Positive behaviour management (using rewards and sanctions)

Children with Aspergers syndrome have no greater permission to run amok and misbehave than other children. The way the parents gain control over their child’s behavior will likely differ with an Aspergers syndrome child as opposed to other children, mostly because of differences in how they think and how they perceive rewards and sanctions.

Aspergers syndrome children, similar to other children, do not respond well to negative reinforcement like spanking or yelling. Aspergers syndrome children really don’t respond negatively to isolation, so the phrase, “Go to your room!” may be seen as a positive thing instead of a negative thing. This means that parents need to be more creative in defining which things will be seen as rewards and which things will be seen as sanctions by the child.

Positive rewards may include being able to play with a preferred toy, being allowed watch a preferred television program or listen to preferred music. Rewarding a child with computer game time may be enough to alter his or her behavior accordingly.

These particular rewards are often offered because Aspergers syndrome children respond more to the presence or absence of “things” and less to human contact or even human praise. The rewards can be offered along with human praise but the praise alone often falls flat and doesn’t affect self esteem in the same way it might another child.

Sanctions involve removing preferred items, including television, toys, computer games or movies—anything the child prefers. All sanctions and rewards must come with clear reasons explained to the child as to why the sanction or reward is being given. Only then can the child match the reward or sanction with the behavior they have done and only then can change be affected.

Yelling or smacking can’t actually be a valid last resort. The child could easily be traumatized by either behavioral option and often won’t be able to tie the “behavior” with the “punishment”, leaving you back at square one.

This is just one of the many tips and techniques for helping your Asperger’s child that features in the book “The Parenting Asperger’s Resource Guide”. Which you can learn more about by visiting www.ParentingAspergers.com

11 comments »

1. I really love reading the articles that Dave writes about. This AS is something that is new to me. I was first told that my son had ADHD in 2000, but now I know it is AS. What gets me is the way that the childern are not treated with the right meds. The articles that I read from Dave help me deal with the everyday life with my son. Now I know what to look for and now to deal with it. My son’s outlook on life ie different. So I would like to say THANK YOU DAVE for there here for parents who are helping for help.

   Comment by Beverly Shows — December 27, 2007 @ 11:52 am

2. Wonderful article. I look forward to learning more. Need practical every-day advice Ü

   Comment by Cindy Kinser — December 27, 2007 @ 4:34 pm

3. So true!

   I find that all that shouting does is upset me!

   Sometimes I use what others see as a reward as a calm down measure - as it can distract my son enough to calm him down adn diffuse a situation. I find it’s better to switch him to doing somwthing that he will get absorbed in - in order to change his behaviour - is better for everyone all round than to have the situation escalate into a full blown meltdown!

   Louise

   Comment by louise wales — December 28, 2007 @ 9:28 am

4. I really enjoy your atricles. The family has gained a lot from them. Keep up the good work.

   Comment by David Federico — December 30, 2007 @ 10:15 pm

5. So much information that you share has helped us alot! It is difficult finding a middle ground. Our 8 year old is high functioning and quite smart, but at the big family xmas this year, he dissapeared and we found him in the shower. Hiding. Before we understood his sensory problems, he probably would have been put in time out. SO please keep it up! Thanks!

   Comment by Bunny — December 31, 2007 @ 6:41 pm

6. We struggle to understand the limits of our 8 year old. He is good in many situations, but can only stand certain situations for so long, your info has helped so much. To most he would appear completely normal, but- he doesn’t like chaos, and sometimes he hides. But we are learning, so thank you!!

   Comment by Bunny — December 31, 2007 @ 6:43 pm

7. Can you provise suggestive commentary or citations to advice regarding ADULTS (like 45 years old) with Aspergers? If so, that would be appreciated.

   Comment by William P. Lemmond, Jr. — January 8, 2008 @ 2:51 pm

8. My son has Sensory Integration Dysfunction and a few people thought he was an aspergers kid. He is high functioning and very social. I think the Sensory Integration issues also found in autism get misunderstood. My son has not been diagnosed with aspergers/autism even though the sensory issues make it look like he may be mildly. Get conclusive diagnosis’ before labeling your child. ADHD, Aspergers, Sensory Integration Disorder……can look similar or even overlap eachother. It is important to work with the individual child and the behaviors…not the label what ever it may be. These kids did not ask for what was dealt to them. We have to try to see things through their eyes and work with them with unconditional love and compassion…..as tough as that can be at times. I would not trade my 9 yr old boy for any one. He has so many great qualities and I am so appreciative of that as well as knowing that things could always be worse….I have to celebrate what I do have in him.

   Comment by Christina — March 20, 2008 @ 2:23 pm

9. Thank you for providing these articles free for us to enjoy. I want you to know they really do make a difference in my life. Thank you

   Comment by Rosy Rueda — April 22, 2008 @ 1:35 am

10. I have two children on the spectrum My question is in regards to my seven year old son diagnosed with Autism PDD. He often brings up things out of the blue that upset him such as the death of our family pet two years ago. No matter what I say or do he is unable to get the thoughts out of his mind and it usually escalates to a full blown meltdown. Any suggestions on how to handle this? Many times it happens at bedtime but not always. Thanks

    Comment by J. Sciullo — May 5, 2008 @ 10:49 pm

11. My granddaughter with Aspergers has school phobia now because of what I believe to be directly related to overuse of the teacher putting her into a ‘time out closet’; she is refusing to go back to school, and they think they have done nothing wrong by her.
    Any thoughts? Thanks.

    Comment by Vicky Roark — May 25, 2008 @ 1:26 pm

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