Sex and the Aspie Teen…

Filed under:Sex and Relationships — posted by admin on July 8, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

My son is 15, he knows he is different from other children, he wants to know why? And how would you start explaining sex, and changes his body is going through?

Why am I different? This is a difficult question to answer, but at 15, your son is ready for some explanation of his condition. No one knows for sure how anyone gets Asperger’s Syndrome. We do know it is not a disease, and you can’t catch it from anyone.

Here is a guideline for you to follow when you answer your son’s question:

Lots of people have problems and challenges in life to deal with. Some of them can be seen and some cannot. You have a condition known as Asperger’s Syndrome. We don’t know why you have it. Sometimes it is inherited from other people in a family. Asperger’s Syndrome has something to do with the genes that are in our bodies and something may have happened to some of them before you were born. Kids have Asperger’s Syndrome from the time they are born, but some kids are going to school before the doctors diagnose Asperger’s Syndrome. More and more people are being diagnosed with Asperger’s, but that’s probably because doctors and psychiatrists know more about Asperger’s and what to look for than they did in the past. You are not the only teenager with Asperger’s; a lot of kids have it, so you are not alone.

Here are some websites for teenagers with Asperger’s and maybe you can find some information for yourself. The first one is Asperger’s Teens at www.aspergerfriends.com/AspergersTeens.html. Also, try WrongPlanet.Net at

www.wrongplanet.net/. These two websites can help you understand Asperger’s and convince you that you can do well in life. Also, you might be able to meet other kids your age who have Asperger’s online and talk with them.

Groups of children and adolescents can be very cruel to someone who doesn’t act, talk, or think like them, and a child can easily take that to mean that they aren’t as good as or “cool” enough to be with a particular group of people. It is important for you to stress to your child that “different” does not mean inferior.

In addition to giving him your support and referring him to the internet, you might want to read the book Aspergers Syndrome and Adolescence: Practical Solutions for School Success by Brenda Smith Myles (Author) and Diane Adreon. This book contains many tips on how to help children transition from childhood to adulthood. The book addresses adolescent sexuality as well as how to disclose an Asperger’s diagnosis to peers.

One of the most important aspects of your relationship with your child at this age is for you to be open-minded and available to answer his questions regarding Asperger’s and how it affects him. If there is an adult male role model available, he should also provide counseling and support for your child. Your son will be most successful if he knows that you and your mate are supportive and available to him.

Take Care

Dave Angel

comments (14)

14 comments »

