Sample article on making friends

Filed under:New Parenting Aspergers Website Launch — posted by admin on March 9, 2009 @ 6:10 pm

Hello, this is Dave Angel again with another free sample article from the new site www.ParentingAspergersCommunity.com

And without further ado here it is …

Question

How do I help my child so that she can make friends and be accepted by other teens?

Answer

The years between 12 and 18 can be very difficult for teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome. Friends are difficult to find and keep, are judgmental, and Aspie teens often become isolated socially.

Encourage your daughter to develop a special interest. A special interest may encourage friendships with other teens with the same interest. This can be especially effective if there is a club she can join or a sport’s team (or a group that enjoys a sport together). Michelle Winner’s “Social Thinking Program” can help her do this by teaching her how to join a group, become a part of it, how to converse on teenage topics, develop social skills, and make friends by creating “Friend Files.”

Help her by becoming involved; organize and supervise appropriate, structured teen activities. Perhaps you can assist with a school activity or become one of the sponsors (leaders) of a girls’ group, such as Girl Guides (Girl Scouts). Invite one of your daughter’s acquaintances to your home to help her make friends. Perhaps a girl who is a year or so younger will be more “in tune” with your daughter’s maturity level. Plan a couple of activities (a video, perhaps) in case they have difficulties thinking of what to do. Encourage your daughter to leave phone or text messages for peers. Remember, she does not have to tell everyone she has Asperger’s Syndrome.

Consider sending her to a summer camp for Asperger’s teens. Also, some high schools have support groups for teens with mentors who will help them navigate around school. She might try volunteering at a preschool, animal shelter, or other organization that encourages teen volunteers. This may help her make friends, but will also build her self-esteem.

Behavioural Therapy is highly recommended to teach her how to respond in teen social situations. To some extent, the success of therapy depends on the teenager’s own desire to fit in. Therapy can be very effective with teenagers, particularly group therapy. You can work with her, too, by practicing and role-playing various social situations with her. Teach her appropriate social responses in various situations. Teach her to make eye contact and smile.

One of the big issues for Asperger’s teens is that they are often unaware of teen fads and topics of conversation. See if you can get your daughter interested in High School Musical or Hannah Montana, so that she has something to discuss with other girls. Teach her how to converse about clothes, music, boys, and celebrities. Also, make sure she is dressed and groomed similarly to other teens.

But I have to say that equally all young people need to be individual and certainly don’t force trends on her that she doesn’t want, just to make her fit in. There are often different social groups and sets within schools, and by working on basic social skills your daughter will have a good chance of joining one of them in lines with her own interests.

Some teens enjoy talking with other Asperger’s teens in internet chat rooms, forums, and on message boards. There are Asperger’s websites on which she can talk with other teens who have Asperger’s. Monitor her closely and use parental controls to limit her access to only certain sites.

I hope you enjoyed this article and please add any comments at the bottom as usual.

And remember there’s only 2 days until www.ParentingAspergersCommunity.com is officially open – on Wednesday March 11th.

Have a great day,

Dave Angel
PS – If you missed any of the previous blog posts abut the
new website you can read them all by scrolling down the following web page:

http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/category/new-parenting-aspergers-website-launch/

comments (9)

9 comments »

