What to Expect from Teenagers with Aspergers…..
Hello again here’s this week latest blog post coming up…….
But just before that a big thank you and well done to last week’s competition winner who is Therese Dornonville - a free copy of the “Parenting Asperger’s Resource Guide Volume 2†is on it’s way shortly to you Therese………..
…….If you wish to read her great treatment tip it is Number 4 in the comments section on the following blog page:
http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/2008/01/08/glyconutrients-and-aspergers-syndrome/
This week it could be your chance to win by adding some advice or a comment on the topic of teenagers with Aspergers…..so make sure you add your comments to be in with a chance……
So here we go for week 3’s exclusive sample from the Brand New “Parenting Asperger’s Resource Guide Volume 2†(which is to be released in early February); it is based on the following question I was asked about teenagers with Aspergers…..
Question
My son has Asperger’s; he is 14 years old. What can I expect from him in the next years as a teenager?
Teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome often have a difficult time between the ages of 12 and 18. They become isolated socially and face rejection and bullying due to the fact that they act differently from others. School is more demanding and they long for friends.
There are some teenagers, however, who do well during these years, usually because they are indifferent to peer pressure and are focused on a special interest of their own, such as music or computers. From this, we learn that encouraging teenagers to develop a special interest may help them get through the teen years more easily. Having a special interest may encourage friendships with other teens that have the same interest.
One of the biggest issues for most Asperger’s teens is that they don’t care about fads, teen clothing, celebrities, and teen rituals and expectations (phone messaging or MySpace, for instance). Sometimes their interests are more appropriate for younger children. Boys may be rejected if they are not interested in sports. With help, some of these issues can be resolved.
Teach your child to become aware of teen fads and rituals. Encourage your teen to initiate contact with peers, leave phone messages, and arrange the details of social engagements. Encourage him or her to join clubs, especially those that focus on a special interest of your teen. Your teen does not have to tell everyone that he or she has Asperger’s Syndrome. Some teens enjoy talking with other Asperger’s teens in internet chat rooms, forums, and on message boards.
Your child may neglect personal hygiene and wear clothing or hairstyles that are out of date or too young.
Find a same sex friend who will help your teen choose different, appropriate clothes to wear each day. Monitor your teen’s hygiene. Reward him or her for good hygiene, if that’s what it takes to get it!
“Aspie†teens are sometimes not very knowledgeable about sex and dating. They may be very naïve. Boys may be too forward with girls. Girls may not understand how to flirt or take flirtation too seriously. Girls may be subject to harassment or even date rape. Hormonal changes lead to rampant emotions, which Aspie teens can’t handle. They may physically attack others or “melt down†upon arriving home.
You must teach your teen about sex. Be specific and detailed about safe sex. Teach your child to confide in you by never being judgmental or punitive. Don’t skip the little things, such as explaining to girls that they shouldn’t sit on laps or give hugs and kisses to strangers. Boys may need to be told that masturbating should take place in private.
Some Aspies develop problems with drugs and alcohol because they are so lonely and anxious to fit in. They are not able to discern a “good†crowd from a “bad†crowd. Other teens may take advantage of the Aspies naiveté to get him or her to buy alcohol or acquire drugs. If stopped by a police officer, an Aspie might appear to be a smart-aleck due to bluntly honest responses to questions.
Emphasize that drugs and underaged alcohol are illegal. Since Aspies are rule-oriented, this may help them avoid problems.
Though smart, an Asperger’s teen may have school problems because of the difficulty in dealing with more than one teacher. Some teachers may be hostile. Each classroom is a different environment for the teen to get used to, which leads to distractibility and problems with organization. Large projects, such as a term paper, may be overwhelming.
Some Aspies need special education in high school, even though they didn’t need it before. Make sure your teen has a “safe place†at school where he or she can share emotions with a trusted advisor. This person could be a teacher, nurse, guidance counsellor, or psychologist.
Suicide may become a possibility for some teens with Asperger’s. If you have any worries about this, get help immediately from a psychologist or psychiatrist.
At this time of life, parents need to use reasoning and negotiation with Asperger’s teens, instead of orders. Your teen will be more hostile and less likely to listen (like all teens!). The teen may hate school and resist everything he’s been taught to do up to this point. Depression is common.
If your child is experiencing tremendous pressure, harassment, and/or rejection at school and the staff does not try to help, it may be time to find another school. A special education placement or a therapeutic boarding school can give professionals a chance to guide your teen academically and socially. They won’t allow your teen to isolate himself. They can help with college placement.
If your child remains in public school, be sure he or she has an IEP (Individual Education Plan), even if you have to get an advocacy group or attorney to obtain the services your child needs.
Most Aspies learn to drive well because they obey the rules! Have your child carry a cell phone and a card that explains Asperger’s. Teach your child to call you in a crisis and to give the card to any police officer who stops him or her.
Some Aspies do well in summer jobs in an area of their special interest or in jobs with little interaction with the public.
Above all, ask for help from professionals when your teen needs it.
