannot tailor make a curriculum for just your child. It just isn’t feasible for them. Plus their hands may be tied by what is required to be taught and how it is to be taught. There is a lot of red tape within the public school systems.
Comment by Susan — December 18, 2007 @ 11:18 am
it really hasnt been that easy for us im afraid, there isnt one professional within my whole LA that actually knows what im talking about. The rest dont believe there is a problem because they cant see it….sorry, not trying to be negative, its just the way it is….
Comment by paula — December 18, 2007 @ 12:26 pm
You are spreading a myth, that all of us are visual learners. I’m not! Yes, I learned to read very easily but nothing else visual came easily to me. I have almost no visual memory at all. That’s why I’m face blind, place blind, car blind, and mood blind. I didn’t even begin to learn to spell until I started typing. My fingers remember how to spell kinetically. I certainly can’t see a word in my head. I thought the teacher was crazy when she told us that was how we were supposed to remember how a word is spelled. I never could place the countries in the right places when we took geography tests or draw maps from memory. But I am definitely an aspergian with the special interests, (check my website), flapping, social difficulties, sensitivities, gluten intolerance and problems with loud noises we all have. It is a good thing I wasn’t diagnosed I guess. They would have taken away the only way I can learn, by words, if I’d been placed in a highly visual learning environment.
Comment by Elizabeth Hensley — December 18, 2007 @ 12:34 pm
This is great advise, and I agree about it only being so effective in public schools with teachers. Even if they have the best of intentions, they have so many other kids to deal with. In inclusion classes, they have more than one classmate with their ‘own’ problems that need to be accomidated, so I am sure it’s a tough balance. My biggest problem is getting teachers to communicate with me when work is not up to par or if they had an issue that day. My daughter is 15 and high school just expects them to be responsible for themselves, and I am out of the loop unless I constantly call them.
Comment by N Asbury — December 18, 2007 @ 1:16 pm
To Carol, I have a 9 yr old son that has Asperger’s Syndrome and he has a counselor from his support office come to see him at school to make sure that he is getting what he needs as far as socialization. You might want to check w/ your local support office to see if they other this. Also, check with the local mental health facility for outside assistance.
Comment by Nicole — December 18, 2007 @ 3:44 pm
Regardin teachers having their hands full… that is indeed what they believe and what they say and hope you will believe. I am a secondary school teacher and a parent of 3 LD children, one of whom has Aspergers. I have found that one of the greatest positives of learning how to reach my children, is that teaching has become MUCH more rewarding. If a teacher learns how to turn a disaffected, frustrated, confused and anxious child to become successful, the classroom becomes a much more productive and positive learning environment for everyone. Yes, it does take a lot of effort in the beginning, but the results are kind of worth it.
Also, technically, your child has a right to an equitable education, and if staffing or class size are issues that prevent that, then the school or school board must make accommodations that resolve those issue. In a perfect world anyway. I say all of this, but I admit a have a dismal track record with my Aspie girl, who at 16 is finding school to be less and less supportive, despite our interventions. SIgh
Comment by clarice — December 18, 2007 @ 7:01 pm
As a mother of a child with HFA/AS and a secondary teacher with a full spectrum class, I get the best of both sides. Talking to the teacher about your chiolds nooks and crannies is the best way to start!
Comment by melindamom2 — December 18, 2007 @ 8:25 pm
I find the site very helpful. My son has been diagnosed with dispraxia but they feel that he has some kind of autism. The articles which have been sent to me on the mini course fit my son to a tee. Behaviour, learning, socialising etc.
The battle i’m having is that he has had iep since he started the school when he was 5 and he is know 5 and i’m no further forward in getting help.
Can anyone suggest where or who i should contact next.
Thank you.
Comment by Lisa — December 19, 2007 @ 7:34 am
I work the nightshift in order to be available for my son and his teacher during the day, if needed. Lunch at the school with him helps give him a time out to relax and talk, if he wants. It is quieter to lunch outside on a picnic table with mom, or inside where I can assist him by observing social interactions with his peers. He also has a mentor that lunches with him every Wednesday, in her classroom. Make the school routine better, if you can spend some time there. I know some Asperger’s kids that have mom’s that teach, also.
