Social Skills Revisited

Filed under:Social Skills — posted by admin on October 26, 2008 @ 3:59 am

Hi there Dave Angel here with a quick update on Sunday. I’ve had a few emails asking me to re-post the social skills article from last month that didn’t work properly. So here it is … If you need any more articles re-posting let me know. Thanks and sorry to intrude on your Sunday, Dave.

Question

I would like to know how to advise my son on social skills, such as making friends without being insulting to others.

Answer

One of the behavioural traits seen in children with Asperger’s Syndrome is a lack of empathy. They don’t realize that other people have thoughts and interests that are different from theirs. They’ll interrupt a conversation and start churning out facts about their pet interest – which could be something like medieval history, Star Wars’ trivia, or math – even if it has nothing to do with what the other children are talking about. This and their lack of other social skills, such as looking others in the eyes when conversing, responding appropriately to greetings and questions, and understanding fads and the interests of peers makes making friends very difficult for Asperger’s children.

With some Asperger’s children, social abilities remain intact or aren’t really noticed until around age eight. It is around this time that their classmates begin perceiving them as “different.” The child is singled out for teasing. In addition, the child may be seen as oppositional because children with Asperger’s Syndrome take words and gestures very literally. Communication with Asperger’s children must be “concrete” (brief and easily understood).

Your son can be taught most of the same social skills that children without Asperger’s learn on their own. You can work with your son’s school to produce cards or posters with facial expressions that define feelings. Also, full-length mirrors can be used to make children aware of their facial expressions and overall body language. You and his teachers can role play social situations with him to help him learn appropriate responses and actions.

Speaking of schools, it is unfortunate that there are few schools fully equipped to help children with Asperger’s Syndrome. The number of schools with diagnostically appropriate services will increase when parents, doctors, and social service practitioners lobby educational institutions for assistance in teaching Asperger’s children.

Until the school provides more assistance with your son, there are a number of things that you can do at home. You can surround your son with friends and family so he will have familiar people around on a consistent basis. If your son is intimidated by a large number of people, just have one friend over at a time.

In addition to friends, you can train your son in appropriate social and perceptual skills. He can learn to perceive and interpret nonverbal behaviors, process visual and auditory information, and become aware of social/behavioural conventions. To help you with teaching your son social skills, you might want to purchase the video productions “Model Me Conversation” and “Model Me Friendship.” Click the link below to access them:

Social Skills

In addition to the above videos, there is a book titled:

Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Understanding and Managing Social Challenges for Those with Aspergers/Autism

written by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. Both Grandin and Barron are diagnosed as having high-functioning autism, and they have written a book that helps people with Asperger’s Syndrome cope with daily social demands.

To help you help your son, go on the internet and look for Asperger’s Syndrome support groups. Look for a group in your area. If there is none available, there are people who stay in touch via the internet. Whether in person or over the internet, they can give you advice and support which will help you help your son.

Take Care

Dave Angel

comments (17)

17 comments »

The book “Social Skills Training for Children and Adolescents with Asperger Syndrome” by Dr. Jeb Baker has been probably the most helpful book for social skills/interpersonal issues. I also found out later this is actually the book used in a local social skills training camp over the summer. It can be bought as his website or even amazon.com

Comment by Amy — October 26, 2008 @ 8:18 am
a chart of facial expressions; i had one
long ago. can someone help me locate one ?.
only one page, but really helped.

Comment by maur mcnal — October 26, 2008 @ 2:28 pm
My son is an 11 year old with high functioning autism. He also has ADHD/OCD/Tourettes. He does not know that he has Asperger Syndrome. He goes to a private school which has an enrollment of approx. 95% high functioning autistic children Grades 3 thru 8. He knows he has a problem with his focus however he does not know nor has he asked me about being different. When is a good time to tell him about Asperger Syndrome? I have avoided telling him because he has OCD and he might not be able to work through it. He may also start using it as a crutch. What do you suggest?

