Sibling Behaviors

Hi it’s Dave Angel again with your Tuesday Aspergers article. First up I think I owe more humble apologies as the “Blog Gremlins” (as one reader who emailed me amusingly put it!) struck again last week.

I went to a web guy in the USA who reiterated that the problem was a “browser issue” that meant some people were not able to view the article using Internet Explorer and similar browsers. But I also double checked with another web designer that I know out in Pakistan …

I’m glad that I did … as he tells a different story! Without going into boring micro-detail the problem seems to be when I cut and paste my articles that I have written from Microsoft Word on to the blog it messes something up.

So from now on I will use Microsoft Note Pad and this SHOULD solve the problem (but please continue to be patient as this whole thing is something of an experiment!) And to be doubly safe please read the blog using a Mozilla-based browser (e.g. Firefox, Safari or Netscape) and not Internet Explorer.

But the super good news is that when we move over to the new website early next year this and other such “teething” problems should disappear for good. I cannot wait to get on with just providing useful Aspergers information on a well designed and super-easy to use website. Instead of spending hours battling technical problems that I really don’t understand!

Anyway enough of the technical chat and on to this week’s article:

Question

I would like some tips on how to teach a younger sibling (age 3, not in school yet due to rural location) not to pick up unwanted behaviours from his brother.

Answer

You might be concerned that your 3-year-old will pick up unwanted behaviours because he might have Asperger’s Syndrome, also.  Asperger’s does, indeed, have a genetic component.

New research in the area of Asperger’s has shown that toddler siblings of autistic children are more likely to exhibit the same atypical behaviours as their brothers and sisters with autism, even when they don’t eventually develop the disorder.  Andy Shih, PhD, of the Baby Sibling Research Consortium, states that this increases the importance of careful monitoring of high-risk siblings of children with autism {or Asperger’s} for any signs of a disorder.  If one should occur, you are well-situated for early intervention.  If atypical behaviours occur, but there is no Asperger’s, you will feel relief at knowing that your second child does not have it.

If you have a child with Asperger’s, the odds are 50 to 100 times greater that your second child will be diagnosed with Asperger’s.  At the age of three, it might be difficult to tell if the child has Asperger’s.  Ask yourself the following:
•    Does your younger son have age-appropriate communication skills?
•    Does he follow his brother’s exact behaviours?

•    Is he overreacting to sensory stimuli (actions, lights, sounds)?  Does he cover his eyes or ears to avoid sensory stimuli?
If you answered “No” to these questions, your son is probably just imitating his older brother, and that is very common with siblings.  He might see his older brother as a role model, or he sees his brother getting a lot of attention for these behaviours, and he is imitating him to get some of the attention.

If you answered “Yes” to the above questions, consider having a professional, such as an Intervention Specialist or special education teacher, observe your three-year- old when he interacts with his brother, and when he is alone.  You might be thinking of waiting to see if your son outgrows these behaviours; however, if he does have Asperger’s Syndrome, you should begin early intervention.  Make sure that the professional you consult is experienced in assessing autism spectrum disorders, and that his experience specifically includes Asperger’s Syndrome.

In addition to obtaining the services of a behavioural professional, read the book Siblings of Children with Autism: A Guide for Families By Sandra L. Harris.  This book discusses explaining autism to your children, helping them express their thoughts and feelings, and helping them to play cooperatively.  Ms. Harris includes ways to look at and cope with the many challenges faced by families who are raising an autistic child.  Also this book addresses ways to sustain a marriage while coping with atypical child behaviours.  The book is brief, easy to read, and comprehend.  Also, it provides “case studies,” first-hand accounts of the difficulties faced by parents and siblings.

Your awareness of the sibling relationship, along with the help of a professional, and the book mentioned above will give you information and assistance to help with your three-year-old, if he, too, is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Stay in touch with the professional involved and re-read the book so that you can provide a comprehensive level of care for both your children.

Have a great Tuesday,
Dave Angel

17 comments »

1. it works fine this week.

