What Do You Need To Know About Aspergers and Autism?
Hi people - This weeks blog post will be much shorter than usual as it’s basically an appeal to you.
I am about to start writing a load more articles about Aspergers and ASD to share with you on the blog.
But I really want to write about the stuff that you need, and not what I THINK you need (there may well be a difference).
So please do me a favour and post a question or a number of questions that you want some answers to.
In order to best help you please try and be as specific as you can.
For example rather than just writing “I need help for siblings” or “Tell me about medication” -
Try to be more specific e.g. “How can I help a sibling whose brother keeps trashing his room?” or “What are the possible side-effects of Ritalin?”
That way I can write better answers that I hope will help a number of people.
I appreciate your input on this and it should only take you two minutes.
If you don’t want your question made public on the blog please tell me in your post and I will make sure it is not visible on the blog.
If you aren’t sure how to post on the blog … then get in the 21st Century!!
No sorry only joking; just go to the following page on the blog to learn how to post comments:
http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/how-to-use-this-blog/
Have a great day
Dave Angel
I would like to know what to expect from an asperger child in their teenage years. My son was diagnosed 6 years ago. I know they say that they can suffer from this & that, but what is the long term goal, what can we expect, what not to expect.
Comment by Tina Barragan — April 15, 2008 @ 4:40 pm
What specific technology is available to help the Asperger child in school (especially one with gross/fine motor issues)?
Comment by Melanie — April 15, 2008 @ 4:45 pm
Dear Dave,
We recently painted my Aspy son’s room what we thought was a soothing and calming color. We picked a field green, with a darker shade of green on one wall. It had the opposite affect on him. Do you have any color suggestions that are calming? He is 12 years old and wants his room Hot Pink.
Thanks for your help,
Erin Kotzbauer
Comment by Erin Kotzbauer — April 15, 2008 @ 4:54 pm
I would really like to know the pros and cons of getting a diagnosis. My 6yo has been evaluated by a therapist who suggested Asperger’s, but I have heard good and bad about having a formal dx, and would like your opinion. Thanks!
Comment by Brenda — April 15, 2008 @ 5:03 pm
My son (9) seems to suffer from SAD. Is this common in kids with ASD/HFA? What can be done (other than SSRIs)?
Comment by Jill — April 15, 2008 @ 5:05 pm
I’d love to see some information about how to teach in a way that an aspie mind will absorb, particularly rote facts such as math measurements and such. I’d also love more information about teaching basic social skills, manners, and social graces.
Comment by Sue — April 15, 2008 @ 5:08 pm
Need help in getting my in-laws to understand that it’s not lack of discipline that has made my son act the way he does. Spanking isn’t the answer. They think he’s fine, that’s it’s my fault.
Comment by Vicki — April 15, 2008 @ 5:22 pm
I would like to learn more ways to help my adult (age 31) daughter with AS to participate in life and achieve her dreams of marriage and a family of her own. She was just recently diagnosed with AS after 30 some years of dealing with anxiety disorder and OCD. She fell through the cracks because AS was not known when she was a child and young adult and even though she saw many, many doctors and therapist, she was unable to make any headway. She and I have mixed feelings about finally knowing what she has. I find it interesting when I read your blog about how difficult it is to understand what might be going on with the AS children that my adult daughter with AS can communicate what she is feeling or what in particular is bothering her. I am trying so hard to support her and help her move forward through planned learning techniques and schedules; but most often I am met with resistance due to fear. So it would help me if I could here from others who have adult children with AS.
Thanks so much
Comment by Gail Barrett — April 15, 2008 @ 5:27 pm
You give alot advice for children but not alot on teenagers. My son is 15, he knows he his different then other children, he wants to know why? and how would you start explaining sex, and changes his body is going through?
Comment by Anita Jaschke — April 15, 2008 @ 5:30 pm
I agree with #1, I’d love to know what to expect from my toddler as he grows up. What are some of the roadblocks that I need to prepare for in the next couple of years?
Comment by Nancy — April 15, 2008 @ 5:46 pm
I would really like to see a post on how to deal with violent outbursts during fits of frustration (ie, hitting, throwing stuff, yelling). Especially at school. Obviously prevention is key but any tips would be helpful.
Comment by Nienke van Houten — April 15, 2008 @ 5:53 pm
My grandson has Aspergers.Age 7. His diet consists of cheese,eggs,bread,milk,juice,weiners,fish,hamburgers, chicken mashed or frenchfried potatoes and on occasion chocolate, bananas. Will eat no pasta,vegitables or any other fruit.Does this eating problem go along with Aspergers? How can we get him to change his eating habits?
Thank you
Sallie
Comment by sallie showan — April 15, 2008 @ 5:54 pm
My son is now 13 , he was diagnosed at the age of 8. All of a sudden he is acting out, cussing all the time, lying, etc. Are these years the hardest, or is this just the beginning? When he finally hits puberty, will things get better?
Comment by Jodi Brooks — April 15, 2008 @ 5:57 pm
why are some doctors seemingly resistant to dx-ing kids correctly. it drives me nuts. my oldest son i am sure has as but has been dx’d with just about everything but. my youngest son has as, but with the older one it seems they are digging their heels in on not diagnosing. even though both boys would benefit from therapy now only one is getting it.
Comment by celeste/al — April 15, 2008 @ 5:58 pm
My 9yr old Aspie grandson is rarely happy, unless he is watching TV and/or eating. His self esteem is very low. Any suggestions to help self esteem or change his attitude from negative to positive would be wonderful. (Use 1st name only on Blog, please)
Comment by Melba — April 15, 2008 @ 5:58 pm
Does my child know whats right and what is wrong. It seems he does not really know the difference.
Comment by harvey — April 15, 2008 @ 6:00 pm
Please have some material on Aspergers in adults. I have an “Aspie” daughter living with me and I need help in dealing with some of the problems she has. There is no support for people in her age group (40s) or for people like myself in the Senior Citizen category. If you could set up a separate section for Aspergers in Adults, it would be very helpful.
Mary Minshall
Nevada
Comment by Mary Minshall — April 15, 2008 @ 6:03 pm
I have a ten year old boy with Asperger Syndrome who is high functioning. We are consistant with making him aware of what is socially unexceptable and why. It seems to go in one ear and out the other though. For instance, at meal time we always tell him to eat with his mouth closed. He will do as we say for 20 seconds and then he’s right back to chewing with his mouth open. We have sent him to eat in the other room or we take away dessert if he continues after the fourth prompt. We have had no success for the past 2 years! Do you have any ideas or do you think that it’s something he can’t help?
Comment by Shirleyanne Marelly — April 15, 2008 @ 6:18 pm
I need help in teaching my daughter appropriate sexual behaviour. She will be 16 in June, has aspergers, and acts out sexually. She feels this is what she is “suppossed” to do when she likes a boy, and I just can’t get her to feel moral values. Thank you.
Comment by vicky tuttle — April 15, 2008 @ 6:23 pm
Why do Aspergers children, know things sometime
and don’t at other times? Why can they not stop
talking, when you tell them to? Why do they take
food to their room and sometimes hide it under the bed? When you’ve told them not to eat in thier room? I need ,someone to tell me about Aspergers? Where it can be explaned in away I understand it. I’m Micah’s MEMe. His mother is 54
years old.Micah is 10. We can not fine a doctor that can tell us about him and why he dose what he dose? He also has Dyslexia. We live in Iuka,Mississippi. If anyone knows of a doctor or any kind of help? We’er in the Northeast corner of the state.Near AL. Thank you lynda
us about him
Comment by Lynda Brown — April 15, 2008 @ 6:25 pm
my 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with aspergers, and i’d like to know what to tell friends, neighbors, teachers and extended family to help them understand his behavior. i’d also like advise for my 15 year old daughter on how best to deal with her brother to avoid meltdowns, and to help her explain to her friends why her brother is so different. she has suffered years of embarrassment because of his acting out. i’d also like to know how to identify resources to help teach him social mores, appropriate social interaction, reading social cues, etc.
Comment by regina — April 15, 2008 @ 6:30 pm
I am interested in summer camps or programs for teenagers with Aspergers. My son is 15.
Comment by Ellen Boudreau — April 15, 2008 @ 6:31 pm
One of my aspie sons (17)hollers when distressed the other (15)goes more silent. Its the silent one I worry about but social integration suffers for both.I just hope it gets better in adulthood, whats known about “selective mutism?”
Comment by Jane — April 15, 2008 @ 6:32 pm
I would like to know how to advise my son on social skills, making friends without being insulting to others.
Comment by J. Valleriani — April 15, 2008 @ 6:42 pm
material on Aspergers in adults. I think I have an “Aspie” son in the army and I need help in helping him with some of the problems he has. Is there support for people at his age(28)?
“I like this” ***** If you could set up a separate section for Aspergers in Adults, it would be very helpful.
thank you,
nan
Comment by n hess — April 15, 2008 @ 6:43 pm
I would like information on teaching effective social skills.
