Comments on: Thanks…and Getting Support from The In-Laws! http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/ Aspergers Syndrome-Aspergers-Aspergers Disease-Aspergers Disorder-Autism Aspergers-ASD-Asperger Syndrome-Asperger-Asbergers-Asbergers Syndrome-Asberger Syndrome-Asberger-Autistic-Autistic Children-Autism Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:14:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Sharlene http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3995 Sharlene Wed, 30 Jul 2008 03:21:06 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3995 My Ex parnter's mother (grandmother of y child with asperger's) has not visited or rung in 10 months since i rang his father to tell him the news that our son was diagnosed and he told his mother and she has not seen him since and has only sent cards and didnt even get him a xmas or b'day present. Very strange from the in laws. but i also dont think my family really get it either, especially my sister as they see him behave well and tell me i'm not strict enough. Coments like that are so unhelpful when a lot of days you feel drained from being so strict and firm with the boundaries!! Constant battle is with other peoples judgemental and uneducated comments! My Ex parnter’s mother (grandmother of y child with asperger’s) has not visited or rung in 10 months since i rang his father to tell him the news that our son was diagnosed and he told his mother and she has not seen him since and has only sent cards and didnt even get him a xmas or b’day present. Very strange from the in laws. but i also dont think my family really get it either, especially my sister as they see him behave well and tell me i’m not strict enough. Coments like that are so unhelpful when a lot of days you feel drained from being so strict and firm with the boundaries!! Constant battle is with other peoples judgemental and uneducated comments!

]]> By: Lori Caron http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3843 Lori Caron Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:46:39 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3843 Oops Question 3 was originated by Bonnie - not Brenda Sorry Oops Question 3 was originated by Bonnie - not Brenda Sorry

]]> By: Lori Caron http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3840 Lori Caron Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:54:16 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3840 Comment for Question #3 (Brenda) My husband struggled when our son was diagnosed too. They want the perfect child & their dreams for them come crashing down. No child comes with a handbook even if they are typically developing, tell your husband you are learning for the first time just like him - all parents make mistakes. Blaming you is not helping matters and could be the reason your daughter is acting out more around him. She needs both of you to work as a TEAM for her future success. If you husband doesn't like to read, then perhaps you could find a support group in your area. He could meet other parents who struggle with the same things. Hopefully he could meet another father who has been through it and could offer him some advise or strategies. Feeling alone in this is the scariest part. We need to stick together and be good advocates for our children. Suggest a time when you and your hubby can sit down (away from the kids) and discuss a game plan for discipline for her that works for BOTH of you. You are not alone! Comment for Question #3 (Brenda)
My husband struggled when our son was diagnosed too. They want the perfect child & their dreams for them come crashing down. No child comes with a handbook even if they are typically developing, tell your husband you are learning for the first time just like him - all parents make mistakes. Blaming you is not helping matters and could be the reason your daughter is acting out more around him. She needs both of you to work as a TEAM for her future success. If you husband doesn’t like to read, then perhaps you could find a support group in your area. He could meet other parents who struggle with the same things. Hopefully he could meet another father who has been through it and could offer him some advise or strategies. Feeling alone in this is the scariest part. We need to stick together and be good advocates for our children.

Suggest a time when you and your hubby can sit down (away from the kids) and discuss a game plan for discipline for her that works for BOTH of you. You are not alone!

]]> By: Julie Bliven http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3827 Julie Bliven Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:46:17 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3827 I know I'm late on getting back!! I am a single mom and have family that before I had some legal problems. They thought that I should do things their way and my son is controling my life cause I ask him if he wants to go anyehere with the family usually I don't go and just stay home. They think that I am getting walked over by asking him first if he wants to go. After the Safeway thing happend I choose to still let him make the choose whether we go or not. I just don't want to loose him to my sister again. I know I’m late on getting back!! I am a single mom and have family that before I had some legal problems. They thought that I should do things their way and my son is controling my life cause I ask him if he wants to go anyehere with the family usually I don’t go and just stay home. They think that I am getting walked over by asking him first if he wants to go. After the Safeway thing happend I choose to still let him make the choose whether we go or not. I just don’t want to loose him to my sister again.

]]> By: Julie Dent http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3819 Julie Dent Tue, 01 Jul 2008 22:44:11 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3819 So I am not alone! My inlaws live in a different country and I am thankful for this everyday. However recently it was bought to my attention that my own family, my mum and dad and brothers (and their wives) all thought I was spoiling my son and all he needed was stricter, harsher discpline. I felt really let down by the people who are supposed to be there for me. I now will be wary of any family dinners and I may choose to keep ourselves (me and my son) safe by not exposing ourselves to negative criticsm. It is a really hard road to travel when you can't even rely on the support of your loved ones. So I am not alone! My inlaws live in a different country and I am thankful for this everyday. However recently it was bought to my attention that my own family, my mum and dad and brothers (and their wives) all thought I was spoiling my son and all he needed was stricter, harsher discpline. I felt really let down by the people who are supposed to be there for me. I now will be wary of any family dinners and I may choose to keep ourselves (me and my son) safe by not exposing ourselves to negative criticsm. It is a really hard road to travel when you can’t even rely on the support of your loved ones.