My 13-year-old son has never really been that interested in having friends–he has always preferred the company of adults and doesn’t enjoy the sound of children yelling and getting excited with play. Most children are not interested in hearing what he has to say (about special interests or whatever), while adults are more apt to hear him out. But now, puberty has arrived, and he is most definitely interested in having GIRLfriends! Looking forward to a post about this!!
Comment by Anne Marie — March 9, 2009 @ 9:06 pm
I have a concern. My daughter is being punished at school..and is not being allowed to have recess for 32 days…she must earn her days back on a daily bases…example maybe she will earn 5 days back..as long as she behaves throughout the daily in different subject areas…She is not allowed to talk at all during recess..so she says. She must sit by the teacher and not make any noises. This really has me concerned because she lacks social skills and recess is the only time she has to socialize and be able to release her energy.She is 8 years old. Can you give me some advice as to who I need to go to about this?
Grace.
Comment by grace — March 9, 2009 @ 10:08 pm
Anne, No matter what a child may or may not want now, later on he will want friends.
Social skills, no mater what some may say, are readily picked up by osmosis by Aspergers children but only if fully imursed in it for short but regular periods. I know myself that I did not want any friends until I was well into my twenties, Now I can’t imagine life without them. For me however my parents did not introduce me to socialising, as there was no reason ‘Aspergers’ was still years off being recognised. So when I did finally want friends I had very few skills to find and keep them. It took me years to learn how to act in a way that others could understand and accept while still being true to myself, and a very special group of people besides.
I would hope that all parents whether thier children want friends now or not are preparing them for the time when they will. The skills required to have and keep a friend can be learned by just being exposed to it, it will take significantly longer and a lot of work to go from novice to master but it is possible.
And yes I am also egaer to see what is said about relationships, there is a virtual desert (figuratively and literaly) of information on the net about this subject.
Comment by Tim — March 10, 2009 @ 3:16 am
I understand the questioners concern far too well but i wanted to share my experience with other worrying parents. My aspie son is 13 and I was really preparing myself for the worst in the years approaching teen-dom. My worried though have not come true. What I have found is that at this delicate time all teens are beginning to differentiate themselves, develop individual interests and trying to ‘be different’. Angus seems to be more ‘like’ his peers than before. Everyone is desperately trying to find their niche and their individual interests. Being an’ expert’ is a narrow focus has a certain cache to it so he is recognized and sought after. There seems to be more acceptance rather than everyone doing the same things, like there was in elementary school. I would also say that choosing sports like track and field rather than traditional team sports,where you can be an individual in a group and your individual preformance adds to the whole is a wise choice he made for himself. He is able to do his part and still be part of the whole team. Remember, school is just one part of a very long lifetime and the rest of life we tend to gravitate to those places where we work and play with other like minded individuals. Just keep moving them towards their passions and they will find success!
Comment by Rachel Catlett — March 10, 2009 @ 8:52 am
My 13 y/o’s grades are above average and more than qualify him to be tapped into the honor society. However, due to some of his “Aspie” behaviors, that they see as unacceptable (even though my son can’t help it), he probably won’t be accepted. Acceptance is a big part of middle school just by itself….how many times does my child need to be told he’s different and not accepted. We all know that the suicide rate for adolesence is increased especially as an “aspie”. I just hold him close as he gets knocked down time after time and pray that I’m doing what’s right, even if main stream society isn’t.
Comment by Dee McCullar — March 10, 2009 @ 12:24 pm
This is for Dee McCular….
My daughter is younger than your son, but she attends the gifted program here in Ga. She far exceded the other students in her class and was bored but socially could not handle moving up a grade. I sat down and spoke w/ the head of the Gifted program and told him that my daughter wanted to test and qualify for the program but she has Aspergers and wondered if that would be a problem. He said that it wasn’t at all. It is actually discrimination for them to exclude a child based on disability if they can meet the core requirements to qualify. I asked about the minor accomodations she needed and he said that everything that applied to her in a regular classroom would also apply in the gifted setting. I was very happy to hear this. She has been in the program now for a yr. and absolutely loves it. She does very well and has even exceeded many of our expectations. It is also helping her social skills tremendously.
I would call the director of the honors program and just talk w/ them about it. It’s worth trying!
Comment by Karla — March 10, 2009 @ 12:45 pm
Grace: You should get in touch with both your daughter’s teacher and Principal to discuss the issues surrounding her behavior. Thirty-two days without recess seems a bit harsh given your daughter’s age. Our children exaggerate a little more than most, so questioning whether she isn’t allowed to talk at all during recess is justified, but you still need to get to the bottom of it all and come up with a plan so that this sort of punishment doesn’t snowball. I would keep in close contact with your daughter’s teacher by email. I do with my son’s teacher(s). Zach tells me very little of what goes on in school (especially when he gets into trouble), so keeping tabs on him through his teacher is my way of knowing that he’s being taken care of and also about whatever comes up that he fails to tell me about. By the way, if your daughter isn’t involved in a social skills group at school, you might want to ask about getting her into one. Zach seems to enjoy his group. I hope this helps.
Comment by Heather — March 10, 2009 @ 1:43 pm
For Dee-
They definitely CANNOT exclude him. My son has not been diagnosed with Aspergers or Autism, but he has a lot of characteristics. He goes out for everything. If for any reason he feels that they are not going to let him participate, I am at the Admin Office of his school and he definitely participates. You need to go to the administration, even as far as the Superintendent. We have, and get results.
Comment by Debbie — March 10, 2009 @ 5:38 pm
My son is 12 and i took him out of his last school for the verbal bullying.Now he is living his and my worst nightmare with the school he is in now. He is being verbally and physically bullied. I am at the school every day, my son cannot defend himself.I can only hope it is better at High School next year where he can have at least one friend and i can stop crying myself to sleep each night. I have tried everything, thinking of finishing up school with home schooling. I love my son, im desperate! help.
Comment by Lisa — August 1, 2009 @ 1:20 pm