Comment by Lisa — April 15, 2008 @ 6:44 pm
I realise that All Autistic children have different paths and outcomes but it would be amazing if you could try to establish some histories and outcomes.
10 children and each of their progress / problems etc. moving into teenage years and Adulthood.
Typical children not just the Best Stories - Thanks !
Comment by Darren Cowzer — April 15, 2008 @ 7:03 pm
I would like ideas on how to deal with my son’s frustrations. He will either dig his heals in and refuse to do what he is suppose to do. Or he shuts down and then we have a time away so he can get himself togeather to discuss the problem. It seems he works himself up over things that are not that big of deal. Thanks,
Comment by Cheryl — April 15, 2008 @ 7:34 pm
I would like to know what are the long term side effects of Seroquel and Concerta. Also, could this condition get worse?
Comment by N. Cruise — April 15, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
My son is 18 years old with mild ASD. For two years he has been experiencing symptoms similar to those of an enlarged prostate (difficult urination, needing to urinate often). He has been examined by his G.P. and a few specialists, and none of them can find the cause. His prostate is fine, there are no blockages in his urinary tract, and no endocrinological abnormalities have been detected.
The only thing the medical community has done to date is to perscribe medications to combat the frustration and depression which result from his condition. These medications have been only marginally effective.
Are you aware of any correlation between ASD and my son’s problem? Do you have any suggestions as to where we can look for a permanent solution?
Comment by Paul Buckley — April 15, 2008 @ 7:49 pm
What can I do to get my son to stop spinning,jumping and leaping across furniture? What kind of positive replacements work best?
Comment by wendy — April 15, 2008 @ 8:17 pm
I would like to know how to teach social skills, like how to greet adults and peers. (Saying Hi and How are you) My son is 9 and was diagnosed with Asperger’s last year. He has been wonderful progress, but this continues to be a struggle. Thank you!
Comment by Brandi B. — April 15, 2008 @ 8:27 pm
I would like to see some information on how to find a doctor in my area who specializes in Aspergers.I have a teenage son whom I feel 100% has Aspergers but our family doctor doesn’t know anything about it.I can’t seem to find out anything on my own.Thank you so much!!!
Comment by M.Schlomer — April 15, 2008 @ 8:49 pm
I am the grandmother of a 13 year old grandson who has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. He has ADHD and is LD as well. Now understanding that he really is lacking social skills and that it’s not just a behavior issue we would appreciate any information pertaining to starting at this age to teach him these skills. Most everything we have come across is addressed to teaching younger children.
Thank you.
Comment by Sandy Glenn — April 15, 2008 @ 9:02 pm
I would like to know what are appropriate consequences for an AS child who has aggressive behaviors? Advice on peer training-(teaching classmates about differences when they have already form negative opinions about the child).
Comment by D. Kelly — April 15, 2008 @ 9:13 pm
I second the motion about having more information for aspergian adults. Also, (and I know you asked me to write something and I am working on it) information about how to handle parents along the spectrum would be appreciated, or even just a statement of the problem! Who knows? It might stop some Aspergian from thinking he or she has what it takes to raise kids!
Comment by Elizabeth Hensley — April 15, 2008 @ 9:16 pm
I’ld like to know how to teach my 5 year old to behave in regular everyday social situations. Like how not get in peoples’ faces and not to brag about himself etc.
thanks.
Comment by Mara — April 15, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
How is the diagnosis of aspergers made with teenagers that are not communicative with their psychologist and are clinicslly depressed with high anxiety levels, she has also had 2 suicide attempts
Comment by Stefanie — April 15, 2008 @ 9:35 pm
My suggestions are:
1. How to stop sibblings copying Aspie behaviours.
2. Good news about Aspies and what they can contribute to the world, as children.
3. I like Darren Cowser’s idea April 15 about likely outcomes and learning from other parents.
4. In a previous school my son was demonised and treated like a criminal, and I felt guilty for having had him, and then bringing him to a school that really did not want him but knew he was not eligible for a special school. We moved school, they are much better with my son and he has improved, but everytime there is an issue I panic. This is a common feeling amongst mothers of aspie boys. How do we manage this?
5. Managing fighting City Hall fatigue - I know parents with severe burnout.
Thanks Dave…you do a great job.
Kathleen Alleaume-Ross, Australia
Comment by Kathleen A-Ross — April 15, 2008 @ 9:50 pm
my son is 10yrs old. I need to know what kind of chores he can do, and how to help keep him on task.
thanks for your great blog..
Comment by Kim S — April 15, 2008 @ 10:10 pm
Summer time is coming and we would like to send our 13 yr old son with Asperger’s to a Summer Camp to gain independance and self esteem. What should we look for? What should we ask? Any great camps to suggest in the Tennesees/North Carolina area?
Comment by M.A. Toffoletto — April 15, 2008 @ 10:39 pm
I would like some tips on how to teach a younger sibling (3, not in school yet due to rural location) not to pick up unwanted behavior from brother. Also, please include inappropriate sexual behavior. Thank you for all your hard work!
Comment by Melissa — April 15, 2008 @ 10:57 pm
1. Diagnose or not?
2. If so, why?
3. Pay for diagnosis?
4. Will schools diagnose?
5. Teenage naivity
6. Friends Clubs (social skills nationwide)
7. Online forums for Aspie Teens
8. Online forums for Aspie Parents
Thanks!
Comment by Janet, San Diego CA — April 15, 2008 @ 11:00 pm
I would like to know how to deal with family members like grandparents who seem to be discriminating twords my son with possible aspergers and treating him much differently then they do his brothers who are older and younger than him. I do I let them know that his is not contageous and that he notices when they don’t seem to want him around.
Comment by Jessi — April 15, 2008 @ 11:10 pm
Are there any connections with ADHD children and Aspergers syndrome? My child is diagnosed with ADHD but he seems to cross over a bit with social skills and emotional behavior. How do you determine what is ADHD and what is Aspergers?
Comment by O. White — April 15, 2008 @ 11:49 pm
I would like to know:
if Aspie’s qualify for disability.
How to teach my teenage boy with Asperger’s (We homeschool)
What is positive about Asperger’s
What career’s or jobs hire Aspie’s
What to do if your aspie is a loner and wants it that way
about other symtoms that go along with Aspergers
Comment by Sharlynn — April 16, 2008 @ 12:04 am
Hi Dave,
I have a 14 year old son who is doing year 9 this year. He seems to be struggling with the overload of responsibility with multiple homework tasks as well as any other things I may want to ask him to do at home. I have tried the divide and conquer method of presenting small sections of a task at once. He seems to not want me involved. He is constantly misplacing things and becoming really stressed. He does not see a point in homework (which is problem one.)We have tried many different suggestions as to how he could takle a task but, he still leaves things to the last minute and then is overwhelmed. His teachers are extremely supportive but, as the saying goes “you can lead a horse to water……”
In some of his subjects, he is doing well. A change of teacher this year has made maths and science really hard for him. Perhaps part of the problem is breaking the mindset he has that he liked the way last years teacher taught these subjects.
Have you any suggestions for us, even if we have to source outside help.
Thank you for all the work you do. The website is much appreciated.
Michelle
Comment by Michelle — April 16, 2008 @ 12:18 am
Need to know -
1 - What meds are common; what seems to work. My son is on Risperdal 1mg twice a day and his doctor has now given him Depakote ER 250 mg twice a day…
2 - What results have you heard about Neurofeedback?
3 - The physical volilence is getting BAD!! Head butting, hitting, kicking, Forehead grinding… Everyone in the household is subject to this.
4 - Both parents work full time + jobs, is there success in this without additional household assitance.
5 - Sometimes I think we should stop trying to “fix” this and learn to cope; maybe we are the ones that need to be “fixed”.
I know some seem to be more statements rather than questions - Sorry… ;O)
Comment by Michelle Gambrel — April 16, 2008 @ 1:36 am
How should a 14 year old boy with Asperger’s explain to a neurotypical friend what Asperger’s is?
Comment by Dee — April 16, 2008 @ 2:52 am
My son is 10 and having difficulty distinguishing bullying from normal but unwanted social advances. I cannot help him with this (there isn’t really a problem, he just cannot tell the difference between being picked on and being asked to join in when he doesn’t want to). I have always been able to assist in the past and now he is looking to me to do something but…what? Any and all help would be appreciated. He is at a school that has an Aspie Unit but still has to interact with children who do not understand the problems he has on a daily basis on th eplayground - any suggestions?
Comment by Joanne Millan — April 16, 2008 @ 3:02 am
How do I make my child understand the rules of boardgames like monopoly? He want to play it only his way and get extremely angry if he have to pay a penalty. He do not understand the set of rules per different game and only want to win with his won rules.
Comment by Susan Mostert — April 16, 2008 @ 3:06 am
One hears about a child being at differing levels “on the spectrum” but what does this actually mean? How do we know/recognise at what level a child is on?
