Review of CD 1

The first thing to say about the Total Transformation program is that the quality of the recording and presentation is very high. It consists of a series of interviews on each disk involving James Lehman and several of his colleagues. The sound quality is excellent and it’s a slick recording studio effort. James himself has worked for over 3 decades with children who have difficult behaviors and their families in a variety of settings in New England, USA.

On CD1 James looks at what he calls “The Real Causes of Obnoxious and Abusive Behavior”. He goes through an extensive list of 16 categories that explain why children may behave in certain difficult and challenging ways. This is a really helpful starting point for looking at where your child may be at and each category is explored in depth. The categories make good common sense and are easy to follow.

With regard to Aspergers James clearly states that his approach will work for children with neurological impairment, learning disability etc. when there are behavioral issues to be addressed. For example he outlines a case that he worked on with a child with ADHD who was “hiding behind” that diagnosis and avoiding responsibility for his behaviors and actions. Now I know for a fact that for many children with Aspergers this type of scenario goes on to, so clearly the information can transfer.

So the verdict … so far so good. There is some excellent material put together in an easy-to-understand fashion with a work book (that includes actual activities that you can do). My only criticism is that James refers to “the kid” all the time when talking about what to do with your child – which seems a bit impersonal and not my favourite way of referring to a child or young person. But James does say in his accompanying workbook that he uses the term “kid” as a catch-all phrase and apologies for nay offense this may cause – so I guess I shouldn’t be too picky!

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Review of CD 2

This CD concentrates on what James calls “ineffective parenting roles”. On CD 1 he begins the program by looking at the child; on CD 2 he turns his attention to the parents. He classifies 7 types of ineffective parenting which include “the screamer”, “the over negotiator” and “the martyr”. Again James uses very clear terms such as these which you can already begin to guess as to what they are about.

One of the great points that James makes is about parenting styles over time. He says that when he grew up in the 1960’s he was actually being parented by his parents in a style from the 1930’s (i.e. when they grew up) and things clearly change! He makes this point in relation to parents in the 2000’s and that we should be careful not to parent from the 1960’s or 1970’s (i.e. when many of us grew up).  Which makes so much sense as the modern world is so different now for children. Think about the internet, cable TV, new child care legislation, the huge prevalence of cars, differences in schooling etc. and how this compares to the 1970’s. Clearly we all as parents (me included) need to have a modern take on how we parent our kids as that’s the society they live in each day.

Another  concept that I really liked was the idea of parenting your actual child and not your ideal child. We all of visions of our “ideal child” in our head and this can never truly match the reality of how your child actually is. For a child with Aspergers this issue may be even more pronounced and this is an area that many parents do need to do some work on.

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Review of CD 3

In CD 3 James continues on from CD 2 and talks about parenting roles that lead to accountability. He breaks these down in to 3 roles:

1.    Training & Coaching Role – Such as teaching by example, and providing strategic help and solutions.
2.    Problem-solving role – Such as encouraging exploration and experimentation, and participating in mutual decision-making.
3.    Limit-setting role – Such as demanding compliance with rules and viewing behaviors as a performance issue rather than a moral issue.

I really like a number of these roles and think they’re essential for positive parenting. For example James talks of setting clear rules that stop eventual “show downs” further down the road. He says that if a child has had a number of cookies instead of the parent asking “can you not have so many cookies?” be much clearer and state “stop eating the cookies now please”. This way things are 100% clear for the child and they are far less likely to eat more cookies, and this can save a later dispute on the same subject.

James also talks about being consistent with boundaries for example if you agree your son needs to be in at 6pm that’s when he should be in, which is another good basic principle. But James then goes on to say that even if your son calls to say that the sports teacher has asked him to stay behind a further 30 minutes to practice with the team, that your son should still be told to be back at 6pm. I disagree with this and think it’s a little too rigid. Instead I would suggest that you insist to speak to the teacher and if it’s a valid and worthwhile exercise then the time can be pushed back to 6:30pm. But other than this criticism I found CD 3 to be another excellent parenting resource.

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Review of CD 4

In CD 4 the focus is back on to the child again when James outlines 27 Tools to Change Your Child’s Behavior Now. One great point that he makes on this CD is that parents should stop comparing the inside of their family (i.e. all the arguments, rows and fights that go on) with the outside of other families (i.e. what seems to be a perfectly nice and happy family across the road but probably have many of the same problems as you but you just cannot see them). This is a pressure that so many parents could really do without, and it’s a totally artificial pressure that can be avoided.

Also another strategy that I really like from the extensive list of  27 is what James calls “re-direct interest”. This is the basic and common sense view that changing activity or conversation can help to reduce difficult behaviors almost immediately. This is also described as motion changing emotion. So for example if during a huge argument you were to get yourself and your son to hop 5  times on each foot immediately then this would know doubt change how he feels and acts in this second. I have heard this approach used before by Tony Robbins (the world famous self-help guru from the USA) and really like it myself. And would urge you to give it a go – in many ways the more silly and bizarre action that you and your child do the better it may reduce any difficult behaviors.

To learn more about The Total Transformation Program go to http://tinyurl.com/643fs3

Stay tuned for reviews of the other CD’s in the program …

Thanks

Dave Angel