Well that’s all for the article – but don’t forget to add your teenage tip or comment to the blog for a chance to win a Brand New free copy of the “Parenting Asperger’s Resource Guide Volume 2â€â€¦â€¦
Best Wishes
Dave Angel
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Therese Dornonville - You won this weeks competition but I cannot find your email address anywhere! Can you please send it me in a comment on the blog (don’t worry it won’t be seen by anyone but me as the comment comes to me first to approve before getting added to the blog). Thanks
Dave Angel
Comment by admin — January 15, 2008 @ 3:59 pm
that was so right-on, i can’t think of anything to add…but i really appreciate these articles..(and i hope i qualify for a chance to win your new book!)
Comment by fran — January 15, 2008 @ 4:53 pm
My tip is to remember that ~ ANY change for your child (even a teenager) needs time to be assimilated; EVEN something you KNOW the child would love to do!
Alex is my 15 yo son with Asperger’s and this tip was brought home to me like a bolt of lightening recently. I was able to get tickets at the last minute (about 5 hours before the show) to the Shaolin Warriors (Kung Fu Monks from China) at a local University. KNOWING Alex would love it, I said yes to the tickets and then called him on his cell phone to say we had great luck to get the tickets and we would be leaving in a few hours. Since he hadn’t even known of the possibility, their claim to fame, and in his mind already had another activity ~ he refused, had a fit, said I ruined his life, etc, etc,… (the ultimate reason I later discovered was that he had already made plans with a friend to play video games at that time)
I did go to the show with a girlfriend who agreed Alex would have loved it, but said to me…SHARON, YOU KNOW ALEX DOESN’T HANDLE LAST MINUTE THINGS.
How I forgot that he needed his “panic time†is beyond me (except I KNEW he’d love it).
No matter how often we’ve experienced his “panic time” (what I call his need to have information before any change), I had let it slip my mind in MY excitement over what I knew he’s love. Even when he was little he wouldn’t want to go to Disney…if he hadn’t had time to “know” about it.
When Alex was little I gave him verbal clues far in advance of a change and near the time of the event would say…that in “one cartoon time†(15 minutes) or “2 cartoon timesâ€( half an hour), we would do such and such.
Had I told Alex about theMy tip is to remember that ~ ANY change for your child (even a teenager) needs time to be assimilated. EVEN something you KNOW the child would love to do.
Alex is my 15 yo son with Asperger’s and this tip was brought home to me like a bolt of lightening recently. I was able to get tickets at the last minute (about 5 hours before the show) to the Shaolin Warriors at a local University. KNOWING Alex would love it, I said yes to the tickets and then called him on his cell to say we had great luck to get the tickets and we would be leaving in a few hours. Since he hadn’t even known of the possibility, their claim to fame, and in his mind already had another activity ~ he refused, had a fit, said I ruined his life, etc, etc,… (the ultimate reason I later discovered was that he had already made plans with a friend to play video games at that time).
I did go to the show with a girlfriend who agreed Alex would have loved it, but said to me…SHARON YOU KNOW HE DOESN’T HANDLE LAST MINUTE THINGS.
How I forgot that he needed his “panic time†is beyond me (except I KNEW he’d love it).
No matter how often we’ve experienced his “panic time” (what I call his need to have information before any change), I had let it slip my mind in MY excitement over what I knew he’s love. Even when he was little he wouldn’t want to go to Disney…if he hadn’t had time to “know” about it.
When Alex was little I gave him verbal clues far in advance of a change and near the time of the event would say…that in “one cartoon time†(15 minutes) or “2 cartoon timesâ€( half an hour), we would do such and such.
Had I talked about the event a few days before, let him check out their website, he would have BEGGED to go…but they had been sold out so I didn’t bring it up.
Comment by Sharon Clewell — January 15, 2008 @ 5:57 pm
my son just started junior high this year & I can tell you he was calmer than I was. he does not have an IEP but he does have a 504 plan. One thing that I do is I meet with all of his core teachers every 9 weeks to see how he is doing we meet at one of their planning meetings & we go over if there is anything that they need from me or anything that I need to address with him. They each have my email address at work & my direct line so that if anything comes up I can be reached with out any trouble. His school also has what is called a homework helper & if he is getting behind they just have him stay after to see her & she helps him get caught back up. I must say for a school system that has not yet caught up to asperger kids they have done a great job at helping me help him…
Comment by TIna Barragan — January 15, 2008 @ 6:09 pm
Thanks Dave for a very interesting an informative article. I have an 11 year old boy with Aspergers Syndrome and even though he is not quite at the teenage stage, I feel the changes in the hormones have definitely started. I found the comments about having a ’special interest’ spot on as my young lad has always had a special interest where he becomes very intense with it and when he is having a particularly bad time (especially at school) he tends to withdraw and become even more intense with his special interest. This helps him forget about his worries and problems even if it is only for a short time which enables him to cope better.
Thanks again for all your helpful tips and advice.