Comment by Kath — April 16, 2008 @ 4:25 am
diet & brushing teeth & sleep disorder…
- my son 6 has a very limited diet and refuses to try anything new;
- brushing teeth is a huge issue and i have tried different brushes and toothpastes to no avail;
- still sleeps with me because “i am the only person who understands him & make him feel safe” (bed time 9:30 up at 6:00 which is huge improvement over last 2 years)
Comment by Paula — April 16, 2008 @ 5:22 am
I would like to know how to go about teaching a child (teenager) with Aspergers self advocacy skills, especially when he/she is subject of bullying by others. How do we keep him/her safe in a public high school?
Comment by Donna Smith — April 16, 2008 @ 5:33 am
i would really love some information on how to deal with an aspies boy who suffers anxiety without medicating him he is 6yrs and also suffers night terrors. also is asbergers and autism hereditory as i have a neice who is autistic
Comment by lisa woods — April 16, 2008 @ 6:04 am
I have a sixteen year old son that has aspergers and non verbal learning disorder. We have been somewhat successful with many of his concerns through the years, but we are having a hard time getting him to interested in anything except video and computor games. This is the area he feels most accomplished in so he finds ir hard to deviate from it. We have tried to interest him in a career with computors, but he only is interested in the gaming aspect.
Looking forward to seeing the next articles.
Norma
Comment by Norma — April 16, 2008 @ 6:12 am
i would love to know how to deal with anxiety in aspie children i have a son 6yrs and suffers anxiety and night terrors. the anxiety can get so bad at times that my poor son will throw up out of fear.
Comment by lisa woods — April 16, 2008 @ 6:14 am
Need to know more about aspergers and drooling, is this common? Also emotional upset, My son doesn’t throw tantrums but cries very easily, is this common?
Comment by lori — April 16, 2008 @ 6:37 am
I have a partner and many family members with Aaspy but the worst affected is 19. He has very limited socila skills, eating pattern is poor so is his sleeping pattern But he is addicted to a game on his computer. How do we as parents encourage him to spend less time on the computer, eat better and sleep more? Very limited services for support where we live so where to find support would be greatly appreciated.
Comment by Colleen Ballard — April 16, 2008 @ 7:39 am
Please do an article that deals specifically with girls and their friend relationships.
Comment by Sheri — April 16, 2008 @ 8:46 am
I would love to see schools become aspergers aware. The ignorance astounds me! My 5 year old son has been permanently excluded for behaviour problems and as far as they were concerned it was parental. I asked and asked and asked for external agency assessment (he is on senco action plus so not an unusual request) the school refused as behavoiur problems are always parental. I eventually went down private route and got a diagnosis.
He is in a PRU at the moment and they are very attentive in terms of his issues and they are experiencing no problems, nor have the creche.
Schools who are IGNORANT need training, and to not acknowledge a diagnosis or needs is a disgrace - do they not realise it is their behaviour that is the problem, my son is reacting because of them.
What can be done to educate schools?
Comment by Helen Brady — April 16, 2008 @ 8:55 am
I have a 15 (almost 16) year old with Asperger’s. She was a late diagnosis (wasn’t diagnosed until she was 14). What I would like to know is how do you help a teen with transition services i.e. getting a job, learning to drive, going to or even just getting into college, when the teen doesn’t have any desire to learn or do any of those things.
Comment by Kim Webb — April 16, 2008 @ 9:04 am
As a grandmother of a seven-year-old grandson who began infancy and toddler stage as a normal child, I would like more information on speech. My grandson began saying words early on but from 3 1/2 to 7 has completely lost his ability to speak. He understands commands given to him, and can act on them, but has absolutely no speech.
Comment by judith michael — April 16, 2008 @ 9:19 am
Do you have suggestions for how to deal with tatums and meltdowns. My apie, who is 5, has to have certain things on a schedule. If that schedule is interrupted, he goes into kicking, spitting and screaming. Can you help us out with this. This is especially difficult for his older sisters to deal with. thanks.
Comment by Amy — April 16, 2008 @ 9:32 am
Hi Dave,
would like info on adult AS, 35yrs, and info on jealousy, mood swings, violent and possessive behaviour, also info on artist savants, your articles have helped me understand alot about my friend, is there anywhere in Australia your books are avaliable? thankyou, regards Sharon
Comment by Sharon Maddison Australia — April 16, 2008 @ 9:47 am
My 9yr old son has been on Ritalin for 18mths although it stops the violence that was always at the forefront,his Aspergers is now more prominent. How can I get school to listen that although he is calm on the outside he isnt on the inside. He seems to have been just cast aside now he doesnt stand out as much.
Also any tips on how to explain to my other two 9yr olds (triplets) about Aspergers.
Comment by Sarah — April 16, 2008 @ 10:07 am
I would like to know if it’s common for a child with Aspergers (I have a 13 year old son) to not only injur himself but he is starting to get very violent twords me and others in the house. He’s always threatining us saying we are being mean no matter what the situation like if it’s time for bed and he has to shut off his video games or getting him up for school is an absolute nightmare! Is this common? I really do not want to lock up my child somewhere!!!! If you have some advise I would love to hear it. His docs all say if the violence gets to bad to call them and they’ll put him in for observation but I dont want that to happen I think he might hurt himself worse.
Comment by Kelly — April 16, 2008 @ 10:09 am
I would like to know the best way to train social independance. My son will take things personally and feel isolated.
Comment by Kathy — April 16, 2008 @ 10:10 am
I think some help with sexuality would be helpful; Both expectations of a positive experience for the child; whether or not it’s a good idea for them to have their own children: and the possibility that maybe it’s not a good idea? And how to take on the responsibilities of a decision such as that?
Comment by tom hunter — April 16, 2008 @ 10:34 am
i have a 10 year old grandchild diagnosed with aspergers (6 years ago)adhd (5 years ago)learning difficulties poss dyslexia/merl irlen syndrome (last year). he has had several assessments done at school and has not been able to be given a reading age because he cant complete the tests. at the moment he has at best a sight vocab of 48 words, amongst other problems and we are still trying to get him statmented. are there many other children with aspergers with this problem and what are his prospects of being able to cope with senior school next year.
Comment by julie whitfield — April 16, 2008 @ 10:38 am
my son is 10 years old and has aspergers, he had made a couple of friends on our street a few years ago and they got along great, but now that they are getting older and the other kids are getting involved in other things and my son remains focused on the same things, they don’t have much of a frienship anymore. All of the children on our street tease him, i am at my whits end, i need to know what to do. My son wants to play and have friends he just doesn’t understand how to make them…can you please give me some suggestions.
Also should i let the children and parents know about the aspergers syndrome would that make things better or worse?
Comment by Karen — April 16, 2008 @ 10:40 am
Please can you help with social skills, my 12 son is lacking in social skills and is seen as rude and standoffish.
many thanks
Comment by sue — April 16, 2008 @ 11:32 am
What type of school accomadations are advised for social skills training?
Comment by Karen — April 16, 2008 @ 11:41 am
The way that I get my son to try new food is I tell him you only need to taste it, if you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it and then I will take a bite. We have gotten him to eat quite a few different foods this way. He may only eat it twice the first couple of weeks but then he will usually go back to it.
Comment by Dwayne Meeks — April 16, 2008 @ 11:56 am
i think comment 5 and comment 9 should be answered. my son has trouble with insulting and not doing work in class.among so many other issues that were not diagnosed. number 9 should be addressed because we medicate our children to control them. my son has been on both medications that number 9 is talking about now he is only on risperdal 1mg 3 times a day and without it he is a nightmare. also how these meds can affect them longterm.
Comment by patricia k — April 16, 2008 @ 1:42 pm
when my son was 18months old and being treatened with expultion from pre-school if i did not get him psychological help i was devistated and overwhelmed. today he is graduating from high school in june with honors and has been accepted into a state university honors program. if someone could have told me back then that there was not only hope but that i would learn to see the world though different eyes it might have given me some encouragement. for us sensory integration therapy, vision therapy, auditory desensitization, social skills groups (twice), special education thru the public school system thu 5th grade and then a small private christian school with strict rules for junior high and highschool turned out to be our path. i guess my suggestion would be to write about the specifics of what has worked for others. i did not even know there was such a thing as sensory integration deficit or auditory sensitivity! but once we addressed some of those issues his behavior improved. teacher comments like he is a pleasure to have in class is a long way from being expelled from more than one pre-school. now i am terrified at the thought of him in a large university but i have learned to walk through my fears and trust my son. he is choosing to live at home and i think that is wise as he is still socially very inept and quite a loner but he has many redeaming qualities and is very smart in some areas. my best help with him is a strong faith that god loves him and will take care of him even when i can not.
Comment by linda — April 16, 2008 @ 1:52 pm
I would like to know:
1.Personal care(teeth brushing, taking a shower, washing hair, changing clothing). How do I convince him that these things are needed part of society.
2.How to get him to accept there are more than two right ways to do something. (when my microwave broke he wouldn’t eat the oatmeal I made on the stovetop, because it was different. even thou oatmeal is the only thing he will eat for breakfast.