Comment by Deborah Mcbride — December 19, 2007 @ 7:54 am
This site is so helpful..I am a fosterparent to a 13 yr old autistic boy..We are so lucky that he has his own aide at high school that stays with him all time at school..The teachers all did a period with the autistic teacher..He only goes for 3 hrs a day for 3 days a week,but hopefully will be longer after the holidays.
Comment by Fay — December 20, 2007 @ 5:35 am
Could you post on your website about a petition for children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. It is about a closet that was made into a padded room for children who misbehave, and about how the school district removed services illegally and unethically and was found in violation by the state. The Board of Education is not holding anyone accountable for this and parents are having to remove their autistic children from school, because of this abuse of power. To sign the petition please go to: http://www.cherryhillsea.com/paddedroom.htm
Please help us protect our children with special needs and stop the abuse of power by public school administrators.
Comment by Anonymous — December 21, 2007 @ 8:38 pm
I have found the help invalueable. It has been a real eye opener.
Comment by claire — December 22, 2007 @ 1:00 pm
We need all the help for kids in all schools, Im fighting mine now. Its a hard battle
Comment by Cathy Lewis — December 22, 2007 @ 1:17 pm
i think teachers in the firts place need to be more openly aware of ASD’s like another conditions in schools more attention is paid to children with physically difficulties rather than mental/neurological disorders on any kind of level i had a bad experience at juniors school i think that arised due to lack of knowlegde at that period of time on special educational needs full stop and even now it still needs more publicity in society so day by day professionals working with young people like myself who have been through years of bullying and torment have not suffered and been through what we have for nothing show us it means something we mean somewthing as people we have voives and experiences just like NT normal people that live in society it just we have a different style of thinking and a diffirent ways of doing certain things which is not always a bad thing. so many people need teachng on ASD’s and wghat they actually involve and how they affect NOT just the young person with the actual condition the sufferer but the families aswell more support services need to be provided and funded for not enough available and the funding is ridulious and so are the waiting list when young people like myself need constant level of support help and care required our fmilies are then required to take over the professionals roles jobs of beng there daily for us to help us get by live and survive. i know i been there!
from kirsty louise crack aged 17/ 18 years old
Comment by kirst lou crack — December 22, 2007 @ 1:18 pm
I thought the dark ages went away centuries ago. How inhumane to treat children in this manner! disgusting.
Comment by marilyn pierce — December 22, 2007 @ 1:23 pm
This Child Like my own son Aaron has “Special Needs”. (Autism).
This means additional and targeted care are needed.
Whoever subscribes to locking these children in a padded confined space is a Cruel Individual and should not be allowed to be a “Care Giver” to any child !
Comment by Darren Cowzer — December 22, 2007 @ 1:26 pm
I agree,this has to stop and it has to stop NOW!!our children are entitled to the same education and rights as any “typical” child. certainly they need extra help and accomodations,but certainly not a padded room whenever they become “difficult” or overstimulated or overwhelmed! This is an absolute outrage and the individual/s responsible for it should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law in my opinion,as this is not only abuse of power,but also abuse of OUR CHILDREN as well! padded rooms are for institutions,NOT school classrooms!
Comment by Rebecca — December 22, 2007 @ 1:34 pm
i am glad that finally austic children are finally getting a voice
Comment by cheryl huish — December 22, 2007 @ 2:07 pm
stop
Comment by steve schwartz — December 22, 2007 @ 2:46 pm
Long story short, I’ve always known my son was different and now after a year of counceling w/an awsome Psy. he has been diag. with Asperger’s Syn..He’s 15 and his Doc. will be making his recomendations to the public school he attends for an IEP after Christmas break. Question? My son doesn’t think anything is different about him so how do we as parents convince him he is and it’s okay that he is? Doesn’t he need to except who he is inorder to benifit from help provided? Also, am I the only mother of an Aspie that has a husband not giving 100% toward educating himself with the facts and reality of what we need to do to help our son?