Rosanna
Comment by Rosanna van Berkel — January 15, 2008 @ 6:09 pm
I would love to see an outline of what would be important to put on a card that explains Asperger’s that a teen might give to an authority figure. I wouldn’t even know where to begin in condensing it to the pertinent facts. Suggestions, please?
Comment by Sue — January 15, 2008 @ 7:03 pm
Hi guys i’m in a bit of a dilema my 11 year old who was diagnosed with adhd in kindergarten has recently been diagnosed with aspergers she has always been on ritalin/concerta for the adhd and melatonin to help her sleep. Now the peadiatrician wamts me to put her on risperdal because she is anxious at school, does anyone else have kids on this medication and if so can u tell me what u think. My daughter has decided she doesnt want any medication except the melatonin to help her sleep. I honestly dont know what to do for the best. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated
Comment by Julie Bullock — January 15, 2008 @ 7:32 pm
My son Tyler is 16 and was diagnosed with aspergers less than a year ago.
We have been so blessed by finding a 1 on 1 couselor Shawna, who actually takes tyler out once a week to the mall or a coffee shop and they sit and profile people. she asks him what sort of body language people are giving off etc and then helps him to pick up on these cues. she also has taught him how to apprpriately introduce a friend and how to read friends that may not be interested in talking to him just by reading their body language. it is so important that teens have someone to help them with these issues that we take for granted that they know. call around or ask the school couselor if they know of anyone that works like this.
Comment by lori wubben — January 15, 2008 @ 7:50 pm
This is a wonderfully helpful article! I’ll refer
this for the sanity of several people who have a
need to read this book as soon as possible. What
a true help you have created with these writings!
Comment by Patricia Banks, BMsc Practitioner — January 15, 2008 @ 7:51 pm
Hi Dave
I have been reading your articles as they come through to me. I don’t have a tip but rather a request. I am a program leader of a program that supports families of school age kids with a disability. Most of our families have kids on the spectrum - most of them with aspergers. Your website was given to me by a parent in my program. My question is that I have many parents who don’t have access to the internet and so can’t get your information. It is such brilliant stuff I was wondering if I could print some articles out, acknowledge they come from you and your website and send them to some of our families. I know they would benefit so much from what you have to say. Could you let me know your thoughts on this please. With thanks, Bronwyn
Comment by Bronwyn Thoroughgood — January 15, 2008 @ 8:11 pm
My Tip is Let your teen with AS practice e-mailing you. You can help him to see what information he needs to ask for to set up a time for the two of you to see a movie together. This is a skill that he will then feel more comfortable using with friends.
Comment by Lillian Eckert — January 15, 2008 @ 9:49 pm
My 16 yo daughter has Asperger’s, and like all “normal” (ha ha) teens they are all different. You need to rethink everything. I try to keep her as age approiate as possible. I try to keep on the trends I dont think she should as my son says look like a geek or nerd. We shop at our local resale shops to save money. Kids with Aspbergers have enough trouble fitting in and I think we need to keep them as “normal” as we can.
Comment by Amy Widner — January 15, 2008 @ 11:02 pm
I have a 15 year old with aspergers. He has been my biggest and my best challenge. I have learned that aspergers is a term to describe symptoms and traits. Working with him and helping him realize what those symptoms and traits are, he is more willing to work on decreasing these traits. If he views himself as having a disorder, in his mind he sees himself as broke. When he see his set behaviors as a symptom, he tries harder at achieving new skills to overcome them. He is schooling at home, having filed harrassment complaints at his high school which were validated by the office of civil rights citing the school with 13 federal violations. He is now active in working with senate to write new laws against harrassment in educational settings. He has learned to play drums and at 15 has been offered a position as a drummer with a local christian band. He learned to play bass guitar, is a blue belt in tyquando and has friends here everyday. He had to learn new skills to manage his life. He has always been taught to look for and find his special talents. It took years. I could see his talents but he had to see them too. Now he’s gone almost every night of the week. He goes to camps with his friends, is a bit of a thrill seeker and he’s a really cool kid. The skills training he has recieved along with dialectic behavioral training has helped him keep his problems in focus with reality and how to communicate to others what his reality is for himself. People who meet im just love him. He still has his traits and symptoms, but he is more accepting of them and knows that with each new skill he learns a few more traits go by the wayside. He isn’t disabled. He’s differently abled and he’s really neat.
Comment by Robin — January 15, 2008 @ 11:38 pm
These comments are good for functional Aspies, but I am a C. O. T. A. (Cert. Occupational Therapy Asst.) and have worked with more that are not that functional. I am interested in learning more about how to work with them to help them cope with the world around them.
