Sibling issues and Aspergers

Filed under:Siblings — posted by admin on March 10, 2009 @ 10:57 am

Hi there – It’s “busy time” at the moment as I am frantically checking through everything on the brand new Aspergers website www.ParentingAspergersCommunity.com before it finally opens it’s door tomorrow.

It seems like I have been talking about this site for so long and now it’s finally here!

If you want grab one of the strictly limited Charter Membership slots (there’s only going to be 200) then you need to make sure that you are signed up to the “early bird notification” email list to get a head start.

If you are not already on this list you can sign up now by visiting www.ParentingAspergersCommunity.com and completing your details in the box provided.

OK that’s that for the new site and here’s the latest Tuesday blog entry …

Question

I would like some tips on how to teach a younger sibling (age 3, not in school yet due to rural location) not to pick up unwanted behaviours from his brother.

Answer

You might be concerned that your 3-year-old will pick up unwanted behaviours because he might have Asperger’s Syndrome, also. Asperger’s does, indeed, have a genetic component.

New research in the area of Asperger’s has shown that toddler siblings of autistic children are more likely to exhibit the same atypical behaviours as their brothers and sisters with autism, even when they don’t eventually develop the disorder. Andy Shih, PhD, of the Baby Sibling Research Consortium, states that this increases the importance of careful monitoring of high-risk siblings of children with autism {or Asperger’s} for any signs of a disorder. If one should occur, you are well-situated for early intervention. If atypical behaviours occur, but there is no Asperger’s, you will feel relief at knowing that your second child does not have it.

If you have a child with Asperger’s, the odds are 50 to 100 times greater that your second child will be diagnosed with Asperger’s. At the age of three, it might be difficult to tell if the child has Asperger’s. Ask yourself the following:

• Does your younger son have age-appropriate communication skills?

• Does he follow his brother’s exact behaviours?

• Is he overreacting to sensory stimuli (actions, lights, sounds)? Does he cover his eyes or ears to avoid sensory stimuli?

If you answered “No” to these questions, your son is probably just imitating his older brother, and that is very common with siblings. He might see his older brother as a role model, or he sees his brother getting a lot of attention for these behaviours, and he is imitating him to get some of the attention.

If you answered “Yes” to the above questions, consider having a professional, such as an Intervention Specialist or special education teacher, observe your three-year- old when he interacts with his brother, and when he is alone. You might be thinking of waiting to see if your son outgrows these behaviours; however, if he does have Asperger’s Syndrome, you should begin early intervention. Make sure that the professional you consult is experienced in assessing autism spectrum disorders, and that his experience specifically includes Asperger’s Syndrome.

In addition to obtaining the services of a behavioural professional, read the book Siblings of Children with Autism: A Guide for Families By Sandra L. Harris.

This book discusses explaining autism to your children, helping them express their thoughts and feelings, and helping them to play cooperatively. Ms. Harris includes ways to look at and cope with the many challenges faced by families who are raising an autistic child. Also this book addresses ways to sustain a marriage while coping with atypical child behaviours. The book is brief, easy to read, and comprehend. Also, it provides “case studies,” first-hand accounts of the difficulties faced by parents and siblings.

Your awareness of the sibling relationship, along with the help of a professional, and the book mentioned above will give you information and assistance to help with your three-year-old, if he, too, is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Stay in touch with the professional involved and re-read the book so that you can provide a comprehensive level of care for both your children.

That’s all for today and don’t forget to sign up to the email list at www.ParentingAspergersCommunity.com if you want to be in with a chance of grabbing one of the strictly limited Charter Memberships slots (I expect them to go very quickly!)

Take Care

Dave Angel

comments (11)

11 comments »

This is a hard thing for those of use w/ multiple children. We question things my younger daughter does constantly. We work closely w/ her doctors and the school to monitor and move to the next step if needed. The doctors at this point. (age 5) think that most of her behavior and social interactions are a result of mimicing her older sister. We contiuosly re-enforce, “you are not your sister, just because she likes to do this or doesn’t like this doesn’t me you have to. We try to enforce her indiviuality yet not take on the approach of “don’t be like your sister!” I want them to be close so we encourage as much interaction together as possible. I think it would be harmful to try to prevent this just so the younger wouldn’t copy the older. It’s all a part of siblings. The younger one I feel will eventually grow out of it. My sister doesn’t copy me anymore and she used to walk in my shadow and try her darndest to be me. Our problem is getting the younger to understand and not get her feelings hurt when her sister doesn’t want to play or want a hug or so on. She also doesn’t quite understand why it’s ok for her sister to do somethings that we don’t allow her and so on. This is where we have to keep pointing out they are not the same person and we try our best to explain to her, the needs of her sister. One day I know she’ll get it.

Try maybe explaining, (I know at 3 their understanding is limited) in question form. Does it hurt your bottom to sit down? (big one in our house!) No, well it does your brother/sister so that is why she can stand for dinner and you need to sit down in your chair. Bedtime… You know how you get grouchy in the morning if your tired? That’s why you need to go to sleep now. Your sisters body doesn’t like to sleep as much as yours and doesn’t get grouchy, that’s why she can stay awake a little longer.