Comment by Diane Kuhn — December 22, 2007 @ 2:52 pm
Our son is 13 and has been diagnosed with AS for three years. We have three other children and have battled for support from services since our son was five. Our son has been statemented and he has access to a full-time LSA in mainstream education however the school clearly is not meeting his needs. The main issue is that he vents his frustrations from his day at school when he gets home and, in particular, like others with AS, he finds transitions from one place to another very difficult. Consequently we tend to split up for holidays and can never go away together as a family. We’re awaiting another Statement review in January. Christmas is never an easy time for us because, the numerous stresses and change of routine around this time of year results in our son having what presents as ‘psychotic’ episodes. It looks like we’ll be spending Christmas with our son believing that Adolf Hitler is in our airing cupboard and there are apparently goblins on our living room ceiling!! Acute anxiety seems to trigger these beliefs. I’m wondering how many others have similar experiences to us?
Comment by Cathie — December 22, 2007 @ 3:46 pm
Thanks for this. People need to know whats going on.
Comment by Keta — December 22, 2007 @ 4:54 pm
shame on them!!! They need to lose their jobs as adminstrators.
Comment by Theresa Stevenson — December 22, 2007 @ 5:18 pm
Outrageous!My son has Asperger’s and previously attended Upper Twp Elementary school.He was actually physically assulted by 2 aides in the classroom who claimed that he attacked them first coming from his quiet area to return for lunch.Not true.He’s since been transferred to another school and they have been basically let off scott free.These people obviously have no clue how to handle special ed students at all.Hopefully they will be relieved of their duties when we are finished with them.Learning to succeed-yeah right.
Comment by Lisa — December 22, 2007 @ 5:26 pm
I support you 100%.
Comment by Patrick Hawkins — December 22, 2007 @ 7:35 pm
My child with a disorder does not have aspergers but she has PKU and all through her school life I was defending her from the rules the administration wanted to put on her because of her disorder. She is completely independent now and helps others. I have worked with children and adults, some of whom have aspergers with their other disorders. These people can help themselves, and others can help them, if they realize we can all make it if love and caring is shared.
Comment by Jennifer Martinec — December 22, 2007 @ 7:52 pm
This amazes me, how one school in South NJ can get away with abuse while a school in North NJ gets away with neglect!! my step son has fallen through the cracks of a faulty system, his parents refuse to allow the school to treat his AS, continued denial as the child suffers,lost in a world where he does not fit and no help to teach him.Padded rooms, neglect and denial on the parents part and no legal interventions from the school or DYFS when notified. WHO represents the childs needs on a humane level? Apparently no one in NJ!!!!
Comment by Patricia Langenbach — December 22, 2007 @ 11:25 pm
I have 2 AS boys, 12 & 6. This website is so helpful to privide a lots of resouse on teaching, parenting and other things.
Comment by Amy — December 23, 2007 @ 2:56 am
i have a son with learning difficulties on the austistic spetum sorry cant spell. also family members with aspergers . schools defo need more education. my son has faced many difficulties due to ignorence and i have had to change his school.x.x.xx these sites are ag od send to parents and family and people going through this,x
Comment by marie — December 23, 2007 @ 6:22 am
its atrocious to even think that a teacher could harm a child, specially a child who is kept in your trust so that u can make them better humans but in this case its the teacher who needs to be put in a room and locked for life so that they can feel the pain of the child.
Comment by Valerie Ayesha — December 23, 2007 @ 6:57 am
I am a mother of a 7 year old boy diagnosed with AS. I have had alot of problems at school this year. I spoke to my sons teacher when the year begun about his AS. Both his teacher and the principal of the school refused to believe that there was an issue. It was even suggested that it may just be a parental problem that he wasn’t a behavioural problem at school. My argument was that he had trouble socially and not in behaviour. As a result of this and a constant denial by the teacher and refusal to follow suggestions made by the school psychologist my son went nowhere at all academically this year. He finished the year on the same level of reading as he had the previous year and went backwards in numeracy. I tried to get him assistance at school but because his IQ was too high and he was already above the expected level for his age it was refused. I, like every other mother, just want my child to have the opportunity to reach his full potential, whatever that may be.
Comment by Kerry — December 23, 2007 @ 8:13 am
The power of the school administrators is only for the good of the children, nothing more.