Thank you. Kathy
Comment by Kathy Marlatt — January 16, 2008 @ 12:51 am
Wow, I’ve just “discovered” that my 13 yr. old son might have Asperger’s and I’m looking into getting him tested. I’ve always just attributed his “quirks” to his ADHD and never even thought of another possibility until a teacher mentioned it. I am also a teacher and have 2 Aspie kids in my class (HS Spanish), who are both very different from each other as well as from my son; however, they all are “different” and socially awkward. I am very concerned about my son with him now being in Jr. High and the increasing demand to fit in socially - as well as the more difficult assignments, which he really struggles with (mostly writing assignments). This e-mail was right on and I need to share it with his teachers and other family members to help them understand him. Thank you so much for the helpful advice~! Lisa
Comment by Lisa Stewart — January 16, 2008 @ 4:18 am
With the increasing amounts of homework and projects expected as my son gets older, I find him more overwhelmed and frustrated unless he takes frequent breaks, paces himself, and no matter how much he begs and pleads, NEVER EVER postpone projects until the very last minute!!! Of course, he comes to realize this brilliance with the careful loving guidance of his parents which is reinforced by his teachers. So far, he has maintained honor roll status.
Comment by Linda Billings — January 16, 2008 @ 6:51 am
As a teen with aspergers let me tell you that he best thing for us, is when parents don’t yell. Yelling scares me so terribly, it makes me really frustrated, use positive reinforcement
Comment by Marissa — January 16, 2008 @ 7:59 am
Bronywyn - With regard to your question. It’s fine to reproduce any of the free articles as you describe.
Thanks
Dave
Comment by admin — January 16, 2008 @ 8:49 am
I have found that with the increase in assignments and all that is expected at this age
(my son is 14), that having an agenda book at all times and all classes is essential to my communication with both my son and his teachers.
He often becomes distracted due to the instrests he may have at the time and forget homework assignments or projects that are due. The agenda book allows him to write homework due, assign. done that day, projects that are assigned etc. He gets it signed by the teacher and the teacher can also add any info needed. The signature of the teacher just helps with accountability and also, the ability to remind him “once again” that a book needs to go home with him to study!
We require that the agenda come home daily with him, this way we can go over it together. This gives us the ability to know what he did that day and discuss any frustrations that he might be having. We also know ahead of time if a test is coming up or if an assignment is going to be due, or better yet, that project that is due months later. (One year he just didn’t want to do the project so we never knew about it! Which in turn ended in pure frustration trying to get it done!)We also arranged to have the teachers e-mail strictly for communication purposes.
Comment by Jenai — January 16, 2008 @ 10:24 am
I have a now 17 yr old son who wants to drop out of school…I am exausted and completely frustrated…….and worried to death..etc..etc… My school district has been absolutely terrible since we moved here 3 years ago when they labeled my son as “SED” which I do not believe is fair or true. However, I am convinced that my son has Aspergers’s and I have had this belief since he was very young. He has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS and ADHD since age 2.5 yrs., and Bi-polar with ADHD and possible this that and the other thing since around 10 yrs old. The mental health system and the schools made a bigger mess out of the situation affecting both this son as well as my other 3 sons and myself. I believe he should have been able to receive much help had there been anyone to help appropriately. Of course with PA and all the loopholes in the educational system and my lack of alot of things(money,education,support,etc) I admit I have not done a very good job and feel guilt, depression from time to time, anxiety sometimes more than I like to admit to anyone else and I have been told by many family and friends that I should have done something else, which ranged from giving my son to foster care to putting him away somewhere else or just let him go. Of course, I certainly tried to get him help by listening to the “pro’s” who really didn’t asses things so well. One of my other sons can’t stand this brother and says after he is 18 he will never see him again. My other youngest son, is showing alot of more severe signs of stress by all that has happened. Oh and by the way, I went thru a divorce because their father was so irresponsible and incapable of handling the situation as well. Now what? I have worked on and off(more often not) over the years and receive only $8400./yr in child support. My ex is self employed so there is nothing much he shows so the fight and expense isn’t worth the time and added stress. I live off the state off and on for food and health insurance. When I worked I had to pay the health insurance and the ex didn’t pay his part and I couldn’t get time off for the kids too go to the doctor or dentist. So, when I was fired for being sick a year ago, I never went back to work. And so here we are again, struggling and my son now wants to quit school. I’ve had no help from the school, in fact they have threatened me, intimidated me to the point where I can’t even go there anymore. They even yelled at the last meeting and because I refused to agree and sign the paper, they told me to go get a lawyer and then weeks later I rec’d a call…long stroy short…they again punished the family… He has missed many days, some documented by doctor notes and some not. The school gives him detentions for being late, then community service when he won’t go to detentions, and ISS(in school suspension) when the community service falls on his fathers weekend and he wont go to the CS because of it. I am spinning in circles with what should have been a simple soloution of finding appropraite help from my school district(ha ha) and health provider. But, I am tired. Maybe he should just drop out, so I say today. Tommorrow I’ll be fighting to get him in to school and so on……….. Oh and by the way, the school denies that he needs academic help even thoought the Woodcock Johnson III a year ago showed his written expression at 4.6 grade level and Comprehension 6 or 7 grade level. I could go on but what is the point….I should have moved out of this lousy state when I divorced 7 years ago. Is that the answer? Anybody really know anything given the circumstances… No wonder our kids face such troubles….I admit, my viewpoint is not very positive this week….If only I could afford to do something to make a differnce….When the boys get home from school I’ll still smile, ask about their day, cut up some fruit and say a prayer under my breath and hopefully it won’t do too bad. Another day….Good luck to those who can get thru this and god bless those who can’t…
Comment by Gina — January 16, 2008 @ 2:48 pm
Both my sons have diagnoses on the autism spectrum, my 9 yr. old with AS. I found a wonderful wallet card at a site here on the east coast; http://www.aane.org
It gives very easy to understand information for both the bearer and the people assisting them. It would also be pro-active to check in with local emergency service / law enforcement agencies as many of them are given little information on how to assist people who are not visibly disabled.
