Is is possible to teach my 12 year old with Aspergers to socialize?

Filed under:Social Skills — posted by admin on January 27, 2009 @ 3:39 am

Hello there I hope you are having a good week so far. It’s literally freezing here in the UK but I guess it’s probably a lot more sub-zero elsewhere in the world; so I musn’t complain! This weeks article is below:

Question

How should I deal with my 12-year-old Asperger’s son now? Should I simply accept him as he is now, or should I actively try to teach him ways to socialize in order to “fit in” better? By socialize, I mean look in a person’s eyes when talking, how to be a friend, conversations should be two way instead of him delivering a monologue, etc. Are these things even “teachable?”

Answer

Yes, those things are teachable! And you should definitely work on them with your son. This type of teaching should begin even earlier than age 12. But, at age 12, your son is likely to learn them more easily than he would have at a younger age.

Teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome often have a difficult time during the teenage years. They become isolated socially and face rejection and bullying due to the fact that they act differently from others. They long for friends, but have very weak social skills. There are some teenagers who do well during these years, if they are indifferent to peer pressure and focused on a special interest of their own, such as music or computers. Encouraging your son to develop a special interest may help him form friendships with other teens that have the same interest.

One of the biggest issues for most Asperger’s teens is that they don’t care about the usual fads, teen activities, and peer expectations. Sometimes their interests are more appropriate for younger children. Boys may be rejected if they are not interested in sports. Some of these issues can be resolved by helping your son learn about fads, teen life, and sports. Even if your son isn’t very interested or doesn’t want to participate in them, it will help him understand his peers. Teach him how to talk about celebrities, teen rituals, and sports using social stories and role playing (see below). Focus on teaching him how to speak briefly and then wait for the other person to respond before he speaks again.

Encourage your son to initiate contact with peers, leave phone messages, and arrange social activities. Encourage him to join clubs, especially those that focus on a special interest of his. Some teens enjoy talking with other Asperger’s teens in internet chat rooms, forums, and on message boards.

It helps “Aspies” if parents are involved in arranging social interactions with peers. Parents should help organize and supervise appropriate activities. Michelle Winner’s “Social Thinking Program,” which emphasizes how to join a group, become a part of it, how to converse on common topics, develop social skills (eye contact, for example), and make friends by creating “Friend Files,” may help your son.

Behavioural Therapy with a counsellor also helps Aspies learn how to function. Any kind of therapy takes effort on the part of the teenager and his parents. The success of therapy depends on the teenager’s own desire to fit in.

Social stories can be used to teach appropriate behaviour in a variety of settings. Social stories may be used by parents, therapists, or teachers. Social Stories are a tool for teaching social skills to those with autism and related disabilities. Social stories provide accurate information about situations that your son may find difficult or confusing. A situation is described in detail and focus is placed on a few key points: important social cues, events and reactions the individual might expect to occur, the actions and reactions that might be expected of him, and why. The goal is to increase the individual’s understanding of, make him more comfortable in, and teach some appropriate responses for that particular situation.

For more on social stories check out Dr. Carol Gray’s Social Stories, recommended by Dr. Tony Attwood, a world renowned expert on Asperger’s Syndrome. You can read more at Social Stories

Thanks

Dave Angel

PS – Several more articles I have added to the new website, which I am still working hard on to finally get finished for you to start using, include …

“Why is my son’s behavior unacceptable at school sometimes, whilst at home we have very few problems?”

“What is a quick way to explain to people when we are out why our son has outbursts? No one seems to care; people just think he is a rude child, and, that as parents, we are failures!”

“I am just trying to survive and balance time and finances with little outside help or understanding as I raise my boy as a single mom -any advice?”

comments (36)

36 comments »

to be honest socializing was and is very difficult for my son,he will be 19 Febuary the 3rd and sometimes the way he socializes can sometimes be embarassing although he is mannerly it’s the way he presents himself and because of it a few people have asked if he was retarded or some of the questions he asks are looked at being personal.
I’ve tryed to teach him how to act while in public and it’s been a challenge,some people i do tell them what his problem is and they are understandable but the people who do get rude i just ignore cause they just figure it’s an excuse and he should know better.