]]> By: Satscout http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3817 Satscout Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:24:53 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3817 Good luck is right. My in-laws live several states away (thank God) and have absolutely no sympathy for when my very high functioning PDD-NOS/ADHD son is having a bad day. It's not just automatically "our" fault but "my" fault. And it comes in waves - he will have sometimes several weeks of "good days" before a string of "bad" ones, improved since last medication tweak for the ADHD. So if they see a "bad day" then automatically *I* need to be a better mom or (sometimes) my husband needs to be a stricter dad. It's a tough row to hoe. Good luck is right. My in-laws live several states away (thank God) and have absolutely no sympathy for when my very high functioning PDD-NOS/ADHD son is having a bad day. It’s not just automatically “our” fault but “my” fault. And it comes in waves - he will have sometimes several weeks of “good days” before a string of “bad” ones, improved since last medication tweak for the ADHD. So if they see a “bad day” then automatically *I* need to be a better mom or (sometimes) my husband needs to be a stricter dad. It’s a tough row to hoe.

]]> By: Lori Caron http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3815 Lori Caron Tue, 01 Jul 2008 19:21:12 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3815 My heart goes out to you! My in-laws and my own parents were doubtful when my son was diagnosed and insisted he was fine! I just kept talking and talking until I was blue in the face about Aspergers/Autism and gave them any reading material I came across to help educate them. Then....they started referring me to information they would come across. It's been great and they are a wonderful form of support. To anyone who has ever been invited to an event but told that "one of their children must stay at home with a sitter", I would hope you would decline the invitation and have your own family gathering. If your extended family doesn't want to be a part of it----it's their loss. Move on and keep that strong bond with your immediate family. My heart goes out to you! My in-laws and my own parents were doubtful when my son was diagnosed and insisted he was fine! I just kept talking and talking until I was blue in the face about Aspergers/Autism and gave them any reading material I came across to help educate them. Then….they started referring me to information they would come across. It’s been great and they are a wonderful form of support. To anyone who has ever been invited to an event but told that “one of their children must stay at home with a sitter”, I would hope you would decline the invitation and have your own family gathering. If your extended family doesn’t want to be a part of it—-it’s their loss. Move on and keep that strong bond with your immediate family.

]]> By: Jadzia http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3814 Jadzia Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:53:32 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3814 Wow. It seems like this topic was written just for me. I am relieved to see that I am not the only one out there having issues with parents and in-laws. We try to attribute much of their "lack of knowledge" on children with special needs with their "lack of education". The way children (who would have been diagnosed with ASD today) were treated years ago was very different from techniques used today. I find it very difficult to change the minds of my parents and in-laws. Wow. It seems like this topic was written just for me. I am relieved to see that I am not the only one out there having issues with parents and in-laws. We try to attribute much of their “lack of knowledge” on children with special needs with their “lack of education”. The way children (who would have been diagnosed with ASD today) were treated years ago was very different from techniques used today. I find it very difficult to change the minds of my parents and in-laws.

]]> By: Bonnie Murphy http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3813 Bonnie Murphy Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:51:14 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3813 Yeah I agree on trying to get someone who just doesn't get it or is willing to accept it period. Anyone have advice for a father who is unwilling to come to terms with it and is not parenting the child correctly and is convinced the child is doing everything to "spite him" and is at "war with him?" Oh and then she is a bad child because I didn't discipline her enough when she was young. He has been told over and over by many this isn't true, before the diagnosis, she has other issues - ADHD diagnosis. So question is, where does one point a parent who is absolutely convinced it is just bad parenting, by one parent only, and the child is just being a brat (she is now 12) Yeah I agree on trying to get someone who just doesn’t get it or is willing to accept it period. Anyone have advice for a father who is unwilling to come to terms with it and is not parenting the child correctly and is convinced the child is doing everything to “spite him” and is at “war with him?” Oh and then she is a bad child because I didn’t discipline her enough when she was young.

He has been told over and over by many this isn’t true, before the diagnosis, she has other issues - ADHD diagnosis.

So question is, where does one point a parent who is absolutely convinced it is just bad parenting, by one parent only, and the child is just being a brat (she is now 12)

]]> By: Mary Minshall http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3812 Mary Minshall Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:28:56 +0000 http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/thanksand-getting-support-from-the-in-laws/#comment-3812 Good luck in getting the in-laws to agree that it's not the kid's fault that s/he acts out and is not very social. I can only hope that the current group of parents has better luck than my generation where parents often fought lonely battles with unsympathetic in-laws. In one instance, the in-laws even tried to get their son to divorce his wife and marry another girl who was "more strict" with children and "wouldn't put up with this nonsense." There is a good article for grandparents on Barbara Kirby's site, http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/ A frustrated mom might want to print it out and hand it to her child's grandparents. However, we must remember that a lot of people think the whole field of psychology and psychiatry is one step removed from witchcraft and thus, will say its all foolishness and, "in this house, we don't believe in that silliness." So, all one can say, is be prepared for the invitation to Thanksgiving dinner or the 4th of July picnic with the admonition, "Sarah is welcome, but please leave Jacob at home with a sitter." Good luck in getting the in-laws to agree that it’s not the kid’s fault that s/he acts out and is not very social. I can only hope that the current group of parents has better luck than my generation where parents often fought lonely battles with unsympathetic in-laws. In one instance, the in-laws even tried to get their son to divorce his wife and marry another girl who was “more strict” with children and “wouldn’t put up with this nonsense.”
There is a good article for grandparents on Barbara Kirby’s site, http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/ A frustrated mom might want to print it out and hand it to her child’s grandparents.
However, we must remember that a lot of people think the whole field of psychology and psychiatry is one step removed from witchcraft and thus, will say its all foolishness and, “in this house, we don’t believe in that silliness.” So, all one can say, is be prepared for the invitation to Thanksgiving dinner or the 4th of July picnic with the admonition, “Sarah is welcome, but please leave Jacob at home with a sitter.”

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