Social skills
Due to problems in people seeing this article - this is a test post to see if it will resolve the issue:
I’ve just been to the local Play Zone with my daughter so I’m hoping to get this blog entry done quickly – whilst she sleeps off her morning’s exercise! My baby’s growing up – she’s all of 15 months now! So here goes for this week’s article on social skills …
Question
I would like to know how to advise my son on social skills, such as making friends without being insulting to others.
Answer
One of the behavioural traits seen in children with Asperger’s Syndrome is a lack of empathy. They don’t realize that other people have thoughts and interests that are different from theirs. They’ll interrupt a conversation and start churning out facts about their pet interest - which could be something like medieval history, Star Wars’ trivia, or math - even if it has nothing to do with what the other children are talking about. This and their lack of other social skills, such as looking others in the eyes when conversing, responding appropriately to greetings and questions, and understanding fads and the interests of peers makes making friends very difficult for Asperger’s children.
With some Asperger’s children, social abilities remain intact or aren’t really noticed until around age eight. It is around this time that their classmates begin perceiving them as “different.” The child is singled out for teasing. In addition, the child may be seen as oppositional because children with Asperger’s Syndrome take words and gestures very literally. Communication with Asperger’s children must be “concrete” (brief and easily understood).
Your son can be taught most of the same social skills that children without Asperger’s learn on their own. You can work with your son’s school to produce cards or posters with facial expressions that define feelings. Also, full-length mirrors can be used to make children aware of their facial expressions and overall body language. You and his teachers can role play social situations with him to help him learn appropriate responses and actions.
Speaking of schools, it is unfortunate that there are few schools fully equipped to help children with Asperger’s Syndrome. The number of schools with diagnostically appropriate services will increase when parents, doctors, and social service practitioners lobby educational institutions for assistance in teaching Asperger’s children.
Until the school provides more assistance with your son, there are a number of things that you can do at home. You can surround your son with friends and family so he will have familiar people around on a consistent basis. If your son is intimidated by a large number of people, just have one friend over at a time.
In addition to friends, you can train your son in appropriate social and perceptual skills. He can learn to perceive and interpret nonverbal behaviors, process visual and auditory information, and become aware of social/behavioural conventions. To help you with teaching your son social skills, you might want to purchase the video productions “Model Me Conversation” and “Model Me Friendship.” Click the link below to access them:
In addition to the above videos, there is a book titled:
written by Temple Grandin and Sean Barron. Both Grandin and Barron are diagnosed as having high-functioning autism, and they have written a book that helps people with Asperger’s Syndrome cope with daily social demands.
To help you help your son, go on the internet and look for Asperger’s Syndrome support groups. Look for a group in your area. If there is none available, there are people who stay in touch via the internet. Whether in person or over the internet, they can give you advice and support which will help you help your son.
PS – I’ve got some great news about the new website. I’ve finally found some software that can do everything that a web community needs to keep in touch, updated with developments on all things Aspergers etc. Plus the exciting part is this software is about to be upgraded to allow people in the community to be able to have their own little area like on MySpace on Facebook.
So for those who really want to share, grow and develop with other parents this will be an awesome addition. But don’t worry this won’t be compulsory! So if you prefer to stay low key and just update yourself on the new developments, research and ideas at the website then that will be just fine too.
And some slight bad news … it looks likely to be around January when I can have all this ready to go. Which when you think we’re already in October isn’t too long anyway really.
PPS – The newsletter for this month will be out in the next few days; sorry for the delay!
Take Care
Dave Angel
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Hi Dave, thanks for sorting it out, I can read this article now.
Comment by Gita Savage — September 25, 2008 @ 6:09 am
It worked! Thank you.
Comment by Michele — September 25, 2008 @ 6:35 am
Thank you for all your wonderful articles! I have a son with Aspergers and not many people I know have even heard of it. For years my husband and I have always had to apologize for his behavior or outburst because looking at him he seemed like your typicall 6 year old, but he does have his quirks. We are working with a great doctor in Boston which has helped allot and he also attends Karate which has made a huge difference in his eye contact and social skills. Keep the articles coming I am always looking for new ideas for situations that may arise.