Comment by Heather — January 27, 2009 @ 6:16 am
I find it helps when we’re out with my son who is 6 years old and we’re socialising with friends (which of course means friends-of-friends also) and I can see my sons starting to get ‘in that mood’ or particularly if he’s actively or specifically been rude to an adult and before I get embarrassed ( and I find it’s almost something I say as a matter of habit), I now say to people and aquaintances who don’t know him that ” We’ve been taking him to a child therapist, because he finds it really difficult to express his anger appropriately and sometimes telling him off like you would any other child doesn’t work for him… so we’ve been trying to help him LEARN to behave in social places appropriately because he can come across as really quite rude and naughty, can’t he…..(then add) but it’s not personal to you.” When you explain it that way, and you’ve actually asked that last part as a question to them, you’ll find peoples natural reaction is to have empathy for your child rather than judgment.
It’s not that you have to defend your son’s behaviour but you’re helping to minimize others discrimination of him, simply because they don’t understand him.
I find people nodding affirmatively and replying with comments like, “oh yeah, I see” and ” That must be hard, good on you”. You’ll be surprised.. it actually takes the focus off your son, people mull on it for a minute.. then carry on with their own business. Hope this helps you!

Comment by carina aitken — January 27, 2009 @ 6:29 am
Solializing for my son aged 11 is almost impossible if they are his age, he just doesn’t understand what they are talking about etc, he much prefers younger children who are ‘on his wavelength’, or children who have some kind of ’special need’. When out with me at weekends, if he is ‘flapping’ in shops, I calmly, take him by the shoulders to face me and say ‘calm down’ it’ll be ok, and ask him the probelm, 9 times out of 10, it’ll be because, his sister wants to push the trolley or get something from the shelve for me, this I just quietly ask my daughter to let him do and his ‘flap’ will very quickly, stop. The reactions of people passing is very interesting, some smile, some look away when I look at them, some just pretend not to have been listening, I am used to it now, but it is sometimes embarrassing, and hard to take. I, therefore do lots of online shopping and have it delivered, especially in the school holidays….-

Comment by sonia midgley — January 27, 2009 @ 6:44 am
My nearlly 8yr old son has Aspergers, and is quite sociable.
The problem is he tends to get himself into trouble with his friends ( and other children he does not know) when he believes he is “in the right”. Unfortunately this is quite frequent.
He would “argue ’till the death” with them (also with us) and WILL NOT listen to reason.
We will try to explain the situation to him, and try to get him to understand the other persons point of view, but its like talking to a brick wall.
There are no shades of grey with him. He will end up giving a killer look, or make some sort of nasty comment to the offender (in his eyes)
And then, he usually plays the victim. ie Everybody picks on me, everybody hates me, or, I get the blame for everything.
Any suggestions on how I get through to this extremely strong willed little man??? (while still remaining relative calm??)

Comment by Kelli Martin — January 27, 2009 @ 7:21 am
My son (10) would prefer to be by himself and refuses to try something new. So, I enrolled him in Cub Scouts and signed up to be the leader. That way he was “forced” to interact with others and I could control the situation. There are some meetings that my son is very engaged and social. There are times he refuses to participate. It all depends on whether he is interested in the topic.
To teach him how to greet people and look people in the eye we have divided this into a two prong attack. There are certain people at our church that are willing to come up to him and shake his hand. It has taken quite a few months but he now looks them in the eye. We just keep adding folks to the list of who he has to greet as greets someone while looking at their face.
We have also enrolled him into two different social groups besides Scouts that focus on kids with Aspergers and all they do is play games and talk to him. This gives him the chance to learn the art of conversation and give and take on his terms.
My son has one “best” friend and I have him over quite often. I have others over too but I put a time limit on their visits as I have learned my son has a two hour time limit of willing to be social with others.
Hope this helps.

Comment by Heather B. — January 27, 2009 @ 8:33 am
My 14 yr old son has aspergers. We struggle everyday with the socialization part. He has a very high IQ and for that reason people expect him to act different. I’ve put him in boy scouts, I was told to take him out until he “changed” and than the other kids would give him another chance. I put him in community sports, but he always thinks he knows everything and ends up making his own team mates mad.He also will argue the point if he thinks he is “in the right” and you can’t change his mind. I hope that the therapy I have him in will help.

Comment by Anjie Hare — January 27, 2009 @ 9:33 am
This web site is a God-send. My 10 yr ols cried himself to sleep last night because he wants to be NORMAL. These years are hard for all kids, let alone anyone who is different. I work hard to let him know he is loved and let him read Matthew’s post from last week. I realize my resposibility to help him socialize. I just learned that my 5 yr old is an aspie as well. yesterday the teacher suggested that we test my 7yr old for A.D.D. Today I find myself overwhelmed, trying to balance it all. I look up to all of you and draw strength from your stories.