Comment by Shirleyanne Marelly — October 26, 2008 @ 4:42 pm
Shileyanne, I have an 18 year old Asperger son and he also has OCD. It is my opinion that he does need to know who he is and he is a person with Aspergers. He does not need to tell unless he wishes but he needs to be accepting of who he is and that is a huge part of who he is! I have tried to make it not be a crutch,as parents we know what is the problem and what isn’t. We must make those decisions and stick with them. Our Therapist helped alot during the younger years in talking things through together with the therapist present. Anyway, no judgement from here….just letting you in on some of my wisdom from the years of my experience! God bless and keep us updated on how things go. Kim

Comment by kim — October 26, 2008 @ 5:03 pm
I think it’s important to let your child know all the ways you are trying to support him. Although it seems like a good idea to brush the name of the illness/condition under the rug, it’s a good idea to get the child accustomed to just what it is that makes him unique and what makes him say/do/or act the way he may in certain situations. It’s not a crutch, either way the child has the reality of growing up with issues not facing other children without asperger’s or autism. Being able to talk about it comfortably with his family at first will give him the opportunity to understand it for himself,in the sanctuary of home you have provided, and then the confidence to share it with others if he chooses. By keeping the situation from him it could cause him a heap of unanswered questions. Understanding is what he needs, both from his family and those around him at school and elsewhere.
Though things might change over time, there will always be ways he will need supports. As long as he is able to deal with it face on, nothing will jump out of his proverbial closet later on to scare disappoint or confuse him.
Good luck and have fun with your astounding and incredible Aspie! You won’t be short on surprises and though social “skills” may not be up to par by what is expected by society at large, I challenge you to find others so interested in the world around them, and so deeply caring in their own unique way.

Comment by Paula Gibson Griffith — October 27, 2008 @ 3:22 am
I know the lack of social skills and being lonely is one of the hardest parts of this. My advice would be to let your child get practice, practice, practice of social skills. Give them the opportunity to talk to as many people as possible. Let them practice talking to store clerks, teachers, grown up friends of family, and especcially people in their field of interest. This may mean countless hours of visiting anywhere from miniture train conventions to vacuum cleaner stores but if they don’t practice something they are not skilled at how are they going to develop it. We also tend to speak for them a lot and it is hard to not to. But practice, practice, practice and I know it is hard.When a conversation ( and keep it short at first) goes well, praise. When something goes not so well, later when the time is appropriate revisit that conversation and discuss the fact that when you said this, the person thought that. State it as a fact and not a accusation and they will learn to trust your feedback.

Comment by Cathy — October 27, 2008 @ 7:36 am
Thank you so much for this information. i have a daughter with Asperger’s and she is high functioning. I do not want to tell her about it because I am afraid that would single her out even more. I want her to integrate to the world not to be isolated. She does not have many friends and have some problems with socializing. Please keep sending your valuable input.

Comment by Sonia Marques — October 27, 2008 @ 11:51 am
Thank you Kim. I think I needed that extra push. We are seeing a therapist at present and I’ll talk to him about how we should go about making him know about himself. Making sure that he realizes that he isn’t any less because of it but just wired a little differently than others. Again, thank you for your input.

Comment by Shirleyanne Marelly — October 27, 2008 @ 12:20 pm
Does anyone have their child taking Monavie juice for Aspergers. My friend swears by it! She has even sent me an article that it could help the child with ADHD/Asperberger’s. Please help.
Thank you

Comment by Holly Urquizu — October 27, 2008 @ 1:22 pm
My grandson going on 13 years lacks empathy. i.e. He tells a person “he is ugly”. Well yes, the person wasn’t great to look at but one doesn’t say things to hurt people. Naturally he was told why.
When I read the Tony Attwoods book there was a brief description written by an A.S. 15 year old i.e. I can get my own breakfast, I like spelling, computer etc… It sounded like my grandson and Tony Attwood had said in his book to have them read a few things so they will know why they are different. Anyway I gave him page 178 and he said “He’s just like me” and was quite happy about being a bit different.

Comment by Lillian Carde — October 27, 2008 @ 5:00 pm
Hello everyone,

My frustation lies within the school setting as well. My son, age 9, has Aspergers, ADHD, and Sensory Ingetration issues. Currently my son is not in the public school setting (where he is enrolled) due to the fact that the school does not have his programming ready. I have been unofficially home schooling him since Sept. 24 – the last day he attended school. In the 10 days that he DID attend school, he attended 6 full days, and 4 half days because he was sent home for so called “bad behavior”. This year my son has had to cope with the following changes in his school routine: 1) being transported by taxi as opposed to bus, 2) significant changes in teaching staff and administrators leaving only one person he is familiar with in the school, 3)major renovations in various parts of the school affecting where his classroom, the special needs classroom AND the Sensory Room (which is still not ready to date), 4) when school started there was no schedule as they were (and still are) working on it, 5) they changed his peer group by rearranging the class lists for the first time in 6 years, 6) removed his former programming and is replacing it with new stuff (if they ever get it finished), 7) and finally, to top it off, the administrators are refusing to allow him to join extra curricular activities.