Comment by susan — September 25, 2008 @ 6:42 am
I use Internet Explorer and it worked fine.
Thanks for all the great info!
Comment by Gerry Lewis — September 25, 2008 @ 7:18 am
I use Internet Explorer and it worked fine.
Thanks for all the great info.
Comment by Gerry Lewis — September 25, 2008 @ 7:19 am
Worked great! Would not send to your given e-mail address though. Kept saying “permission denied”. Thanks for all that you do.
Comment by Jackie Martin — September 25, 2008 @ 7:23 am
To the Mother questioning how to get her childs teacher to communicate regarding her childs day…I had to resort to getting my daughters principle involved. I too was nervous that it would cause a problem between the teacher and myself (with my daughter being caught in the middle)but decided to set the fear aside because it was my daughters future at hand. I started by sending an email to the principle stating that from that day forward I would be ‘cc-ing’ her in all future emails to my daughters teacher as I was not getting any feedback from the teacher. I added that communication is important as it not only assists us (the family) as to why she is having a bad day at home after school, but also for future doctor appts. I also added that I appreciated that the school understood the ‘importance’ of communication for my daughter, just to keep it light. It worked. We have daily communication now. Also, it is written on my daughter’s I.E.P. that a communication notebook will be used. Good luck!
Comment by Kelly S. — September 25, 2008 @ 7:24 am
It’s working now Dave….your the Greatest!
Comment by Jeffrey — September 25, 2008 @ 8:00 am
It worked!! Thanks so much!
Comment by Chris — September 25, 2008 @ 8:07 am
It worked for me Dave.
Comment by Shelly — September 25, 2008 @ 8:08 am
thank you it is now working
Comment by JG — September 25, 2008 @ 8:32 am
it works!
Comment by geraldine — September 25, 2008 @ 9:38 am
wooo hoooo!!! Now I can finally read the article that I’ve been waiting for!! Thanks! You ARE the greatest as others have said!
Comment by Julie — September 25, 2008 @ 10:10 am
This link works perfectly. Thank you so much.
Comment by Mary Minshall — September 25, 2008 @ 10:39 am
IT WORKED! thanks for all the work you put into it to make this available to everyone! Oh, and we purchased the Model Me Kids videos about a month ago. They are GREAT! I would recommend them highly. Another great something we found is a “points” system via internet. You can create charts & assign points for children to earn. http://www.handipoints.com It’s worth checking out!
Comment by Lela — September 25, 2008 @ 10:52 am
Worked perfectly. Thanks.
Comment by Claire Talbot — September 25, 2008 @ 11:30 am
Thanks Dave! It has worked for me as well!
I Just want to share that yesterday I had my son’s senior year IEP meeting and things went very well and for now he is doing well. The school brought in two people to speak about help with transition from high school (which maybe you could do an article on sometime!) and it is such a nice thing….as you all know to have a good report and a good meeting!
Thanks for listening! Kim
Comment by kim — September 25, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
Thanks for the fix Dave…..appreciate all your efforts
Comment by Shelly Goslin — September 25, 2008 @ 2:10 pm
My son with aspergers is 16. He hates fads. I was lucky enough to have assistance with various issues when he was young. He told me recently that he needs social training again because he is loosing friends and he doesn’t know why. The best thing I found that helped is everytime I see the chance to show him how most people are expected to act or do things seems to help him make logical sense of what he is expected to do. Even movies and tv can give you the opportunity to help explain situations. When I see he doesn’t get it or he asks why that happened. We talk.
Comment by Barb — September 25, 2008 @ 2:52 pm
It worked for me too!!!
Our son has been in 2 social skills classes and we became friends with some of the other children with autism/asperger’s syndrome and their families thru the class. Now we get together at parks or play lands so the kids can interact with NT kids.
I also use idioms often. At first, it was really difficult for my son. He tolerates them much better, but lets face it, life is full of idioms and I don’t want him constantly unset. We talk about how “silly” the sayings are and what they really mean. Still working on “older than dirt.”
My son meets with the social worker at his school every other week. She works on social skills with him. (he is 7) She is very helpful.
