Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

trudy beckham — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:27:28 +0000

hey again!! & look what i just did! i just spent more time explaining myself & saying sorry to a few..than i did saying the more important THANKYOU! to all of those wonderful & accepting messages..& this seems quite typical of my life..i spend much time trying to gain understanding of everything i do or say..from a few who just dont get it..i am not sure why i feel the un-dying urge..maybee its just that i care! & its my way of showing it..with explinations! because thats what i wish people would do for me..if ‘I’ didnt get it! & open down to earth HONESTY would save all that MISUNDERSTANDING..but hey all i wanted to do this time was say THANKS THANKS THANKS xxxxxx
& i say YES to UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE & WORLD PEACE & LOVE xxxxxxxxx

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

trudy beckham — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 01:36:53 +0000

hey people! yes it is me..Trudy! THANK ALL OF YOU for your comments! & i love that many people got some good stuff from it…i am also sorry to have used gayness as my example…tiz too confronting for some..i know now! but i did also mention the itchy clothing!!! & i was only going by an annalogy of that odd feeling that people may have if they just ‘know’ that they are different to others around them..& the odd gestures that a flamboyant gay person uses..sets them asside as obviously unusual & people notice those differences! no matter what race or sex etc..(& from these gestures, come harsh predudicial oppinions) i would (or could) have used the “from another country” thing..but that might not be so obvious to a passer by on the street or i could have said ‘alien’ but then that is just tooo odd, (or maybee a non-star bellied sneetch..in dr sues) so sorry to those who didnt get it..i forgot that people also have predudices towards gay people..so please just use my comments less to heart..& maybee think about that itchy jumper!! TIZ QUITE IRITATING..coz quite honnestly i was never even thinking “politicaly correct” & being an asperger (for me) means that i just dont get it…..but i do understand, and am bright enough to know that we are all from diverse places & experiances & there ARE those who NEED “political correctness” about touchy subjects..tiz the rules! & these rules are to protect peoples feelings…so i am truely sorry

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

Sinead — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 18:34:29 +0000

Hi Trudy,
Sorry for the delay in replying, but I dont really know what to say, except that your message really touched me. I am 35 and was only introduced to AS recently. I am doing a teaching course which contains an element of “Special Needs” and one day a mother of an Aspergers boy of 12 came in to talk to us. I was stuck to the chair and felt as if everyone could see my reaction because I was stunned and felt completely exposed to the world. What she was describing was me. It has changed everything but not in a bad way. It is more relief, because like you I have spent most of my life feeling somehow abnormal and inadequate because I could not behave like everyone else and put all my energy into trying to be that person…it was exhausting. I havent gone through the stage of being diagnosed yet but its still such a relief because even now I am more relaxed(most of the time) about being me, knowing that Im not crazy or wrong, and not alone. Thanks to you and to Dave for this site.

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

Leslie — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 12:57:20 +0000

My 21 year old son is a handsome 6 foot tall, broad shouldered young man with a singing voice to die for, an incredible writing ability, hysterically funny, a brilliant scholar majoring in Theoretical Physics and sensitive and loving to his family. He is also a loner who prefers his computer to people, doesn’t drive, has a very difficult time being around people for a long period of time, completely looses his cool when he looses a competition (and that can be just getting a math problem wrong) without anti-anxiety medication and has never had a girlfriend. We struggled for years to understand what was at the core of his “differences” and volatility in school. Finally, when he kicked over a desk in the 9th grade during one of his “fugues”(complete black out during a violent outburst) we knew we had to do something that allowed him to just get through a day in the outside world. Still not having an AS diagnosis (that wouldn’t come until he was 19) he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and given an anti-depressants. Bingo! I know many people don’t approve of medication intervention but it changed his life. I had received calls from school since he entered nursery school at age three, always the same, “Max cried uncontrollably today,” or “I couldn’t calm Max down.” It got so bad in the third grade that other parents in the class wrote letters asking that he be removed! They didn’t care that he was the brightest kid in the class who had been reading chapter books since 2 1/2 and was already doing algebra. All they knew was he was a behavior problem who was disrupting their children’s educations (and I really didn’t blame them). Long story short, when he forgot to take his medication in his first semester of college, he flunked out of school and had to come home. We took him to yet another counselor (his fourth) who FINALLY diagnosed AS. Between the right therapy and being back on medication, he worked very hard to get a handle on life, his priorities, etc. He decided dorm living wasn’t for him, so when he went back to school the following year, he commuted and still does. As far as letting the world know or keeping his diagnosis secret, I (who am a very private person) am thrilled to run into any of his old teachers around town! I want everyone to know why the infamous Max was always “losing it.” I know other parents talked about him and stopped inviting him to the birthdays parties and why he was never invited to one bar mitzvah ( and we live in a very high Jewish population in the United States). We take each day at a time, but the value of a true diagnosis cannot be underestimated. What a joy! Now he says he feels he has control over his life and actually embraces his differences and I and his father along with him!