Comment by Katie — January 27, 2009 @ 11:53 am
My daughter, 15, is very much like the son above who will argue. I feel quite useless in my efforts to get her to do anything as I feel like I have to play a game with her. I have finally decided that it’s useless to keep trying to get her to do something unless she can see and decide to do it herself. Unless she can think of it as important, I’m just wasting my breath.
She has found a social group in Japanese Anime and they have clubs all over, even at her highschool which has been a Godsend. The kids are very “simple” and “different”, maybe younger acting too, but not all of them. We’ve had the whole group over twice and a better behaved bunch, you’ve never seen!
My daughter has been accepted in this group and it is the first time in her life to be accepted.
It’s her lifeline at school.

Comment by Faye — January 27, 2009 @ 11:57 am
My son now age 11 is doing well with the social and learning how to be around other children his age and making friends but i could not do it alone what really helped my son was tae kwon do it is really great for all children but aspie children get alot out of it the social skills the exercise team work and self worth when they move up in belt color and how proud they are that they did it. I really recomend it. My son has been in a special program in school for 3 years and this year they said he is ready to leave the program and be on his own.That is a huge success. Hope this helps someone and just believe in you’re child.

Comment by stephanie a — January 27, 2009 @ 12:01 pm
My son is 10 years old, most days he is quite social, some days he wants to be left alone. We are fortunate to have him in a small school, he’s beed with the same kids grade after grade since k.. The future makes me nervous for him he wants to be just one of the boys.

Comment by michelle landreneau — January 27, 2009 @ 12:13 pm
I am interested to know what ‘friend files’ are and how to go about making them. Thank you.

Comment by Elizabeth Jones — January 27, 2009 @ 1:16 pm
I have a son who is 6 with Aspergers Syndrome. I knew there was something different about him at 18 months old but have loads of problems convincing husband and grandparents. I am exhausted as I feel I have had to battle to have it recognised. It now has been diagnosed by Great Ormond Street. I have had no support locally by professionals so had to fight to get him seen at Great Ormond Street. I am sure that my husband has Aspergers too although he has not been diagnosed as he has several of the characteristics. Unfortunately due to his oppositional nature in relation to the help that I need to obtain for my son and his isolatory nature which including refusing my son the peer interaction that he needed, I was forced to separate from him last May and am now going through a divorce. I am very sad that my marriage has been forced to end because of this condition and I am exhausted doing everything as a single mum and trying to get the help my son deserves. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way with an Aspergers child but feel I need some occasional respite. Although I invite many children to play with my son at our house which goes quite well, he is not keen to go and does not get invited back to many of the children’s houses. This means I do not get much respite. Does anyone know how I might be able to get some respite help/help in the home so I have more time to invest in researching the help he needs, going on courses to learn how to manage him and improve his social skills, and generally have a bit of space so I can keep a healthy frame of mind. Someone has suggested I contact social services for help but I am not sure whether their help would be a good or a bad thing. My parents are very anti me contacting them saying that my son could be taken into care if they feel I can’t look after him. I cannot believe that this is what they would naturally look to do as everyone I know says that I am doing an excellent job with my son and my GP says I am an excellent mum but my mum and dad put the fear of God in me about contacting them. I have been told by another friend with a child with autism that there is something called direct payments which means you can get help with additional childcare support through a voucher system. Has anyone had any experience of this system and also any contact with social services to get help in this regard.

Comment by Nicola Stephenson — January 27, 2009 @ 3:16 pm
My son is 14 in february and as he has grown, we have found he has become more and more socially isolated. School does not seem bothered by this as he acheives adequate marks in his school work. However, my husband and I are worried by this lack of friends and take him everywhere, teaching him eye contact,manners and what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour for someone his age. He does find this difficult at times but accepts things if we are consistent with this. We have two other children who will grow and leave home, but I feel we will never be able to do this with our young ‘aspie’.

Comment by katherine fletcher — January 27, 2009 @ 3:22 pm
Our 12 year old Asperger’s boy is usually oblivious to what other people think (sometimes a GOOD thing), but since his diagnosis at 6 years, we have worked hard with him as far as social skills/socialization. Don’t worry about what people think – let your Asperger’s child know what is appropriate/inappropriate. Sometimes I feel like a broken record, but repetition does work in the long run. Also, getting involved with clubs and sports is so valuable. Don’t hesitate to get others on board to teach social skills. After all, its a natural part of our lives. These children need to be as comfortable as anyone else with who they are.