Comment by James Thornton — December 23, 2007 @ 10:50 am
This is outrageous. This person should not be a teacher of any children
Comment by Rita McLain — December 23, 2007 @ 12:20 pm
I have 2 aspie sons 21 & 25 .I would not except my sons put in padded rooms.I dose not help only make them more angry.I bet the bright spark knows nothing about aspergers.It should be stopped now
Comment by Marycamilla — December 23, 2007 @ 1:19 pm
I am a mother of an autisic son who was also put a horrible public school. No matter how much certifications they graduated with they don’t have the proper tools to educate our children. Hopefully, if they are smart, websites like this one will educate our kids, so they can have a normal life someday. But until then if our educators don’t do more research on how to teach our Autistic children, then who do you think will be left suffering, it will our autistic kids trying to adampt in this world with teachers that aren’t properly trained. So continue doing what you are doing, because as long as we keep fighting, our words will be heard.
Thanks,
Mom
Comment by Michelle Benavidez — December 23, 2007 @ 1:58 pm
A good After School Program can be VERY helpful to all children,special needs an regular, especially if they get to ALL play and interact as children
Comment by S.Martin — December 23, 2007 @ 1:59 pm
This website has helped me out to understand the aspergers my nine year old has as well as adhd and autism,He has a teacher aid also,I feel guilty at times for these kids as they get labled at school and teachers dont have patience for them, But if you give them a chance they are very loving children.
Comment by Elizabeth Dowse — December 23, 2007 @ 2:33 pm
Hi- just curious as my sons friend has asp. and my sons & I have been through a traumatic time with my x - their father, certain behaviours in my sons I see which made me want to find out more.
Comment by Connie Greco — December 23, 2007 @ 3:20 pm
christmas is a very stressfull time for my family. My 12 year old son has aspergers, and with 3 younger children, i am finding the ‘tantrums’ extemely hard work. We have just got through one now, i am exausted and so is he. Any ideas for anger managment for me & my son, as i get so angry with his swearing & anger outbursts.
Comment by jeny — December 23, 2007 @ 5:31 pm
Abhorrent-there should be other choices possible in the school system to help the child calm down-ex. rocking chair or separate room orother procedures in place approved by the special ed. dept. of the school district that don’t border on abusiveness.
Comment by L. Gratz — December 23, 2007 @ 7:20 pm
Extremely lucky to have a son diagnosed with autistic tendencies and the many gifts that go with it.I couldn’t do some of the things he finds so effortless!! Being diagnosed at the age of 9 after the result of emotional bullying at school we have finally by the age of nearly 13 appreciate and welcome his differences and have managed to make him feel special aswell. Proud Mum
Comment by sharon Hawks — December 23, 2007 @ 7:41 pm
Hi David
I just wanted too say thank you i have been reading your new lettters for the best part of a year i think pre diagoise and now post diagoise .
I have found the information helpfully as it has given me a greater understanding of a/s my 5 year old was Diagoise six weeks or so ago like most parents i knew there was somthink different it was coming across your newsletter and min coarses that made me then push in right buttons and get a full diogoise ( am in uk and i recall being told it would be years before doctors would look let alone agree ) with the information from your news letters and some research i went in too fight my sons corner . like may of your childrean my son is a blessing who brings his own joy with a wicked smile and so loving on good days
I just wish like many that schools were just a bit more in tune . We know teachers are hard pushed but even a basic understanding would make school live so much easyer .
Comment by Chelle — December 23, 2007 @ 8:53 pm
I will tell you from experience what works with most of my childs teachers. Once we know who his teachers are going to be, we attempt to meet with them and explain my son to them. Most educaters in this school system have not seen many asperger children so my son is leading the path for many to follow. We tell all the teachers, counselors and principals and anybody else that might have an impact on his schooling how to look for the signs of meltdowns and how to avoid one altogether. By the end of the year, thru all our trial and troubles, we always hear what a great kid he his and how they really enjoyed working with him. It is very difficult for an aspergers child in school; most are in gifted classes, therefor most people expect him to act more “normal”, on top of that, most asperger kids physically mature before others their own age, and it’s even worse with my son who is only 11, but he is 5′6″ tall and heads above most of his peers so he stands out even more. As for after school, YMCA in our area can be a blessing, just make sure you inform everyone there about your special child.