Thank you for publishing this, only I wish you had gone into more details and also, included a woman’s point of view for girls. After all, they also have Aspergers and adolescence can be just as hard for them as it is for boys. Next time, would you please explore these important topics a bit more and also, include girls? Thank you.
Comment by Mary Minshall — July 8, 2008 @ 4:38 pm
“And how would you start explaining sex, and changes his body is going through?”
I didnt find anything in the blog to do with the above subject.
Comment by Tricia Gillbanks — July 8, 2008 @ 5:51 pm
Thank you so much for the articles that you have published! My son is very young, but it helps to know that I can be prepared for whatever it is that he is going to encounter next.
Comment by Charissa McGuire — July 8, 2008 @ 6:54 pm
My grandson going on 13 years wanted to know where the babies came out as his 15 year old half sister was playing having babies with her friend and obviously he was watching. I felt it was time to talk about the whole thing seriously and Gave him the book “Where did I come from” to read but before told him the truth. As I don’t know what he sees when he is at his mother’s place, I thought it best he knew the truth. His father has since explained to him about respecting the other person and what is appropriate, being too young,etc.
Comment by Lillian Carde — July 8, 2008 @ 7:23 pm
I take it this is a 2-part answer and that sexuality will be dealt with next? As for the explanation of Asperger’s for adolescents, I think the content is fine, but the sentences are way too long. Most Aspies will have tuned out by the fourth word of each sentence. I’d advise that if you’re using this approach, break up the sentences into 5-8 word units.
Comment by Christine — July 8, 2008 @ 8:32 pm
You may be suprized at just how much aspie kids will know. Over the weekend while camping my 13 yr old boy was frog hunting. when he came back with his group of frogs 2 were hooked up. He proceded to give the whole group sitting around him a lesson in frog sex ed.
Comment by RONNIE — July 9, 2008 @ 9:04 am
Although my Aspie son hasn’t hit puberty yet, my instincts tell me that their curiosity is no different then any other child hitting puberty. As mentioned above, they are smarter and exposed to more then we ever were so the key is to be honest and give information based at the level “they” understand. (i.e. When two adult people are in love they hug and kiss. Sometimes they have special moments together…..(not sure what is acceptable to say on this blog so I will let you fill in the rest of the blanks)
Comment by Lori Caron — July 9, 2008 @ 11:35 am
Why is everyone intent on treating children with asperger’s differently to any other child? My eldest son has asperger’s and ADHD and he is treated with the same authority, rules, consideration and respect as my other 2 children. Things are explained to him in the same way as they are to his siblings, the only difference is he asks more questions to make sure he understood what has been said. He is not different he is special but he still has the same feelings, emotions and curiosities as everyone else.
Comment by nicki — July 9, 2008 @ 1:38 pm
As a mum of two aspie boys 15 and 17 there is a lot in this topic. Like everything else social my boys are hampered by their anxiety and self confidence and identity issues. Sex comes up in a lot of ways but getting and keeping a soulmate is not on the agenda. Stay optimistic and let things happen as naturally as possible. I’m aware that rejection in love/sex will provoke deep depression and withdrawl. So what! So did school but we still gave it a go! And recovered! Normal but different.
Comment by Jane — July 9, 2008 @ 7:57 pm
Asperger’s comes in many forms, as everyone well knows who reads these posts, but I wonder how many parents have, like me, made the mistake of encouraging the Aspie teen to “make friends” online. This has had disastrous results in the case of my articulate, highly intelligent son, whose friends in the real world are marginal characters (for a variety of reasons). He is constantly either text-messaging or spending 8-12 hours/day on the internet, playing games, participating in chat rooms (some of which are at least intellectually challenging with topics related to philosophy, politics, and worldwide concerns), and carrying on with female “friends” in highly sexualized, temporary relationships made possible by things like web cameras. He is seeing a therapist now after having blown his first year in a very good college, but is so far unable to talk about the root problem that is fueling his need for these 2-dimensional relationships. Let this serve as a cautionary note to parents of teens with Aspergers and other forms of social & communication problems. The internet can be a place to work through problems and inform ones self — it can also be a place to hide and remove ones self from the necessary struggles in real life relationships.
Comment by Melissa — July 10, 2008 @ 5:00 pm
You have good information
Comment by I woul;d llike to know how to potty train artistic children. my son is 4 yearss old and still wets his pants and bowll movements - Thank you Trish — July 11, 2008 @ 10:34 pm
thank you for your blog!My son gets bullied alot at school and on the bus. The adults at the school say they tell the kids to stop bullying, but it doesn’t help. What should my son do? What should I do?
Comment by randi renninger — July 12, 2008 @ 11:47 am
I was a bit late in reading this blog but I have a 15 yr old girl and sex is a funny issue with her. She is fully aware of sex and sexual relations but she is very reserved when disscussions are being held in a family group. (she is one of 3 girls and is the one in the middle)My fear with her is she is easyly lead and even though she recons she will remain a virgin till 25 I am concerned as how she will deal with pressure if court in a situation. Although we make sure that condoms are readly avaliable and safe sex is constanly enforced there is still fear with an aspie child.
Comment by Barry — July 15, 2008 @ 5:40 am
This is in response to Randi Renninger’s comment: our son as well was bullied at school…we pulled him out for the latter half of grade 7 and homeschooled him in conjunction with the school. Then in grade 8 he went to a Christian school (small) and there was next to no bullying (problem with only one boy and that was immediately stopped when I talked with the principal)…went on to public high school where bullying again started; I immediately went to his Resouce teacher and basically demanded something be done. The school was very accommodating…they gave him final exams in Math and English (gr 10)and did other assessments with him at which he scored very high. He was then placed in Grade 11 where the bullying was decreased to almost nil because the kids are more mature at that age…they actually wanted to look out for him in some cases. He graduated a year and half early. You definitely need to be an advocate for your child. All the best.
Comment by Val McLean — July 31, 2008 @ 9:21 am