Comment by Melinda Boren — January 27, 2009 @ 3:32 pm
The parents of aspies who are social, have you had them involved in any groups, like scouts or sports? My 10 year old aspie has done both, but he doesn’t interact with the other children, he is just happy to be alone. We keep trying to encourage him to interact, but he can’t or won’t. So we are always looking for ideas on how to encourage his socialization. At home he is fine, he interacts with us all and he does it well.

Comment by Christine — January 27, 2009 @ 3:49 pm
I’ve found drama and club swimming have helped. She is learning that socially it’s all acting. I also travel to see a speech therapist who gives us specific social skills to practise every 6 weeks. I’d love to start a social skills group but we live in a small town and getting locals motivated is difficult.

Comment by Leesa — January 27, 2009 @ 4:18 pm
I gather much strength from reading these comments. Sometimes I feel so alone. There is not much support here in Nevada,no matter how much awarness there is supposed to be. The school is my worst nightmare. They do’nt have a clue,all they do is write him up call me and look at me as a bad parent.My son is Aspie, very bright a whiz on computers and has started taking guitar lessons.He is 10 and will be attending middle school next year. I tremble at the thought.I know th teasing will start and the dirty looks I will get from teachers who should be ashamed beause they make no effort to learn anything about this disorder.I am trying to enroll him in a magnet school which specializes in computers for next year. My heart goes out to all of you parents.Keep on writing!

Comment by Ann Ramirez — January 27, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
Katie – I give you a HUGE hug and hopefully next week will be better. I truly understand that overwhelmed feeling.

Heather – My son coped with Cubs OK, but I became a Scout Leader the year before he started Scouts, so I was there waiting for him. He’s doing OK and loves the camps. Sometimes doing what his Patrol Leader says is difficult for him. But overall Scouts is very good. It’s also good for me because I see quite a few other children with ‘issues’, and now I feel more able to help/accept them.

Comment by Carolin — January 27, 2009 @ 4:35 pm
My son is 12 years old, he is A.D.H.D and recently i have been asked if i thought there could be something else wrong with him? I have done some research myself and thought that alot of his symtems where the same as aspergers. Yes now we are looking for it to be confirmed. At present he is not attending school, he can’t cope with crowds at is new comprehensive school. I have found another comprehensive alot smaller than our local. It.s so difficult to get the help needed in trying to get him transferred. I won’t give up getting the start my son needs.

Lisa Hopkin

Comment by Lisa Hopkin — January 27, 2009 @ 4:39 pm
I have also found that drama really helps my son. He is 13, and was diagnosed as high functioning asperger’s when he was 9, although, he was recognized as “being different” in pre-school, so we were able to get him services from the age of 4, VERY FORTUNATE to have a pre-school teacher who knew her stuff! Anyway, Sam has been involved with the Missoula Children’s Theater since he was 5 and in Pinnochio. He excells at it, and just finished a very big part in their production of “The Little Mermaid” The compliments he received after the two shows he was in were amazing for his self confidence! The thing about theater, is there is a discipline involved. He knows what is expected. If he doesn’t do what is expected, he doesn’t get to do it. It is black and white, and he operates very well when his situation is clearly defined.

His major issues are social things at school. He continues to touch things when not asked, just because he is curious, even though he knows the consequence may be detention after school. The other day he told me about something that happened in detention. It involved an 8th grader saying a dispicably racist thing about our new President. We were in the grocery store, there wasn’t anyone around. I turned around and looked him in the eye, he is as tall as me now, 5′6″, and I said “I want you to remember where we are right now, in the market, I don’t want you to be around someone who would say that about our President! You are too good to be in the company of someone like that, who has such little regard for Barack Obama! I don’t want you to ever go to detention again! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!! If this ever happens again I want you to know that I will be so disappointed in you. Now, I laid it on a little thick, and who knows if it will work, but osmetimes being dramatic, WORKS. I will let you know.

Anyway, as far as socialization, I figure that if he has two good friends, which he does, that is good. Try whatever you think might work, but if he is shorter than yoou, get down to his level to look in his eyes, that really worked when my son was younger. Now, I just say to him, look at me, and he knows i am serious.