Comment by Kimbery in Indiana — April 16, 2008 @ 2:59 pm
how do you guide a son 17yrs into the adult world. he has unrealistic views. is verbally abusive if challenged and gets very upset when things do go the way he wants. how do you keep the family from falling apart under the pressure especially when there is very limited support from outside agencies.
Comment by alison — April 16, 2008 @ 3:10 pm
last comment should read that he gets very upset when things dont go the way he wants.
Comment by alison — April 16, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
Would like to know how to manage obsessions. Son average or above IQ but not being very logical about “wiggly, squiggly things” behind the cushions!
Comment by Lynne Leason — April 16, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
Am interested about dealing with inappropriate behaviour towards myself and others. Vicky has asked this for her 16 year old daughter, but my son is only 9 and comments about lingerie, looks directly at boobs (and has stroked them!) and makes sexual movements whilst on top of either me or a friend. Don’t think he knows what he is doing and when explained, doesn’t take anything I say on board and will do it again.
Thanks.
Comment by Lynne Leason — April 16, 2008 @ 3:39 pm
Dear Dave,
What is a calming color for an Apsy boy’s room. Any shade of green is not it.
Thanks for all your help
Erin
Comment by Erin Kotzbauer — April 16, 2008 @ 3:47 pm
I would like to know how to help my 12y/o daughter with Aspergers with clutter issues and the need to hold onto EVERYTHING. She has such a messy room all the time and it is because she does not like to throw anything away- from papers to rocks, to misc. STUFF. I would also like advice on how to help her best learn to see the “Big Picture” She wants a car when she turns 16, but cannot save a dime to save her life. I want her to see how the choices she makes right now will affect her life in the future, but the future is such an abstract concept for her. She is an “in the moment” perosn in every sense of the term. I would also like information on sibling support groups for her two younger siblings. They unfortunately get less attention and are held to different standards than their big sister b/c of some of her ASD related behaviors. we live in a suburb of Mpls, MN. And lastly, I would like to find out how to more effectively communicate with her without the intense emotions that usually flare up. She pushes my buttons and I yell even though I know it does not work. She can be (at times) very mean to her siblings and our dog and is often in trouble for these behaviors, I want to help her and the rest of the family learn more effective communication techniques.
*Any advice/help with any of the above concerns would be greatly appreciated. I am a single mother that works and attends school. I do as much as I can for my kids, but am always open to learning new and different ways and ideas for making things run more smoothly.
Comment by Vicki Hernandez — April 16, 2008 @ 4:01 pm
Hi After giving directions once I constantly have to repeat I feel like I am saying (I am) saying his name constanty. I dont want to make him feel like he cant do anything right. I do praise him when he does
Comment by vikki — April 16, 2008 @ 4:16 pm
1)How to get your Aspie teen to use good hygiene.
2)How to get siblings to stop resenting/ being nasty to their ( in this case) older brother.
3)What to do when the school wants him out.
4)How to start a school for Aspergers kids in your home town.
5)Definately same as #11, Norma
Comment by Julie Queensen — April 16, 2008 @ 4:38 pm
I was wondering what is a soothing/calming color for a 12 year old aspy boy’s room. We painted his room field green and hunter green and it had the opposite effect. He wants his room “hot pink” or any shade of pink. Can you reccommend a color that is soothing and does not promote aggression. Thank you.
Comment by Erin Kotzbauer — April 16, 2008 @ 4:49 pm
I was wondering what is a soothing/calming color for a 12 year old aspy boy’s room. We painted his room field green and hunter green and it had the opposite effect. He wants his room “hot pink” or any shade of pink. Can you reccommend a color that is soothing and does not promote aggression. Thank you.
Comment by Erin Kotzbauer — April 16, 2008 @ 4:53 pm
1. how to teach a 9year old that its okay to be wrong or make a mistake.
2. To teach a 9 year old that you dont need to say ” idont want to live” and not to hurt herself when things dont happen the way she wants.
3. how to explain that though her brother is autistic does not mean she is.
Comment by Lisa — April 16, 2008 @ 6:14 pm
My child is 4 years and has always been at home with me, he has a lot of trouble not knowing how to be social. He even seems to be afraid of the kids, but at the same time wants to play. I need to know how to help him get into the group.
Comment by Rae — April 16, 2008 @ 7:04 pm
Lately I’ve read about autistic catatonia (first described by Lorna Wing).I realized that a patient of mine, now 25years, suffers from this insistent problem. I would like to learn more about behavioral intervention and medication for this problem. Also about its course. Thank you.
Comment by Marianna — April 16, 2008 @ 7:34 pm
My aspie daughter who is now 8 has always self stimulated and I am concerned that once she discovers sex that she will become addicted to it.
Comment by Betty Gifford — April 16, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
Dave
I have read a lot about the Dore exercise program for Aspergers and ADHD, but cannot afford to attend as it is rather expensive. Is there any way we can have a couple of suggestions that may assist, maybe even some dietary ones as well.Is there some way to explain what process is occuring within the brain of aspies when they face fearful[to them] situations in social environments which may give us more understanding and how to best address what is occuring at the time.Is the amygdala overacting?
Thank you for the opportunity to have some input and see what others are experiencing.
Comment by Janice Burnett — April 16, 2008 @ 8:55 pm
What other meds besides risperdal are good?
Can one be taking risperdal from childhood to adulthood safely?
How much research has actually been done on this medication?
Also all the questions regarding the teenage years;sexuality,hygiene,getting in trouble with the law etc.
My son thinks everything is ‘funny’. He also laughs out loud in public for no apparent reason,any suggestions for this?
Comment by Anne Marie — April 16, 2008 @ 10:13 pm
Question: How do I get my husband to accept that our 13 year old daughter has asperger’s. She was diagnosed when she was 11 years old. She is a very sweet girl. The issue is that she throws fits and yells at the top of her lungs. I tell husband that this is asperger’s, that is having trouble expressing herself verbally. He believes she is just being a spoiled brat.
Comment by Sonia — April 16, 2008 @ 10:45 pm
How do you deal with the beginning stages. Going from a small child to adolasance. My son is going to 12 soon, yet still seems to be like he is 6 or 7. What do the early teen years hold in store for us. We love and admire his sweetnest yet long for some maturing.
Comment by Betsy LeQuire — April 17, 2008 @ 1:25 am
Hi. I have a daughter who will be 17 on May 30th. She was diagnosed with HFA when she was 14. Misdiagnosed with Schizotypal personality disorder when she was 12. She is very difficult at times to deal with and I’m not sure how to handle her. She has outbursts where she uses vulgar language and hates everyone in the family, then she can be as sweet as pie. She goes to a private residential school and in the fall she will be in transitional living at the school for her senior year which is basically living on their own before college. She doesnt have the skills to be able to do this. I’m very concerned and have addressed this with the school. Because the school is private they are not federally mandated to provide services for her even though they are the ones who diagnosed her. Her hygiene is awful and she doesnt care if she is alone for the rest of her life. I just need a way to reach her. She’s suffered alot of trauma in her short life and I just need ways to communicate, discipline, help her to succeed in life and social skills, manners, etc., and how to help her siblings deal with her as well.
Comment by Robin Guyette — April 17, 2008 @ 2:26 am
I would like to know more on helping children with social skills.
And where to find a paraprofessional to help a child in school.
Comment by Caroline Holt — April 17, 2008 @ 2:31 am
Hello, Dave!
I have more than one child with an ASD. (The 34 month old and the 6 year old both have a diagnosis of Asperger’s.
My question is - Is it common for a child to act like he is on the low functioning end of the Autism spectrum, while having a high IQ? He is almost 3, but acts like a baby most of the time. He used to speak nearly “perfect” English. He sounded like a little professer. Then when he was between 17 and 19 months old, he just quit talking. He also started to scream all the time and bang his head. There is nothing wrong with his eyes or his hearing. He has no health problems that would cause these things, at least none that have been found. He still screams and bangs his head ( either on something hard or hitting himself with his fist!)!!
My 6 year old is doing pretty good-he still has obsessions, but I can live with them. He does get really hot when he plays. Is this a side effect of either the Ritalin or the Risperdol?
My youngest is very anti social. He doesn’t want to be around people and seems to think he is a dog. He is only 16 months old. He had seizures at 10 months old. He was in the hospital for a week while they tried to find out what caused them. After months and months of testing, they still can not find a reason. He is on Phenobarbital. He does not walk or talk. He is being tested for an ASD. How can I get him to interact with a person, and could the medicine be causing any of these things?
Sorry this was so long!
(Anyone with any advice-it would be greatly appreciated!) It may take me awhile to answer, because we have to run our household on an extremely tight schedule. If we are off by more than 15 minutes, all three are in full blown meltdown.)