   Comment by geraldine — October 14, 2008 @ 9:15 am

2. Dave - just looked at the blog in Firefox 3 and there was issues. Safari 3 works fine though. I’m a web designer as well and it seems that Firefox 3 has a lot of bugs but they’re pretty good as sorting them out fairly quickly

   Comment by Ryan — October 14, 2008 @ 9:29 am

3. got your blog today….it now works

   Comment by Caroline Dawson — October 14, 2008 @ 9:59 am

4. How about just e-mailing the text of the blog post in the e-mail notifications?

   Comment by Dwight — October 14, 2008 @ 11:25 am

5. look forward to next week hope to get some info on mainstream education

   Comment by anne perry — October 14, 2008 @ 12:46 pm

6. I too have the same question as the person above. Although the tips on early detection in siblings of those who have AS were very useful I did not feel the actual question was answered. I too am looking for tips on how to prevent my 3 year old from feeding off of anxieties/phobias and behviours that affect my child who has AS. Do you have any practical tips?

   Comment by A Kingma — October 14, 2008 @ 1:59 pm

7. all i can say is that if you have an older child with asberger and dont want the other to pick up the bad behaver then when he does it tell him that its not a aporiate behavier but understand that you will not bw able to stop it no matter what older siblings will teach younger ones good and bad hopefully your son will pick up your older childs good trates instead and remember hes 3 and thay copy everything

   Comment by starlene ghere — October 14, 2008 @ 2:48 pm

8. Nature will sort this out. I have met a young man on 26 with quite significant Aspergers. His younger three siblings 24 33 and 20 are very smart and capable young people, who do not demonstrate the sensitivities or social integration issues of their eldest brother. Having said this they are fiercly loyal to him and the family is fully intact. Parent your children as individuals and give them opportunities to be themselves. Aspergers is not learned or picked up from siblings but social withdrawal can be and you don’t want that. I have two boys with AS 17,15 and a younger daughter 13. I think the withdrawal and isolation of the boys affects all of us but we have to keep trying. When you have AS in the family nothing works as a group, all your children need to be raised as individuals and need time apart to grow and not be continuosly re-active to one another.

   Comment by Jane — October 14, 2008 @ 3:26 pm

9. i have a younger son who is the complete opposite 2 his aspie bro. my concern is due to the intolarance n aggression my younger son is developing having to constantly indure the immature and provocking nature of his big bro.this makes for difficultly in treating each child fairly and as individuals.aswell as guiding the younger child to behave appropriately when he is oviusly influenced and looks up to his big bro. creating two lots of chaos!! it is difficult for other people to understand the reasons for the younger childs behaviour which i hope wil improve with maturaty and understanding. i do not feel he has AS, but does behave like he has sometimes due to circumstance.

   Comment by stacey birkin — October 14, 2008 @ 4:38 pm

10. I am currently a graduate student studying to be a Special Ed/Mathematics teacher. It never occured to me that I should be aware of the siblings of an autistic student. Like any other younger sibling it is normal for them to shadow the older sibling. That is something that both school districts and parents of an autistic child should keep in mind. From what I have learned in my autism class, it is not uncommon to have two children on the autism spectrum but it is not a sure thing. Before testing the younger child, the special education committee should take into consideration that they may just want to be like their older sibling. If the younger child shows similar characteristics to the ones mentioned above then it might be reasonable to look into testing them.
    Reading Stacey’s comment is interesting. I am curious to find out the answer. Would you discipline the two boys the same way? You have to discipline the boy with AS because if not you will hinder the younger boy’s self-esteem and would only force him to act out more. This is a rough situation that I am sure all autistic parents go through.

    Comment by Sarah — October 14, 2008 @ 6:11 pm

11. I have a middle child with Aspergers and find it difficult to parent not only the younger because of his inappropriate behaviors but also his older brother. He gets either defensive of him or overly embarassed. I struggle to find the correct parenting strategy for each of them. What works for one child does not for the other. It is hard to be consistant.

    Comment by Jeanette Manning — October 14, 2008 @ 8:26 pm

12. I have a 6yr old with as and a typical 3 yr old. The 3 yr doesnt model his behavior after his brother but he says I’m good and Gage is bad. neither his father or I have never said this to him. I think it is interesting and sad for a 3yr old to have this perspective. By the way I told him that was not true,

    Comment by BROOK — October 15, 2008 @ 1:53 pm

13. I would like to know if anyone else has a similar problem. My daughter does not have AS and is in fact 100% opposite to her tennage AS brother. She has come forward with information that her brother is stealing toys from stores when we go out, ones that I wont buy as they are not appropriate and are expensive. He is also logging onto the computer when I am not at home or in bed as he has been able to create his own password and bypass my security. How do you deal with this in an AS teenage boy? Or is this the teenage boy part overriding the AS? I dont know how to approach him to make it make sense to him that his behaviour is wrong. Generally he has a strong sense of rules, but this is unusual behaviour for him. My husband is concerned that there are other factors that may be affecting him, and this could be peer influence or pressure? What does anyone think?

