Promoting independence in the Teen years
The teen years can be difficult whether or not your child has Aspergers syndrome. In situations where they do, however, there are special challenges that differ depending on the child.
Some parents find themselves dealing with a child who is a loner, who has few friends and focuses on one or more hobbies or preoccupations. This type of child is independent in some ways but lacks the maturity to truly be independent in life. A teen like this needs to be pushed in the direction of finding friends and developing relationships.
He or she may also need to learn some of the specific things necessary for “life independenceâ€, like how to deal with money, cleaning up after oneself, doing the laundry and other life skills that will be needed once the teen is ready to leave home. Interpersonal skills, including how to talk to service people, shop assistants and other people they may meet along the way, should be taught and practiced as concretely as possible.
Other parents are dealing with the ongoing presence of rituals and obsessions that might interfere with the teen’s eventual independence. Psychotherapy might work in this kind of situation but there are also medications designed to control ritual behavior. Getting this under control as a teenager will go a long way in enhancing the teen’s adult experience as they grow older.
This is a time when depression can develop in teens, who know they don’t fit in and suffer from a poor self esteem. Be aware of the signs of depression and be proactive through the use of psychotherapy or medications to control some of these symptoms. This means, as a parent, you need to be aware of excessive isolation, “dark†language, outbursts of anger, or self mutilation. Help is available and can help the teen resolve some of the conflicts unique to adolescence and having Aspergers syndrome.
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I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Stacey Derbinshire
Comment by Stacey Derbinshire — March 11, 2008 @ 1:09 pm
Can anyone tell me how Tula Tantrum works?
Comment by Colette DeGrasse — March 11, 2008 @ 4:10 pm
I have a question more than a comment. I have a 16 year old that has recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and ADHD. I wonder if it is normal for him to be VERY ANTI-PARENT? He is fine with anybody else except his mom and dad. Especially his dad. We can’t do or say anything no matter how minor with out him getting angry and upset. Anybody else have this problem?
Comment by Marna — March 11, 2008 @ 4:47 pm
Has anyone tried this tula tantrum that is always advertised here? My 15 yr. old asperger daughter takes welbutrin and abilify, but I would prefer her to be on something more “natural” if possible. Thanks.
Comment by vicky tuttle — March 11, 2008 @ 4:56 pm
How can we find a physcotherapist in the south florida atea who can be covered by insurance?
Comment by Patty — March 11, 2008 @ 5:35 pm
Important subject!
Comment by Ariane — March 11, 2008 @ 7:49 pm
I have been reading your material. My grandson does not fit any of the descriptions. He is on the HONOR role, in mail streamed classes of which he has been since the 3rrd or 4th grade. He does like to stick to structure. No tantrums, violence, medication, etc. He was picked as the speaker for his 5th grade graduation, writing his own speach. Sleeps well, eats well, practising focusing whe being spoken to. The above just doesnot fit. His computer skills are exceptional, reading,math. I guess the most important thing that we are worried about is hjis kindness for weakness. But even that, he has had to put a few boys in check. He is a happy straight A student.
Are we missing something????
Thanks, your article was very intersting , and I have printed several pieces of info.
Comment by Rosemary — March 11, 2008 @ 7:50 pm
Thank you for this article. I have a 14 year old boy that has Aspergers. He homeschools because public school was too draining on him. He would fit and not want to go to school. Kids picked on him and now he has no self esteem. I don’t know how to help my son. I see him not being as mature. He wants no friends, he’s happy without them. How do you make them seek out friendships when they don’t want to be apart of anything? He won’t even hang out with his cousins! His life is superheroes. He wants no counselor, he’s fine the way he is. But, you know he’s not. How do I help my son become a life-independant person? I worry about what will happen to him.
Thanks!
Sharlynn, ND
Comment by Sharlynn — March 11, 2008 @ 9:04 pm
My son tends to scratch his head to the point of bleeding. Is this considered self mutilation?
Comment by Melody McMaster — March 12, 2008 @ 11:18 am
Hi. My 15 yr old son Andrew is the poster child for Asberger’s–except for violent behavior. He is extremely passive and shy. He can be described as “afraid of his own shadow”. He lives with his mother 3 hours away and does not receive any kind of therapy, counseling, and is not on any medication. His Dad and I feel helpless because we KNOW his mother is not doing anything at all for him. Are there any services that we can utilize to initiate some kind of treatment plan for him? Should we contact CPS? His mother takes care of his physical needs and just ignores the AS. He is really suffering and we don’t know what else to do for him. Anyone have this situation?
Comment by shelly — March 21, 2008 @ 3:16 pm
I’m a grandmother raising 2 teenagers (since birth). I saw an article on MSNBC last week about autism and actually read it for my grand-daughter who has some mild but worrisome autistic characteristics. As I read more into the article, it began to describe my nearly 18 year old grandson who has been our ’special’ child since age 3 or so. He is definitely ADHD but there’s always been something else no one could put their finger on. For 16 years we’ve fought the battle of being behind the eight ball and never really believing that we’d got to the bottom of things. Although Michael has not been diagnosed Aspergers yet and may not be anytime soon (he is so sick of doctors, therapists, and social workers that I can hardly get him to go half the time.) But, the monster has a name! Finally. It gives me hope that we can now work on the “prepare him for life issues” vs the symptoms and his “bad behavior” for the first time and begin to better accept this child who has definitely borne the brunt of not being understood for who he is all these years. I was really a little nervous downloading an ebook by someone I’d never heard of but the peace it has brought our household already is unbelievable. I read Dave’s ebook cover to cover the first evening and my husband keeps saying “this describes Michael to a tee!”
Do we think it will be an easy road with Michael so far along and with so many bad, misunderstood experiences along the way. No, it won’t be but sometimes the experts just don’t get it, especially if they have not been exposed to this type kid before. Michael found a certain acceptance in a group of kids who live on the margins–so now we’re fighting marijuana, probation issues with the juvenile court and loss of his temp learners’ permit for driving. He’s really not mature enough to drive so that’s probably a good thing. We need to spend a lot of time on his social skills and help him discover some strengths and confidence to build his life. Our acceptance of him as he is as we build toward the future discovering his height and depth and width as a person should help a lot. He seems to love electronics and he’s supposed to go off to tech school in another city in the fall–that is scaring me a lot in view of finally understanding the issues. If you happen to be praying people, keep Michael in your prayers because it is going to take a lot of love and support to help him when he’s so close to the age of telling the world to take a hike.
Comment by Linda McGillivray — March 22, 2008 @ 11:22 am