It may not work as well w/ a 3yr old but, it has helped us some.

Comment by Karla — March 10, 2009 @ 12:35 pm
I have just the opposite problem. My grandson, age 8, has a sibling, sister age 5. They have lived with me since he was five and she was 3. I noticed right away that my grandson acted like his 3 year old sister instead of the other way around. At age 8, he still copies her. He has Aspergers and she does not. He gets along with younger children and not with his peers. Their parents wanted to seperate them, but I didn’t think that was a good idea. If he copies her good behavior, then he is learning appropriate behaviors. What do you think?

Comment by Glenda — March 10, 2009 @ 5:23 pm
GLENDA–I’m no expert but I think to separate them would be the worst thing to do. Nature sorts itself out. I have a 3 year old son and an 11 year old son with AS. He teaches him inappropriate behavior at times but we address the behavior and why it is inappropriate to each of them. Eventually the three year old will mature and grow socially as he should as he gets older. My 11 year AS son loves his little brother and gets such a kick out of playing with him on the 3 year old’s level. His 3 year old brother is very protective of his older brother- even at this very young age. It is truly a beautiful thing to see. They both enjoy each others companionship. They have a loving strong bond for each other. DO NOT SEPARATE!

Comment by Shirleyanne — March 10, 2009 @ 9:30 pm
i have a son of 14 with as and a daughter of 11.its very hard because my daughter seems to copy my sons behavour,she dosent play out with her freinds she just says in .they do not get on with each other .iv talked to her saying your brother has autium and finds it hard to socialize

Comment by michelle — March 11, 2009 @ 4:03 am
my son was just diagnoised last year it took seven years.and still not getting the help he should…if any one out there not getting the help they should then please let me know.hes in a mainstream school with as and been told that he wont be statemented cos hes 14 and also they dont have the money,it makes me so angry cos my sons suffering.

Comment by michelle — March 11, 2009 @ 4:15 am
My difficulties lie in that the older brother without AS is so hard and terrible with my second son with AS. But adores our younger son without AS. My son with AS feels the rejection very deeply. I need to expose my older son to others with diabilities for better understanding but HOW?

Comment by Noelle — March 11, 2009 @ 8:25 am
I grew up with an older brother with Asperger’s. Now my son also has it. It was hard being the younger sibling I often craved the attention he got. It took many years to relize that he got the extra attention because he needed it. I did pick up a few of his corkiness in earlier years but, I out grew most of them. There was no negative effect on growing up with an Asperger’s silbling and it prepared me for my son!!

Comment by K. Koke — March 11, 2009 @ 3:15 pm
I only have 1 child and he has autism, so I am sorry that I can’t be of help in giving tips on making sure that siblings don’t reenact things of their autistic brother/sister. However I wanted to quickly share a great book that has done my son wonders for my son,simply by changing his diet. The book is titled, “Nourishing Hope for Autism” by Julie Matthews. It is an outstanding guide for parents and practitioners, filled with practical and scientific information to support any effort to restore health using a biomedical and nutritional approach. I encourage my own clients to read it again and again and I use the protocols in my own practice.

Comment by Becky — March 12, 2009 @ 2:53 am
Michelle, My son has also just been recently diagnosed with aspergers. he is 14 years old and has anger issues. We were able to get “community support services” and the state pays for my sons therapy now whereas before we were having to fork out 160.00 just to see a psychatrist, who did not help him. not sure where you live but if you can find out about your community support services this might be helpful. We have private insurance and my sons doctor had to write a letter requesting community support services so that our insurance would deny the claim and the state would pick him up. Now he has a counselor, one on one and a psychatrist and the only cost to us is his medication.

Comment by Vickie — March 12, 2009 @ 11:24 am
please if anyone out there knows of any really good doctors that accept medicaid or have a sliding scale program that diagnose and treat aspergers. we live in rual south mississippi. we have been to see a neurologist in hattiesburg and she totally dismissed the idea. i know if i see it and the teachers at school see it and my friends see it then its not “all in my head” . i dont have a college degree but i know in my heart that is what my 5 year old has. i dont want him to be sick but i do want him with a correct diagnosis so i can get him the help he so urgently needs for home, school and over all for him and his future. please anyone with any knowledge of any aspergers doctors anywhere in mississippi.please………..

Comment by sherry — March 15, 2009 @ 12:37 am
My son is 14 and has been diagnosed with asperger’s for 8 years now. He has been left behind in education and now his behavior is off the charts at school. I get 3 to 4 calls a day with his misbehaving and now he is in ISS for two days for his last stunt. 14 is such a hard age for them as they are going through puberty too and they have no social skills. He has no friends to bring home but he wants them so much.

Sherry, don’t see a neurologist but rather find a child psychologist and a child psychiatrist as many can help. I have a wonderful psychologist for my son and I’d be lost without her myself. The psychiatrist only hands out meds and I could take him or leave him but my child needs the medication at this point. I’ve tried both and I’ve tried the nutritional side and that does help.

Comment by Anita — April 3, 2009 @ 2:19 pm