Comment by Dee — December 23, 2007 @ 10:12 pm
Sorry, but I forgot to mention to those parents who are having trouble with their school administrators. Each state has a protective service that can be very helpful in disciplinary situations at school. Ours is called ADAP. The only letters I understand are Alabama with Disabilities Protection (I think). Anyway, you let your disabilities organization know what is going on and they can help by putting an order in place for no suspension or alternative school. When my son goes into a meltdown the rage is frightful and takes me and only me to settle him down. DO NOT LET YOUR SCHOOL GET RID OF YOUR CHILD! We have to take a stand and make sure all educators are aspie intelligent. Work shops and seminars need to be held for every teacher, counselor, librarian and principal. I’ll get off my soap box now, and thank you! to Kerry…hang in there, it’s rough in the early years but if you need support (as a parent) leave me a blog. It always helps if the parents have some sort of support specifically for aspi kids.
Comment by Dee McCullar — December 23, 2007 @ 10:30 pm
I think putting any child in a padded room is insane. I have a 3 year old son with autism (non-verbal), and I believe that will freak him out. I am new to the autism world, and I really don’t know what to expect in the future. I just hope society begins to understand and accept children with AS. So far in my experiances, acceptance is hard to find. I think being a mom to a child with AS is a great learning experiance. Its like seeing the world in a whole new way. For those people out there who are raising children and teens with AS, you are one of the most strongest people in society today.
Comment by beverly perez — December 23, 2007 @ 11:06 pm
i dont think there is enough undersanding amongst teachers who teach special needs children.
Comment by louise conlon — December 24, 2007 @ 7:29 am
teachers dont understand children with special needs they all need to learn more about special needs children and how their disabilities affect them.
Comment by louise conlon — December 24, 2007 @ 7:33 am
My 17 year old son was diagnosed with Pdd at age 5 he’s been through alot through the years.I find that autistic children are descriminated against because of age .I mean once a child reaches 17 there is not much to offer them which is so unfair as to me these special children do still have the mind of a child in one way or another.
I feel also that teachers should have a better understanding about Autisum especially when it comes to dictating information to them and expect them to remember it,i feel teachers should have better communication with parents so they know how their child is doing be it through a monthly journal or phone call.
we moved to British Columbia in July and last week was the first time I actually think i’m getting somewhere in regards to funding and programs available to him.
Comment by Heather — December 24, 2007 @ 9:36 am
teachers should have a better understanding about Autisum
Comment by Liz — December 24, 2007 @ 11:12 am
I am so thankful for the time and information that you give on this web-sight!! It seems like everytime I go through something with my AS child I get a e-mail from you giving advice about the very subject I need help with….I recently had an incident with someone at his school and here this is….THANK YOU and Merry Christmas!!
Comment by Ollire Sealie — December 24, 2007 @ 11:57 am
I think that teachers need proper training and that these children need people who will treat them right, adn treat them like any other child on this earth!
Comment by Ann-Marie — December 24, 2007 @ 2:08 pm
I think it time the education department started to offer more funding to train teachers and offer more one on one help in classrooms.
Comment by Janet Corrie — December 24, 2007 @ 11:48 pm
I am a therapist who works with children who have been physically, emotionally and sexually abused 90pct of the times by their own parents. It has only been recently that it has been legally outlawed for women to be abused , I am just wondering how many years it will take for the same right to be given to children. I just want to say to these people who do abused children, children grow up and they come to haunt us one way or another .
Comment by Christina Mandilaras — December 25, 2007 @ 1:23 am
1. A heartfelt thank you to Dave and team for this exceptional resource.
2. As parents of a young Asperger’s child, we found that researching, and communicating as much as possible with those coming into regular contact with our young student is priceless.
3. In our specific case, working with the teachers AND classroom helpers well in advance of the start of school, and designating “key words” and a specific “quiet place routine” have helped keep a balance between class integration and sensory overload for the student.
4. Last but not least, NUTRITIONAL issues are not to be overlooked. It is critical that the teachers and helpers know if a certain food triggers symptoms - it is not uncommon where we live for “treats” to be given to the young students, but in our son’s case, we must be careful to avoid certain foods.