Comment by Cass D — January 16, 2008 @ 9:32 pm
HOPE I WIN!!
My tip is to remember that ~ ANY change for your child (even a teenager) needs time to be assimilated; EVEN something you KNOW the child would love to do!
Alex is my 15 yo son with Asperger’s and this tip was brought home to me like a bolt of lightening recently. I was able to get tickets at the last minute (about 5 hours before the show) to the Shaolin Warriors (Kung Fu Monks from China) at a local University. KNOWING Alex would love it, I said yes to the tickets and then called him on his cell phone to say we had great luck to get the tickets and we would be leaving in a few hours. Since he hadn’t even known of the possibility, their claim to fame, and in his mind already had another activity ~ he refused, had a fit, said I ruined his life, etc, etc,… (the ultimate reason I later discovered was that he had already made plans with a friend to play video games at that time)
I did go to the show with a girlfriend who agreed Alex would have loved it, but said to me…SHARON, YOU KNOW ALEX DOESN’T HANDLE LAST MINUTE THINGS.
How I forgot that he needed his “panic time†is beyond me (except I KNEW he’d love it).
No matter how often we’ve experienced his “panic time†(what I call his need to have information before any change), I had let it slip my mind in MY excitement over what I knew he’s love. Even when he was little he wouldn’t want to go to Disney…if he hadn’t had time to “know†about it.
When Alex was little I gave him verbal clues far in advance of a change and near the time of the event would say…that in “one cartoon time†(15 minutes) or “2 cartoon timesâ€( half an hour), we would do such and such.
Had I told Alex about theMy tip is to remember that ~ ANY change for your child (even a teenager) needs time to be assimilated. EVEN something you KNOW the child would love to do.
Alex is my 15 yo son with Asperger’s and this tip was brought home to me like a bolt of lightening recently. I was able to get tickets at the last minute (about 5 hours before the show) to the Shaolin Warriors at a local University. KNOWING Alex would love it, I said yes to the tickets and then called him on his cell to say we had great luck to get the tickets and we would be leaving in a few hours. Since he hadn’t even known of the possibility, their claim to fame, and in his mind already had another activity ~ he refused, had a fit, said I ruined his life, etc, etc,… (the ultimate reason I later discovered was that he had already made plans with a friend to play video games at that time).
I did go to the show with a girlfriend who agreed Alex would have loved it, but said to me…SHARON YOU KNOW HE DOESN’T HANDLE LAST MINUTE THINGS.
How I forgot that he needed his “panic time†is beyond me (except I KNEW he’d love it).
No matter how often we’ve experienced his “panic time†(what I call his need to have information before any change), I had let it slip my mind in MY excitement over what I knew he’s love. Even when he was little he wouldn’t want to go to Disney…if he hadn’t had time to “know†about it.
When Alex was little I gave him verbal clues far in advance of a change and near the time of the event would say…that in “one cartoon time†(15 minutes) or “2 cartoon timesâ€( half an hour), we would do such and such.
Had I talked about the event a few days before, let him check out their website, he would have BEGGED to go…but they had been sold out so I didn’t bring it up.
Comment by Sharon — January 17, 2008 @ 3:39 am
Does anyone know where I can get someone to help my son improve his social skills. He is attending his first year at college, but still experiencing isolation. We live just outside of Boston.
Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you
Comment by J. Hunter — January 17, 2008 @ 11:18 am
hi dave. thank you for letting me win iam soo happy and looking forward to the book. my adress is
therese dornonville
3/21 mintaro crescent
woree
nqld 4868
australia
ph;07 40-544232
thanks
Comment by therese dornonville — January 17, 2008 @ 9:26 pm
I have a 17 year old who was diagnosed with AS only last year. She does not know she has AS and does not seem to want to know. The psychiatrist who diagnosed her said that is somewhat normal and to not try to push the issue until she is ready. This presents a problem because it is obvious to others she is “different” but I can’t really explain it to others because I don’t want her to find out via the “grapevine”. She is Home Schooled so that does limit who might tell her.
The whole time she was going for testing and speech therapy she kept saying she didn’t have any problems and what was our problem.
Is this really normal and should we just keep a wait and see policy as to when she wants to know she has AS?