Comment by Teresa Anger — April 17, 2008 @ 3:16 am
Dear Dave, My 13yo aspy son gets violent when asked to do something he does nt want to do. This is particularly a problem when its bed time and he has to turn off a computer game. He only wants to play or watch graphic action with lots of gore. He cannot understand why I do not allow any games or films that are innappropriate for his age and says i am overprotective and that its not fair as other boys his age get to watch cnd play these games. (I only allow games with a 12 age rating). I try by explaining that these games encourage him to be violent and that he copies them. He has a brilliant memory - almost savant - and can recall an image (usually negative)that he has seen on TV years ago. How can I help him besides keeping him in a bubble removed from all outside images in the media/society/or conversations he hears? If he hears a negative comment or one that could be construed as racist or sexist, he will imititate it word for word out of the context it was originally said. Even though he is repeatedly told that its innappropriate/offensive/anti social and has his pocket money taken away, I feel sometimes that I am punishing him for something he really cannot help. I would like to know if there are any other ASD children with this unusual ability as most of the other aspys I know do not have this ability. I am very worried about how this will effect him in future life. Thanks Rita
Comment by Ria Brophy — April 17, 2008 @ 3:29 am
In your professional opinion, is Omega-3 supplements helpful to kids with ASD?
Comment by Ian Hunter — April 17, 2008 @ 3:41 am
I am a homeopath who has trained in allergy elimination and other techniques to help special kids. My 9 yr old son is high functioning asperger, who I removed from school 2 yrs ago and had diagnosed at Gt Ormond St via the GP. The borough is now funding him to attend an alternative school NatureKids which provides one to one tuition, lots outdoors and trampolining, diet, reiki, some neurologiacl assesment (sim to dore) and referral to allergists, behavioural optometrist etc. I am deeply disturbed by the current medical paradigm which labels and pathologises our kids without providing adequate therapeutic or educational support.
If anyone hears of a progressive day school for high functioning kids in london with this kind of multidisciplinary therapeutic support get in touch
Comment by emotionalhealingdotcodotuk — April 17, 2008 @ 3:46 am
regarding comment no 96
My son is also super sensitive to visual images and highly attracted to violent shootemup video games. i control computer time strictly, watch no TV amnd have not watched or listened to news due to incessant reportage about violent and sexual crimes. I have treated him with homeopathy over last 2 years to deal with intense anxieties, and fear of dark with allied fear of going into toilet alone causing toileting problems with great success. we have resolved toileting issues, he is able to get to sleep easily now and I have weaned him onto nature programmes, audio books and educational games. i have dealt with his computer fixation by teaming up with older computer literate aspie boys who have shown him all the other amazing things you can do on computers - programming lego mindstorms, doing stop motion animation with your lego sets, programme your opwn computer games. i am teaching him touch typing and i believe the borough will be providing assistive technolgy as his handwriting is extremely laborious
Comment by emotionalhealing dot co dot uk — April 17, 2008 @ 3:53 am
what is the overlap between AS and dyslexia. There is a history of both in our family and we’d like to know if our 3 year old has dyslexia as well as the HFA / AS that he has been diagnosed with.
Comment by hma — April 17, 2008 @ 3:57 am
When a child doesn’t show warning signs about their tantrum outbursts what would be recommended to deal with it head on.
1)To limit its destructive quality
2)To protect other siblings/adults
3)Prevent exclusion from school/clubs
4)To calm the individual
In light of the new evidence on supplements how safe are fish oils which do measurable bring a modecum of leveled temprement in our children.
Why is there not more regognition of sensory problems in these children within the UK.
Comment by Denise Field — April 17, 2008 @ 4:26 am
i have a daughter who i,m 100% positive has aspergers she has seen many psychologists &sychiatrists since the age of 4 she is now nearly 18.at this moment in time she attends adult services who are trying to say it,s a personality disorder.i have taken lots of information on aspergers with me to them but thier not listening.i,ve had many people in the street ask me if she has aspergers so i know it,s not my imagination.i feel these proffesional people think i,m an interefering mother but i know what i see.i have read all the info you,ve emailed me i also bought a book on it.i am waiting on another refferal to the psychologist which will take many months.please could you give me some advice on anyone else i could have my daughter reffered to as i,m at my wits end with it all.i suffered from breast cancer just over 2 year ago & ahd to have a mastectomy followed by chemo & radiotherapy & it was very hard on us all but more so my daughter & i got no help what so ever.
Comment by anne train — April 17, 2008 @ 5:13 am
My 13 year old has autism. His 6 year old brother does not. We talk openly about autism with him, but he still knows which buttons to push to set my 13 year old off, and does so with gusto. How can we help him to understand that his behavior is what causes his brother more problems? And also, the 6 year old copies his autistic brothers meltdowns, right down to facial expressions and tone of voice. How can we help him to learn to react more normally when things don’t ‘go his way’?
Comment by Tera — April 17, 2008 @ 5:27 am
I have a 13year old son who has aspergers he is very imature can you tell me whether they start growing up or not.
Comment by Shahmayne Austin — April 17, 2008 @ 6:19 am
1. helpful phrases/strategies to further empathy, sense of right/wrong–any special tips, resources? we model this, his neurotypical sister does not struggle with these things, great Sunday school teacher helps, yet we still hear “I want him to be dead” or “why is that wrong?, etc. abt. so many things. He is almost 11. scares me.
2.concrete examples of real-life aspie older kids/adolescents & their struggles & how they made progress at school–specifically, things that helped in school
Comment by Jen — April 17, 2008 @ 6:54 am
Hi, I am needing to know how to go about getting a firmer diagnosis for my son than what I have so far, so far they say he may be Aspergers and that he is not adhd, but this does not really help us with the schools and all the people who tell me just make him be more mature. What can I do to get started on having something definite to hand to teachers and say to them this is how he should be handled in class.
Comment by Sharyn — April 17, 2008 @ 7:28 am
hi dave i wish to read the answers to all the questions asked above by other parents how can iget to see the answers they got or is it personal
Comment by jackie — April 17, 2008 @ 8:01 am
My stepson (8yrs old)was newly diagnosed with AS. He has tics, rituals and lies about everything under the sun. Sometimes he rocks and gets very upset. What can parents of newly diagnosed AS kids expect? Punishment is oblivious to him. He just doesnt get it or it just doesnt bother him. How do you disciline? Also, how do you deal with the manipulation? My son can manipulate situations and people to the way he thinks it should be…then comes the lies and great acting skills. He’s very very smart, but not common sense smart.
Comment by Kristie — April 17, 2008 @ 8:26 am
I am looking for suggestions about educating the persons in contact with my 9 yr old son. I am so sick of the “why haven’t you trained him correctly” look when a behavior issue arrises that is a definate manifestation of asperger’s and/or sensory processing disorder. This includes teachers-therapists-behaviorists-and family members. I am tired of always looking like I am making excuses and apologizing because he “forgot to say excuse me”, or said something “rude” (but usually true)!
Comment by Lora Brewer — April 17, 2008 @ 8:33 am
Is it common for a child with Aspergers to have a split personality? My son is a reeally good kid at school but then a compllete monster at home. Is this normal?
Comment by Alisa Hundley — April 17, 2008 @ 8:47 am
Do you have any info on how video games affect these children.. My four year old grandson who has this, is obsessed and although the learning handheld seems to be fine, the one on the t.v. makes him very tense and agitated and has a real hard time stopping. I don’t allow them to bring it to my house, but he can use his leapster. He has learned so much on that! But the “games” just seem to drive his obsession higher and his aggravation level up. I am worried about the computer doing the same. Thanks for any suggestions.
Lee
Comment by Lee White — April 17, 2008 @ 8:50 am
Dave,
Subject : Lying and reducing his frustration level. Where do I start? I felt like I was all alone until I started reading your words of wisdom. Thank you. My son, 14, Aspberger ADHD is in a special school for LD. Question 1 - His main means of survival is lying. I can’t tell when he is telling me the truth or not. Did he eat breakfast? Does he have lunch? Did he use soap in the shower? Did he do his homework? Etc. What do you recommend? Question 2 – He gets a lot of frustration thinking about homework and wants to play the Wii or PSII, etc. The noises like “Urgghhhh” and grunting come about when I ask him if his homework is completed. Any suggestions?
Thank you
Comment by stuart briefer — April 17, 2008 @ 9:05 am
My daughter is 10yrs old, High Functioning and now in Middle School. Her teachers are constantly sending me notes saying she isn’t working up to her ability and they can’t get her to stay on task or ask for help. She has an 88 in science(even that would be higher but she leaves things blank and gives up) but in everything else she’s between 60-69. She is definately very smart and should do much better. When she’s home 1 on 1 I can get her to do well with homework. I obviously can’t go to school with her everyday….what are some ways the teachers can get her to stay on task without making her stand out to the rest of the class. She is also legally blind and doesn’t want to appear different in any other way.
Also, she has very low self esteem. Is there a way to help with self esteem without upsetting her. Whenever I compliment her she gets angry. Any suggestions would be great. Thanks so much!
Comment by Kristy Sikora — April 17, 2008 @ 9:28 am
I’d like some information about adult’s with Aspergers…my son is almost 23, and life is still difficult for him.
Comment by Pam — April 17, 2008 @ 9:30 am
I’d like to see more info on how to help young adults with Aspergers Syndrome.