5. Tony Attwood has written several books that can be included in recommended reading.
Hope that helps someone out there!
Comment by Saskia — December 25, 2007 @ 4:01 am
i have a grandson with aspergers and adhd all the teachers have no clue . I ts time training for teachers is mandatory. hes smart so they pass it on like it doesnt exist . he is picked on badly and gets mad when all that is said is keep your hands to your self by the teachers when he tells how they push punched and name calling to him
Comment by cathy dubois — December 25, 2007 @ 11:48 am
Thank you, Im so glad there are people ,looking out for children with special inabilities such as ours…
Comment by Cliff Campbell — December 25, 2007 @ 2:39 pm
My son has Aspergers and I worry about children picking on him and making him do things because he wouldn’t know the difference between right and wrong…never thought I would see the day when it was teachers!!!!! Obviously if a teacher can not handle a child that has a disability they SHOULD NOT BE A TEACHER!!!! This is very upsetting for me.
Comment by Kimberly Hill — December 26, 2007 @ 10:55 am
ADAP of Al was barely any help when my son was taken from me and placed in inappropriate “SafetyNet Academy” where kids were
beaten.Even the therapy horses were starved. ADAP did little to get him out of there and enforce the RC code which would have prohibited placement in that place. However he did save two kids cause he tells the truth. He survived with brain damage and PTSD. When you have time to address
the tantrums you really have to repeat and repeat the things the child can do. Refocusing helps(we had the collections available which we had to re-collect after he returned as they were all stolen a “SAfetyNet” in Al.)A knock on the door can help, a phone ringing or some sort of interruption helps really. Let them see what they are doing so they can get an idea. Of course it can change as they grow and it does. My now 16yr. old has a mentor to take him places so I get a break. The physical discomforts really are intolerable for these guys…clothing etc. Pools are great and calming. Use the same color t-shirts, same jacket as long as possible. It is really no big deal. GEt rest and avoid conflicts of any sort. It is still hard for the child to make decisions so you have to take the lead. My kid still says “I have to do my hygeine now.” Every morning he says this.
Comment by Caroline Saddy — December 26, 2007 @ 1:54 pm
I once asked about training and how much training teachers get in speacail needs i was told less than 3 week as we all know it takes alot longer to learn and we are on the front line as parents and ever day we learn .
My son school comment was we treat all kids the same Hmmm well thats fine in my book as long as you take in to account that all kids are different and have there own ways My son Hates Red ( xmas is a nighmare ) they wanted him too wear a red hat he had nighmares on nighmares in end i went in too school and asked about why it was so inportant quote so they will all look the same in school play ¬ It stop that day ¬ ever child is different and we all know thats hard too understand at times but a little bit of understanding goes along way ..
Comment by Chelle — December 26, 2007 @ 7:27 pm
After 6 years of waiting our son was diagnosed with AS & secondary ADHD-we receive resource teaching but the Irish system of allocating Special Needs Assistants seems to be in line with other countries-unfortunately, this is hard to accept considering one of Ireland’s TOP consultants strongly recommended my son receive SNA-yet some idiot who has no idea of how much my son needs this help has decided he does not qualtiy - don’t worry I’m not finished with them just yet.My family and friends are now aware of my son’s condition and have been very supportive.So to everyone out there you are not alone and keep pushing for our children’s rights
Comment by Lindy — December 27, 2007 @ 7:04 pm
i have a son who has aspergers and a daughter with adhd and life does get tough! Nevertheless, we treat them as equally as our other son.
There has to be greater need for awareness and effective teaching methods at school level, I have had on going problems in this regard with teachers.
Comment by Pingla parusnath — December 28, 2007 @ 3:49 am
I have a son of 20 with Aspergers we live on a small island small minds as well my sons bullying was started by a teacher in his reception class at primary school he is now a recluse at home although very academic so lonely and at times suicidal I can say with all my hearts 2 teachers one teacher when he was five and one teacher when he was 15 took his life away everyday is sad and lnely for my beautiful son if only teachers could be reprimanded but you just get the label of over protective parent I wish I knew the answer desperate single parent I hope this can make a difference
Comment by michelle yuill — December 28, 2007 @ 5:07 am
I spent the first 7 years trying to make ‘professionals’ understand that my dear Asperger’s grandson was being abused by their policies. He is now in high school and starting to develop a positive self image and go through his day with a smile but the damage done will always be there,–as with all child abuse.