Comment by Shelly — January 19, 2008 @ 7:20 am
Hi Robin who left a message on 15th January. Thank you. Your point that aspergers can be seen as a set of symptoms and behaviors and the way you have used this to help your son face these challenges is brilliant. I have struggled around this with my own 13 yo son and from now on I shall be practicing same. Thanks for tip. Rita
Comment by Ria Brophy — January 20, 2008 @ 12:13 pm
Hi Gina, hang on in there. Youre doing a great job and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. You are amazing.
Rita
Comment by Ria Brophy — January 20, 2008 @ 12:17 pm
For Julie Bullock,
My 8 yr. old son was put on Risperdal when his meltdowns became especially scary as he was attacking us (his family and friends). We had gone through several changes over a number of months (moving, change of schools, and my brother being hospitalized and dying), and my son’s “little train got off-track and has not gotten back on.” We were having a really difficult time because he was! The Risperdal was necessary for his ability to function without such aggression. It has helped immensely. Believe me, my husband and I stayed far away from medication for as long as we could, but Risperdal was a real savior for us, though I do hope that eventually we will be able to reduce and eliminate it. Since September, he has gained 12 lbs (from 55 lbs to 67 so far) from being on the medicine, so that needs to be watched. Risperdal also carries a risk of developing diabetes, which is why I’d like to know he will one day no longer need it? Good luck!
Comment by Felicia Braud — January 21, 2008 @ 3:48 pm
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Pingback by Aspergers Syndrome-Aspergers-Aspergers Disease-Aspergers Disorder-Autism Aspergers » The Future for Children with Aspergers — January 23, 2008 @ 3:48 am
iv found my son 13 with aspergers thinks that we are the ones with the problems not him.he finds it hard to accept that he can be rude ect.
if he is at the shop he refuses to ask for an item ,instead he rings me to ask which aisle it is in as he wont talk to staff.
yesterday he came home from school and went through the village.
he stopped in a small shop and the lady said,hi m8 hows your mum, he walked of without speaking then he bumped into his aunty who offered him a lift back home , he replied no im not allowed to get in cars unless my mum knows.
he then came home and said..the lady in the shops told me to say hi to you and aunty nat asked if i wanted a lift but i did what i was told and didnt get in her car cos i hadnt told you first.
cant win can we ?
Comment by shaz — January 23, 2008 @ 5:39 am
MY TIP: Find something- anything- that your child has an interest in, and run with it! I have 5 children- my second oldest is my Aspie. For years I “made” him play basketball and baseball- because his siblings did. And though he could hit homeruns, and make shots, there were just too many rules for him to follow! My heart sank, thinking he would never be the great athlete- like his brothers and father. But there was one thing he could do- run! He loved to run. I put him in the jr. high cross country program, once again against his wishes, but with high hopes. And though his style of running was “different” from the rest….he became their TOP RUNNER! Once I explained to the coaches just how he operated, he soared. For instance, telling him to place 1st or 2nd made no sense to him, but if they told him to follow the boy in the red shirt, and then pass him at the end- he could understand that!Win or lose, his expressions may not have changed, but his heart did. He moved on to high school, and became only the fifth freshman in school history to letter in the sport! Not only did he achieve his goal, but he made friends. I firmly believe all runners are “slightly off” from the rest of us! LOL! No one was told of his Aspergers, they all just thought he was quiet. But he has been invited to parties, camping trips, weekly frisbee tournaments, weekly fast food outings (routine is the key!), and has opened up so much! He carries himself differently because he has confidence. He belongs! Recently he won a scholarship to a summer running camp in another state. What a great preparation for college! He will be away from home for an entire 2 weeks (of course I will be staying at a hotel not TOO far away!)He even has plans to get a running scholarship to college to study architecture! And he is my child I feared would never make it on his own, the one everyone picked on and laughed at. Look at him soar!!
My point- don’t feel your child has to follow the “norm”- whether it be golf, band,running, or basket weaving (!)…if your child has an interest- FOLLOW IT!