Comment by Pam — April 17, 2008 @ 9:34 am
My AS daughter is 10, almost 11. My youngest daughter is 3, almost 4. My 10 year old verbally attacks my 3 year old and my 3 year old just stands there looking dazed and confused. So Sad. It doesn’t take much to set my 10 year old off. How can I get my 10 year old to stop doing this and how can I protect my 3 year old from it. It is really starting to take a toll on my relationship with my husband and I. (10 yr old is his step daughter and 3 yr old is ours together). Not to mention the toll it is taking on my 3 yr old. She loves her sister so much and wants nothing more than to spend time with her. Her feelings get so hurt when her sister yells, screams, calls names and tells her she hates her. It breaks my heart. I have tried sending 10 yr old to her room, talking to her, taking things away, watching the situation and trying to stop it before it happens but it happens to quick it’s hard to see it coming. What can I do?
Comment by Kristy Sikora — April 17, 2008 @ 9:36 am
My son who is 17 and has Aspergers has developed a psychosis. He has his own world going on inside his head. We have hospitalized him and he sees a psychiatrist regurarly but it has not subsided. Have you heard of this happening before and if so what did they do to cure it?
Comment by gina — April 17, 2008 @ 9:39 am
My teenage aspie has been displaying suicidal ideations. We recently put him on Zoloft and things have improved. However, it is the little things that send him into depression…ie: breaking a watch, removing a deflated balloon from 3 months ago, a dispute at school. Does anybody have any suggestions? I really need some experienced input!
Thanks!
Comment by Dee McCullar — April 17, 2008 @ 9:46 am
My child with aspergers is 15, she also has ADD, LD, and may have been sexually abused by her 17 year old brother. Can’t get her to go to school because of sever social anxiety. Emotionally she is like dealing with a 12 year old
Since the diagnosis, at least I know her behavior is not because of something I have done or not done. She has no real concept of money.
With counseling things are a little better, I just don’t know what to do with her to make her life easier. What can I do to help my child? She also seems unaffected emotionally - not mad or happy, but sad and happy
she didn’t cry when my mom, her grandmother died several months ago, she never cried when my dad, her grandfather died a few years ago, she never cried or seemed sad about either of these deaths. She never cried or seemed sad when my nephew died a few months ago, he was 32 and spent time with her
Am I doing something wrong? What should I do to help my child?
Comment by Sandra — April 17, 2008 @ 10:01 am
My AS son is 9 yrs old & I’m concerned about the future. Should I expect it to get worse with the onset of puberty? It seemed to worsen when he reached 9(preteen). Thank you.
Comment by mary — April 17, 2008 @ 10:12 am
I would like to know what I can do to help supplement my income. I am a single parent of a 8 yr old with Asperger’s. He is not regulated on the right meds so I constantly have to get him from school because he is out of control. This keeps me from getting a job. What can I do? I already receive SSI and very little child support.
Comment by Melissa Lyle — April 17, 2008 @ 10:12 am
My Grandson has many habits that make me think he might have a mild case of Aspergers. He is a loner at school and is beginning to have problems with other kids bullying him. He is very lacking in social skills. It hasn’t gotten too serious yet but I’m afraid it might. I would like to have him evaluated to see if there is an explantion for his behaviour and if there are special classes at school that might benefit him. Where should I start as far as getting him diagnosed? Does he need to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist? Thank you for your help.
P. Richards
Comment by P. Richards — April 17, 2008 @ 10:21 am
My Grandson has many habits that make me think he might have a mild case of Aspergers. He is a loner at school and is beginning to have problems with other kids bullying him. He is very lacking in social skills. It hasn’t gotten too serious yet but I’m afraid it might. I would like to have him evaluated to see if there is an explantion for his behaviour and if there are special classes at school that might benefit him. Where should I start as far as getting him diagnosed? Does he need to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist? Thank you for your help.
P. Richards
PS I forgot to mention that my grandson is 12 years old and about to enter Junior High School
Comment by P. Richards — April 17, 2008 @ 10:24 am
Ambition - my 17-year old Aspie son has no ambition for success in school work or considerations for a job/career in the future. He knows it is approaching, but doesn’t want to look!
Social Stories - what is the best way to teach social stories: by parents, therapist, or peer group setting? Are there good resources for the homeschooler?
Comment by Jerie Anne — April 17, 2008 @ 10:36 am
My Son is 5 yrs. old with Aspergers. He really does well with a routine. My husband, his dad, has had to take the night shift at work.We didnot have much notice. My son is taking this extremely hard. I always have time to prepare him of any big changes in our life.How can I help him deal with this abrupt change? This has been one of the biggest challenges I have had to face.
Comment by Misti Follis — April 17, 2008 @ 10:40 am
my biggest issue is my daughters inabliity to understan you just don’t help yourself to other peoples things if yours don’t wotk or you can’t find yours, etc.
Comment by gladys — April 17, 2008 @ 11:01 am
How should I deal with my 12 year old Asperger’s son now? Should I simply accept him as he is now, or should I actively try to teach him ways to socialize in order to “fit in” better. By socialize, I mean look in a person’s eyes when talking, how to be a friend, conversations should be two way instead of him delivering a monologue,etc. Are these things even “teachable?”
Comment by Peggy — April 17, 2008 @ 11:24 am
My Asperger son, 8 years old has problems with taking his medication. Can you give us any tips on how to make it easier on him and ourselves? We have tried to sneak it into food and drinks, but as you know, Asperger children can sense the difference right away, lol.
Comment by Michael Pratt — April 17, 2008 @ 11:33 am
I put my 6 year old who was diagnosed with Aspergers or sensory integration disorder (depending on the doctor you talk to ) in a private school for special needs for many different reasons. I would like to integrate him into main stream school at some point but I am hesitant because I want to protect him from bullying. He seems happy where he is right now. I am wondering if other parents have had this experience . He also has a younger brother who will go to public school and I’m sure this will raise many issues. I have only told him that I picked his school because it was the best school for him. I don’t want him to think there is something wrong with him or pigeonhole him with a label. He is very sensitive. How have other parents handled this?
Comment by Alicia — April 17, 2008 @ 11:45 am
My Asperger son is 15….he goes crazy when he see a woman feet…..he like to touch them….I can’t go any were out cause i allways have this problem.
when i try to stop him…he turns violent..and try to hit me, or hit hurt him self…¿What can i do to help him?
Comment by ANNETTE TUCKER — April 17, 2008 @ 12:06 pm
I have two boys with Aspergers. One is 17 and relatively settled and happy. The other is 12 and shows far more symptoms than his older brother. The paediatrician who diagnosed my eldest is of the opinion that my husband is also a “sufferer” (for want of a better word) and I am of the opinion that she is correct.
My main problem is two-fold. Firstly, and most importantly, we lost my Father-in-law on Christmas Day last year. My older son is coping fairly well, but the younger one is totally devastated. It is not helped by the fact that he spends the time before school and after school at his Grandma’s house and is constantly reminded of Granddad’s absence by his empty chair. Due to the fact that I have to work full time, my sons have spent much of their time from Monday to Friday with their Grandparents so it is like their second home - they even have their own bedrooms there! I am finding it very difficult to help him come to terms with Granddad’s death. I bought a book from the National Autistic Society but it doesn’t seem to be helping. He is OK most of the time but will then fall into a black mood and will overreact to the slightest incident and go into a meltdown. Do you have any advice on what I can do to help him.
The second problem is extremely minor in comparison! My eldest son is, like a lot of teenagers, a bit lapse on the personal hygiene side of life! Again, I have bought a book from the NAS but he is not inclined to read it and when I try to talk to him, he gets agitated and cross with me and basically shuts down. He is over 6ft tall and he wears his hair long so it really needs to be kept clean but I can barely get him to wash it once a week! Also, he is not very keen on showers or baths so - I am embarrassed to say - has a body odour problem. I know he is noticing the young ladies around and have overheard him saying that they’re not interested in him. I want to tell him that they would be if he looked and smelt cleaner but am not sure how to do it?!? Any tips?!?!?
Thank you
From a desparate mother!!
Comment by Nikki Huxter — April 17, 2008 @ 12:18 pm
I would like to know how teachers should teach my 15 yr. old Aspie son so he will learn and behave better in class, and how to handle his frustrated, jealous and embarrassed younger sister (13yr. old).
Comment by Esther W — April 17, 2008 @ 12:31 pm
My son was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and recently has had a recurrance of self-injurous behavior, like hitting himself in the head and saying that he doesn’t know why his brain does bad things (like throw chairs at teachers or talk back or things like that). He is 9 years old & when younger he would bite himself when he was upset. This typically happens when he is being punished for unexceptable behaviors like calling names & yelling at his teacher. He is on medication (Prozac-for about 8 months now) and I was wondering if this could be a side effect from the medication or is the self-injurous behavior typical of ASD? And if it is a result of ASD, what are some things that can help deal with this situation?