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

Deb Ingles — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 06:33:41 +0000

Hi, Dave
I am from Australia & want to tell you our family story
My 24yr old daughter was not diagnosed til 18-19yrs old, it wasnt til as of 18 when everyone expects you to behave a certain way & take on certain responsibilities as a young adult that I truly realised that my daughter was not able nor ready to be able to take on certain responsibilities as a young adult. She was born very premature (17wks) as a result was behind in many ways yet up with others it was like some days 1 step forward 3 steps back or 3 steps forward 1 step back. Thanks to a very persistent counsellor together we were able to shed light to my daughters sometimes anti social behaviour & patterns that the family as a whole had compensated throughtout her young life automatically, as we are all different and learn at different paces & behave differently at the best of times & socially we all are different when it comes to the crunch…. now 6 years later with a huge amount of resources/empathy/drive from everyone in my daughters life she is now on the way to being a young adult that can ‘function’ without too many critisisms/judgements….she has passed year 12, completed a 2yr education & work preparation course for mildly mentally disabled young adults (this course provided her with an enormous growth period with people with similiar gaps in their lives & her first real friend, a 6mths office admin course…now she is with the help of counsellors entering the workforce gradually with the goal to be able to provide for herself, to be herself and proud of herself…. the knowledge that your site provides for not only up and coming aspies but for young people like my daughter a common ground that she is ok.. as we all know the world in which we live is a very judgemental one… I believe that we all learn & grow differently.. having 4 children each a different within their own right.
Thanks heaps for all the information you provide as even though my daughter is now a young adult many of the stories & facts you provide have helped us all understand her world that has been and that is SO much better & easier
Thanks again, cheers from Australia
Debz Inges

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

jenny jacobs — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:20:09 +0000

Well achieved mother 33 of 6 children. My husband and daughter are asd. We like to pigeon hole in this complex world. I feel so empowered knowing why what they did was not normal BUT NATURAL. You are certainly in a powerful position to explore your unique ways. Good luck.

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

Sarah — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 07:54:53 +0000

Thanks Trudy for your courage to be you! And thanks Dave for this great forum.

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

Liz — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:09:46 +0000

Thankyou – My husband and son both have Asperger’s and my daughter is Autistic, both my neurotypical daughter and myself try very hard to connect with them as they are comfortable and allow them to be themselves – others sometimes find this difficult and say they couldn’t “put up with it” and things like this, these people are the losers as we see the beauty that is in their differences and try to enjoy them as they are!

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

Tammy Y — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:50:39 +0000

Hi.. I read these posts from Dave Angels parentingaspergers.com and was reading what Trudy was saying about AS. I have a 8 yr old son who was dx w/AS at the age of 3. He has come along way and doing well with the help of out OT and Special Ed teacher..and his loving supportive family. I do not have Aspergers and I really want someone to help me with what I should or should not do in the area of stimming. He taps and flaps and sometimes finger talks,laughing right at my face when we are stern with him or trying to make a point. He trys to stop the laughing but it’s like a impulse, He’ll say..”oh i’m really not laughing” and excuse himself to the bathrm laughing the whole way….after he stops and comes back to us a little under control, we then have to start all over with explaining why he should’nt laugh and that he needs to control that because it is hurtful to do that, and then back to the actual reason we were talking with him in the first place. Some days these things happen more than others..if he is busy and getting lots of input he does’nt do it as often. But he also does it when he’s over stimmed as well. We have got it kindof under control at school, and I tell him that he can stim after he completes a task(here at hm) but that he needs to focus on what he is doing first, then to take a break and stim if he needs to. I do not understand the fingertalking though. It seems to happen when he is being corrected or we are using a stern voice and then he will say the same thing to his finger in the same voice or worse or to his match box cars or any toy thats around and blame them or his finger for doing something that he was being disciplined for. Its like he has a hard time taking blame for his actions sometimes..then other times he’s right on it and doesn’t hardly show signs of any AS traits. Those days we consider “great days” and more himself, which I guess after reading some of the responces about AS i am at great risk for being judged. I am still learning about AS and I may never truly understand it but I want my son to be comfortable with himself but still be able to “fit in” as much as possible out in the world. I basically say..”limit your stims at school and in public..home is where you can be yourself..a trusting place where you can be who you are”. But, then I feel that if we don’t get a handle on it at home he will and does do these things in public…AND NO i am not embarrased of my son and what he does..I have explained to people what he has..when i had to. most of the time I just say..”hey lets relax those hands” I have him push the cart etc.. But,Like I said..he’s not this way all the time..I just don’t know what to do when it comes to stimming. Suggestions please??? Thanks tammy y

Thoughts of an adult with Aspergers

Jeff — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 17:26:47 +0000

While I am not an Aspie, I have worked with multiple kids who were diagnosed with it. I hear our comments about educating people about the condition and accepting them for who they are. However, this is a hard world and a lot of people won’t care that they have a condition. Don’t we need to teach these kids to function in a society that isn’t going to cater to them because of their condition? Just looking for others opinions.