Michele
Comment by Michele Schneider — September 25, 2008 @ 3:59 pm
The problem with the web site occurs when you’ve got a PC with a wide-screen. If you narrow your browser window, the advert/calendar panel moves back into a sensible position. It’s because it’s got a fixed location on the screen.
I’ve been able to demonstrate this problem in IE7 and Firefox 3.
BTW: Thanks for your fantastic articles - Great reading.
Comment by Gavin Bollard — September 25, 2008 @ 5:45 pm
Thank you very much. The article worked this time too. YAAH!! I am still looking into whether my son has Asperbergers and well I’m alittle nervous, but it does explain a lot.
Thanks for this wonderful information,
Christine
Comment by Christine Giarnieri — September 25, 2008 @ 7:46 pm
I have the “MODEL ME” kids videos and my two sons (12 and
are learning social skills from them, but also think they are funny too, so they enjoy watching them. Like this one kid starts talking too loudly and it teached them to just talk in a regular tone of voice. Then it shows the boy doing it again in the right way. It’s totally NOT making fun, but teaches in an entertaining way. We bought the teen series but my 8 year old enjoys it and is learning skills too.
Debbie Johnson USA
Comment by Debbie Johnson — September 25, 2008 @ 9:03 pm
I use Safari on a Mac and your blog works fine now! Thanks
Comment by Joan — September 26, 2008 @ 7:37 am
I got the article this time Dave. Thanks a lot!!!
Comment by Lisa — September 26, 2008 @ 11:21 am
It’s working now! I’ve read the article, very helpful, thank you!
Comment by Marianna — September 26, 2008 @ 3:21 pm
My 7 yr. old son just have been diagnosed asp. I can not accept the idea that he has it, I just cannot accept it, I going through a great depression and I just cannot hold my self together. I dont know how to help him. I have read a book and I see it clearly that he has it, I cannot believe I didnt see it before,, and I feel really bad. He is being sufferring all this time. He always had been dificult when his around people, when he is alone he es a perfect child. To be honest, I am mad, very mad, at everything. I used to be an feel ok, but now I lost sense in living, nothing matters to me anymore, I cannot see my kid suffer, can someone give a good thing about this, him having asp.? I am extremely depressed. I have always been a very positive person and cheerful to others, but this time I just cant. Please, someone tell me something to cheer me up? Why God makes unperfect children? What did I do wrong? Is he ever gone be normal, and be a happy person???
Comment by faby — September 26, 2008 @ 3:53 pm
Thanks Dave
It worked fine. Thanks for all your articles and time.
Barbara
Comment by Barbara Shea — September 26, 2008 @ 7:11 pm
Thanks so much, Dave! No problems here, IE7
appreciate all your work to bring this valid info to so many!
Comment by Bonnie Acosta — September 27, 2008 @ 9:49 am
its working thank goodness, i look forward to your emails they have helped a lot .Keep up the good work. thanks.
Comment by Donna — September 28, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
I can read!!!!! thanks alot Dave you fixed it.
Comment by Chris Dumbleton — September 29, 2008 @ 12:21 am
My 12 yr old grandson has had a friend since kindy years (I used to look fter him while his mum worked). He was more like a brother I guess. I have looked after another boy the same age s my grandson in 1st and 2nd year at school but they never connected socially. His friend will always be the first friend he clicked with in preschool years. Another friend who may stay over the odd night is mainly because of Runescape Computer game and Playstation games. His other aquaintances are boys from school basketball team and softball but they are only talking aquaintances. At table tennis he doesnt really socialise with people around his age hes always talking to a retired teacher about maths and jokes and spelling. He gets on a lot better this year in Year 8 because he likes his teacher better and has a teacher helping him on social and behaviour issues (he really likes her class).
Comment by Lillian Carde — September 29, 2008 @ 7:29 pm
Dave: I have a 32 yr old son with aspergers.It was diagnosed at 29. His life has been very difficult since it’s not easy for him to make friends.Can you advise a way that I can help him?
(books,chat rooms, etc.) He would like to talk to other adults with aspergers.
Comment by Zaida — September 30, 2008 @ 12:43 pm
David, Your article is very helpful. Thank you for taking the time to make sure everyone can get it.
Comment by Toni — October 1, 2008 @ 10:18 am