I am at my witts end …. any suggestions?

Comment by Only1Jac — October 27, 2008 @ 8:16 pm
I have seperated from my wife and 3 children, my wife has told me by mail that jake 6yr has aspergas. can you summeries it for me. ive spoken to jake on the phone and dont understand?

Comment by leonard mcconnell — October 27, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
My son was diagnosed when he was 10. He did not know he had asperger’s until about 9 month’s ago. He finally asked me if that’s what he has since he’s seen all of the literature and books that I read. I told him yes, I think you do because I have it (I was never diagnosed) and I see a lot of the traits I have in you. He has a very mild form and he especially does not want to be like the typical geeky-type of kid. He desparately wants to be neuro-typical and cool. He knows he talks and acts differently and can’t help it. I can’t get him to be in any social skills group because he gets more depressed when he has to be around other AS kids that have different degrees of it. He doesn’t have very many friends and not many in our neighborhood. I would like to find a group of friends he could hang out w/ but not necessary AS kids. Any ideas?

Comment by Linda Smith — October 28, 2008 @ 7:15 am
He just turned 13 a month ago. So he found out his diagnoses when he was 12.

Comment by Linda Smith — October 28, 2008 @ 7:18 am
Hi my son william is 13 and was diagnosed this summer with aspergers. previously the school psych had labled him as bipolar and we had been trying to medicate him for that but it wasnt working( for some rather concrete reasons) Because we went to a lot fo different doctors and it seemed to become a topic of general conversation at family gatherings william heard the word banterd around alot more than i would have prefered. But my family never did care about my preferences when it came to raising my children. Any how William had questions like “mom what is this aspergers thing you keep talking about”. to which i simply stated that it was a developmental condition that seems to run in our family. Later when I was at the book store with him I ran across the book “All cats have Aspergers Syndrome” and asked him to read it to see if he thought grandma would like it for christmas, The combination of great and funny pictures of cats (which hapeens to be one of our faveorite topics of conversation) and straight forward ingformation about the condition made for a decent conversation starter. “that reminds me of grandma and that reminds me of uncle jesse. i think this one is kinda like me”. allowed him to identify with the conditon woith out me having to sit him down and confront the issue all serious. It worked for us. The book seems particularly well suited to children so if you needed to explain the condition to siblings or to other relatives of your child. There is even a great jab at over bearing family members who think they know every thing abut raising all kinds of children.

Comment by jodi — November 1, 2008 @ 10:59 pm
My 9yr old step-son was diagnosed with Aspergers, and amongst all the typical issues we are having MAJOR issues with sexual inappropriate behavior. He has started seeing a counslor to make sure he isn’t getting some of these things from being put in those situations, but we are running out of time. He is on the edge of getting kicked out of school for things he does and says. He told one little girl he was going to break into her home and pull her pants down. We are at a loss, does anyone have any advice, or has anyone expiernenced the same??
HELP

Comment by Breezi — November 3, 2008 @ 12:36 pm
My brother was diagnosed autistic with adhd at 3yrs but we felt this diagnosis didn’t strictly fit so pushed for further clarification. Eventually this new word Asperger’s came up and exactly described what David was like and how he seemed to think. There followed some tough years of special needs schools, rare psychologist & counsellor visits etc. (support & adequate care being sparse here in Ireland). But now, at 12yrs, David is doing amazingly well and is an absolute joy. He has just begun his final year in a mainstream primary (junior) school and next year will begin a new phase in secondary school (highschool). Though insecure and with the world on his shoulders at times, he has a lovely little group of friends who embrace him wholly and is a funny & wise-cracking little almost-teenager who has a character all his own and we wouldn’t change a hair on his head. It can be quite a journey but we felt it so important to treat him as we would a “typical” child and allow his specific interests and obssessions and even physical tics like hand-flapping etc., believing these would ease with time as his social skills & awareness developed. And they absolutely did. Plus, my mother recently told him about Asperger’s and after some dramatics and ALOT of questions, he seemed to accept it and take it in is his stride.
Again I’ll say that it was quite a journey but worth every step and one that gave us as a family an immense amount of learning and development ourselves. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. My thoughts and best wishes are with everyone here!

Comment by Sarah — November 5, 2008 @ 3:33 pm