    Comment by Liz Ellis — October 15, 2008 @ 5:44 pm

14. I have had this situation of the comp. with my daughter (AS 16)..in the past. i ahve found a system and security program that she cannot get into..it sets time restraints and locks..set up their own account and close out any guests accounts..We have to be policing all the time..
    I can’t have a TV down stairs or she is up all night watching it.. the past 4 yrs have been horrible..we seem to be making abreak through..
    And yes hormones play a big part.. I have a 16 g,
    14 son, and 12 girl all AS..they each are individuals exhibiting diff. behaviors.. my son at present is in a resedential due to his physical aggression..Somehow they don’t seem to take no for an answer..

    Comment by Deb — October 17, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

15. When my grandson came on holiday with his cousins. My 33 yer old daughter saw him throw a stone at the 8 yr old cousin who started to cry. When approached and told in no uncerain terms that he had hurt his cousin and that he wouldn’t like it done to him and it was absolutely inappropriate behaviour and to get out of the water etc. He showed no empathy at all for his cousin. When I remind him of this, it doesn’t affect him at all.

    Comment by Lillian Carde — October 19, 2008 @ 8:17 pm

16. This was a really interesting article. I have a 5 1/2 year old boy with Aspergers and a 2 yrs 9 month old daughter displaying extreme asperger behaviour. In fact we say that she is more autistic than her brother! Since the age of 1 she has been under the same consultant as my son, she has extreme anxiety which results in repetitive and obsessional behaviours, a sleep disorder (frequent night waking and night terrors), shows marked aggression to babies and other children (she needs constant adult supervision when with other children), She tiptoes all the time, plus she suffers with sensitivity to noise, touch and has stange taste sensations such as eating raw pasta,stones, ice cubes and licking water. Also her expressive language is really advanced just like my son. There is no doubt in my mind that she has aspergers however, like my daughter my son was extremly aggressive to other children and babies a behaviour which was not learnt from anyone and was often directed at his sister (and still is) the two children have to be supervised at all times. However the consultant will not diagnose Aspergers as apparently ATTACHMENT DISORDER can produce the same sypmtoms. Because a child with attachment disorder is highly anxious they start trying to control their environment by doing repetitive behaviours and can have heightened senses. The consultant wonders if the trauma of the physical aggression and extreme mood swings of my son has caused attachment disorder in our daughter. Has anyone else been told this before a diagnosis of autism/aspergers has been given for a younger sibling? If so how long was it before aspergers was finally diagnosed or discounted. My daughter is receiving an outreach programme for children with ASD (the same programme my son took part in) so she is getting the help she needs regardless of the diagnosis, it is just frustrating when I know in my heart that she has Aspergers furthermore there must be lots of parents out there with more than one child where the younger sibling of an asperger child hasn’t picked up any traits. Any advice on teaching the two children to interact appropriately would be welcome too, to try and reduce the aggression they display to each other and teach them to tolerate each other. Thanks.

    Comment by Joanne — October 20, 2008 @ 2:04 pm

17. I too have a similar problem to Deb and Liz. My 18yr old daughter has slight autistic traits but my older 17yr old son has a definite diagnosis. My daughter also tells me things like he is stealing things, doing things that I think are inappropriate and he should not be doing. He would manage to get on the computer and look at sites that I don’t think he should be on ie pornographic, betting and chatrooms eventhough he had been advised not to. The last 4yrs have been extremely stressful and my 17yr old no longer lives at home with me due to his aggressive behaviour mainly towards me but also his 10yr old brother and 18yr old sister.
    I find this behaviour so difficult to cope with and understand. I think I have traits of ASD and my brother has even more than me. We were so quiet at school we never dreamed of doing things like this.
    So in my family I don’t know who is copying who as all their behaviours seem inappropriate at times and can be extremely stressful.

    Comment by Hilary — October 20, 2008 @ 3:22 pm

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