Sibling Behaviors

Hilary — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:22:00 +0000

I too have a similar problem to Deb and Liz. My 18yr old daughter has slight autistic traits but my older 17yr old son has a definite diagnosis. My daughter also tells me things like he is stealing things, doing things that I think are inappropriate and he should not be doing. He would manage to get on the computer and look at sites that I don’t think he should be on ie pornographic, betting and chatrooms eventhough he had been advised not to. The last 4yrs have been extremely stressful and my 17yr old no longer lives at home with me due to his aggressive behaviour mainly towards me but also his 10yr old brother and 18yr old sister.
I find this behaviour so difficult to cope with and understand. I think I have traits of ASD and my brother has even more than me. We were so quiet at school we never dreamed of doing things like this.
So in my family I don’t know who is copying who as all their behaviours seem inappropriate at times and can be extremely stressful.

Sibling Behaviors

Joanne — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 19:04:31 +0000

This was a really interesting article. I have a 5 1/2 year old boy with Aspergers and a 2 yrs 9 month old daughter displaying extreme asperger behaviour. In fact we say that she is more autistic than her brother! Since the age of 1 she has been under the same consultant as my son, she has extreme anxiety which results in repetitive and obsessional behaviours, a sleep disorder (frequent night waking and night terrors), shows marked aggression to babies and other children (she needs constant adult supervision when with other children), She tiptoes all the time, plus she suffers with sensitivity to noise, touch and has stange taste sensations such as eating raw pasta,stones, ice cubes and licking water. Also her expressive language is really advanced just like my son. There is no doubt in my mind that she has aspergers however, like my daughter my son was extremly aggressive to other children and babies a behaviour which was not learnt from anyone and was often directed at his sister (and still is) the two children have to be supervised at all times. However the consultant will not diagnose Aspergers as apparently ATTACHMENT DISORDER can produce the same sypmtoms. Because a child with attachment disorder is highly anxious they start trying to control their environment by doing repetitive behaviours and can have heightened senses. The consultant wonders if the trauma of the physical aggression and extreme mood swings of my son has caused attachment disorder in our daughter. Has anyone else been told this before a diagnosis of autism/aspergers has been given for a younger sibling? If so how long was it before aspergers was finally diagnosed or discounted. My daughter is receiving an outreach programme for children with ASD (the same programme my son took part in) so she is getting the help she needs regardless of the diagnosis, it is just frustrating when I know in my heart that she has Aspergers furthermore there must be lots of parents out there with more than one child where the younger sibling of an asperger child hasn’t picked up any traits. Any advice on teaching the two children to interact appropriately would be welcome too, to try and reduce the aggression they display to each other and teach them to tolerate each other. Thanks.

Sibling Behaviors

Lillian Carde — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 01:17:01 +0000

When my grandson came on holiday with his cousins. My 33 yer old daughter saw him throw a stone at the 8 yr old cousin who started to cry. When approached and told in no uncerain terms that he had hurt his cousin and that he wouldn’t like it done to him and it was absolutely inappropriate behaviour and to get out of the water etc. He showed no empathy at all for his cousin. When I remind him of this, it doesn’t affect him at all.

Sibling Behaviors

Deb — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 20:12:09 +0000

I have had this situation of the comp. with my daughter (AS 16)..in the past. i ahve found a system and security program that she cannot get into..it sets time restraints and locks..set up their own account and close out any guests accounts..We have to be policing all the time..
I can’t have a TV down stairs or she is up all night watching it.. the past 4 yrs have been horrible..we seem to be making abreak through..
And yes hormones play a big part.. I have a 16 g,
14 son, and 12 girl all AS..they each are individuals exhibiting diff. behaviors.. my son at present is in a resedential due to his physical aggression..Somehow they don’t seem to take no for an answer..

Sibling Behaviors

Liz Ellis — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 22:44:18 +0000

I would like to know if anyone else has a similar problem. My daughter does not have AS and is in fact 100% opposite to her tennage AS brother. She has come forward with information that her brother is stealing toys from stores when we go out, ones that I wont buy as they are not appropriate and are expensive. He is also logging onto the computer when I am not at home or in bed as he has been able to create his own password and bypass my security. How do you deal with this in an AS teenage boy? Or is this the teenage boy part overriding the AS? I dont know how to approach him to make it make sense to him that his behaviour is wrong. Generally he has a strong sense of rules, but this is unusual behaviour for him. My husband is concerned that there are other factors that may be affecting him, and this could be peer influence or pressure? What does anyone think?

Sibling Behaviors

BROOK — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 18:53:06 +0000

I have a 6yr old with as and a typical 3 yr old. The 3 yr doesnt model his behavior after his brother but he says I’m good and Gage is bad. neither his father or I have never said this to him. I think it is interesting and sad for a 3yr old to have this perspective. By the way I told him that was not true,

Sibling Behaviors

Jeanette Manning — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:26:26 +0000

I have a middle child with Aspergers and find it difficult to parent not only the younger because of his inappropriate behaviors but also his older brother. He gets either defensive of him or overly embarassed. I struggle to find the correct parenting strategy for each of them. What works for one child does not for the other. It is hard to be consistant.

Sibling Behaviors

Sarah — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 23:11:28 +0000

I am currently a graduate student studying to be a Special Ed/Mathematics teacher. It never occured to me that I should be aware of the siblings of an autistic student. Like any other younger sibling it is normal for them to shadow the older sibling. That is something that both school districts and parents of an autistic child should keep in mind. From what I have learned in my autism class, it is not uncommon to have two children on the autism spectrum but it is not a sure thing. Before testing the younger child, the special education committee should take into consideration that they may just want to be like their older sibling. If the younger child shows similar characteristics to the ones mentioned above then it might be reasonable to look into testing them.
Reading Stacey’s comment is interesting. I am curious to find out the answer. Would you discipline the two boys the same way? You have to discipline the boy with AS because if not you will hinder the younger boy’s self-esteem and would only force him to act out more. This is a rough situation that I am sure all autistic parents go through.

Sibling Behaviors

stacey birkin — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 21:38:12 +0000

i have a younger son who is the complete opposite 2 his aspie bro. my concern is due to the intolarance n aggression my younger son is developing having to constantly indure the immature and provocking nature of his big bro.this makes for difficultly in treating each child fairly and as individuals.aswell as guiding the younger child to behave appropriately when he is oviusly influenced and looks up to his big bro. creating two lots of chaos!! it is difficult for other people to understand the reasons for the younger childs behaviour which i hope wil improve with maturaty and understanding. i do not feel he has AS, but does behave like he has sometimes due to circumstance.

Sibling Behaviors

Jane — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 20:26:27 +0000

Nature will sort this out. I have met a young man on 26 with quite significant Aspergers. His younger three siblings 24 33 and 20 are very smart and capable young people, who do not demonstrate the sensitivities or social integration issues of their eldest brother. Having said this they are fiercly loyal to him and the family is fully intact. Parent your children as individuals and give them opportunities to be themselves. Aspergers is not learned or picked up from siblings but social withdrawal can be and you don’t want that. I have two boys with AS 17,15 and a younger daughter 13. I think the withdrawal and isolation of the boys affects all of us but we have to keep trying. When you have AS in the family nothing works as a group, all your children need to be raised as individuals and need time apart to grow and not be continuosly re-active to one another.