How to cope with tricky behaviors

Filed under:Behavior — posted by admin on April 21, 2009 @ 11:32 am

Hi there and welcome to this week’s Aspergers question which looks at a particular behavioral issue.

Just before then a quick update as to what articles have been added to the Parenting Aspergers Community this week:

“My biggest challenge is trying to understand the way in which my child learns; can you help explain this to me?”

“What do I say to my son when he says that he hates himself and wants to kill himself?”

“I am struggling with my adult son with Asperger’s. How can I help him understand that not all friendly people are good choices for friends? He’s thousands of dollars in debt and has been in jail four times because of those who “befriended” him.”

To join The Parenting Aspergers Community and get full access to the library of resources, Aspergers videos, busy community forum, direct support from me and much more please go to …

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

Here’s this week’s question:

Question

My son will strip off at times and swear – how can I stop these behaviors?

Answer

Because of an inability to control impulses, understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and empathize with others’ feelings, as well as experiencing nearly constant frustration in dealing with daily life, children with Asperger’s often behave inappropriately at home or in public. Stripping off is particularly inappropriate and is something about which you must be direct and forceful. Your son may refuse to accept that his behavior must change, in which case he will not respond to the suggestions that follow. If so, counselling is appropriate. You can use the techniques below for both stripping and swearing.

Sit down and have a talk with your son. Establish firm rules for his behavior; let him know that stripping and swearing at home or in public are inappropriate and disrespectful of others. Ask him why he does these things. He may respond by saying that he gets frustrated or angry when certain situations occur. If you can address the situations, you may be able to find ways for him to avoid them or handle them more appropriately.

Behavior modification techniques can be effective. Make two firm rules. “No stripping off.” “No swearing. {List the swear words he is not to use.}” Make a chart of the rules. List a consequence for each day he strips off or swears. Choose a consequence that deprives him, for one day, of something he loves to do, perhaps watch TV or use the computer. List a reward for each day that he follows the two rules. You might consider extra TV or computer time, money (don’t offer too much per day), or a special privilege after he goes for 7 days (they don’t have to be consecutive) without breaking the rules. If this plan does not work, increase the consequences by depriving him for two days when he breaks the rules.

If your son does not respond to your attempts to teach him to stop these behaviors, I recommend immediate psychological counselling. If he strips off in public, he could be arrested and jailed, which you want to avoid. Besides helping him control these behaviors, a counselor will help him handle frustration and anger in ways that are appropriate for his age.

Thanks

Dave Angel

PS Don’t forget if you want to join The Parenting Aspergers Community and get full access to the library of resources, Aspergers videos, busy community forum, direct support from me and much more please go to

http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/10.cfm

comments (3)

3 comments »

I wish the techniques you suggest would work for my son.
He would see all the techniques that you suggest (even the incentive schemes)as attempts to control him and he doesn’t believe that anyone should be able to tell him what to do.
Even as a young child he never saw any reason why he should override his own judgement for that of an authority figure such as an adult or teacher. He would just get very angry if anyone tried.
I have tried explaining to him the necessity of education and of controlling your behaviour when you are angry, so that it would become his choice to do the right thing rather than anyone imposing it on him. So far it hasn’t worked.
He is currently doing internet school after conventional school became too painful an experience for him, the school and for us.
He is now 15 and is still only engaging at the most basic level with his schooling despite intelligence tests indicating an IQ of 140.
On top of this he has sleep pattern problems and can stay awake for more than 2 days when he wants to. Currently he is more likely to be awake during the night than the day.
He is also into computer games and has a lot of friends on the internet.
He can seem quite normal socially because in that situation you are not asking him to do anything.
Its his judgements and beliefs that are not normal.

Can you suggest anyway of reaching someone like this?

Comment by Nicola Cooper — April 22, 2009 @ 4:34 am
My son is 13, and was diagnosed as high functioning ASD when he was in pre-school. When he gets frustrated with kids who bully him or something that happened at school, or if he just had a bad day it helps for him to swear. I have told him that this is not ok. What is ok is for him to sort of hold onto those feelings until he gets home. When he gets home he goes out in to the back yard and screams as loud as he can, and sometimes that includes a few choice swear words. He comes in then with a big smile on his face and says “Boy mom, I feel better!” It works for us.

Comment by Sue Orr — April 23, 2009 @ 3:25 pm
Can I just add a note of caution – using blanket statements such as “No Stripping” can cause problems – such as going to hospital for an operation, PE at school, or going to the swimming baths.
If he has sensory issues his clothes may actually feel painful against his skin – perhaps encouraging him to change into some loose soft pyjamas instead?
Our children also need to be given an opportunity to release their fears and frustrations somehow – how about teaching the young person maybe that it is ok to strip in your own bedroom? How about a social story or comic strip conversation around where and what situations it is ok to strip in? Also – you could teach them some ’safe’ words to use when they are angry – ‘fiddlesticks’ or ‘teapot’ for instance? Our kids need to be taught alternatives – the behaviour will always come out somewhere else otherwise!

Comment by Karen Varga — April 24, 2009 @ 5:00 am