Comment by Lela — April 17, 2008 @ 12:39 pm
HELLO, HOW CAN YOU GET A 20 YEAR OLD MOTIVATED TO DO SOMETHING WITH HIS LIFE?HE HAS ASPERGER BUT HE IS VERY HIGH FUCNTIONING.HE IS DEPRESSED AND HAS NO FRIENDS ,NO LIFE, AND IS JUST INERESTED IN VIDEO GAMES. I DONN`T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO HE TRIED VO-TECH SCHOOL, BUT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER THAT HE IS INTERESTED IN. HE THINKS ANY ONE WHO SAYS HELLO TO HIM IS A FRIEND. HE DOSEN`T KNOW THEY WERE TEASING HIM OR MAKING FUN OF HIM. I WORRY ABOUT HIS FUTURE.WE ARE POOR AND CANNOT SEND HIM TO COLLEGE AND THAT`S WHERE HE NEEDS TO BE. HE WANTS TO INVENT VIDEO GAMES. HE IS A LITTLE ODD, BUT VERY INTELEGENT. HE JUST DOSEN`T FIT IN. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE. HE FINISHED HIGH SCOOL AND WANTS TO GO TO COLLEGE. BUT HE`S NOT READY TO LEAVE HOME YET. HE`S TO VUNARABLE TO BE OUT ON HIS ON. DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? MOM FOR ERIC
Comment by jimmie — April 17, 2008 @ 2:11 pm
Hi,
I just had one question, my son was diagnosed with aspergers in January 2008. His eating habits are not that great. He will only eat about 3 specific foods which are not at all healthy. How can I introduce something new to him if he doesn’t like to try anything new? Unless he has eating it before he will not try it. Please help!!!! I have tried different things but nothing helps. Thank you
Comment by Rosa — April 17, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
Would you please recommend the training program for parents to practice at home with a boy at 4-5 years old?
Thank you,
Jane W
Comment by Jane W — April 17, 2008 @ 6:17 pm
wheres the hope for these peoples lives now and in the future ie will they grow out of it ,need a mira cle or what ron
Comment by ron — April 17, 2008 @ 6:19 pm
My son is 7yrs old and was diagnosed with PDD-NOS /aspergers syndrome 12 mths ago.He is high functioning. I want to know when is the right time to tell him that he has been diagnosed with this,and what exactly do I say? My husband does not want to disclose to him just yet, as he is “happy in his oblivion” I watched a documentary on the SPA school in the UK ( we live in Australia) and every one of those children are aware of their diagnosis. Am I wrong to withhold this from my son?
Comment by Kelli — April 17, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
1) How to get help with Aspergers when your children are gifted. My three aspies are extremely academically gifted (one practically a savant. We home schooled them, so they all had years of individualized special education specifically tailored to their needs. But I need help to maintain their progress! Because they test so high, we have been denied any support services. They desperately need help with their social skills, anger management & sensory issues that cause functional difficulties that the school would never see (like hygiene issues, eating problems, sleep problems, etc.!
What can parents do to help their kids when they are denied services?
2) Brain blindness: how to break through rigid thinking that prevents them from making a connection between their behavior and negative consequences. Once my aspies get an idea, no amount of evidence to the contrary will shift them.
3) Discipline techniques, especially a discussion of reward & punishment. Particularly dealing with destructive or violent behaviors that surface when they don’t get a rigid expectation met.
4) When there is more than one child on the spectrum in the family. We set up programs to work on issues for one of them, but the others set them off and undermine what we try to do. (example: our 8 yr. old needs space alone when her stress level starts rising, to prevent a major meltdown, so we let her walk away to cool down. But invariably, the 13 or 17 yr. old aspies will follow her, and make insensitive comments instead of letting her cool down, then BLAM!. Consistently working with these issues needs everyone in the house on board or our efforts are undermined. How is this possible with multiple people in the house who are unable to recognize another’s perspective?
Comment by Wendy Kennedy — April 17, 2008 @ 11:46 pm
My husband and I married in Dec. ‘97′. In Sept ‘99′, we started raising his grandson who was 10 1/2 mos at the time. We have full custody of him and he calls us mom and dad.
just a few days after he came to live with us, I noticed that he seemed more interested in checking out small pieces of lint and things of that nature than playing with his toys.
By 2, he was lining up his little chairs, (about 6) in a neat row. if one was out of line he pulled it out, slid the other ones neatly together, then made sure the last one was placed perfactly in line at the end.
By 4, he was making awsome designs with his hot wheel cars by lining them up in difficult concoctions. He was very advanced so I put him in headstart at 3 1/2. He went to headstart 2 years then to grade K. At the end of K, he was assessed with IEP and IQ testing. IQ was about 122 but he only did about the first quarter of the test. But the school kept pressuring me to put him in a self-contained class for first grade because he was quite energetic and did not always follow what he was told to do. I was told that it would be a great oppertunity for him because there were only about 7 kids in the whole class and always at least 2 teachers at all time. What they didn’t tell me was that this type of class was for the violent kids that no one can control. In first grade he learned how to curse worse then an adult, how to keep acting up till he was sent home for a week at a time, how to throw his desk and chair. And just over-all destroy the class room. Remember I was told he would only have to be in this class for ONE year, well it is coming to the end of 3rd grade and they still refuse to put him in a different class, reg class.
I have been reading a lot of the symtoms of aspergers and my son has numerous yeses.
How do I get him tested? He is on state insurance and I can’t seem to find a child psychologist that takes either a child of his age or they won’t take the insurance.
I don’t want him to grow up and kill someone because I couldn’t get anyone to listen to me.
If he is confirmed as AS, is there a school that he can attend without going out of state? I don’t think I could send him off to a school all alone without me. We are too close and I seem to be the only one that understands that there is something that controls him at times instead of the other way around.
I really feel like I am against a wall.
Thank you for listening to me vent.
Vickey
Comment by Vickey L Gray — April 17, 2008 @ 11:52 pm
I have mild aspergers and while i am not a kid/ child, i would like some tips on how to socialise with people without appearing strange or awkward.
Comment by geraldine — April 18, 2008 @ 1:48 am
I’m Dutch, so writing in English is difficult for me.
Our son, 12 years old, is diagnosed PDD-NOS / Aspergers.
He is very sensitive, he is intelligent. (IQ about 130)
I have 2 questions.
1. ABOUT TRUST
2. ABOUT SOCIAL SKILLS
1. ABOUT TRUST. How can we help our son to trust ‘the world’ for some time, while his parents are together - without him?
My partner and I would like to spend some time together sometimes, late at night, when our son is asleep. To talk together. To laugh. To make love.
Our son wakes up when we do. Nervous. Scarde. Tears in his eyes. He does not want us to be together without him. He does nog want us to make love.
We tried to talk about it, to find out what would help him. We agreed it would be okay when my partner and I close our bedroom door once every week, when our son is asleep. When he wakes up and needs a hug because he had a nightmare, he can knock on our door and come in.
It didn’t work. Our son couldn’t fall asleep those nights.
Our son is allright when he sleep next to us, on a matrass of his own, on the floor. Some time ago he even started to show his affection when going to sleep in this favourite place, something he never did before: he reaches out his hand to touch our hands and says in a very loving voice: “How happy we are, together.”
He falls asleep easily and my partner and I can talk and make love - but not too loud, of course, and our son won’t wake up!!!
But my partner and I would like to spend some time togehter without our son next to our bed!
2. ABOUT SOCIAL SKILLS. How can we help our son express his wishes in contacts with friends?
An exemple:
Our son has a friend from school, who often calls him to ask: “Do you feel like playing together?” Our son, looking pleased, says: “Yes”.
This friend would like our son to call him now and then, to as if HE feels like playing togehter.
Our son says: Ok. I will. But he doesn’t: “Maybe he is not at home. Maybe he is with another friend. Maybe he doesn’t feel like playing with me…, etc.”
We tried to talk about it with our son. How does it feel when your friend calls you? “Nice.” How wil your friend feel when you call him? “Nice too???”
“Yes?” Yes.
But our son won’t call him. As soon as he thinks about it, he starts: “Maybe…” again.
Comment by Margriet Oost — April 18, 2008 @ 9:09 am
My son is attending his first year in college, and surprisingly enough he is finally meeting and making some friends ! His major is chemical engineering ( many apsies are engineers ) so they somewhat speak the same language and overlook the quirky –lack of social skills. I would like to find someone this summer to help improve his social skills. Also, learn to drive.
My question is…where do we go to find some sort of mentor/teacher for this. There are many program for children….but not young adults.
Any help would be appreciated. Thank you
Comment by J. Hunter — April 18, 2008 @ 9:40 am
Our 8 year old daughter is in the process of being diagnosed with what is probably high functioning aspergers. Like many other people above the main issues for her are stress and anger management and above all socialising. She is a loner at school and has now decided herself not to attend birthday parties, and would rather not have other children invited round or go to them. My question is, given that the current focus on briging up a balanced child is all about helping them to function as a part of society, how do we help our little girl to feel that she is a worth while member of society DESPITE the fact that she does not have a social network, and may or may not in the future. I think we have probably focused on it a bit too much already, and she is backing out fast… We are now confirming her in her choices to do what she feels most comfortable doing (ie not parties etc) however how does one get the right balance? To be a socialble being does not come naturally to her.