Comment by Diane Maki — December 28, 2007 @ 1:28 pm
This website has been fantastic for me as I have 2 children on the autistic spectrum. It is so hard in Ireland to get any help Dave Angel has been a fountain of Information.
Comment by Sarah O Sullivan — December 28, 2007 @ 6:12 pm
Thanks Dave Angel for your help and understanding. Rea
Comment by Rea Ottinger — December 29, 2007 @ 2:56 pm
I have a nephew who is now 4 years old and he has autism and he is one of the smartest boys i have ever known he is no different to me then any other child yes at times it can be very hard but you learn just like the child you go as it comes i have learned alot from my sister about autism and i would love to work with children just like my nephew they are special and very smart he picks up things i say and he repeats it i love it..his teachers are amazing…when we first found out that he had autism i though that it wouldnt be cause he was walkin and talking when he should have been i didnt find anything different then he got silent and was mute but now holy he wont stop talking hes my little motormouth i love him so much …i dont spend as much time with him as i used to but when i do he just loves me…but im glad i got a chance to share my love of my special nephew he means the world to me…
Love auntie christina love you boy !!!
Comment by Christina — December 29, 2007 @ 3:13 pm
I have an eight year old son with asperger syndrome and all your information help. Public schools need to be trained on how to handle an autistic spectrum child.
Comment by Kris Walker — December 30, 2007 @ 5:36 pm
My son has aspergers and went thru hell in school he came home with bruises on his arms and legs and was treated like an animal. I pulled him from school and homeschooled him and got the help he needed to try and get past this i reported this to the state but nothing was done about this because i feel it had somthing to do with his disability. I did fight my school district later and won in court for my son to go to a questar program and he loves it and they do such great work and he can finally get a hug from a teacher with out trying to hide. I say if you have to fight then fight children have a right to get an education and to get the help they need to be sucessful in life.
Truly,
Stephanie K
Comment by stephanie krzykowski — January 1, 2008 @ 6:01 pm
My son attended public school for kindergarten and first grade and adapted relatively well, once he got used to the routine. When our family moved in his second grade year, however, the change was really hard. His new school does not allow parents to be in the classroom, and the officials were not very cooperative. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, but I personally feel he fits the category of Aspergers. He scores in the 5th grade level at age 8. During the second grade term, He managed to leave campus unattended, be picked up by the police, put in the back of the police car, and by the time I got to the school they had him handcuffed and shackled and face down on a sofa in the principal’s office. I have been told that “there is nothing wrong with him that a good spanking wouldn’t fix”, “you need to BREAK him now”, and “one night in Jail would take care of this”. Again, my son is 8 years old!! He is currently home schooling, and excelling at it. However, I do worry that he is not getting enough social interaction with children his own age, and I wonder if he will ever function in a group situation. Meanwhile, his sister attends school here with no problems. I guess she fits in “the box” a little better.
Comment by Tracy H — January 2, 2008 @ 1:38 pm
OMG! i couldn’t believe what i had read! protect the children and that means ALL CHILDREN! This is not right! how would they like to be treated like that! omg!
Comment by Dana Brooks — January 2, 2008 @ 5:57 pm
my 5 years old son is autistic. his disability made me feel more for other children with disabilities as well as for their parents. thanks Dave for all the support you provide for us. i believe that children with disabilities are to be treated as “normal” children at school. they also can feel and they know if they are loved or not. i always assure my boy that i love him and that his mum will always stand by him. and i know that he could feel that.
Comment by criselda — January 3, 2008 @ 2:49 am
my son dislikes recess at school and would rather serve a time out in his classroom than play outside with other children he just turned 9 and he is always angry and distracted because of the way kids treat him he’s very unhappy and i’m trying my hardest to get his self esteem better for him there is alot of encouragement to give a child with asperger’s syndrom
Comment by Holly — January 9, 2008 @ 1:43 am
Oh, to be so lucky as to inform my child’s teachers and school system about his autism needs and, bingo, most problems solved.