Comment by Cindy — January 23, 2008 @ 8:47 am
To Gina,
My heart goes out to you and all of us moms and dads and families that are in the middle of the bad side of aspergers and other special needs. You are right to feel overwhelmed because it is a difficult situation but it is NOT an impossible situation and you more than anyone else has the answers to get to where your family needs to be. You do have the strength in you to turn things around because no one has the love for your kids and knows your kids as well as you do. You are their best advocate but the problem now is that there are too many things going at once and us aspergers moms have to always remember to keep going one step at a time and to take BABY STEPS. You have been beating yourself up because of what other’s say in the family with not very helpful advice, some of these things said you are going to have to ignore and know they are not really saying them to be mean, they are saying them because they are frustrated too and don’t know what else to say. Maybe if you have a stock answer to give them for example ” Thank you for your concern, I’ve got to go” would work. This is going to take some practice. The siblings are having problems because they are also frustrated and have been through many changes because of the divorce and moving but also from Hormones! There is a lot going on inside and what worked months ago needs to be adjusted because of raging hormones. ALL teens just go through some months where they just feel miserable in thier own bodies, so imagine it with a learning disability. Sometimes our family just beat ourself up thinking it was just “us” and that we weren’t doing the right things to make life work/ in reality we probably were jumping through more hoops to make things work than most folks would even try. It is at this point you need to turn to the meds and doctors because their are doctors who can prescribe the right meds to help people control themselves and their feelings. Sometimes we just kept thinking it wasn’t the meds,it was us, and that just wasn’t true. The most wonderful medicine can suddenly just stop working or the dose needs to be adjusted. Your kids are teens and their bodies are constantly changing and that means their medicines need to be monitored and changed more often due to growth spurts. Since you have been on state assistance before this is your best resource to go find counciling and medical help. DON”T WAIT. I know all those phone calls and application forms are difficult. They can be just a monster to manuver! But it is a baby step in the right direction. You can’t just do this all your own. If you can not manuever through the process, try going to a large church and asking for council in helping your family get back on track. Te larger churchs have so many resources and some even have counciling services at the church. There are also parent/student advocates that can actually go into the school meetings with you. Go to the internet and look these up or call the school councilor and ask you to refer you to these resources in your community. If you feel uncomfortable calling the councilor for this information, call a councilor at the next school district over from yours and ask if she knows of any outside of the school district but that still works in your community. I know time is sparse but can you find 15 minutes a day to find time to ask the kids about their school day individually, even if it is taking them into the back yard so they can have that one-on one time.Miserate with the siblings that you understand how difficult it is but that you will find help and that you need thier support and patience too. YOU CAN DO THIS! We beleive in you, and are here for you on the blog. In the bible it says” This Too will pass” and it will. Tommorrow will be better but you don;t have to do it all yourself!
From someone whose been there,
CW
Comment by cathy whittington — January 23, 2008 @ 11:42 am
I have an “Aspie”(and ADHD) boy 14&1/2 years old. We have known since he was about 7.
Dave, when I read your article on Teens, I almost cried.Everything hit home. I actually sent it to friends, family, and even teachers at my son’s school, so they could better understand what he (and I) are going through.
My tip to everyone out there with an Asperger child: DO NOT ignore it when your child talks about suicide!
My son has talked about his life “sucking” and wanting to end it for so long, I stopped listening. Mistake.
Last week, he got into trouble at school, snuck out, and tried to run into the street to be hit by a car. Fortunately, the school policeman stopped him before it was too late.
However, a police report was written up, and I was forced to take him (under threat of a call to Social Services) to the ER to be hospitalized at the children’s Psch ward. Not a picnic for either of us, let me tell you.
He’s out now, and has been put on an antidepressant which is helping, but I really don’t think the hospital did anything to help and actually scared and depressed him more (which
I knew would happen).
The bottom line is that I should have been listening to and taking his threats seriously. I should have started him on antidepressants the FIRST time he said he wanted to die, instead of waiting for him to “prove” it.
I know it’s tough for all of us, but as parents, we are the only ones besides our kids who have such a huge stake in their future. We are their most important advcates, and listeners.
Julie- Missouri, USA Jan.23, ‘08
Comment by Julie — January 23, 2008 @ 6:01 pm
Hi to Gina,
My heart goes out to you and your sons! It’s not fair that you have taken the “right” channels but haven’t found productive direction.
You seem to be very strong to have come as far as you have already.
As for other’s opinions of your decisions — always remember you are the one in the situation and as long as you know it was handled the best you could do — don’t let anyone else’s opinion get to you!
Have you tried taking this to the state board? Or possibly a senator or congressman? They may could lead you to some alternative solutions.
It may not seem it now - but things will get better! You’re in my prayers.
Comment by Marcia — January 24, 2008 @ 6:41 am
Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou.
i have 3 boys twins age 4.one has aspergers and the other autism,i also have a 14 year old who has only been diagnosed in the past year with aspergers,its been along bumpy ride but with all the hints tips and information given via you all things can and will look up for us special parents.
Comment by rose swain — January 24, 2008 @ 9:25 am
I was wondering if anyone else had the following experience. My 11 yr old aspie is going through a growth spurt and he has been “off” lately. He also has ADD and sensory integration. I was told that sometimes when they hit puberty that the ADD meds work just the opposite and are not much help anymore. He takes 10mg of Foculin in the am. Has anyone else experienced this??