Thanks.
Comment by Susanna Vogt — April 18, 2008 @ 9:51 am
re explaining AS simply
A stands for anxiety (social anxiety, fears etc), s for sensitivity (sensory integration issues, emoitonal hypersensitivty, sensitive imagination)
Comment by emotionalhealing dot co dot uk — April 18, 2008 @ 10:37 am
D stands for difficulty - you can discuss any diffiuclties your child has under this rubric
Comment by emotionalhealing dot co dot uk — April 18, 2008 @ 10:38 am
I strongly believe that there should be a national policiy on NO HOMEWORK FOR KIDS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS unless they want to be doing it. For many parents policing of homeowork ruins their relationships with the kids.
Comment by emotionalhealing dot co dot uk — April 18, 2008 @ 10:39 am
Hi, I have a 9 year old boy with AS. I would like some information on how to get him all the help he needs. He has a psychiatrist, an IEP with services at school - OT, outside counceling, social skills, but it does not seem to be enough. He has very low self esteem, and anytime he does not get what he wants, he goes into self hate mode, he hits himself, says how much he hates himself, and than turns it on the person in front of him and wants to hurt them. It seems like behaviors are escalating. I have taken him to developmental doctors, other psychiatrist, and continually get told that our son appears to be very special in his needs and that we need a team to help him, but I can’t seem to pinpoint what that team should consist of. I just feel like no doctor wants to take him on. He is already on medication ( trileptal, abilify, zoloft, strattera). I feel like maybe it is too much, but several of these “professionals” say no. It is a guinea pig situation. I live in Southern California, where can I go? UC Irvine is where we are at.
I would appreciate your imput. I have learned a lot from your blog.
thank you, Sheryle
Comment by sheryle — April 19, 2008 @ 12:52 am
I agree with many of the questions above, I think a blog on actual activities that give parents something tangeble to try. Theory is good and we all agree with it but please something direct to put the theory into practice!!! Perhaps some basic at home exercises, ie: speech therapy, occupational therapy, social skills…. We as parents need something to do that might help but it certainly cant help. How about include one activity at the end of each blog. My son is 6 newly diagnosed with aspergers, but I desperately need to have something I can do with him.
what is a good resource for home and school teachers to give us direction? Please. Andrea Rowville Australia
Comment by Andrea Schoenmakers — April 19, 2008 @ 1:34 am
I meant might help but certainly cant hurt. typo
Comment by Andrea Schoenmakers — April 19, 2008 @ 1:36 am
I have some questions regarding sibling relations.
We have a 16 yr old son dxed in the 3rd grade with AS and also a 4 yr old son who is experiencing behavior issues at home - but is the opposite and overly compliant and no where near as verbal, at school.
He is currently being evaluated for a spectrum disorder through his state funded preschool program, so we know where and how to place him for kindergarten.
So much of what he is demonstrating at school are issues that his brother dealt with prior to his dx, that I have to wonder how much is him and how much is learned behavior from his beloved and idolized older brother? And is there any way to know?
Also, my older son has just within the last couple years learned to master sarcasm, teasing, etc.
It is a newly acquired social skill and even though he does not abuse it, he apparently enjoys ‘practising’ on his little brother.
This ALWAYS leads to tantrums and melt downs and we are having a hard time getting our older son to understand when enough is enough and the cues that his brother needs him to stop with the teasing.Perhaps this is an example of not being able to sense the personal space issue and when he is crossing the line with his little brothers ‘comfort zone’?
Little brother is vocal, aggressive and loud.
Older brother is passive, quiet - but needs to be able to control certain things around him.
What can we do to achieve peace at home with our two Aspies?
Also, add to the mix that their dad ALSO has many of the same issues - and I REALLY need to know about striking a balance in our family!
Both older son and husband are types who cannot do much with spare time - other than video games and tv.
My 4 yr old is dying for male attention and role modeling - loves sports and is very active.
They cannot find it within themselves to share theses things or their attention with him and this is so hard for him.
What can we do for our youngest son to help him feel supported by his male Aspie family members?
Comment by Sandi Jardine — April 19, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
My concern is about how to help my child with very high functioning Aspergers/ Autism with working out of getting stuck. My 9 year old is getting more and more difficult to help motivate or to assist working out school problems once his own assuptions or rules have been set into place in his thinking. He will argue with an expert if it is that he already has something put into place and can be very stubborn and frustrating to me. I am very concerned of my own part that I play in this as a parent. How do I best advocate for his lack of mental mobility once that something has been set in place for him. This particular problem has begun to unfold as he asks for more independence and has begun to have a greater need for autonomy. On one hand I so encougage him on the other hand feel badly as I watch him push peers away by his fierce belief that his notions are right… Woud like to hear from other parents about their sucess in dealing. Thinks for me to try… Growing up is difficult for Aspies I think but they are all unique and like us all have our own personal challenges in life.
Comment by Jane Adams — April 19, 2008 @ 9:33 pm
My son is often bullied and teased at school to the point where he responds by punching or kicking his tormentors. The school handles the bullying one by one but it seems as though the entire 6th grade targets him. Any suggestions for teaching appropriate responses/ coping while “in the moment”. He doesn’t think; he just reacts after trying to ignore his peers for awhile. Thanks. Linda
Comment by Linda — April 20, 2008 @ 2:11 am
What to do with a 9 year old that does not want to believe that cartoons are not real. My grandson likes Amy Rose from the sonic comics and video games. He is strongly attracted to her.
Comment by Christine — April 20, 2008 @ 9:25 am
My 11 yr old daughter has mild AS. She takes zoloft for social anxiety and it seems to help some. She also seems to have a split personality as one parent mentions above- sweetheart at school- exasperating at home. She has some mild tics. One of our biggest issues, though, concerns bathrooming. She has a hard time cleaning herself after a BM. I have started having her clean up her own underpants. She also has little modesty- will still start to pull up her dress or undo pants before getting into the bathroom- like a toddler or pre-schooler will do. Any comments/ ideas?
Comment by Sue — April 20, 2008 @ 1:03 pm
I have 2 questions at the moment with regard to my 15 yr. old son with moderate autism:
1) Is there a special type of medication that would help reduce my son’s verbal repetitiveness (saying something over and over - usually when he’s reading) What causes this behavior? Is is anxiety?
2) What types of skills should we be working on in order for him to get some type of job in a typical work setting. He’s interested in food-related places, such as fast-food restaurants. He wants to work now (his older sister has a part-time job) but the high school is not being very helpful in this area.
Thanks for your help!!
Comment by Nancy — April 20, 2008 @ 2:04 pm
I have a three year old that was diagnosed at 29 months and I am trying to socialize him. At the park the other children his age will look at him strange and walk away. How do I help him to socialize better with other children?
Comment by Terry — April 20, 2008 @ 8:47 pm
My son is 25 and recently diagnosed with Aspergers. It is very hard to find doctors who have an expertise in AS. We have tried quite a few therapists, but we feel they don’t know that much about it therefore they cannot help us properly. The doctor we are seeing has prescribed an ssri-, which he tried for a few months, which really didn’t seem to help and made him more OCD. Then he tried Risperdal for about a month, but he wasn’t taking it regularly, but we really didn’t see a difference. Maybe he doesn’t really want to take any meds? Other comorbid symptoms he has are anxiety, depression, diabetes, insomnia, nightmares, panic, and stomach aches. He is a great kid and wouldn’t trade him for the world. On a brighter note, he is a college graduate and has been looking for a job this past year. He looks great when he goes for the interview, and his resume speaks very well of himself but when he goes for the interview he totally freezes up, gets anxiety, and starts shaking. Where oh where can we find someone or somewhere who can teach him the social and job skills he needs to prepare for adulthood? I feel like he needs a crash course on this so he can succeed. He recently found a part-time he likes which he just started so we will see how that goes. Also I am very worried about his relationships with his friends and potential girlfriends. Is there any other recently diagnosed Aspies with similar problems whom I can speak to? Or perhaps our Aspie kids can speak to each other? Thank-you for all your help.
Comment by Zee — April 22, 2008 @ 2:56 am
Hi Dave
Please help what can we do with the Teachers in Mid. and High shcool.I am having so much trouble with them understanding my 13 year old grandson who I am raising.He has an IEP and has been with aspergers sence 8yrs.But the older he gets the harder it is to get the teachers to understand.I have sent all your classes to them.I dont think thay even read them.If I could I would home school him but we can’nt aford that. He is so smart A’s and B’s untell this year F’s in everything.I have done everything at home I can do with homework,Doctors,Meds and structure.Please tell us how to change the Schools and Teachers for our childern.
Comment by Star — April 22, 2008 @ 10:32 am
My grandson is 5 and has aspergers. Our biggest problem with him is his temper. He has meltdowns at least