In my child’s school system, I have documented proof of school system child abuse, have been forced to contact my state to investigate many times, (all they give the school employees is a slap on the wrist), have been forced to go over the heads of my local ISD, and am now in the process of contacting an attorney. I could go straight to the local prosecuting attorney, but a teacher from another school system in this county got away with abusing another child, even after going to court. So much for getting a fair trial in this community…
Comment by Elaira — January 11, 2008 @ 4:25 pm
i have a 9 year old son w/ as, he is attending a middle school. the school has him in a se. classroom. the teacher for this class isn’t trained to handle children with as, they have suspended him 8 times without calling a manifestation determination meeting, they would much rather push him away then making his school experience a pleasurable one. my son is to the point he has quit trying.
if you have some advice for me please feel free to help.
thank you so much
Comment by samantha — January 14, 2008 @ 4:44 pm
Reading the comments on this blog is both heart wrenching and inspiring. My 9 year old son is yet to be diagnosed, but is a text book case of Asperger Syndrome. Yet to be diagnosed because the “professionals” don’t understand it. He has been diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder, and get this… because he has anxiety our “professional” says he cannot have Aspergers since, according to him, the two NEVER occur together. The behavior specialist from the school says he cannot have AS because he is too intelligent… I know I have been labelled as over protective of a manipulative child in the eyes of the school and I don’t give a damn. It is my JOB to protect my child! My son is having a very successful year in school because we went around the school personnel and went to the children. My son wrote a letter to his classmates and their parents. He asked for understanding - and guess what… he got it. He has a “team” of classmates who have been absolutely amazing in supporting him. I highly recommend that children with AS tell their classmates - perhaps with the help of a parent. Kids can be cruel, but they can also be amazing when given the chance.
Comment by Karen Weir — January 19, 2008 @ 9:06 pm
In response to #79
My son also has AS and is almost 10. He was diagnosed at age 8. I too was told that he had anxiety disorder, OCD, and ADHD. I took him to a pediatrician that was recommended to me by a friend and within 15 minutes of listening to me name off his symptoms and observing him, she suggested that we get him evaluated at an autism clinic. I would look for a young pediatrician new out of med school. They seem to be more aware of AS and spectrum disorders.
As for school, I have actually had fairly good luck with teachers. It is the principal that we have had problems with. He has actually told me that my son should need no assistance because “he is smart enough to figure out how to behave.” I tried to explain that his intelligence level had nothing to do with his anxiety attacks and social delays, but he was not convinced. Luckily, we have a great IEP team and we just work around the principal.
Another thing that has worked great with my son is going into the school the week before school starts to help out his teachers get the classrooms ready. We start with just an hour or two and work up to him being there more so it is not such a shock when school starts. This lets him get to know his teacher in a more relaxed environment. He also got to decide where he wanted to sit in the classroom, which gave him a little more control of the situation.
Comment by Sarah — February 24, 2008 @ 5:13 am
I must agree with number 5. We have found it best to go to the speical ed. inclusion faciliator for the public school (our mainstream teachers here don’t have time)
Though the visual supports help a lot, we have found equally important the following,
Social Stories and comic stripping to understand the social dynamics and the rules of school, Time for our Aspie to process what they are saying (eventhough they are not aware always of difficulty processing, the mainstreamed classroom is over the top in transitions and stimulation), self-regulation chart (like the “just right engine”) and for our son’s hardest challenge FINE MOTOR, a visual, impromptu count down 5,4,3,2,1 of what he has to do, how many does he have to do and when is he done…then reward.
Fundamentally, the team needs to look at each part of the curriculum and ask, what is everybody doing, can the Aspie do like everyone else, if no what can we do to include him (help from friends, different materials, using the materials differently, can an adult offer help, or what else can the Aspie do that is related to that project or assignment?)
Comment by Sallie — March 16, 2008 @ 6:47 pm
Thanks to everyone for the info. it has been very helpful!
Comment by Tammy — May 21, 2008 @ 5:07 pm