Comment by sue adie — January 25, 2008 @ 1:04 pm
I found out my 14 yr old daughter had aspergers last summer. Public middle school was rough, and the same classmates had been mean since kindergarten. She used to ask me why kids did not like her? I could not give her an answer. She would always have at least one friend, but a group was never possible. Girls would never sit next to her at Girl Scouts. When she became suicidal, I had to take her to a psychologist & psychiatrist. They were the ones who pinpointed Apsergers. I had never heard of it. I thought it was interesting that she always had collections (pokemon cards,
stamps, rocks, whatever else). She spoke monotone, and is as smart as a whip! I think I was lucky not to know she had it, as I always kept her in a sport, or dance even though she was awkward. She is excelling in volleyball now, and made her highschool team! She did not bond with the girls as well as I hoped, but they accepted her. She still has one or two friends, but she is happy. She does not want to discuss aspergers. The show Next Top Model was eye opening for her when they chose an aspie girl. She was our favorite, and I think she saw some of her traits. I just have to let her be herself, which is difficult for me and we butt heads. But I would not trade her for anyone else! Any teen Aspie forums would be great to find for her. I could use one for parents, too.
Comment by Jan — January 29, 2008 @ 3:01 am
Hi Dave. I would also like to know what to put on the card for Aspies to carry with them (in case they get pulled over by police) See number 6. Any suggestions?
Comment by Sandy — February 2, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
note for Julie who asked about Risperidal for her daughter with Aspergers. My 12 year old son just started this medication in January (.75 mgs) and it has made a hugely positive difference. I was nervous at first and there are some things to watch out for e.g. some risk of diabetes from carbohydrate loading (it makes kids hungry for junk food), but this has not been an issue for us. It is not a total panacea, however the anxiety is much better. Without it, my son was not able to get through the day at middle school without a major melt down. With it, I can actually get back to work without wondering when the phone will ring. I am not sure how it acts, yet I do know that technically, it is an antipsychotic agent. It has been used with children since the early 90’s ( I am a child psychologist and have had many patients who have used it with very positive results). I do not know a lot about long term use, but I can tell you that I am very very glad we are using it, and would recommend that you at least try it for a while to see what happens.
Comment by Jane — March 3, 2008 @ 6:39 pm
I have 2 children on the spectrum, my 13 y.o. son has Asperger’s. I disagree with several f the things you wrote about. I 100% disagree with attempting to “make” your Aspie teen try to fit in. Why try to make someone conform?? Why not encourage your child to be brave and be himself?? Why not try to make your child strong enough to withstand the world’s judgements/critism?? Also, boys need to be aware that THEY can be victims as well. Thank you for allowing me to express my opinion.
Comment by Michele Beth Wilson — May 21, 2008 @ 10:46 pm
My tip is to have the school do an end of the year conference with the new teachers. And to have your counties autism team to write a social story explaining the changes for new year to the Asperger’s student. My son school has done this in the past and it really made a difference. Also the new teachers are explained all about the student and their needs.
Comment by Kimberly — May 30, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
My 14 yr old son was diagnosed as high functioning autism with the statement that his early language/hearing difficulties made him not qualify as asbergers. Yet every aspect of his behavior fits so closely to asbergers that we work with him that way. He was 8 yrs old when diagnosed & the first few years of school were hell for him (the crowds noise people not following the rules! he was soo stressed) and it was heart breaking to hear my 8 yr old son say he wished he was dead. Once we knew why it was easier to cope, He (and we) have worked very hard over the years to develop appropriate social responses. Once he understood that it was ok that he did not get what people meant he began to ask us and to re-afirm he understood what was happening. He would say during a movie “so when that happens it makes you feel sad/happy/angry?” we would confirm or correct. He spends alot of time watching others respond to tv shows and his friends think he is funny as his habit of stating the obvious comes across as being a smart alec when in fact he is just confirming he “gets” what is happening. When he responded inappropriately we would tell him the proper way to respond and the next time he was in the same situation he would respond how we told him. (he said it is like a flip up bubble that says “do this”) We also found a great help was in ensuring that during grade changes he had a core group of kids (5 or 6, we had to fight the schools at first but it was in everyones best interest) who moved with him to each grade. In high school they are not in all his classes at once but scattered so that there is a level of acceptance already there. When he does or says something “unusual” (he still blurts out random thoughts but is getting better) they are able to say “oh thats just the way he is or Yah he does that its no big deal” and the other kids are quicker to accept him. He is also 6ft 4 so physical bullying has not been an issue since the lower grades. At the begining of each school year I write a letter to and meet with his core teachers to explain how he is and to give list strategies that we find work for helping him to have a successful year. Although we do support his intense interests we also encourage him to step a bit beyond. when or if it becomes to much for him we have taught him to ask to go for a walk or to step away and even call us and thats what he does. I think that by accepting and acknowledging his differences while letting him see that everyone has something that makes them different has helped him be more confident and accepting of who he is. And the fear I had when he was 8/9 about suicide I know longer have. We also talk often (side by side in the car or on the couch) and I ask him if he has questions or concerns over his day, most days its no but sometimes I can still help…We are very proud (and we tell him)of how much he has grown and how well he does when communicating (though I can still see how different he is when he does it, he tries very hard and is improving). He is a great young man and with each passing year I worry less on his going out on his own (I still have so many concerns but I have gone from He will never be able to care for himself to well with the right support and training I think he will maybe not as soon as his peers but soon enough).
Comment by Geraldine Green — December 5, 2008 @ 2:18 am