As I said before, if you have a community theater in your town, or if MCT ever comes to your town, look them up at mctinc.org, it is a theater group that travels all over the world doing productions in schools in one week with the kids that go to the school. Good luck1

Comment by Sue Orr — January 27, 2009 @ 4:39 pm
My son is 10 and he doesn’t care that he has no friends. All he wants to do is spend time with me and his nan. It bothers me because i want him to spend time with friends. He can’t depend on me to entertain him or keep giving him ideas what he can do by himself. I don’t know what to do. Noone in my family has anything to do with him because he is different. Thank God he doesn’t see that. He just don’t think about it. I guess it bothers me more than him. But what about as he gets older. He needs friends. I don’t know to get him to do it.

Comment by cheryl — January 27, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
My son is now 15. He was diagnosed at the age of 7 with Asperger’s. He has a real interest in acting & we are hoping to get him into a drama class at school. He took swimming for a couple of years & that did help him with interaction with people closer to his own age. It’s not an easy thing to develop their social skills, but our school system has helped some. He also has started watching a reality show that deals with family relationships. We are able to discuss the show sometimes to go over the different types of families & how they interact. We also had him in counseling for a while, which was helpful. The trouble with many of the therapies is that insurance doesn’t cover the cost & they are expensive. That’s one reason why web sites like this are so very helpful to parents. We have great kids that just need understanding from those around them. Sometimes it seems mom & dad are the only ones who do, but we know there are others.

Comment by Janet — January 27, 2009 @ 8:28 pm
I’d caution against attempting to teach a child with Aspergers to look in someone’s eyes when talking to them as it is extremely uncomfortable for us.

Instead, I’d recommend that you stress the importance of looking at people who are talking to you and suggest that if looking in the eyes is uncomfortable, your child should focus on their nose or mouth.

Comment by Gavin Bollard — January 27, 2009 @ 10:34 pm
As a grandma of an Aspie and a retired teacher who worked with a few autistic students I’ve found social stories are really successful. After I get real photographs of the child and write the correct social response in the situation, we read it together. It becomes a book as we keep pages to refer to later (like a journal) to look for success as well as things we still need to work on. Everyone feels lonely, left out, not normal etc. but when you know your child is not normal you may be too sympathetic -so be careful. Do a social story together and pick only one issue at time to work on slowly and I say forget eye contact, looking near the face is good enough. Give them space to be who they are, be proud of their uniqueness, don’t apologize for them or let them feel sorry for themselves. Praise them honestly and in front of others for a strength or talent and it will increase their self esteem immensely.

Comment by Becky Mitchell — January 28, 2009 @ 1:14 am
Gavin, you are absolutely right.
The times when my son has difficulties looking at me, I simply say to him “look this way Zac” and he knows to at least focus somewhere on my face ( it is usually my mouth)
This teaches them socially acceptable behaviour without the stress of actually looking into your eyes.

Comment by Kelli Martin — January 28, 2009 @ 7:54 am
My son is 5 and was recently diagnosed with AS, Thank God for a good teacher’s particular love and attention helped us pay particular attention to his difficulties and was instrumental in us getting help and him diagnosed. I admit it is very though to accept and then also to cope with all this. The most important thing is that I now realize that the puzzle now makes sense and all the pieces fit. As a parrent when my sond had difficulties to get dress for instance or was clumsier than other children his age I will change the types of clothes (ex: boots, 3 in one winter) as I did not want to argue about these stupid boots…that’s what parents do right?
When I read your stories it helps me get stronger and look ahead as my fears are very similar to yours, the challenges are inevitable but I guess the attitude we have when facing these character building days will be the key in being successful both for us and our son.
It is easy to feel lost and helpless when it is about your child, I care for my young brother whom is now 7 and faces a developmental delay of about 3 years…but when I found out about my son I was devastated and felt as though my worlld was falling apart, I see how some people treat those of us whom by this society’s standards are “different” and it crushed me to feel that my son will have to battle them.
I congratulate you katie as I dare to say I know part of your struggle and it is not easy.
This Bolg is interesting and helpful for me as I realise that we are in this together and I am not alone..
thanks

Comment by Cassandra Guerrier — January 28, 2009 @ 10:25 am
My son will be 13 in February and he has difficulty with developing friendships. He has afew friends who accept him for who he is and help him but then others in his grade call him gay because he hangs out with boys and most notably becasue he is “different” from them. Ifind myself on occasion sticking up for him because he comes home upset about the other kids. My biggest worry now is the transition to high school next year where the peer pressure will only increase.
For those of you who share the everyday trials of being an aspie parent KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. They will love yo more and more evryday and you will get to see your child grow not only physically but emotioanlly too. My son is very good with younger children and I applaud him for his help with the younger ones.

Comment by Chuck Sumner — January 28, 2009 @ 4:47 pm
This is for Nicola. You should contact your local National Autistic Society group or look on their website. I went on an NAS help programme yesterday which covered the things you mention: social services, direct payments etc and yes, you should contact them – all the info you need should be on the NAS website.

Comment by Netty — January 29, 2009 @ 9:04 am
This is for Nicola.
Hang in there.!
I left my ex 3 years ago due to long term domestic violence.went to live in a womens refuge with m 3 kids,all girls. life been hard since as single Mum,lack of money etc etc, My youngest,now 6 was showing many problems ,social interaction,obsessions,sensory problems,poor co ordination.etc etc . I wondered what the hell i was doing wrong. met another Mum at school,she said her child had asapergers,i’d never heard of it, looked it up on the internet and thought they were describing my daughter. My docter refered her to a specialist and she was diagnosed with Aspergers and DAMP late 2008.
Job centre advised me to apply for Disability Living Allowance and then Carers allowance on her behalf. Aslo apparently entitled to respite care from Social Services. Go to your local CAB, mine have been brilliant.
Hope this helps,
Wendy

Comment by Wendy Denton — January 29, 2009 @ 2:30 pm
“Teach him how to talk about celebrities, teen rituals, and sports using social stories and role playing” This kind of irked me. Just because my son has Asperger’s I won’t ask him to pretend he is interested in things just to make friends, just like I wouldn’t ask my tomboy daughter to pretend not to like dresses and dolls. I will teach him to understand that everyone has different interests and not to fake what he likes…what kind of friend would that make him?

Comment by Maggie — January 30, 2009 @ 9:11 am
does anyone’s child have trouble putting themselves to sleep at night? my son is 8 and not been diagnosed – this is just something I think could be going on with him…he seems unable to “turn himself off” when it’s time to sleep.

Comment by robyn — January 30, 2009 @ 11:57 am
This is for Nicola Stephenson who asked about direct payments. This is a system whereby you have a set amount of hours of respite allocated to you and you are given the financial resources direct to you in a sepetate bank account. You choose the person to provide the respite and pay them and their NI and tax (you are given guidance on this).Firstly you will need a social worker to do a case assesement to determine if you are eligble. You are entitiled to an advocate to be with you and act on your behalf and I would strongly recomment this – initally I was told my daughter did not even fit the criteria to be allocated a social worker – in other wordsour situation wasn’t “bad” enough. I contacted an advocate and lo and behold have been allocated a social worker, I am not waiting for the assesment to be carried out. You could try cab or a local autistic society or child and family who should be able to put you in touch with advocates. You will have to fight your corner – as usual! Good luck.

Comment by Susan Woff — January 30, 2009 @ 1:43 pm
PS Nicola you will not have your child taken off you – the social services don’t want them as they have nowhere for them to go! Seriously this is not something you need to worry about

Comment by Susan Woff — January 30, 2009 @ 1:55 pm
I just remembered I was told the playstaion SIMs game may be good for basic social/self care skills. I haven’t tried it yet my kids are too little. – Leesa

Comment by Leesa — January 30, 2009 @ 4:39 pm
Hi there,
just to comment about social services support – I am a social worker for children with disabilities aswell as being a mother to a 12 year old with DAMP and ASD. Social services do not want your child in care and their aim is to provide the support you need to manage your child at home.
We have recently had an assessment of need and are receiving direct payments so my Dad can do the care (my son won’t go with anyone else).

A disabled child is a ‘child in need’ as defined by The Children Act 1989 and as such has a legal right to an assessment of need, you can just phone the local authority and ask for one. If the assessment concludes that services are required to meet your childs needs, these also must be provided. Direct payments is one way, but there are others.

When I first received an assessment I was told that there were assessed needs but that my son didn’t meet the criteria of the team so wouldn’t receive any service, it was only because I knew this was illegal I could effectively challenge, so yes if you are struggling an advocate is a good idea.

Good luck-Rachel

Comment by Rachel — April 20, 2009 @ 4:33 pm
Is there anyone who lives in Va. who would want to do an aspergers playdate or camp or activity? My son is seven and he is very lonely. I will do what it takes to help these kids.

Comment by Maryanne — June 20, 2009 @ 7:27 pm